This is really just a vent...
BG: DH and I have been married a little over a year. We belong to a church that really pushes young married couples to get pregnant and have children. I don't like this church, I really dislike the culture but we need to stay in it for the time being (trust me on this one, sorry I can't elaborate).
So I totally understand exactly why it wouldn't be the best for us to TTC right now - lack of savings, we're both still in school, and I really just want to spend a few more years alone with him. I'm 21 and he's 24, and we're still just so, so in love. He's the best man in the world.
I found out today that ANOTHER one of my friends is expecting. She's 12w. Several of my friends are about to have their babies, and I have many friends who've already had 1 or 2. I LONG for a baby, our own special child to bring into this world. All of my friends can do it, why can't we? We're not any worse off. I feel like I'm as emotionally and physically prepared as I'll ever be - it really is just financially. And that we're at a bad place in our lives - I've still got 2 years left in my undergrad, DH has 1. But, the university we attend is about the most baby-friendly that you'll ever find. There are ways - we're covered by our school's insurance, medicaid would cover almost all of the costs...etc.
I don't know why I'm so sad, I really know what's best, but then again I would love to, LOVE to hold a baby in my arms. DH and I are really just looking for that light at the end of the tunnel right now with school - I can't seem to see it yet. We're wanting to finish up, get everything mobile and purchase a sailboat to live on. We want to travel. I want to have a boat baby. He's starting his own business...sigh.
Maybe this is instinctual. Maybe these feelings are just feelings that we inherently feel to assure the survival of our species. Either way, I want one. It doesn't help that every time we see a baby, DH points out how cute and adorable they are and how he wants to have some someday.
Thanks for reading.