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Infertility > Calling all April IVFs!
jempd's Avatar jempd 12:14 PM 05-15-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by marly33 View Post
hi every one sounds like every one has good news !! well don't worry to those waiting those dreadful 2 wks it will be over before you know it . a little up date from me : I am Having Twins !!! i just got back from the ultra sound.
Holy Moley! Congratulations X 2!

Are you and your dh super excited?

goblue's Avatar goblue 02:00 PM 05-15-2008
Nurse called with my second beta and it only is at 292 (first beta two days ago at 233). I'm crying my eyes out; she indicated this might mean a miscarriage.

Please help...what do you know of situations like this?
crazyrunningmama's Avatar crazyrunningmama 07:04 PM 05-15-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by goblue View Post
Nurse called with my second beta and it only is at 292 (first beta two days ago at 233). I'm crying my eyes out; she indicated this might mean a miscarriage.

Please help...what do you know of situations like this?
I don't know what to say that will help. to you and be gentle with yourself.
soulshine's Avatar soulshine 12:33 AM 05-16-2008
goblue,
all i can think is the 'disappearing twin syndrome' which both embryos implant, but then one stops growing, and that will affect the beta readings. i have read about that online. will you go in for another beta? how are you feeling physically? i am really sorry because i know the need for things to just go 'normally'. i wish i could give you a hug. i hope you know more in a couple days, and i will be sending positive thoughts that your little one is growing strong.
kristinc's Avatar kristinc 09:01 AM 05-16-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Perdita_in_Ontario View Post
Kristin, Kristin.... it's not even Friday yet!!
Perdita-I am losing my mind! Massive emotional breakdown yesterday! I just can't bear the thought of a failure because we have been so sure that with the symptoms and what not that it was going well, but the preggo tests don't seem to be indicating that fact. and i know that you aren't supposed to look at them as pregnancy symptoms, but i have to have something to grasp on to.

Ugh! How are you doing? You beta is mon as well right?
Perdita_in_Ontario's Avatar Perdita_in_Ontario 11:17 AM 05-16-2008
But remember your timeline. Doesn't matter what symptoms you have - there's not going to be enough hcg till at least today. The chances of those being pregnancy symptoms are about 50/50 - it's so early in a pregnancy, especially a first, that you'd likely not feel anything if this was a natural pregnancy. But it's possible.

How am I doing? Impatient, I guess. Same as you, feeling lots of stuff and knowing it's probably the prometrium but wishing, hoping, wanting more than anything. I'm going to talk to DH about whether we want to test before the beta. Part of me would like to be prepared for the call, the other part wants to hold on to the possibility until the last possible second!

Thinking of you. It is easier for me - I've been through it before, and I have a lot more distractions. I remember what it was like the first time - it was hell.

Marly - congratulations!! You must be so excited.

goblue - I'm crossing everything for you....
jempd's Avatar jempd 05:12 PM 05-16-2008
Goblue, I so hope that isn't it.
goblue's Avatar goblue 12:16 AM 05-17-2008
Well ladies, I think it's almost over for me. My latest beta came back only 342 which is only 50 higher than the one before. The nurse thought it might be ectopic, which is a whole other scary ordeal I don't want to think about now.

I've come to terms that I am going to lose this pregnancy. I've cried to the point of dehydration. Now I just have to continue to wait until they decide what to do with me...which won't be until early next week at best.

Thanks for all your prayers and support.
soulshine's Avatar soulshine 05:14 PM 05-17-2008
goblue,
i am so sorry. you have all my prayers and support. i wish you didn't have to be in this limbo, and i hope you have some irl support to give you hugs. i was hoping it would be different news. i am sorry.
Perdita_in_Ontario's Avatar Perdita_in_Ontario 09:14 PM 05-17-2008
I just started to spot. I know that doesn't mean it's over. But it's not a good sign. I don't know yet now whether I'll test before beta - see what happens tomorrow. I've been having some pretty severe symptoms the last few days - sore breasts, tired, dizzy, headaches, but all that can be attributed to prometrium. I suspect it hasn't worked, and am very sad but trying to keep hope up for at least another day :-(

Goblue... thinking of you :-(

Kristin - you too.
kristinc's Avatar kristinc 07:46 PM 05-18-2008
I have been crying my eyes out for the past few days....prob didn't help being surrounded by pregnancies and newborns at that pediatric conference this weekend. I took another hpt on sat night and not even a hint of 2 pink lines.
i cried the entire 3 hour drive back from the seminar.

my beta is tomorrow but i already know what they are going to say when they call I don't know how i am going to get through this....

Perdita- how are you today??
Perdita_in_Ontario's Avatar Perdita_in_Ontario 09:46 PM 05-18-2008
Ah Kristin.

In the same boat. I've had cramping and heavy spotting all day. I've been on IVFC (lurked in your thread) and I know there are instances where cramping and spotting around beta do turn out well, but I suspect they almost always don't. We're prepared for the worst. I haven't tested because I want to hold on to the faint hope until the end, but I'm fully expecting the call to be from the doctor tomorrow (nurses do the + calls, doctors do the - at our clinic).

I'm not sure what we'll do next. Take a break most likely. Regroup and ask ourselves if we want one more kick at the can, or move to adoption. Or accept that we have a pretty awesome life as it is (I'm not there yet).

This sh!t sucks, man.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. Was hoping against hope for you that you'd beat the odds.
soulshine's Avatar soulshine 10:39 PM 05-18-2008
thinking about you all. i am so sad for you.
*big hugs*
LisaG's Avatar LisaG 01:31 AM 05-19-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by goblue View Post
Well ladies, I think it's almost over for me. My latest beta came back only 342 which is only 50 higher than the one before. The nurse thought it might be ectopic, which is a whole other scary ordeal I don't want to think about now.

I've come to terms that I am going to lose this pregnancy. I've cried to the point of dehydration. Now I just have to continue to wait until they decide what to do with me...which won't be until early next week at best.

Thanks for all your prayers and support.
goblue - popping in to give you some hope, because maybe, maybe : . I know of someone (a friend of a friend) who was in a very similar situation. Beta wasn't doubling, they did a 2nd blood work and it wasn't good, the doc told her the pregnancy wasn't viable, etc., etc. They did an ultrasound and saw 2 sacs measuring properly. Then the saw 2 heartbeats - not sure if it was at the 1st ultrasound or not, I'm a bit fuzzy on the details. She is now over half was through her pregnancy and the twins are doing fine. I hope you have a similar success story to share.
hope4light's Avatar hope4light 11:43 AM 05-19-2008
Perdita, Kristin, and Goblue.... I am so sorry, you are all in my prayers. I wish so badly that the information was better.... I have grown so close to you all that I feel like it is my own heartbreak.... I'm keeping the hope for all of you that it will not turn out to be the worst case scenario that you can't help but think it is.
jempd's Avatar jempd 02:05 PM 05-19-2008
Perdita in O, I just wanted to point out I thought I was having a miscarriage; severe cramps, heavy bleeding, and that that was it, and it was so hard to go in to the doctor and have the ultrasound done, but that's when the doctor said "You're still pregnant." I had a very close call. I understand wanting to keep the door open until you know for sure. Here's hoping for you.

And Goblue and Kristin, I'm so sorry.
Perdita_in_Ontario's Avatar Perdita_in_Ontario 02:47 PM 05-19-2008
Thanks jempd.

I just got the call - negative. I was feeling so crappy today (dizzy, tired, etc) that I had half convinced myself that perhaps I was pregnant after all, but there was no question - definitely BFN.

Ah well. We are very blessed as it is. We plan to have a lovely summer and then give it one last chance (our 4th cycle) in the fall. We are also going to look into domestic adoption.

Thanks for all the support - I wish the result had been better. Krisin - how you doing?
kristinc's Avatar kristinc 02:56 PM 05-19-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Perdita_in_Ontario View Post
Thanks jempd.

I just got the call - negative. I was feeling so crappy today (dizzy, tired, etc) that I had half convinced myself that perhaps I was pregnant after all, but there was no question - definitely BFN.

Ah well. We are very blessed as it is. We plan to have a lovely summer and then give it one last chance (our 4th cycle) in the fall. We are also going to look into domestic adoption.

Thanks for all the support - I wish the result had been better. Krisin - how you doing?
Perdita- I am sooo sorry to hear that, my heart is breaking again for you. Will you have a consult with your RE to talk about what may have gone wrong??
And how did you and your dh decide what would be your next move? This am when i left to go to the RE my dh was still hoping that it would be positive even though the spotting and neg hpt were enough to convince me otherwise. I have no idea where he is at emotionally on this as i don't feel like i can bear the load of anyone elses grief.

We can't afford another cycle any time soon. We will be paying this $27,000 off for the next year or 2. Not to mention that i feel strongly against putting my mind and body through the heartache again....but i can't imagine life without a family. I feel so broken.
kristinc's Avatar kristinc 04:57 PM 05-19-2008
Well, its official...bfn for us also.
Perdita_in_Ontario's Avatar Perdita_in_Ontario 06:20 PM 05-19-2008
Kristin, I'm so sorry. Even when you know... it's still a blow to hear it. Looking back, I didn't recognize how incredibly lucky we were on our first cycle to conceive so easily. I hope you can grieve and allow yourself to feel through this.

We already have our follow-up booked with our RE - they do it at the time of transfer. It's for June 5 - only a couple of weeks. I need to know whether it's worth us trying again - whether my age is anything to do with our last two failures. We know DH's sperm are 'good' - I need to know if my eggs are too old. We also need to find out if DH has any sperm left on ice - that may change our decision for one last try.

We went into this third cycle fast on the heels of our failed cycle. We both independently agreed that we want one last kick at the can - go into it knowing it's the last one. I don't know yet how far we'll go down the adoption path. It's not the fear of not loving an adopted child - I can deal with that. It's the process of selling yourself to a birth mother. I hate the idea - but if we want a newborn, and I really really do because I desperately want to breastfeed again, that's more or less our only choice. I would also consider a donor sperm IUI, but I don't think DH is up for that.

I didn't realize how much this cycle cost you - that's incredibly expensive. Ours was much cheaper than that (perhaps it's somewhat subsidized in Canada?). How on earth do you afford that? I thought $10k was expensive - but that pales in comparison.
crazyrunningmama's Avatar crazyrunningmama 09:14 PM 05-19-2008
Oh, ladies. I am so sorry to hear of all the bad news that so many of you have had to cope with.

Perdita, I am so sorry, I lurked along with your December cycle, too and I know how hard this must be for you to deal with again.
Seedlings's Avatar Seedlings 09:34 PM 05-19-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by kristinc View Post
Well, its official...bfn for us also.
Kristinc - I am so sorry.
Seedlings's Avatar Seedlings 09:36 PM 05-19-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Perdita_in_Ontario View Post
Thanks jempd.

I just got the call - negative. I was feeling so crappy today (dizzy, tired, etc) that I had half convinced myself that perhaps I was pregnant after all, but there was no question - definitely BFN.

Ah well. We are very blessed as it is. We plan to have a lovely summer and then give it one last chance (our 4th cycle) in the fall. We are also going to look into domestic adoption.

Thanks for all the support - I wish the result had been better. Krisin - how you doing?

Perdita - I am so sorry.
poetgirl's Avatar poetgirl 03:51 AM 05-20-2008
I'm so sorry, GoBlue, Perdita and Kristin. I was so hoping it would be otherwise for you all. I think we are all so brave here in the IF board, but the women who go through ivf...you are so so so brave, Joan of Arc warrior brave. I can't imagine yet the loss that comes with a negative. It sort of just happened to my sister though-she had a weird reaction to Lupron and it suppressed her system and she had no eggs after all the inject. etc.
My heart is with you ladies.
Perdita_in_Ontario's Avatar Perdita_in_Ontario 05:24 PM 05-20-2008
Thank you Jennifer. It means a lot that you posted that. I don't feel very brave today. I'm mad at the world. I know it will get better so I'm allowing myself to be mad. For some reason I haven't really ever had the "why me, it's unfair" feelings before but I sure have them today. I just keep trying to remind myself how much I have already.
kristinc's Avatar kristinc 09:53 AM 05-21-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Perdita_in_Ontario View Post
Thank you Jennifer. It means a lot that you posted that. I don't feel very brave today. I'm mad at the world. I know it will get better so I'm allowing myself to be mad. For some reason I haven't really ever had the "why me, it's unfair" feelings before but I sure have them today. I just keep trying to remind myself how much I have already.
I am there with you: Feeling like why did it work for so many others but not us. Why do they deserve a baby and ultimately happiness and we don't? See much self-pity here

Anyway my RE said that my eggs look terrible...that they look too old were her words exactly...seconds after telling me that we wasted $27,000 This woman is seriously missing the sensitivity chip. She basically said that she is not sure a change in protocol who help our situation at all and that my body is what it is and if that means that my eggs are old than there is nothing that she can do to help me. I about reached through the phone to put her in a randy salvage choke hold.

So anyway, i am going to request a copy of my records today and start looking for someone else, possibly a high fsh friendly Dr...since i was 14 & 10
which i really don't think is that bad, but apparently to my RE it means that you will never have biological children.

UGH!!! I HATE INFERTILITY!

perdita, my email is [email protected], email me if you want to talk outside of these forums
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