The August 'Whatever' Thread - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 491 Old 08-05-2010, 09:10 PM
 
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I read a study many years ago that it's not financially beneficial for both parents to work in the US unless at least one of them makes over 60K a year. If both parents make less than that, the cost of childcare and extra driving and missing work for doc appointments and sick kids is too much. I'm sure that minimum has gone up.

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#122 of 491 Old 08-05-2010, 11:49 PM
 
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Yeah, it makes sense. I know even in our city, infant care from 1-2years at a reputable daycare without government subsidy is around $25/day. And to get a spot for that, you essentially need to put your name on a waitlist as SOON as you find out you're pregnant, otherwise yuo have no hope. Which brings us to private care, essentially a nanny, which is around $90 a day. With what I'm making right now, including in my lunches, bus fare, etc- I would pretty much break even with a nanny. My husband does not bring home anywhere close to $60k, probably closer to $35k, and we're still financially ok (and better off overall once kids come) with him working and me being home. So for now I'm working my butt off to pay off extra student loans, and then I'll be taking over household duties.

And all of this isn't even including all the little benefits of one person being home-- more homecooked meals, a cleaner home, more time together, etc etc. I know for some people, it is definately better for them (even if only emotionally) for both to be in the workforce, but I know for us, I'll be leaving as soon as possible. Now yes, I will be doing doula work (hopefully anyways), but not on a full time basis, and we're very lucky to have TONS of family around for part time/last minute childcare if needed.

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#123 of 491 Old 08-06-2010, 08:18 AM
 
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With what I'm making right now, including in my lunches, bus fare, etc- I would pretty much break even with a nanny. My husband does not bring home anywhere close to $60k, probably closer to $35k, and we're still financially ok (and better off overall once kids come) with him working and me being home.
That's exactly what I'm talking about. People think they'll start to save money once their kids are in public school, too, but they don't. There's after-school care and summer camps that you have to pay for.

When dh and I were both working we had a combined income of around $120K. He made around $50K and I made around $70K with regular salary and bonuses. That's just pay. It doesn't include benefits like health insurance that was partially paid by our employers. When he joined the Marine Corps he took a $20-30K pay cut (can't remember now) and I stopped working completely so our income dropped by around $100K. We were actually better off financially after that even though we only had one child who was in public school. Of course, we do get a lot of extra benefits from the military like a housing and food allowance. However, the food allowance is just a little over $100/month. Not enough to feed even one person. The housing allowance is always $200-300 less than the cost of renting or buying a home wherever we've lived and doesn't cover utilities. We could live on base for free (they just keep our housing allowance) but the houses are tiny and not in good condition. People who knew us back then used to ask us all the time how we did it. I don't really know. I just know it all worked out and we never wanted for anything.

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And all of this isn't even including all the little benefits of one person being home-- more homecooked meals, a cleaner home, more time together, etc etc.
Don't count on the cleaner house. I've been amazed at how much dirtier our house is because we are home. We have all day to make messes whereas before we were only home long enough to eat dinner, do homework and go to bed. We do absolutely have more time together, though, which is the most important thing to me.

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#124 of 491 Old 08-06-2010, 08:59 AM
 
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BFS-have a great weekend away

I don't have much going on here-cf is dry/sticky. It's weird for me.

I think child care is exp. I don't know many people who have to use it-they are either stay at home, or work pt. Or, they are able to work it out to be home by school end, so avoid the whole child care deal. When I was thinking to go back to work ft, or even pt, child care for both boys was crazy-especially for the one not potty trained yet. We broke it down that my whole pay would be paying the sitter, by the time we subtracted fuel cost, work clothes, lunches etc. What I'm thinking about now it go to school for nursing, and perhaps work 2 doubles, on the days my dh is home. That leaves us my pay to help us financially, but I can still be home for the boys during the week. I really don't know what else to do. My dh (and part of his family) honestly think school is the answer. For some reason, soon as they are both in school, I'm amazingly going to have a job that will allow me to be home for them after school. So then I'll have a pay check then. I never figured it out though as far as taking out work costs and school costs. I guess since families do it all the time, they figure it works. I know some families that are able to have one spouse work pt and that works.
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#125 of 491 Old 08-06-2010, 09:56 AM
 
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Good morning!

BFS- have a great weekend!

As for childcare. Right now I work the 3-11 shift as a CNA. I work 22.5 hours a week. I bring home 1000 $ a month. The kids are with my mom at my home 2 of those 3 shifts and with DF the other shift. DF gets home at 6ish so essentially we get free sitting for me to work. I would like to SAH as much as possible. I have been a SAHM before. DF is a carpenter and owns his own business. Unfortunately, winters here are not conducive to his profession. He usually saves enough to carry us but it can be tough. It helps during the winter to have my steady income. So that is why I am working.

We talked it over last night after some thought on my part. I presented him with what I thought was a decent plan. Instead of enrolling in the LPN program this January. I am going to take 3 more prereqs over the next 4 semesters and then apply for the RN program for Sept of 2012. I told him I would probably see if I could cut down to 2 shifts per week or possibly Per Diem which would be perfect, because then I could call and get a shift if we needed the cash. So I have some work to do today. I have to call the school and work out an issue with my financial aid application then enroll for A and P 2 this fall. I will also need to talk to my staffing coordinator about going per diem.

In other news. We slept with AC last night and my temp was 97.5 this am. I think I might just stop temping this cycle. I'm kind of getting frustrated. I would rather just be blissfully unaware of what is going on and not stressing out.

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#126 of 491 Old 08-06-2010, 10:00 AM
 
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BFS-have a great weekend away

I don't have much going on here-cf is dry/sticky. It's weird for me.

I think child care is exp. I don't know many people who have to use it-they are either stay at home, or work pt. Or, they are able to work it out to be home by school end, so avoid the whole child care deal. When I was thinking to go back to work ft, or even pt, child care for both boys was crazy-especially for the one not potty trained yet. We broke it down that my whole pay would be paying the sitter, by the time we subtracted fuel cost, work clothes, lunches etc. What I'm thinking about now it go to school for nursing, and perhaps work 2 doubles, on the days my dh is home. That leaves us my pay to help us financially, but I can still be home for the boys during the week. I really don't know what else to do. My dh (and part of his family) honestly think school is the answer. For some reason, soon as they are both in school, I'm amazingly going to have a job that will allow me to be home for them after school. So then I'll have a pay check then. I never figured it out though as far as taking out work costs and school costs. I guess since families do it all the time, they figure it works. I know some families that are able to have one spouse work pt and that works.
This is pretty much what we are planning. I wont do doubles though. I have worked them in medical facilities and honestly its just too much for me. If you can get through it and be ok then its awesome and doing it as a nurse may be much better than CNA work which is heavy lifting and grueling labor really. Nurses do more medical, brain required stuff. So it depends on your stamina and in what areas you can last. Does that make sense? LOL

Torre , Momma to Abrielle (4/07) and Annalise (7/09), Birthdoula, CNA, Aspiring Nurse, and wanna-be baby catcher. I ATE MY !
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#127 of 491 Old 08-06-2010, 10:21 AM
 
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MW - we lived off base until Dad made Warrant Officer; our neighborhood (Lauradale) was going to pot and officer housing is usually far better kept up than Enlisted. The house we moved to on base was nearly exactly the same floor plan we had off base, just the rooms were a bit bigger! Same color house too. Though we drove by our old on-base house and it is now green.

Right now I am the breadwinner, so I will continue working as long as we are in the same financial situation we are in now. DH does some work from home on a freelance basis. I don't exactly have a career, but I have a good job. Ideally I would the SAHP; but right now it makes sense for DH to be that person, financially. We would like to avoid full time daycare, both because of cost and other logistical issues; mainly I don't DS being raised by other people, if I can help it. In our area, it is easily $500 a month, and often more, for daycare alone. Nanny would likely be twice that, if not more.

T; test again, I think a false positive unlikely. I think maybe something was off; A/C, something . . . who knows??

AFU: not much, just wondering how long my LP will be this month. accorinding to FF, it varies between 11-13 days, and today is 9 DPO. I have been feeling a bit crampy . . .

MW: good luck with the MW appointment; I think the MFM doc will likely want to check in on you throughout your pregnancy to just confirm that you are low risk, etc. I know midwives down here like to have that assessment by a 2nd opinion for out-of-hospital births.

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#128 of 491 Old 08-06-2010, 10:24 AM
 
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Katrina- I was thinking about it since I have no gone pee yet this morning. I'm kind of hesitating though. I'm so weird. LOL

I forgot to add, we are going to be trying until the spring to get pg because then our new baby would be 1.5 when I started nursing school and by the time I graduate he/she would be almost 4. So close to kindergarten. The other 2 would be in school. It makes the most sense I suppose.

Ok I am going to test again.

ETA- it was negative. I think I may have Oed, I just don't know for sure. I just hope AF shows up at some point if we weren't successful. I hate not knowing whats going on in my body...

Off to try to figure out what to do with my hair for my wedding...

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#129 of 491 Old 08-06-2010, 10:32 AM
 
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Anyone else on 2nd or 3rd babies and thinking about how it will affect your career if you are still working? I am torn. I have been working on my nursing degree for 5 years now and very uncertain what the next move is to make. I want to SAH with the kids and possibly go Per Diem once I am a nurse. I just have to figure out which program and the timing makes sense. Decisions decisions.
We are having our 2nd and I'm presently a working mom.. We're diligently working on getting out of debt and right now that means I have to work. Baby is due in February and B. will start Kindergarten that fall. There will only be a couple months that I'm going to have to figure out how to manage full-time childcare.

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#130 of 491 Old 08-06-2010, 10:44 AM
 
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We are having our 2nd and I'm presently a working mom.. We're diligently working on getting out of debt and right now that means I have to work. Baby is due in February and B. will start Kindergarten that fall. There will only be a couple months that I'm going to have to figure out how to manage full-time childcare.
I hear that. We had to file bankruptcy a year ago unfortunately. We just had too much when the economy took a down turn and DF's business went under. He is much smaller scale now, so it works out better. I'm sorry you wont be able to SAH with your new LO. Hopefully you find a satisfactory option that you are happy with. Its hard to leave your LO's with someone else.

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#131 of 491 Old 08-06-2010, 10:53 AM
 
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MW - we lived off base until Dad made Warrant Officer; our neighborhood (Lauradale) was going to pot and officer housing is usually far better kept up than Enlisted. The house we moved to on base was nearly exactly the same floor plan we had off base, just the rooms were a bit bigger! Same color house too. Though we drove by our old on-base house and it is now green.
Officer housing is definitely better than enlisted but still isn't big enough for us until dh makes Major, which should be in about a year. He's up for the boards now but it takes a year after being selected to actually be promoted. Annoying! That might help if we move to CA since the COLA is so high and we might not get much for our house here. We might have to live on base. The house we got in HI when dh was a LT was maybe half the size of the townhouse we owned in VA. The house here on base as a Captain wasn't much, if any, bigger. That's a big reason why we bought a house in town. As a matter of fact, some of the houses that Captains are in here are exactly the same as the one we lived in in HI.

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MW: good luck with the MW appointment; I think the MFM doc will likely want to check in on you throughout your pregnancy to just confirm that you are low risk, etc. I know midwives down here like to have that assessment by a 2nd opinion for out-of-hospital births.
Well, I'm a bit worried that he'll want to call me high risk because of my age, pcos, previous c/s and history of possible GD. That's how the OBs have classified me since I was pg with ds2. The nice thing about this midwife is that she's a CNM so she can order all the tests and u/ses and write scripts herself. I don't have to go to a doc to get them.

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#132 of 491 Old 08-06-2010, 12:24 PM
 
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With a bigger family, base housing is hard. We had friends with 10 kids and they wanted to give them a duplex on base, with 1/2 the kids in one side, the rest on the other. The family went off base for housing.

I think if there aren't any problems with the current pregnancy (hypertension, pre-e, GD, low lying placenta etc) they should consider you low risk for THAT pregnancy (unfortunately, that is not how it works!)

T: sorry bout the BFN; I think your plan makes a lot of sense! CNA work is tough, I worked doubles as rarely as I could. I didn't mind 12's, but 16's is another story. I'd love to go to midwifery school, since in SC you can do that without being an RN first. But right now, there is not money for it (for school, or for me to not work, or for us to go to Greenville, where the school is)

Lyterae, at least full time care will only be a couple months, that is something!

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#133 of 491 Old 08-06-2010, 03:42 PM
 
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Katrina- Yeah, I could do a 12 hour shift. You actually have to have your RN and a bachelors degree in something, or a BSN to become a CNM. I could be a CPM, but I would rather make the 6 figures that CNM's make here. Then my poor tired hubby can retire and love his kids and spend time with me and them.

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#134 of 491 Old 08-06-2010, 03:55 PM
 
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I need to look more into nursing. Dh had made the comment yesterday as he was looking in the paper, that I could go to school to be an RN in 2yrs. Not sure how that works, or what school he was looking at. With it already the middle of the year, I really need to get on something though. I would have to take night classes though, so who knows if how long it would actually be for me to get a degree. I've watched people I know become nurses, but take years and I have no idea why.
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#135 of 491 Old 08-06-2010, 04:20 PM
 
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BBrandonsmom - a lot of technical/community colleges offer 2 year RN programs. I was in one (at one time) before I decided I didn't want to be a nurse. Well, honestly, I never wanted to be a nurse, I wanted to be a CNM. but you have to be a nurse first for that!

T - I hear you on the paycheck. I like the idea of attending home-births as opposed to working in a hospital. so doing CPM would make more sense for what I want to do. but we would have to be in a much better place financially for me to do either. One day . . .

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#136 of 491 Old 08-06-2010, 09:16 PM
 
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An associates degree RN is 2 years. BUT you need to usually finish the prerequistes which can take time. I have been attending part time for almost um, well, 8 years, with some breaks in between for mental health, babies, life, money. So I will be ready to apply in January of 2012 and September 2012 I would start the 2 year program. I might take a few other piddly courses to finish with my degree in general studies with an Allied Health concentration. Then I will have 2 degrees.

Katrina- Yeah, sometimes I realllly want to go the CPM route. But I think we need more natural minded CNM's to change hospital birth and the system, KWIM? Kind of like one birth at a time.

AFM- I am taking things one day at a time right now. Life is pretty hectic and With finals and my essential skills test next week, going back to work on light duty, due to my back injury and my wedding fast approaching, August is proving to be interesting. LOL I was exhausted tonight at 7 which is weird since I usually work till 11 and never go to sleep before then. I think I might pass out. I have some chronic joint issues and they are acting up which is weird, the last few days have not been rainy. My wrists and ankles and hips feel awful. I am going to take a muscle relaxer and a Motrin and go to bed.

Night ladies.

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#137 of 491 Old 08-06-2010, 10:58 PM
 
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T, tell us more about your wedding. i love weddings. what is your dress like?
all this talk about working and staying home and money stresses me out. i have a full time job but the time is fairly flexible and we have gotten away with just p/t childcare, with DH having ds most mornings, but we're about to start two full days of daycare a week with a friend's nanny. but this makes me a little sad, even though the current arrangement sometimes means i'm rushing and rushing and not getting enough done. if we didn't have student loans, if either of us had benefits, one of us might be able to stay home and make it, but not the way things stand now.
anyway. do you all think that a bad night's sleep (i.e. an hour long nursing session in the middle of the night, with tossing and turning,) raises your temp a lot? my temp was 98 this morning, same time as usual, but that's much higher than it usually is even post-o. i hope it is high again in the morning and means i o'd.
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#138 of 491 Old 08-07-2010, 08:03 AM
 
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anyway. do you all think that a bad night's sleep (i.e. an hour long nursing session in the middle of the night, with tossing and turning,) raises your temp a lot? my temp was 98 this morning, same time as usual, but that's much higher than it usually is even post-o. i hope it is high again in the morning and means i o'd.
I think it depends. If it was really close to when you normally temp and you weren't able to get back to sleep for a significant amount of time, it could. If you were able to get at least 3 more hours of consecutive sleep before temping, probably not. I temped for years while nursing and never noticed that the constant night waking affected my temps. Of course, everyone is different.

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#139 of 491 Old 08-07-2010, 08:26 AM
 
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I think it depends. If it was really close to when you normally temp and you weren't able to get back to sleep for a significant amount of time, it could. If you were able to get at least 3 more hours of consecutive sleep before temping, probably not. I temped for years while nursing and never noticed that the constant night waking affected my temps. Of course, everyone is different.


Plus, it's just one temp. It's hard to determine anything from one temp. I say see what it does. If you make a note that you were sleep deprived, then you can always go back and either discard it if you have to or just leave it be if it doesn't affect anything (like your CL for instance).

Where's my chart stalkerazzi!? Feeling good! If DH is in the mood we may dtd again tonight. Possibly TMI -- but I'm so mad I've spent most of my adult life on hormonal bc. I have never enjoyed sex, never wanted sex, and since being off bc, I can't believe what I've been missing. I thought it was just b/c we'd been together for so long, you know what they say. Well, no. It was frickin' hormonal bc. Jerks.

Anyway - re: working and babies. I currently work 2 days a week as an esthetician at a day spa. I like it, but I HATE having to WOH even part time. It's so stressful getting up and going out in the am, and dropping Nora off at MILs on Fridays. And without fail, I come home on Sat nights and my house is completely undone. All the cleaning I did all week feels like it was for nothing. A lot of times, that's why I don't have motivation to keep up w/housework during the week.

All this to say, after baby #2 comes, I'm reallllly hoping I can just be a SAHM for a few years. Maybe go back to the spa on Saturdays only for a bit, or something, if there are clients. (I make commission only). Currently I pull in about $200-$300 per week, on a good week. On a bad week -- eh, I could make $25. So it varies. DH just took a new job where he'll be making enough to support us, so I'm hoping (crossing all my crossables) once he settles in his new job he'll be more receptive to me wanting to stay home full time. We'll see.

Long term, I hope to become an IBCLC, but that road is hard when you aren't already a nurse. I have an BA in English so I'm sure I have a bunch of prereq's done, but I'm going to have to take nutrition classes among a few others before I can do any sort of apprenticeship/mentorship, or take the LC classes online. So that's my 10 year plan. LOL.

Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
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#140 of 491 Old 08-07-2010, 09:41 AM
 
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Hilary- I went to esthetics school! I was too talkative lol I could never let people relax. I also got my nail tech license, but never use it.

My wedding: Kind of a funny back story, we were married before actually and got divorced for multiple reasons, most of it legal because of MA's stupid laws on paternity and the fact that DD1 is not DF's biologically and was born while we were married. Anyway so its our second marriage. We are having it in our big backyard at dusk on August 28th. My dress is by Romeo and Juliet Couture, its short (mid thigh) and strapless, tafetta, white with a big bubble hem and a strip of gathered tafetta on the side for embellishment (kind of in the shape of ribbon candy, undulated-like, no definitive bow or anything). My bridesmaids are wearing chocolate brown and my daughters are wearing bright yellow. My colors are like a peachy/light coral, brown, and yellow. We have a fabulous justice of the peace and out ceremony is going to be beautiful. We have some really pretty arbored walk ways with white lattice and a climbing rose bush were we will say or vows, going to string white lights and light tiki torches. No tent. Under the stars, going to burn our own mix cd's, BBQ food, Pina Colada's. It will be nice, there will be pics! I'll make sure I post

I did temp this AM and it was mid 97.5's with blasting AC. Not sure where I am, if I oed, whats going on. I'm starting to become indifferent if I did or not. Just hate not knowing when AF is gonna show her face.

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#141 of 491 Old 08-07-2010, 09:55 AM
 
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T, sounds lovely! 8/28 is DH's birthday - he will be 28! (lucky day I guess)

DH will be going to school in the fall for massage therapy, he is really excited about it.

I was going to temp this morning to see if there was a dip, but I forgot I should be seeing AF sometime . . .in the next couple of days.

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#142 of 491 Old 08-07-2010, 10:12 AM
 
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I did temp this AM and it was mid 97.5's with blasting AC.
Mid 97.5s? What does that mean? Round it to the nearest tenth. That will make things much more clear.

Your wedding plans sound beautiful. We got married outdoors with a JP. My MIL wasn't too keen on it but it wasn't her wedding. They are Catholic so she didn't understand why I wouldn't get married in the church. Well, first off I'm not getting married in any church. Secondly, no way I'm getting married in a church that treats me as subworthy and says I can't say my vows at the alter but have to be in the aisle. She also didn't understand why I didn't take my dh's name. Apparently, she completely controlled her DD's wedding. Had everything planned even before the poor girl was born.

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#143 of 491 Old 08-07-2010, 01:15 PM
 
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Ugh, y'all! I'm totally freaking out. I'm so excited/anxious/nervous that I can't sit still or concentrate on anything. I feel like I can't breathe either. It's like a perpetual anxiety attack. I was laying in bed last night just totally amazed that I'm actually pregnant. Then I get so scared that I'm going to miscarry again. Then I get freaked out about the idea of having another baby! How am I going to do it all?

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#144 of 491 Old 08-07-2010, 01:26 PM
 
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my temp was 97.54 so I rounded down. just meant that it is staying up and with blasting AC I wonder if its actually higher. http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2ab513


I just weeded the massive garden that will be right next to my ceremony area. It is my Mother in Laws creation and since she doesn't live her anymore it has not been weeded in over a year. LOL Now Abrielle and I are watching Harry Potter

ETA- MW awww it'll be ok! Anxiety is totally normal... ((HUGS)). Your MIL sounds like a control freak (maybe?). My MIL hates me so she could care less, isn't coming to the wedding at all.

Torre , Momma to Abrielle (4/07) and Annalise (7/09), Birthdoula, CNA, Aspiring Nurse, and wanna-be baby catcher. I ATE MY !
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#145 of 491 Old 08-07-2010, 01:50 PM
 
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Your MIL sounds like a control freak (maybe?). My MIL hates me so she could care less, isn't coming to the wedding at all.
Maybe. She did keep trying to change my colors. She thought my colors were awful. She ordered the wrong flowers on purpose, which I didn't know until they were delivered and I couldn't change them. We went to the florist together. I picked out the flowers I wanted. She either called or went back some time later and changed the order. The whole issue arose because I wanted a very small wedding in my backyard (like you) since it was my 2nd wedding. DH's parents offered to pay for the entire thing so that we could have a larger one and they could invite more people. It was important to my dh since it was his first wedding so I agreed but made it clear that I was still in charge of everything. His mother was not going to be allowed to take over my wedding the way she did with her DD. However, since the wedding was going to be in CT where they lived and we lived in VA, I did end up having to rely on her for making the final plans. I didn't think she'd actually go behind my back, though, and do something she knew I absolutely did not want. Anyway...

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#146 of 491 Old 08-07-2010, 06:03 PM
 
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Hilary- I went to esthetics school! I was too talkative lol I could never let people relax. I also got my nail tech license, but never use it.
Did you mean me? Maybe not. But either way that's too funny. I talk a lot too but try to take it down a notch when I see clients want to relax, lol.

Your wedding sounds like it's going to be absolutely lovely. If I ever get married again, lol, it'll be a low key sort of deal. Either that or if I marry for money I'll go all out celeb style!!

MW - I can't imagine going through what you're going through. and going through it ALONE. Can you tell your DH? Maybe just to have one soul IRL who can be there for you and know what's going on and just listen? I know you're pissed b/c he hasn't asked...but maybe he's waiting for you to tell?

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#147 of 491 Old 08-07-2010, 09:26 PM
 
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MW - I can't imagine going through what you're going through. and going through it ALONE. Can you tell your DH? Maybe just to have one soul IRL who can be there for you and know what's going on and just listen? I know you're pissed b/c he hasn't asked...but maybe he's waiting for you to tell?
Thanks and no. There's no point in telling my dh. He'll just think I'm being silly and won't be any comfort at all. I'm better of dealing with it myself.

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#148 of 491 Old 08-07-2010, 10:32 PM
 
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yeah, it was totally babycakes who went to esthetician school. i can't even paint my own nails! but appreciate the advice re: the temp. it was high again this morning so i think it was ok. and MW, i agree that night waking doesn't seem to affect temping as much as TCOYF says it will. i used to get up and pee in the middle of the night a lot and it never seemed to affect the temps.
mommatoaanda- your wedding does sound lovely. and i liked hearing the back story. agree with you and MW about casual weddings- we did ours in our back yard too, with a friend to marry us. it was my dh's second so didn't want to do anything too crazy, plus i am not very formal. it was fun that way- relaxed. unlike you two, though, it was my own mom who was driving me crazy with suggestions and changes. my mil has five kids and by that time there had been five weddings already so she was pretty blase about the whole thing. in fact, i imagine she wasn't too hyped about the preceeding five weddings. she is not one to get overly involved. my mom, on the other hand..... sigh. it is so tricky because she does help me out a lot but the constant advice is the price i pay.
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#149 of 491 Old 08-08-2010, 01:08 AM
 
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So, can we talk about sending mixed signals??

Last cycle, DH and I were both upset when we weren't pg. He said to me, with a hug and reassurance in his eyes, "Next time we can try a little harder."

Wouldn't you take that to mean, next time we can TRY a little HARDER? As in, maybe DTD more often during fertile times??

So, tonight, after dtd, we were chatting a bit and I said, "So do you feel a bit more confident? Do you think we have better chances this cycle?" and he got all, "What do you mean? I didn't think we were trying! I thought we were not avoiding but not trying?!!"

WTF? Dude! Now I feel all guilty and whatnot, b/c I was totally under the impression that we were going to try harder. Not that it really matters b/c what's done is done, but still. Talk about him just totally ruining my high on this cycle! Grr! Why can't men just make up their friggin minds??

He's been dropping all sorts of hints this week that another baby would be so great, so here I am totally going with it -- and now this?! Cold feet?

WHATEVER!!

Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
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#150 of 491 Old 08-08-2010, 09:06 AM
 
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Sounds like typical guy stuff. He doesn't know what you think he means when he says what he says. Maybe you should get more specific with him about exactly what he said and how he's been acting and what that means to you. Then he can clarify for you (and maybe himself, too) what he was really thinking and what he meant.

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