How did your life change when you had #2? - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-03-2010, 08:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello

I am curious to hear how life changing it is to go from one child to two children? I am also wondering how easy/hard it was to be pregnant with #2 while chasing around a toddler all day?

I am a SAHM to my DS who is 20 months old and my DH and I are now TTC #2. I am pretty sure we are ready for this....but I dont want to over idealize the real reality of having two young children. I want to be mentally prepared for everything!

Thanks!!
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Old 03-03-2010, 08:05 PM
 
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I'm curious to hear responses too....

though # 2 is pretty far in the future...if ever!

Student Mama to Dmitri 07/11/09. Wife to a two-job student dad. So happy with our BF, Co-sleeping, No vax, No Circ. Vegetarian Family.
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Old 03-03-2010, 08:09 PM
 
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It got a hell of a lot harder.
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Old 03-03-2010, 08:21 PM
 
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It was tough going from 1 to 2. In pregnancy it was MISERABLE, but that all depends on how your pregnancies go. Both mine were terrible. So with the first if I was tired or sick I could just lay down, but with the second, there was no laying down. I had to puke and run, so to speak. Since mine are 16 mo apart it was especially tough. I tried to nurse my first while prego with my 2nd but finally had to give up because I was so sick and losing so much weight. BUT if you have good pregnancies it may help. Plus my DH worked all the time so I had not much help, plus I worked full time. So being that your are SAHM that may help, and if your hubby is around that may help with the pregnancy.

As for after the 2nd arrives, i think it really depends. Some days are tough, trying to bathe them together, meals, nap and bedtime. But sometimes it is just so AWESOME to see them love on each other, help each other and miss each other. They fight, and boy that can be tedious! But I always saw myself with having more than 1. I just couldnt imagine an only child. Of course I did not plan for them to be that close, but you work with what God gives ya (my little surprises)

I think I would evaluate your time, energy, what your spouse does or doesnt contribute (as far as help etc) and finances of course.

Things can be tough, but if you see it working out, you will accomodate.

I assure you I never saw myself handling a 2yr old and a 1yr old at the same time with out jumping off a bridge but I am still alive so I guess I am stronger than I thought! You will find what is right for you, just remember there are always good and bad days!!!

WOH Wife to Steve 3/31/07 ; Mama to Sophia Margaret 9/26/07; and Ava Grace 2/5/09
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Old 03-03-2010, 09:12 PM
 
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pregnancy was MUCH harder. I was HUGE (like almost the whole time) and totally responsible for one little person already. The early days were also a challenge with DD1 regressing in some areas to cover the new lack of complete attention she was used to getting.

NOW, however that they are 2 & 5 I LOVE it and think I'd be crazy enough to do it again!

orngbiggrin.gif mom of three with stork-suprise.gif on the way

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Old 03-03-2010, 09:31 PM
 
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It's definitely tougher. DH and I have found that we don't do as much 'as a family' as we used to. We now tend to split off two and two. I think that will change when DD2 gets big enough to participate more in what DD1 is doing.

The key for me is planning ahead. If I spend 15 minutes in the morning planning what to do and what I'll need to bring then I feel more on top of things as the day goes by.

My girls are 1 and almost 4 now and they are so cute together. I love having two!

Pregnant and/or Breastfeeding since 2005
Mama to two girls: 5/06 and 3/09
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Old 03-04-2010, 11:49 PM
 
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The p/g part was a LOT harder because as you know with most p/g's you are exhausted and nauseous and all you want to do is lay in bed.....well with a young one to care for, that just doesn't happen. So for me the p/g was hell but I found going from 1-2 kiddos SUPER easy....I found myself to be more of a mother I went everywhere with them but that being said I had PPD and PSTD after dd1 and had a LOT of fears....but after dd2 was born and I realized what it felt like to be a "normal" mom, it was awesome.

DD1 and DD2 are exactly 23 mos. apart and are so close...they can fight like you wouldn't believe but they are also sooooo sweet and really care for each other...........

However going from 2-3 kiddos was absolute HELL all around!!
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Old 03-05-2010, 12:32 AM
 
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For me it was pretty easy. I had an easier pg the second time around and dd2 was/is a pretty laid-back type of kid. They were spaced a little over 4 years apart so I think that helped. Well, that and the fact that dd1 was/is difficult made dd2 seem like a cake walk!

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Old 03-05-2010, 02:12 AM
 
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I am so embarrassed I said DD1 is 5... two more months to go yet.

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Old 03-05-2010, 02:19 AM
 
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For me things actually seemed to get easier, at least at first. Then once my second child hit 2, I found it hard, but just dealing with her twoness was hard as my first daughter was harder at 4.

I had pretty easy pregnancies both times, very little morning sickness. I had an easier birth the second time around and a very easy laid back baby, so different from my first who I found difficult. My husband even said it was lucky we didn't get our second the first time around or we'd have had more right away. Instead, with pushing off TTC and then a miscarriage, there ended up being a 4.5 year age gap between my two girls. My older daughter was still so dependent on me, but once we had the new baby, she did become a little more self sufficient and willing to do more things for herself. She liked seeing herself as the big sister.

But when my older daughter was in school full time and my younger one was 2, oh wow. She was not so easy anymore, she was very deconstructive, sometimes destructive, much more of a wanderer and explorer and a child who would write all over walls and do whatever she wanted. Different from my first who was more needy and all over me all the time and yet could be very rigid in regards to what was accpetable. So at that point, yeah, I couldn't imagine having yet another.

In general I think it is easier. It's nice that they will play together for long periods of time. I'm really really happy that I have two.
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Old 03-05-2010, 03:39 AM
 
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Once I got through the 3-month post-partum crazies I was alright. The first 3 months I spent my time wondering if I was capable of having the big family I want, crying every day, etc. Now I am not worried about it at all. My kids are 20 months apart.

Casey, wife to Danny, mom to Olive : and Darcy : .
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Old 03-09-2010, 01:15 AM
 
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I found the transition from 1 to 2 a breeze compared to the transition from 0 to 1. I have pretty easy going kids though!

Mama to Q (9/03) and M (12/06) :
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Old 03-17-2010, 05:05 PM
 
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I didn't find it very difficult at all. Going from 2 to 3 was much harder for me.

SAHM to the munchkins (14.5, 11.5, 9.5, 3, and almost 2)
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Old 03-17-2010, 06:37 PM
 
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Ive heard of people who didnt find the transition difficult, but im not sure i believe them entirely.
Point it, i found the transition very difficult. The same level of difficulty as going from 0 to 1, but of a different kind. I found my confidence as a mother dropped significantly. I felt so competent with 1, and with 2, not so. I learned to let go a bit more i guess. Go with the flow, accept....

Now the youngest is almost 2, and things are much much easier. But you still have to juggle errands, and time things around the older one's preschool etc etc.
But its a labor of love!!!
Maya
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Old 03-18-2010, 02:01 AM
 
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I found it EASIER than going from 0 to 1.

My kids are 2.5 years apart, btw.

My pregnancy was easier; yes I was tired & sick in the beginning, but my body had an easier time of it. Labor time was cut in half too.

I didn't get PPD like I did with #1, maybe from taking placenta casules, maybe because I had a toddler to talk to instead of just being with a crying newborn all day.

I love watching my kiddos interact (baby is almost 4 months old now)

Jesus-loving Doula/Birth Photographer Mama to Tor 4/2007, Zion 11/2009, Enoch 11/2011, and Zephyr due 12/13/2013

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Old 03-21-2010, 12:17 PM
 
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DD2 has brought nothing but wonderfulness into our family. I am much, much happier with two children than I was with one. Of course, DD1 isn't a toddler either, so I was able to get some rest, etc.

Mommy to eyesroll.gif (age 7) and mischievous.gif (age 3)

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Old 03-22-2010, 09:19 AM
 
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Our boys are 2.5 years apart, and DS1 was a very high needs, challenging child with some issues until he was about four. After DS2 was born, I did not find it difficult to care for the new baby - he was pretty easy - but I had some extra challenges to consider in caring for DS1.

Probably the most difficult thing for me to deal with was that he was a dart/run/climb guy, and once I had a big belly, and later an infant with me all the time, chasing him became impossible. The logistics of keeping him safe became much more difficult. When pregnant I could not go as fast as he could and was also afraid of injuring myself. Once DS2 was born I could not leave him to chase DS1, and did not want to take the risks of a flat-out run with him in a carrier either. My main solution was to keep DS1 strapped into a stroller with a 5 pt harness with DS2 in a carrier until DS1 outgrew the running. There were places this didn't work though. At the grocery store, he had to be strapped into a cart with a bench seat and a seatbelt, because he couldn't fit into the regular cart seat anymore - his legs were too long - and I could not lift him into them anyway - so grocery shopping became completely dependent on me getting one of those bench-seat carts. If I got to the store with both kids and one of those was not available, I had to either leave without groceries or wait for one of the carts, with a seatbelt that was not broken. I also stopped taking DS1 to parks for a long time, because he would take off, so I felt like we could not safely go to a park unless I had a friend with me to watch DS2 while I caught DS1.

So the new baby was the easy part - it was adjusting how I cared for the older child that was the biggest challenge. The hardest age was when DS1 was not quite done running away or climbing random structures in stores at almost four and DS2 at 18 months was so big that carrying him on my back was hurting my knees, feet, back, and hips. I did use a double stroller for a while but that was many pounds of kid to be pushing around and too big for some stores. Things got much easier after DS1 quit running and climbing everything. DS2 started walking, and he would run sometimes, but never as far or as fast, and never did the random climbing thing, and I did not have as many worries about chasing DS2 because by then DS1 would follow me.

Now they are 4.5 and almost 7, and they are each other's best friend and constant playmate. It was hard but worth it, and I am glad they have each other.

DS1 March 2003DS2 Sept 2005,
and 3 , in our happy secular
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Old 03-25-2010, 03:14 PM
 
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0 to 1 was waaaaay harder than 1 to 2, but we had a high touch needs, cryer for #1, I had horrid sleep deprivation and PPD, and we were new to parenting. With #2, he's been a great sleeper from the get-go, I am well rested, and we're old hands who know that frothy green poop is really not a big deal.

Mostly I think it's been easier because my expectations for myself are a lot more realistic - dog hair on the floor in the hall, dishes in the sink, unanswered phone calls, baby is crying for 30 seconds because he has gas...meh, whatever. I feel no guilt about any of this, whereas the first time around, it was crushing. So, low expectations for cleanliness and productivity will make adding a second one to the mix lots easier.

Doula, WOHM, wife to a super-fun papa, mama to the Monkey ('07), and his little brother, the Sea Monkey ('09).
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