Not ttc but not avoiding either - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 28 Old 01-22-2010, 04:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wasn't sure where to post this, family planning or ttc forum. Anyway, I was just wondering if there is anyone else "just letting nature take its course".

I quit taking my pill last month to give my body a break from unnatural hormones. I am only using a calender method so that I will know if I miss af.

I am not opposed to getting pregnant but I am not concerned if I don't conceive either.

My DP couldn't make up his mind about when/if he wants a baby. I already have 4 children from a previous relationship. He knows I quit the pill and he doesn't take any precautions. He makes positive comments about the possibility of an accidental pregnancy.

I would love to hear from others about how nature is taking its course with them. Along with any other comments to share.

Momma to two & two
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#2 of 28 Old 01-23-2010, 01:28 AM
 
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We are in the same spot right now.
We have been using NFP to avoid after the last couple kids, and when we feel comfortable with the idea of another joining us, we just stop avoiding.
I know it would be handy to have some sort of chart going still, to date a possible pregnancy, but I'm just not that into it right now.
We have had our fair share of "TTC" for 3 years before we got pregnant with #1, and I just don't want to go through that stress ever again.
We have always been happy to have even just one, and now after four, we are happier still, but don't want to really "try" for more.
And have decided not to be "planners" as our plans in that department don't usually work out the way we expect, God is doing the planning at this point.
We chart now for the first year (to avoid, I get my cycles back really early), and it just feels more "natural" that way, as natural child spacing usually allows for a few years between kids. And now we're like... whatever

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#3 of 28 Old 01-23-2010, 11:53 PM
 
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All I have to say if that's the type of birth control the Duggar's use, lol.

Christian SAHM & birth doula.
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#4 of 28 Old 01-24-2010, 02:20 AM
 
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I think it is very normal for some women (and men) to come to a point in their lives where they are happy with the number of children they have, and while they may not be attempting to have more, it just doesn't feel necessary to actively avoid. That doesn't mean it never will. Who knows?
As for us, we are a couple who have desperately tried to have a baby, has a diagnosed fertility issue, and have also charted for years to avoid pregnancy over our ten year marriage and are just honestly at a point where we're open to whatever comes our way (or doesn't) for now .

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#5 of 28 Old 01-24-2010, 01:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ah, the Duggars, LOL! My children are all spaced at least 3 years apart. I have tried many types of birth control. At some point I will probably use it again. However for now it's time for a break. I have taken breaks before without conceiving and I have become pregnant while using bc (I missed some pills so it was my fault). I am thankful for MaryLang's posts. I am glad to not be the only one letting nature take it's course. The Duggars also are Christians and their faith influences their choices. My family is atheist so its nature for us not god's will. My body was experiencing all kinds of uncomfortable problems on the pill and my youngest is 3yrs so we are ok over here either way.

I admit I do get a little nervous around the time AF is to arrive each month

Momma to two & two
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#6 of 28 Old 01-26-2010, 10:09 AM
 
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We tried that last September/October... our DD is 6 months old now.

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#7 of 28 Old 01-26-2010, 11:45 AM
 
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This is me and DH! We have been married for 15 months now, and I have been off the Pill for 10 mos. now. My cycles are crazy irregular, and at first we were Charting to avoid, but we've decided to just "let go and let God." DH calls it the "eh" method of family planning. So we BD when we feel like it, not because it is prime baby making time. I do keep track of my fertility signs, but am going to stop actually charting after this cycle. I desperately do want a baby, and DH is ok with, but we figure the timing will never be perfect so we'll let a higher Being take care of that for us.

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#8 of 28 Old 01-27-2010, 07:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am glad to hear from others takin' it in stride

Every time I have tried to plan, it has never worked out! I TTC for 9 months once and ended up with an ectopic. As soon as we said forget it, now is not the time, I got pregnant! All my babies have been surprises. I just can't get them when I plan. I guess they decide when they want to come. Right now my cycles are wacky. I guess it's from coming off of bc. I am not even sure when to expect AF.

MaryLang and Whole wheatchick keep me posted!

Momma to two & two
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#9 of 28 Old 01-29-2010, 08:31 PM
 
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That's what I'm doing. I have 3 boys. Conceiving #2 and 3 was very difficult. It took years and many losses. I feel like I'm done trying but I would still like to have more children if it happens. I chart because my cycles have been long and irregular and I like to know what to expect and when.

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#10 of 28 Old 01-29-2010, 09:56 PM
 
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That's what we did with both pregnancies.

It was a lovely way to conceive our children (we aren't having any more).

Have you seen the updated user agreement yet?
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#11 of 28 Old 02-02-2010, 01:51 PM
 
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We are, we have a 4 yo and almost 2 yo. we know we want anothe child but we aren't feeling that *right now* aspect so I haven't gotten in to TTC mode. We are happy with what ever happens for the time being. I did have a miscarriage last cycle when I didn't think I'd ovulated at all so I am thinking of charting, but just so that I know what's going on rather than to time intercourse.

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#12 of 28 Old 02-04-2010, 10:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think I am going to have to leave this thread and go over to the charting to avoid group. It looks like I got a new job and with trying to finish up my grad degree, right now would not be a good time to conceive. Alas I will be checking in on you ladies. I really like the letting nature its course idea, oh well. Maybe I will be back soon.

Momma to two & two
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#13 of 28 Old 03-03-2010, 04:15 PM
 
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I always say I'm doing this but then I get a little nervous when O time comes and get really nervous when it comes time to start....and then a tiny bit upset when I do start. We tried for 2 years to conceive our first child and DH doesn't want to actively "try" again because it was so stressful.
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#14 of 28 Old 03-07-2010, 01:51 AM
 
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gagirl - I'm in the same boat. My son took nearly 2.5 years to conceive and it was incredibly stressful.

Since hubby is feeling good about his job and we're getting the feeling that we're ready for another little one, we plan to stop preventing without really trying. Originally it was going to be next month but the other night I told hubby we ought to use a condom to be safe and he said he was okay with whatever happened. So it seems this month is a possibility. But I think we're going to avoid next month since I noticed that would land us into the Christmas timeframe....

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#15 of 28 Old 03-07-2010, 06:06 PM
 
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My DH and I are in the same boat; I hopped off the "Nuvaring" back in October - so, we're taking the approach that if it happens, it happens, if not - then no worries; because it gives me time to work my graduate degree. Of course, we'd be thrilled with having out first (especially since we're both in our early 20's). We'll see what happens, no stress, no pressure - just at our own pace.

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#16 of 28 Old 03-07-2010, 10:49 PM
 
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I have had A LOT of trouble with my cycles for the past 3 years, and this past one was finally picture-perfect for me. I O'd on CD 21, had a 12 or 13 day LP (12 days of elevated temp, but AF didn't show till 14 DPO). Perfect. And we DTD 4 and 2 days before I O'd, and the day I O'd, and nada.

And I'm relieved and sad all at the same time. DH is mostly relieved. I'm not even 23, he's 23, and although we've been married almost 18 mos., and his job is so stable and our income is fantastic...he really doesn't feel "ready." And I only feel totally "yes, I want a baby now!" like 50% of the time.

So we're trying to decide whether or not to continue to "whatever" or to more actively TTA.

I want to just let God be in control about this (or whatever name I feel like using for God lol) but it freaks me out a bit, too...

Any thoughts?

Emily--Married to the love of my life 2008--Joyful mommy to Rachel Elizabeth 12/10
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#17 of 28 Old 03-07-2010, 11:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by wholewheatchick View Post
I have had A LOT of trouble with my cycles for the past 3 years, and this past one was finally picture-perfect for me. I O'd on CD 21, had a 12 or 13 day LP (12 days of elevated temp, but AF didn't show till 14 DPO). Perfect. And we DTD 4 and 2 days before I O'd, and the day I O'd, and nada.

And I'm relieved and sad all at the same time. DH is mostly relieved. I'm not even 23, he's 23, and although we've been married almost 18 mos., and his job is so stable and our income is fantastic...he really doesn't feel "ready." And I only feel totally "yes, I want a baby now!" like 50% of the time.

So we're trying to decide whether or not to continue to "whatever" or to more actively TTA.

I want to just let God be in control about this (or whatever name I feel like using for God lol) but it freaks me out a bit, too...

Any thoughts?
Hey chickie. That's a can of worms, huh? I'm almost 40 with 3 kids and I can't decide what to do. I know I don't want to ever TTC again. It was so stressful and heartbreaking. OTOH, I'm getting to the age where getting pg isn't a given and I've had trouble in the past so...

My knee-jerk reaction is that you guys are so young. You have plenty of time to figure things out. I wasn't ready to have babies when I was in my early 20s even though I did have my first 2 weeks before my 21st birthday. I didn't have another for almost 13 years. I wasn't married, though.

I do think maybe you shouldn't go full steam into TTC if you aren't 100% sure you're both ready. I also don't think anyone should wait too long if they know they want children sometime. A big cause of infertility is women just waiting too long to try.

If you are open to having a baby now, maybe not trying but not preventing is the way to go. That way you won't stress about getting pg all the time but you won't feel like you spent too much time preventing if it takes a long time. Only you can know what's best for you and your family.

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#18 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 12:07 AM
 
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I'm so glad to see a thread for this.

DH and I are planning to stop avoiding this spring, probably next month, but neither of us is inclined to stress out on really trying to conceive. I just can't imagine insisting on DTD on a particular schedule. It would be way too stressful for us. We'll just take it as it comes. We are ready, but it won't be a biggie if it takes us a few months to get pg.

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#19 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 02:09 AM
 
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That's how DD was conceived, but I was clueless about conception/charting then. Now, knowing what I know, I don't think I could go back to the "eh" method (which is a great name!). I'm too paranoid. I think I'd always be hyper-aware of what could happen and what might happen, and end up permanently stressed and doing the two-week wait thing. I mean, you can't unlearn to notice fertile-quality cervical fluid, you know? I really admire women who have a let-go, whatever-happens attitude even while they know their fertility signs, but I think it'd turn me into a gibbering wreck.

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#20 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 04:56 PM
 
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wholewheatchick - I got married around a similar age - I was 22. If it were me, I'd try to breath and take a step back till you guys feel more ready (I didn't at your age). You guys do have the benefit of time on your side being young yet. You might think about going to talk to a doctor about your cycle issues to try to get those worked out.
Definitely don't sweat that the cycle didn't happen. Even with well timed sex and young parties involved, the chance of conception is around 20-30% (I think that's the statistic).


Smokering - You're not kidding. I'm already looking at a calendar and thinking, if AF doesn't show up by such-and-such date then I will test. But I'm hoping that the main thing I can let go of is worrying about when we have sex and how much in the fertile window.

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#21 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 07:11 PM
 
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But I'm hoping that the main thing I can let go of is worrying about when we have sex and how much in the fertile window.
Yeah, that's my thing, too. I'll always wonder if I'm pg if we dtd at any time in my fertile window. I also test early and often so I don't really stress about whether or not is late. The main thing for me is to not feel pressured to dtd at certain times. Wondering and waiting to find out if I'm pg is the fun part.

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#22 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 07:32 PM
 
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I like this topic. I'm 43 with 3 girls (10, 6, 1) - also with the strong desire to have another baby, but I know that it's probably not wise. I'm not so concerned about my own age as much as I'm concerned because I don't want to tandem nurse ... or stop drinking ... or worry about antidepressants and such ... and we would have to get a minivan ...

DD3 is 14 months old, and my cycle hasn't returned, but it was 15-18 months after DD1 & DD2, so I have no cause for concern at this point.

I kept really good track of cycles and DTD days for 6 years. The 3rd pregnancy was sort of an accident - we counted the days, but we were pretty drunk, and we counted wrong. (We were celebrating the selling of my business ...) We had been talking about "what if" and we both felt like it wouldn't be a big deal if it happened, so we played roulette and oops!

At this point, I don't think I'm entering menopause yet - my mom was nearly 50 when she did. I put a check on the calendar, though, whenever we DTD - just in case, ya know! I'm my most fertile in March/April, though Last year, I said DH needs to stay away from me those months, but it's not working out that way

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#23 of 28 Old 03-08-2010, 11:33 PM
 
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I did a lot of thinking today, and DH and I talked again after dinner. I admit that part of the reason that we are not too keen on TTA is that we both hate barrier methods of BC and he refuses to pull out. So we'd be back to abstinence and although we held off till we got engaged, well, let's just say that wouldn't work too well when we don't have an imperative reason.

But here was what I was thinking: Yes, I'm only 22 (23 in a month). And we'll have been married 2 years in Oct., so even if we got pregnant this week, we will have had 2 full years before Jr. shows up. And honestly it's not even the "us" that I am concerned about losing; it is the "me." KWIM? Logistically, financially, and emotionally, we are pretty well set to have a baby. And thankfully, you do get almost 9 months to get used to the idea. I mean, as set as you can be without having actually done it! But we do have the resources to pay for a homebirth, and my graduate program is online, and those kinds of things are "good to go."

So really, all of the reasons not to have a baby right now, for us, will never change. The fact that I won't even be able to go to the library unattended for 12 + years, or that date nights are limited by baby-sitters' availbilities, is the same whether we get pregnant now or in 3 years. And the wonderful parts about having a baby...to hear them say "I love you" for the first time or discover what their favorite color is...those are the same now or in 5 years, too.

In short, DH and I are continuing with the "eh" method of family planning. Which means that DH continues in blissful ignorance and I end up stressing the 2WW and being super conscious of what days we DTD during my fertile time. Oh well. I can't go back to not knowing about my body. Which is something that most days, I am happy about.

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#24 of 28 Old 03-16-2010, 03:52 PM
 
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Trying not to think too much about that my period is due in 3-5 days but it's so hard to ignore. In a way, I wouldn't mind more time till the next pregnancy (I have some weight hanging around that I'd like to get rid of). But I also worry that a "failed cycle" will bring back all those horrible feelings that I lived with for about two years.

Had a teeny bit of spotting last night. I'm prone to spotting so it really doesn't mean anything. I spotted before my BFP and before lots of AFs.

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#25 of 28 Old 03-18-2010, 12:27 PM
 
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We are very happy about it! I wouldn't have had a clue about dates except my period started the day before an important birthday, and I had no idea when I O'd since I wasn't paying attention, but baby is measuring perfectly

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#26 of 28 Old 03-18-2010, 04:05 PM
 
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Congrats, MaryLang!

Yup, spotting was a bad sign. Expecting AF to be full force tomorrow, maybe Saturday.
Hubby and I talked over how stressful TTC was the first time around and how we are going to attempt to getting pg less stressful. He wants me to mark on a calendar when I anticipate Oing so he's aware of what's going on. So I guess we're more trying than not....

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#27 of 28 Old 04-01-2010, 08:20 AM
 
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Just wanted to update that I am moving back to the Charting to Avoid thread. I am set to start grad school in the fall and am finally getting back into my passion of natural resources and don't want to give that up yet. DH and did some more thinking and talking and realized that we are very happy with the way things are right now, with just the two of us and the cat. It feels complete, at least for right now. Good luck to everyone else!

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#28 of 28 Old 04-01-2010, 06:52 PM
 
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We tried to plan, but well planning doesn't work well for us Our first and third were both surprises (1 bc and 1 condom and counting). We planned our second and were mostly abstinant () for the wait, but really needed to wait cause of lack of insurance and our ODS having 2 surgeries.
Anyhow, DH wants to wait but I am still bfing DD and so no clue and abstinance just isn't an option, lol. I am very much wanting to have tons of kids (8 or more) so I am perfectly happy just letting God plan our family. DH doesn't mind that, but he is more nervous, mostly because so much has happened recently that he is ready for a break from major life changes. So we aren't TTC but we definately aren't doing anything other than bfing an 8month old to stop it either. Since we see babies as a blessing we will be happy if we concieve and content if we don't
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