So, heres a small update on me:
I still dont have a prospect "date" in mind, but I did have a small talk about it the other day with DH. It hit so close to my heart, that I started to cry
. At first he explained that he really wasnt sure he wanted another baby, and especially not right now. Didnt know if he can handle another one, etc. I told him I wanted him to be honest with me about it, and tell me exactly how he feels. I told him that I needed to know either way. When he told me he didnt know if he wanted another baby, I told him that I was glad he told me that. However, I also told him that I dont know if I can live with myself if I dont ever have anymore children. I told him that even though I knew all of this when we were married, that I really didnt think that hard and long about it at the time, and just figured the down the road things would just work out. We talked alot about finances, goals, plans to pay off debt, to open a retirement account for him, etc. We talked about his race car and how I want to be supportive, and a part of it, etc. The reason we got on the baby subject again is because I asked him when he says "maybe in a year". what specially that means?? I told him I didnt want a year to come and go and him say "oh well maybe next year". So, thats kinda how it started, while on the phone with him when he was driving home from work, and then we finished it up as he walked in the door. I told him that was fine if he truly didnt want anymore kids but that I needed to know the truth. He basically, said "if I could KNOW I would have another boy, i'd have another one". and...."if we have another one, it would be because its what you really want". I told him well thats not right, that I want him to want it too, or I dont want to have another one. In the end [cause I had to go to work]. He had said hes been thinking alot more about it lately. And, I asked him if we could compromise and start TTW when DS turns 3, which is about 6 months away...vs a year, which is what he said originally. He asked me how far apart the neighbors kids were [we are pretty close with their family] and I told him that the older son was 3 mos. shy of 4 years old when the younger one was born. And, then I flat out said, that would mean we would need to get pregnant around the time DS turns 3 years old. He really didnt say anything about it. So, we left it at that. I totally know how he feels now. He totally knows how I feel. I guess now Im just going to let it go for a while. However, he did say to our son yesterday something like "mommy & I were going to go in the room and try and make another one of you". However, when it came time to DTD, and we were in the middle of it, I joked with him and said "I thought you told DS we were gonna make another one of him....lol"..and he's like "yeah, but not this time" or "not tonight"..or something along those lines. I thought that was kinda funny. So, we'll see if he starts to loosen up a bit about pulling out or not. I even told him last night that we couldnt "make another one of him if we wanted to last night cause I wasnt fertile yet"....lol.
So, still not time frame and no idea if or when we will ever have another baby. with that,I don't think I should bring it up again for 6 months. I mean, what else can I do, really. I dont have any other options. If things havent changed by then [meaning if he is still pulling out all the time by then, and/or not brining it up and/or not talking about it at all] I think 6 months is a lot of time. For both him to think about it, and to see how much DS will have grown up by then. Hopefully he will be just about completely potty trained by then. And, then if by the time DS is 3 years old, he STILL hasnt budged a bit with "when" he'll be ready or what not, then I dont know. Then, he either has to tell me he definately doesnt want anymore kids, or I just have to be happy and content with the one I have and hope that maybe one day he'll decide otherwise. OR, decide that I want another baby more than my marriage, which im totally not sure of at this moment. So, right now Im just going to enjoy our son, keep working out, work extra to try and save any amount of money that I can. Take up reading and specially books about marraige and how to improve things in general. And, try to have more date nights and quality time with my husband.
So, that is where we stand. What does everyone else think about this? Any suggestions, advice? Am I doing the right thing? anything I can do different? Please, suggestions, advice, opinions are always welcomed!!!
Thanks for listening!!!