I spent a lot of time on this board last year and wanted to post my success story (3 yrs. TTC #3), so here it is:
My husband and I started ttc when I was 32. I had just finished grad school and was finally ready to work on having baby #3. I often had a lot of regret over why the heck I decided to get my MS rather than try for a baby sooner, but I never saw infertility coming (like all of us). I had a strong intuition that something was wrong after 6 months of trying and went to an RE. He told me that my hormones were a little "off" but that I would still be considered "unexplained". WRONG. I went to another RE after the first one (left the first after horrible care and a failed IUI) and discovered that I had only one functioning tube from DES, endometriosis stage II (covering both ovaries), and elevated FSH. I was 32 and my FSH was 15.
I started making all kinds of diet changes and one month later I read the book Inconceivable by Julia Indichova. I was affirmed that I was on the right path after reading it. I added lots of wheat grass juice, Vitex, and nutritional supplements for fertility and I was able to keep my FSH around 11 for the past year and a half.
My first IVF was in June of 2002 (after 6 months of my "protocol") and I became pregnant with twins. We were thrilled and then the worst happened. I miscarried due to chromosomal problems at 6.5 weeks and 10 weeks (baby girl with trisomy 14). I had two more IVFs, one resulted in a "chemical pregnancy" and the other was just a big fat negative. But something profoundly emotional changed for me after the 3rd failed attempt -- I was actually encouraged because for the first time I made 2 perfect 8-cell embryos. I had added L-arginine (an amino acid) to my self-prescribed "protocol" for the first time and began to feel as though I was capable of having a healthy viable pregnancy and baby!
I had my 4th IVF this past May and although I only had one egg fertilze on its own, they were able to ICSI two more (only had 3)and I made perfect quality embryos again! I am now 30 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby girl (had Nuchal translucency screening at 11 weeks). I still cannot believe that I am actually here. I am 35 now and it took me 3 years to get here so it just doesn't sink in after TTC for so long. It has been the most precious time in my life.
Part of what makes the TTC journey so difficult is being around those that do not believe in us. They mean us no harm but they carry their own experiences, and their view of what is possible for us is always colored with their past. The doctors bring their own negative attitudes, statistics, and past experiences and much of the struggle is ridding ourselves of unwanted or uncompationate energy around us. It takes continuous, daily, affirmations and meditation to release ourselvces from the hold this energy can have on us. Listening to Julia Indichova's visualization tape and doing daily visualizations was the saving grace (bought on fertileheart.com website). Seeing my baby in these visualizations was vivid enough to carry my faith in times when it was being chipped away at piece by piece.
The one thing I know for sure now is that each and everyone of us will experience a miracle. The definition for what that miracle is will be different from woman to woman, but it is a miracle just the same. Each baby brings with them a gift. I am grateful for the struggle this journey is now but while floating in the longing I could never see what lay ahead. This journey for me has been about exploring what it means to truly have self acceptance and self-love. The diet (vegetarian, organic, mostly macrobiotic), the healthy changes (yoga, acupuncture, daily meditation), all of this needed to happen -- I see that now. This baby is indeed the most miraclous gift I never could have imagined. With her life has come mine.
+++++thoughts and baby blessings to you all, Caroline