Secondary Infertility Summer 08 Thread - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 96 Old 07-07-2008, 10:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Had a mini meltdown after my u/s today that shows what might be a large follicle or a cyst... not sure. Was telling DH about it and he says "@ least we have one child already". That is supposed to make it all better?? IF I cn't ever get preg again... she will be more than plenty and I will be happy. But I gotta be able to tell myself I tried.... I have always dreamed of having 3 children... will be ecstatic w/ 2 @ this point. Just a crappy day...
Men just want to "fix" things sometimes don't they?

mama to two DD's, 7 and 3 (3 rounds of IVF and more FET's than I can remember)
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#62 of 96 Old 07-23-2008, 01:00 PM
 
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Well, I had my HSG on Monday, and found out that both of my tubes are open now. It was so wonderful to hear. DH and I will cycle next month. We can't wait!

JenaMom to ds & dd Proud to
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#63 of 96 Old 07-24-2008, 12:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, I had my HSG on Monday, and found out that both of my tubes are open now. It was so wonderful to hear. DH and I will cycle next month. We can't wait!
Right on!!! Good luck.

mama to two DD's, 7 and 3 (3 rounds of IVF and more FET's than I can remember)
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#64 of 96 Old 07-27-2008, 02:31 AM
 
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hello all. I am thankful to see this thread and appreciate those who have shared their experience. we've been ttc for 4+ since a m/c. wow, some say that the "trying" is the best part but after 4 years, it's becoming harder and harder. Not because I don't enjoy it but I am starting to have an emotional breakdown in the middle of ddt when I think about ttc. I have to get myself to start charting. We did fertility workup a couple years ago with clomid and hsg the next step. I also tried acupuncture for 6 months.
the biggest problem I'm having is being around pregnant friends and newborns. Does anyone else have trouble being around pregos and babies? I feel like such a downer but I can't force myself to seem interested, to put on a happy face or to act happy for them. My friend gave birth two weeks ago and I haven't even called. Everyday I make an excuse not to.
isaberg - so sorry to hear about your loss. I totally know what you mean about the monthly anticipation/depression cycle. This is wearing me out.
I do think I'm getting in a better frame of mind to start looking into adoption. Up til now I didn't think it would be right since I hadn't totally accepted that we may not be able to conceive #2.
I really think my dd would be an awesome big sister. It just breaks my heart sometimes to think (as an only) she wouldn't have any nieces or nephews and that her children wouldn't have any cousins, etc....

My sweetie and I have a lovely little lady 07/02 and 3 cats
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#65 of 96 Old 07-27-2008, 12:07 PM
 
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Lillianna- it is incredibly difficult for me to around newborns/babies, also. it just hurts so badly to see everyone else having what we want so badly. It hurts even more to hear people talking about conceiving so flippantly, since it has never occurred to them that they might not be able to conceive according to the timeline they've envisioned. I can't write much now, since I'm about to run out the door, but I just wanted to send a
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#66 of 96 Old 07-27-2008, 03:17 PM
 
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I really think my dd would be an awesome big sister. It just breaks my heart sometimes to think (as an only) she wouldn't have any nieces or nephews and that her children wouldn't have any cousins, etc....
That's one of the things that gets me, too. Of course, as an only, I realize that it's not the end of the world - I had a very happy childhood. But I do wish my child would have siblings to grow up with, and to commiserate about her parents when we get old and cranky.

I just really hate, every month, calculating how far apart my children are going to be now. And then calculating how far apart they _would_ have been if only I'd done - well - whatever, earlier - started the adoption process earlier, or gone with a different agency, or started infertility stuff way back when. It's the might-have-beens that are the worst.
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#67 of 96 Old 07-31-2008, 01:48 AM
 
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Thank you Kristen and Isaberg!!
I guess I was hoping someone would tell me that I really should call my friend and ask about the new baby. I know that's what I should do, but every day goes by. I think putting it off is actually making it harder. I just don't know if I can handle it right now.
Isaberg - I'm sure I'm going to look back and wish I would have started the infertility and/or adoption process sooner. I don't know what I'm waiting for, it's been 4 years already!?! There are definitely children who need loving homes and something my husband has come to support.

My sweetie and I have a lovely little lady 07/02 and 3 cats
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#68 of 96 Old 07-31-2008, 06:47 AM
 
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All the sudden everyone I knew was pregnant and some of them were pg a second time since I started ttc.
Hi, I belong here. Dd is 3 years 4 months old. 4 out of 5 of my closest friends are pregnant and each also has a child younger than our dd.

I am having a pretty tough time, especially since we always hoped for a large family, and two of my friends are pregnant, while still nursing... I nurse dd twice a day for a short period of time but have had my period since she was 6 months old. I think there is something other than the nursing going on.

Mama to a little lady and always praying for more.
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#69 of 96 Old 07-31-2008, 07:46 AM
 
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My friend gave birth two weeks ago and I haven't even called.
I would be gentle with mylself in such a situation and not call. However, I would e-mail or send a card. That way you are not putting yourself in a situation where you cannot predict what the other person will say but will have shown them you thought about them.

Mama to a little lady and always praying for more.
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#70 of 96 Old 07-31-2008, 11:20 AM
 
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Hi, I belong here. Dd is 3 years 4 months old. 4 out of 5 of my closest friends are pregnant and each also has a child younger than our dd.

I am having a pretty tough time, especially since we always hoped for a large family, and two of my friends are pregnant, while still nursing... I nurse dd twice a day for a short period of time but have had my period since she was 6 months old. I think there is something other than the nursing going on.
Sounds like me, although your nursling is a bit older than my ds. I too feel there must be something else going on. It is getting harder and harder to be patient.

I feel bad because I'm starting to have *negative* feelings when someone I know gets preggo. I want to be truly happy for these people, so I feel terrible when the first thought that pops into my head is "why not me?"

Are you pursuing any type of fertility work-up? I'm kinda on the fence about it myself. I have an annual appointment with an OB in Sept. I will be asking him what he thinks about doing some blood tests, etc. My fear is he will blow off my concerns and tell me to wean.

Good Luck!

Laura

One sleepy mama to ds #1 (5) and ds #2...my VBAC baby (2) and expecting #3 sometime in 2/2012!!
 

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#71 of 96 Old 07-31-2008, 03:42 PM
 
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I've not posted here in a little while. I had my initial IF workup in June, followed by a sonohysterogram which appeared normal. I do have two large cysts on my left ovary and the doctor strongly suspects endometriosis. I have a laparoscopy scheduled for the 13th of August and I went for my pre-surgical appointment today. The doctor anticipates finding moderate to severe endometriosis, in which case I will be put on Lupron for 3-4 months following the laparoscopy. Then I will have a 2nd laparoscopy to laser off any remaining tissue. After all this is said and done, he thinks we should have up to a 70% chance of conceiving naturally! I am relieved and a little disappointed that we will need to wait before TTC again, but at least we have a plan. I am so far thrilled with my RE who is really doing everything diagnostically possible before throwing fertility meds at us. I now have hope for a fall/winter 2009 baby!
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#72 of 96 Old 08-01-2008, 12:05 PM
 
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I would be gentle with mylself in such a situation and not call. However, I would e-mail or send a card. That way you are not putting yourself in a situation where you cannot predict what the other person will say but will have shown them you thought about them.
Thanks for this - of course I never thought of it but I can just send a card!

My sweetie and I have a lovely little lady 07/02 and 3 cats
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#73 of 96 Old 08-08-2008, 12:44 PM
 
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I'm having a really crappy day and I feel like I have no right to complain.

but I'm just sad. I have one beautiful child - we are healthy, even well-off working professionals. We have flexible jobs we expect to keep for the forseeable future, a mortgage we can afford. We live in a great neighborhood, yada yada. I'm reading everyone else's stories and thinking about my own family - my brother has prostate cancer (very young to have it) one sister is leaving her husband with the 3 kids (and going round the bend on this) and the other is in an expensive area and probably going under.

I've got everything going for us in our life except I want another kid and I feel like my life has been on-hold for the past 4 years trying to have that kid. And now (and this is so vain it kills me) - I actually look my age and I feel OLD!

It's just sucking for me today and I feel whiny and ungrateful about it. I just don't know where to go with these feelings or what to do with them.

Third generation WOHM. I work by choice.
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#74 of 96 Old 08-08-2008, 12:50 PM
 
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I feel like this, too, and it sucks. I posted a thread here about it.
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#75 of 96 Old 08-08-2008, 12:54 PM
 
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Thanks. Hugs to you too. There must be something going on astrologically that we're both feeling this way!

Third generation WOHM. I work by choice.
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#76 of 96 Old 08-09-2008, 06:04 AM
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HI Mamas!
I don't know if I am technically having secondary infertility, or just straight up I have fertility issues, STILL!
Trixie is 5.5 months old and we know that we want her sibling(s) to be close in age to her, so we want to start trying again very soon.
We conceived her after many months TTC, and were finally successful with 21 days of Menopur and an IUI.
Recently I had a fallopian tube recannalization to unblock the left one and they noticed that my uterus is quite scarred up, which was news to us because I had the procedure (the one with the dye and the X-ray to see if I had a blocked tube) before we conceived Trixie and my uterus was perfect, and now it's a mess! The top is rounded out and the triangle of my uterus is totally gone.
So this is more than we'd expected, I was hoping with 2 functioning tubes it would be a lot easier to get pregnant this time. (last time I had one tube and one ovary, on opposite sides)
So that's where we are now....

Deadra, Wife to Adam , Mama to Beatrix (02/08), Hudson (01/10), and Mazarine (12/13)
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#77 of 96 Old 08-09-2008, 02:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi Dea! Welcome!! Sounds like you've been getting crappy news, that must have been pretty shocking to hear. Are you still bf'ing Trixie (love the name!)?

mama to two DD's, 7 and 3 (3 rounds of IVF and more FET's than I can remember)
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#78 of 96 Old 08-10-2008, 04:46 AM
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Hi Dea! Welcome!! Sounds like you've been getting crappy news, that must have been pretty shocking to hear. Are you still bf'ing Trixie (love the name!)?
Sadly no. To add insult to injury from not being able to have the homebirth I wanted and having infertility issues with her, I couldn't produce anything. I pumped for 4 months up to 10 times a day and got nothing. (I had a breast reduction 11 years ago) But the positive side of it all is that the crazy making drugs that I"ll have to take won't affect her directly.

Deadra, Wife to Adam , Mama to Beatrix (02/08), Hudson (01/10), and Mazarine (12/13)
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#79 of 96 Old 08-10-2008, 10:03 AM
 
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I'm sorry, Dea. That's hard news to take.
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#80 of 96 Old 08-13-2008, 07:28 PM
 
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Wondered if I could join up with you ladies?
I got pregnant with DS rather effortlessly. Odd since I was diagnosed with PCOS in April of 2004 and was pregnant by November 2004!! It was lovely and we decided not to use any protection after he was born. I figured it was a miracle he was here and any other gifts were more than welcome!!
Anyway, here we are, DS is now 3 years old and starting M pre-K in a couple weeks and I find myself really sad that it hasn't happened yet.

Add to this that I have been to the ER for severe lower left abdominal pain about 4 times in 2 months and have been given pain meds to "tide me over" until I see the GYN on the 19th. They did an u/s and saw that I had a large amount of significant cysts and started discussing surgery which is why they are sending me to this particular GYN "just in case"

In addition to all of this, DH is military and deploying in October...this of course means that we have next to no chance of getting pregnant before he leaves and we aren't even sure what they are planning to suggest yet either. He does have R and R, but who is to say it won't be when I am having TOM here:

It's just all tiring and sad lately. My mother and many other remind me almost daily that I "wasn't supposed to have even one child and you should be thankful"
I get that. I really do, but if I did it once...can't it happen again????

~About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all. ~
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#81 of 96 Old 08-14-2008, 05:22 AM
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Wondered if I could join up with you ladies?
I got pregnant with DS rather effortlessly. Odd since I was diagnosed with PCOS in April of 2004 and was pregnant by November 2004!! It was lovely and we decided not to use any protection after he was born. I figured it was a miracle he was here and any other gifts were more than welcome!!
Anyway, here we are, DS is now 3 years old and starting M pre-K in a couple weeks and I find myself really sad that it hasn't happened yet.

Add to this that I have been to the ER for severe lower left abdominal pain about 4 times in 2 months and have been given pain meds to "tide me over" until I see the GYN on the 19th. They did an u/s and saw that I had a large amount of significant cysts and started discussing surgery which is why they are sending me to this particular GYN "just in case"

In addition to all of this, DH is military and deploying in October...this of course means that we have next to no chance of getting pregnant before he leaves and we aren't even sure what they are planning to suggest yet either. He does have R and R, but who is to say it won't be when I am having TOM here:

It's just all tiring and sad lately. My mother and many other remind me almost daily that I "wasn't supposed to have even one child and you should be thankful"
I get that. I really do, but if I did it once...can't it happen again????
I'm sorry! I think it can happen again for you! And I think it's unfair for people to suggest you should be thankful! I think that some people just don't understand, whether it be primary, secondary or just infertility in general.

Deadra, Wife to Adam , Mama to Beatrix (02/08), Hudson (01/10), and Mazarine (12/13)
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#82 of 96 Old 08-15-2008, 01:21 PM
 
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Thank you. We are trying to BD more this month and plus my drive has been more this month, so maybe that is a good thing too? We are trying for everyday-every other day at the most sinc ehe has no major weekend training this month. Next month would have been harder because they will be a lot busier. This is our last chance month I think with him leaving and everything.
I am glad there are supportive groups for those of us who can't seem to make another baby happen right now

~About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all. ~
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#83 of 96 Old 08-16-2008, 03:30 PM
 
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Can I join you ladies? We have been TTC#2 on and off for over a year, and never used b/c at all after ds was born in 2003. I have PCOS, and used fertility drugs to conceive ds (Repronex). This time around, I've done clomid (even though it didn't work before) as well as Femara and finally Follistim. I had a m/c after the first round of Follistim, and this second round I'm just having a period, although I saw some white tissue in my flow that may have been a tiny embryo. I am 42, will be 43 in December, so my time is running short. I am pretty down about it right now. So sad that my ds doesn't have a sibling.
I think for me, IF the second time around is harder, because before I could avoid, for the most part, being around babies, pregnant women, and the like (since I had no kids and was working full time). OK, so I actually had two coworkers who were pregnant at one point during my IF treatments, but it was somehow different because my focus was on my work and I could sort of avoid them. Now, though, I am around moms all the time when taking ds to the park, to playgroups, to the coop preschool, and it just is so painful for me to see them. For some reason, I get extra upset when I see a parent hit their child or something else I don't support -- I think "I could be that baby's mama and I would never do that -- why didn't that mama get the PCOS not me?" That is really ugly, isn't it?

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#84 of 96 Old 08-16-2008, 06:33 PM
 
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Can I join you ladies? We have been TTC#2 on and off for over a year, and never used b/c at all after ds was born in 2003. I have PCOS, and used fertility drugs to conceive ds (Repronex). This time around, I've done clomid (even though it didn't work before) as well as Femara and finally Follistim. I had a m/c after the first round of Follistim, and this second round I'm just having a period, although I saw some white tissue in my flow that may have been a tiny embryo. I am 42, will be 43 in December, so my time is running short. I am pretty down about it right now. So sad that my ds doesn't have a sibling.
I think for me, IF the second time around is harder, because before I could avoid, for the most part, being around babies, pregnant women, and the like (since I had no kids and was working full time). OK, so I actually had two coworkers who were pregnant at one point during my IF treatments, but it was somehow different because my focus was on my work and I could sort of avoid them. Now, though, I am around moms all the time when taking ds to the park, to playgroups, to the coop preschool, and it just is so painful for me to see them. For some reason, I get extra upset when I see a parent hit their child or something else I don't support -- I think "I could be that baby's mama and I would never do that -- why didn't that mama get the PCOS not me?" That is really ugly, isn't it?
I haven't posted in this thread in an age and tbh I have been lurking a bit recently as we are on a kinda 'pause' - see sig.
But I just read your post and couldn't not empathise . My DD was born in 2003 and definitely I find second time round IF very difficult, just as you say you're around preg ladies, babies etc all the time and life just can't stop for our DC. It breaks my heart every single second of every single day, but DD is my strength to keep going. Also as for 'really ugly' about being upset by seeing another parent doing something you don't support & that you could be a better mamma, I suppose it could be seen as 'ugly' but I think it is very natural. It has happened to me recently with my BF and we haven't seen her since she announced she was pg again as all I could think was dread on the behalf of that child (that sounds awful) but her & her DH are definitely of the belief 'spare the rod & spoil the child' - their DS is only just 2 and *I* believe lives in fear of his parents. He actually asked me for a hug one day when he saw me cuddling DD for no reason other that she was in a room full of realtive strangers & needed some reassurance. Now, not everyone would agree that the gentle, compassionate etc way of raising children is right but I know her kids would be enjoying childhood relatively carefree, as I believe they should, if they parented in a less aggressive manner.

Sorry to have gone completely off topic, but just couldn't not share that I find myself with the same feelings frequently.

BTW I'm not claiming to be a flawless parent!

Anyway, hope your journey to #2 isn't too much longer.

Me & DH TTC #3!  DD1 is 8 and DD2 is 2.  Struggled to conceive DD2, eventually getting a BFP after 35 months ttc & a month out from starting fertility treatment!  Now TTC#3, had an early miscarriage in Sept 2011 greensad.gif.  Here's my chart http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1eeaa4

 

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#85 of 96 Old 08-17-2008, 01:54 AM
 
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doodledoo, glad I'm not alone. I think the ugly part was my wishing the other mom were the one with PCOS, not the judgemental part (although many would say making judgements isn't helpful either). I see it as channeling my hurt and anger at another person, which is not nice or constructive and probaly is damaging to me as well. I mostly try to be happy for others, but there are times when I just have to say "why me, why not someone who seems to hate their kids?"

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#86 of 96 Old 08-17-2008, 11:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have admitted this before IRL and found that it is not just me, before I had my dd, I would see pregnant people and people with babies and think harsh things, especially if they were really young, smoking while pushing the stroller etc. I would think "you probably didn't even want to get pg, but you can and I can't and it's just not f#$%^ing fair". I was able to let it go to some extent, but of course it's still hard.

My dd is talking more and trying to use words she has learned. Words of the week are "brother" and "sister", not sure why. She has been telling people today that she's to going to be a "big sister". I am in the middle of a miscarriage. : Great timing.

mama to two DD's, 7 and 3 (3 rounds of IVF and more FET's than I can remember)
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#87 of 96 Old 08-18-2008, 12:34 AM
 
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I have admitted this before IRL and found that it is not just me, before I had my dd, I would see pregnant people and people with babies and think harsh things, especially if they were really young, smoking while pushing the stroller etc. I would think "you probably didn't even want to get pg, but you can and I can't and it's just not f#$%^ing fair". I was able to let it go to some extent, but of course it's still hard.

My dd is talking more and trying to use words she has learned. Words of the week are "brother" and "sister", not sure why. She has been telling people today that she's to going to be a "big sister". I am in the middle of a miscarriage. : Great timing.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am so so sorry.
If you need to talk, we are here. Dealing with a loss while also dealing with the emotions of infertility is just so awful.
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#88 of 96 Old 08-19-2008, 04:11 AM
 
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to you. I just had a m/c at the end of April, and am still emotional about that. Be gentle to yourself.

Jen 47 DS C 2/03  angel.gif04/29/08/ DD S 10/28/09 DH Bill '97.

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#89 of 96 Old 08-19-2008, 03:32 PM
 
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Well I totally agree with all of that. Mainly I notice I am judged because I don't spank and I talk to DS. Apparently that means I think they are horrid parents. I don't even have to say anything and am still judged.
On another note, I finally had my appt. with the GYN for the pain I have been having for the past 3 months(litmnm m rollof course from the PCOS, but also endometriosis, scar tissues and adhesions that may compromise my fertility as well as cause all of this pain. So they scheduled surgery for the 26th of September. I am hoping it all goes well as he is trying to salvage all parts(that sounds funny) and do everything laproscopically. We shall see. Yet another waiting game until surgery though.
Either way, DH is deploying in early October and we won't have any chance

~About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all. ~
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#90 of 96 Old 08-20-2008, 01:22 AM
 
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Oh yeah, I get judged for not forcing ds to share his toys with other kids, or his food, when they bug him for them, like when we go to a playgroup at a park with a sand pit and we're the only ones with sand toys and ds won't share his.

BabyGow, can you have your dh freeze some sperm? They can do an IUI with frozen sperm from him, or if you need to do IVF, they can use it for that, too. Or is it too expensive? I've actually heard of people doing it themselves, like freezing the sperm in a home freezer and using a turkey baster, but I'm not sure how they do that.

Jen 47 DS C 2/03  angel.gif04/29/08/ DD S 10/28/09 DH Bill '97.

mighty-mama and her sister Kundalini-Mamacandle.gif

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