Question for those who already have kids, and plan on having more - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 07-19-2010, 10:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Do you ever have moments where you second guess your plans to have another child?

DH and I have 2 kids -- DS is 3 and DD is 1. We are pretty sure we will start TTC for #3 next spring. Most days I cannot wait, and want to TTC NOW. But, sometimes I get anxiety just thinking about it, and wonder if I could handle 3 kids.

Example: My DD (who is almost 15 months) was SUCH A FUSSY baby for the first year of her life. She has calmed down a bit, and actually started STTN(!!!!!) a few weeks ago. I can't tell you how happy I am about that. She was the reason why DH originally changed his mind on even having a #3 in the future. He was too afraid to have another baby like her. And, well, I am too.

Just last night, she woke up crying for the first time in weeks. She was hungry, so I fed her. As I stumbled around in the dark, half asleep, I thought to myself, "Do I REALLY want to go through the sleepless nights all over again??" Especially after DD just started finally STTN? It is finally getting a little easier.. do I really want to complicate things and add to the stress?

But most of the time I am fine, and I know we will have a 3rd. I feel there is someone missing. It's just those fleeting thoughts that make me stop and think. When DD woke up last night, my heart started racing. All that anxiety from the last hellish year came back. Going weeks on 4 hours of broken sleep.. makes me wanna cry!

Anyone else? How are you feeling about TTC again? What do you tell yourself?

Tired mommy to a 2, 4, and 6 year old!
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#2 of 9 Old 07-20-2010, 01:01 AM
 
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we have 2 girls ages 4 and 6. we decided to sort of start ttc # 3 a few months ago. we dtd whenever and aren't preventing. i chart so i know when i ovulate but even then we don't dtd like crazy on my fertile days. i have been ready for child #3 for a long time. i've just always felt like we should have at least one more. (actually having 4 sounds wonderful but dh has only agreed to one more. ) for a while we have been content where we were at... no big rush to add more. lately with the girls getting older and what not i've really been hit with baby fever. dh and i have been talking on and off about adding and a few months back dh decided he was willing to start not preventing. i would say 75% of the time it thrills me to think about being pregnant again and thinking about having a new little one. and then 25% of the time i get freaked out because the reality of having a new baby sets in- sleepless nights, having a baby attached to my boobs again- and having to be available at all times for feeding, diapers, crying, poop, and going through the whole cycle again. it can definitely feel overwhelming. and i know that when we do have #3 i will feel overwhelmed sometimes but i know that we have room for atleast one more and in the end it will be okay. i think the problem is we know what we are getting into. we know what lies ahead. but it really is worth it. the benefits outweigh all the sleepless nights. it just might not feel like it when we are right in the middle of it.

Melanie
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#3 of 9 Old 07-26-2010, 06:14 PM
 
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we have one (15month old girl) and are considering staying at one. I don't feel like anything is missing, and feel like I have always seen myself with two- but the thought of having a second is calmed when I think of how it will change our lives- our finances, our geography, ability to provide for our child and our retirement as well.

Do you feel a need to decide this? Can you wait until next spring to do so? I have given us almost a year off of deciding, because it was killing me to think about it all the time.
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#4 of 9 Old 08-06-2010, 12:41 AM
 
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I think it's pretty common to feel the way you do! We all have reasons to hesitate when it comes to having children (it's such a huge sacrifice!) but when I think about how fast time has flown, I just remind myself to enjoy any given moment with my children (even if they are colicky and I haven't showered in 3 days etc) and to be grateful that they are a part of our lives!

Consciously mothering 3 girls and 2 boys
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#5 of 9 Old 08-22-2010, 02:35 AM
 
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Fear and second guessing are why we are leaving weather we have a third child up to chance (we are not TTC but we are not 100% preventing.)

One happy momma joy.gif to a very spirited little girl dust.gif, her tough little brother superhero.gif, and a happy little suprise late April 2012 stork-suprise.gif. Wife to an overworked and under paid husband geek.gif.

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#6 of 9 Old 08-22-2010, 07:12 PM
 
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I think these things all time! You aren't alone. If we didn't get that pull to have more after things settled down and got easier, people would never have multiple children!

Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
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#7 of 9 Old 08-24-2010, 01:01 PM
 
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Heys shells_n_cheese! I remember you from my due date club (s)! And, infact, we're going to start trying again next April! So, maybe we'll be in thee due date club together again. It's interesting that the first 2 have a 2 year gap, but the next one will have closer to a 3 year gap! It gets harder with each kid.

Like you, DD is mostly sleeping through the night. But, every once in a while when she doesn't, it's crazy. But, I completely feel that our family isn't complete yet. I'm still thinking 2 more. But, we'll see.

I'll see you in TTC in the Spring!

Married to one of the last good guys left Jim
Mom to AJ 4/07 and Genevieve 5/09

And then: I'm really, really tired of making angels.

But wait, could it really be true?


The whole story at: www.xerxella.blogspot.com
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#8 of 9 Old 08-27-2010, 05:04 AM
 
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Yep! Been there, done that - a thousand times!

We have DD (4 1/2), DD (almost 3), and DS (12 mos) and are planning for our fourth and final baby, hopefully who will be conceived in November. We go back and forth - when I am excited, DH is not at all. When he is excited, I'm like "noooo way". When I feel like that, I think about the future and our large family and how great it will be to be surrounded by our children/grandchildren when we are older. Babyhood is such a fleeting time in the grand scheme of things. Yes, it can be hard. Some babies are harder than others. My mom would tell you what a nightmare it was for her to get pregnant on accident with me when my older sister was such an extremely difficult and needy baby. And viola! - I was cake. Easy, never cried, laid back. Your next one has a great chance of being totally chill. And if you're that worried about it, plan it according to astrology to ensure an easy baby who you and your partner get along with. I can't imagine having a baby without astrologically planning accordingly. Believe me, there is something to it!

Kaiti, in heartbeat.gif with Shane, astrological mama to spitdrink.gif Sophie *12.27.05*, praying.gif Maya *09.25.07*, sleepytime.gif Phoenix *08.23.09* & 3rdtri.gif due *12.04.11*  Having a hbac.gif waterbirth.jpg lotbirth.gif after 3 cesareans!

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#9 of 9 Old 08-30-2010, 01:34 AM
 
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Sleep, how i remember that.. My first didn't start STTN until I was pregnant with my second.. My second didn't STTN until I got pregnant this time. The only thing that saved me was 1) cosleeping and 2) have a wonderful hubby that would take the kids and let me sleep on weekends..
That being said, to me the sleepless nights are totally worth it. I love my girls and honestly I kind of forget afterwards how tiring the newborn stage is until I have another one (or Im babysitting one which I do on occasion). Its nice how mommy amnesia can effect your memory at times, I forgot how bad morning sickness can be and how painful labor is as well.
When the baby Im carrying is born Ill have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. The age span to me is great because they sleep in their own room (well the almost 2 year old is being transitioned into her own room right now), they are potty trained (the almost 2 year old decided this last week she doesn't like diapers so as soon as I get another potty seat she will be using the big potty), they get themselves dressed in the morning as long as I lay out the clothing, they pick up their toys as long as I remind them and my almost 4 year old can make snacks and get drinks for both of them. Its easier when you have an older child that can do stuff for themselves and you aren't totally taking care of him/her.

~Heather~ Mama to Miss E (1/07), Miss A (11/08), Mr.T (2/11) and Miss A (10/12) Expecting our newest blessing sometime late Sept/early Oct.. Wife to my Marine since 11/2005
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