Thoughts about a third - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 27 Old 05-22-2010, 03:05 PM - Thread Starter
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I honestly wonder if I am nuts for thinking about having a third. My kids are almost exactly two years apart- DD is 2.9 and DS is 9 months old. I'm crazy about them but vowed I was done. Now I keep thinking about maybe having another one down the road. But I'm 37. It's not like we have all the time in the world to decide. I wish I could just feel at peace one way or the other but I just keep turning it over in my mind. DH would love another. Thoughts from other moms who've been throught this?
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#2 of 27 Old 05-22-2010, 07:03 PM
 
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I've found a website dedicated to this question and spent a lot of time there recently. We did decide to go for it and are ttc #3 now.

http://www.havingthreekids.com
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#3 of 27 Old 05-22-2010, 07:13 PM
 
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We just decided to try for a third too.
We thought we were done but now that dd is 3, i'm feeling ready again.
I wanted to be done having kids by the time i was 30, and this last one will be born about one month before i turn.
The reasons for changing our mind was just that we thought we would regret it later if we didn't have one more. We just felt like all the reasons we had before for NOT having another kid weren't really relevant anymore.
Before we were worried about where we lived, now we live in a nicer/larger place.
We were also worried about buying a bigger vehicle, but that is already in the plans for february next year.
Also, i'm in school full time, but after next summer i will be switching to an online program to finish my degree. I will be pregnant Fall and Spring semesters but that is ok.

E Veg*n Mom to ds 6 : dd 3
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#4 of 27 Old 05-22-2010, 07:15 PM
 
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We just had our third, he is our third little boy and is 8 weeks old. So far, it feels so great. I think we would have accepted 2 but I really did want a third. My dh was not really there and it ended up being a bit of a surprise for us but so far it is wonderful. I do think it is going to be super busy, I can see that already, but so fun to watch the boys interacting together. I look forward to seeing them grow up together.

Mom to three great boys Michael (Sept/01), Carter (Nov/05) and Reid (March/10).

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#5 of 27 Old 05-22-2010, 07:22 PM
 
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I just had my third, 4 weeks ago. My second child is now 2 1/2 and a child that is FULL of energy and the most difficult thing managing. He would be challenging regardless of if I had an infant or not! My eldest is almost 6 and a mostly helpful big brother.

I only had an older sister that I did not get along with growing up and I longed for another sibling to confide in. My husband IS the third and I like him a lot.

IF you have a high energy 2nd child and if you get sluggish during pregnancy you might want to wait untill that child is closer to 3 1/2ish. If you have an easy going 2nd (like my first!) go ahead!
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#6 of 27 Old 05-22-2010, 07:41 PM
 
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If you and your Dh both want another then go for it, i'm currently trying for a 5th

Becky, sahm to angel.gif25/04/2000 Chloe 12/04/2002 Cameron 19/02/2004 Caitlin 28/06/2005 angel.gif24/07/2006 and Caden 14/03/2008

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#7 of 27 Old 05-22-2010, 07:51 PM
 
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We're trying for a 5th, too - so I say, go for a 3rd.

mine are all 2 years apart and I really don't think adding #3 was too challenging. Of course, having more than 2 children seems to change the family dynamics a bit since so many things seemed to be geared towards a family of four... but for us, it has worked out well. Our 3rd was an easy baby/toddler - but he is now a high energy 5 yo. Still, no regrets here.

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#8 of 27 Old 05-22-2010, 08:03 PM - Thread Starter
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Thanks for the replies! I can't believe how much I debate about this. Esp. after a really bad night of sleep I'm totally sure I'm done. Then we'll have a wonderful day and I'm back to imagining another LO in the mix. I grew up as one of three and always really liked it. Tragically, my older brother killed himself last summer, the week before my son was born. I am so grateful to have my younger brother to talk to and I know having him nearby has been a huge comfort to my parents. I guess that plays into my thoughts (not that something terrible will happen to one of my kids but that with three they will hopefully always have another to lean on).
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#9 of 27 Old 05-22-2010, 08:04 PM
 
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I have 2 as well. DS is 4 almost 5 and DD is 2.5. I vowed after those 2 that I was done. I just don't have enough patience for more. However I'm only 28 and my husband wanted to have a vasectomy. I just couldn't agree to it because I figured once I actually couldn't have kids, then I would want another one! We were pretty young with a lot of time to have more and I just didn't want to put an end to the possibility. We also don't do hormonal birth control but use other methods. Well this month we had a pregnancy "maybe" due to me ovulating sooner than I thought I would/usually do. I was devastated. Not that I wouldn't love another child just the same as my others and I know it would all be fine. But just thinking about "starting over" again with a baby and all the things that came along with it made me want to cry! I just recently found out we are not pg, and now although I have to admit I am the tiniest bit sad there won't be another baby, I am overall really relieved. So, I think that is my answer. And it definitely kicked my husband into high gear to want the big V done. I am now finally OK with it this made me see that I really would just prefer 2 children. If another one came along that would be OK, but it's not in our plans.
I hope you find your answer. I know the feeling, it is really tough!

Mama to (DS 7) and (DD 5), wife to DH

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#10 of 27 Old 05-22-2010, 10:39 PM
 
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We have 3 and we went thru the same thing you are going thru.....we were done but just couldn't shake the nagging feeling like maybe somewhere down the road we might want another.... DD2 was SUCH AN EASY baby, I mean I couldn't have asked for a "better" baby, she slept fairly well compared to dd1 and never fussed too much about anything, but for some reason I just didn't feel complete.

Well, one night on our anniversary and 3 glasses of wine and a nice dinner later we got carried away(we were only using withdrawal as our bc) and lo and behold it resulted in DS. I was sooooo completely shell-shocked. Ds came and he was the COMPLETE opposite of easy! He cried day and night and nothing helped....DH went for the big V when ds was only 2 weeks old. He even called me from the dr's office to tell me that there was a mix up with the insurance that it wouldn't be covered, I told him he had better NOT come home without having it done. There was NOOOO way in h*** I wanted to have to go thru what I was going thru again. Yes, if we had another it could be another easy baby like dd2 but I wasn't willing to take that chance.

I mean I LOVE ds to death! but he is the whiniest toddler even....I just feel so completely drained all the time. Just like you when we have our good nights I have this TINY twinge like maybe we made a mistake but then 2 seconds later I slap myself and wonder what the heck I was thinking for those 2 seconds! I have to remind myself of the bad times too because I know how miserable we ALL (my children suffered also because ds required soooo much of our time and care) were.

I didn't mean this to discourage you, I was just wanting to add another perspective on the subject.
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#11 of 27 Old 05-22-2010, 11:00 PM
 
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My kids are almost exactly the same ages as mama to 2 girls' children and there are days where I'm just (especially when I look down at my belly ) It seems like there are always two of them getting along and someone else screaming/whining/fighting/crying. I definitely don't regret having 3, but there are times when I feel like my sanity is on the line.

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#12 of 27 Old 05-22-2010, 11:02 PM
 
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We have 3 and...I just feel so completely drained all the time.
I feel this way too...just drained. There's literally hardly a minute when I'm not doing something for someone...

In love with Dh since 1998. We created Ds (7.1.03), Dd (10.16.06) and Dd (3.16.09).
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#13 of 27 Old 05-24-2010, 01:25 AM
 
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My experience with 3 has been wonderful! DD3 was totally unplanned, I was pregnant and she was born during the most stressful point in my life so far, and she is such a gift! She is only 19 months younger than DD2, which is a lot closer than I would have planned -- I was so stressed thinking about having an infant and a young toddler who was not very self-sufficient, but it's been great. DD2 loves her baby sister, is so sweet with her, can make her laugh faster than anyone, etc... the spacing was way easier than with DD1 (who was 2.5 yo when DD2 was born).

The problem is, you never know... you could get a really laid-back kiddo, or you could get a super-fussy one. DD3 is my easiest so far, and I really feel like I've "earned" enjoying her baby stage. But, I'm also a way more laid-back parent (and I'm pretty easygoing to begin with...) so it's been lots more fun. I'm already used to balancing the needs of different kids, so adding an extra one into the mix hasn't been a big adjustment.

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#14 of 27 Old 05-24-2010, 03:27 PM
 
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3 has been great for me, DS was an easy baby though. Like others have said, there is never a minute of down time.

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
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#15 of 27 Old 05-26-2010, 04:29 AM
 
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I feel like three is an ideal number for many people. I grew up in a 3 household


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#16 of 27 Old 05-27-2010, 02:49 PM
 
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For as long as I can remember, I always wanted two children. Three was never a consideration, until I held my 2nd son, and I knew way down deep in my heart, that despite finances, health issues, sleep deprivation, house size, vehicle considerations, sibling concerns, uncertainty about baby's health and temperment, and thoughts of not pushing our luck and rocking our already great ship, that I had another baby inside of me. DH was on board, and DC#3 is due this summer! I say follow your heart!
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#17 of 27 Old 05-27-2010, 02:54 PM
 
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Oh yeah, and I just wanted to add that DH and I are soooo done with three. I really hope that you can find that peace of really "knowing" your heart's desire. Good Luck!
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#18 of 27 Old 05-27-2010, 03:38 PM
 
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For as long as I can remember, I always wanted two children. Three was never a consideration, until I held my 2nd son, and I knew way down deep in my heart, that despite finances, health issues, sleep deprivation, house size, vehicle considerations, sibling concerns, uncertainty about baby's health and temperment, and thoughts of not pushing our luck and rocking our already great ship, that I had another baby inside of me. DH was on board, and DC#3 is due this summer! I say follow your heart!
I couldn't have said it better myself, and in fact wrote something out for DH that was very similar and we are now TTC #3

I hope that I will also have that feeling of closure that you now have. ever since #2 was just born it just felt like someone was missing.

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#19 of 27 Old 05-29-2010, 02:16 PM
 
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Lot's of baby dust coming your way echospiritwarrior!
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#20 of 27 Old 05-29-2010, 04:17 PM
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I couldn't have said it better myself, and in fact wrote something out for DH that was very similar and we are now TTC #3

I hope that I will also have that feeling of closure that you now have. ever since #2 was just born it just felt like someone was missing.
Good luck to you, echospiritwarrior!

This is exactly how I feel. Ever since #2 was born, it's like I know there's another baby "out there" for our family. I'm not sure what that means, but I just know there is room in my heart and in our home for another child. It almost feels like it isn't just a child, but a specific child that belongs in our family. I don't know how to describe it.

Explaining this to DH doesn't get me anywhere. He wants more, but just "not now". Trying to get him to pin down when and even tell me that he's really on board and not just stalling me has been really difficult. I want us both to be on board.

I think this is as close as I've ever felt to having a "purpose" (even if I do have more than one purpose in life). That's how important it is to me.
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#21 of 27 Old 06-02-2010, 12:08 AM
 
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I wish there were a "thinking about a third child" tribe here somewhere. I feel like I'm always lurking around these posts, always trying to figure out if we could handle another child, always trying to figure out how to make it work, trying to figure out if our family is complete. I think we're going to start ttc next week(!) but we'll see. We go back and forth, but in the end we really want a bigger family (dh and I both come from small families and it seems so lonely). I'll be 37 in August, so there's not much time to keep debating!

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#22 of 27 Old 06-03-2010, 09:42 PM - Thread Starter
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I appreciate all the input. I literally go back and forth on this issue every day. At times when my two are driving me nuts I think I am completely done, and then we have those sweet, wonderful times together and I feel like there just has to be another child down the road for our family. I wish I knew for certain one way or the other.
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#23 of 27 Old 06-09-2010, 02:51 PM
 
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I had my third in February and thought I'd toss in my two cents. I'm one of 5 kids and always wanted a big family. DH was not so sure after baby #2. We'd just decided to stop at 2 (and foster-to-adopt down the road) when we found out I was pregnant again. I was thrilled! Since having baby 3, though, I'm advising caution! Of course I could never imagine life without my LO, but I'm totally with the moms who sometimes feel like they're on the verge of losing it. Take a good look at your resources. I think IF my husband worked fewer hours (40 or less), IF I had family nearby to pitch in, IF we were more financially secure, IF my second-born were less demanding, and IF I was better with stress-management (time to go back to therapy?), having a third would be totally do-able.

Mom of three: DS 10/05, DD 01/08, and DD 02/10 Wife to a great guy ., wannabe homesteader, traditional foods geek, counselor and postpartum doula.
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#24 of 27 Old 06-09-2010, 06:03 PM
 
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Take a good look at your resources. I think IF my husband worked fewer hours (40 or less), IF I had family nearby to pitch in, IF we were more financially secure, IF my second-born were less demanding, and IF I was better with stress-management (time to go back to therapy?), having a third would be totally do-able.
I couldn't agree more. Once you have three kids...ANY additional stressor is HARD. Being outnumbered when both parents are home is also HARD. I'm not sure how other mothers/parents perceive this challenge when they see it isn't so bad...

In love with Dh since 1998. We created Ds (7.1.03), Dd (10.16.06) and Dd (3.16.09).
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#25 of 27 Old 06-13-2010, 11:46 AM
 
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I'm really enjoying these perspectives! I wrestle with the thought of a third on a daily basis. But I am wondering if its a third child that I want or if its just that I have unresolved issues with birth and child genders. I dream of having a perfect vaginally delivered blue eyed little baby girl. Not that I love my c/s born dark eyed little boys any less....... Its just something that I think about a LOT. My DH is NOT interested in a third. I know theres a little piece of his heart that misses out on having a daughter and I don't think he is 100% against the idea of a third. He certainly won't ever get a vascectomy so its possible....... but we really are liking the thought of having some time to ourself and being able to sleep again. DS2 is ridiculously easy compared to DS1 and we are afraid of having another difficult baby for a third. I'm 29 and always wanted to be done with the baby thing by 30 so I guess I have another year to think about it. And I like the 3 year spacing so I guess if it doesn't happen in another year we might really be done.

mama to L (4) and G (1.5)
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#26 of 27 Old 06-13-2010, 10:29 PM
 
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I have been thinking about a third a lot lately. DS has been a much more cry-y baby than DD was, and for a while I was thinking maybe we would stop at 2. But we have always planned to have more than 2- in fact, the vehicle that we bought when I was pg with my 2nd was bought specifically because it would fit more 3-4 kids in the back.

At this point, we've pretty much decided that we will have a third at some point- we're just waiting for DS to be past the super clingy toddler stage (and DH doesn't know it, but I'm also waiting until I can get into a benefited position where I work, since DH's work has lost their good health insurance and we now have only crisis coverage).

I'll be 30 this fall, so I'm okay with putting off trying for a third until DS is around 2 or 2.5 (he's only 13 months now).

I'm one of 2, and I always wanted another sibling, and often felt kinda lonely when my older sister didn't want to play with me. Both my DH and my XH were one of 3 kids. My dad is also one of 3, and he has tried to make me vow to have a 4th if we have a 3rd (he feels like being the middle child is what made my uncle grow up to have such a rough life).

“War is peace.
Freedom is slavery.
Ignorance is strength.”
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#27 of 27 Old 06-16-2010, 07:55 PM
 
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I absolutely love having three kids. Love it. We planned to stop at two and am so glad we didn't. It's hard as hell, no doubt, but priceless.

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