when does infertility turn into adoption???? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 08-14-2008, 03:14 PM - Thread Starter
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Being 46, and hearing my limited options for have a baby, seems to be egg donor only.... I'm wondering when do couples or singles moms decide to go the way of adoption? Looking into both methods seem just as difficult and trying....

If you are single and go with donor eggs and donor sperm, the child is really no relation to you. You just are having the birth process. If you go with an infant adoption, well, I'm getting to old for that too, but you are getting that same little stranger. If you go for a toddler or older, at least you can see a bit of what that child is....

I guess, if I was married or had a partner, having it through fertility methods would seem sensible, but without any partner, I feel like seeing what you are getting first, is the best option.

Your thoughts, much appreciated.

PS. Single moms who have delivered with egg and sperm doners, I would love to hear from.
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#2 of 2 Old 08-14-2008, 03:44 PM
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Personally, I really think it's 6 to one, half a dozen to another. I think you maybe need to ask yourself how important the pregnancy & birth part of having a child is for you. If the actual "motherhood" part is what you are seeking most...well, then maybe adoption is for you.

Adoption CAN be a long & difficult journey. Depending on whether you are doing domestic or international, infant or toddler+.
There really are no 100% for sure's in adoption OR IVF. If you choose adoption, keep in mind that unfortunately, as the adoptive parent, you are not awarded the luxury of knowing 100% that the adopted child was well taken care of prior to birth i.e. malnutrition, drugs, alcohol. This is obviously not a GIVEN with adoption, but it IS a very real possibility.
Also, with adoption, are you ready to have a relationship with the birth mother for the rest of your life? A lot of domestic adoptions these days tend to be Open Adoptions where the birth mother has regular visits with your child (of course you decide together how "regular" those visits are). International adoptions are generally closed and you may not get ANY medical history on the childs birth family.

I think regardless of which route you choose to create your family you will love the child with all your heart and soul! You don't have to be biologically connected to a child to have that unwavering, unconditional love.

You obviously have a lot of love to give and I wish you the best in making your decision.
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