I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I know it might put me in the minority on MDC. But I'm really happy with one child, and the older he gets, the happier I am.
DS and I have a good thing going. I'm a single mom (currently no help from my ex, long story). I do have a great support network of friends and family.
Part of it is financial, part of it is time and energy. I feel like I can be a really great mom to one kid. I can afford one kind. I enjoy one kid.
I'm currently dropping down on work to go to grad school, and the budget won't have a lot of fluff room for the next couple years. But I can give us a nice lifestyle. I can afford a really cute, safe, central two-bedroom apartment for us. I can afford his reasonably priced but super awesome and crunchy daycare. He's happy there and I feel great about it. Just adding one more daycare bill would break my current budget, and the new one wouldn't be pretty. And I can pay the bills every month without freaking out that there won't be enough to go around, and I can afford a few little extras, I can pick up a cute shirt for myself every now and then, I can go out for a drink with friends if I want to without stressing over the $3.50, I can buy him that toy I know he'd love.I'm not materialistic and I've never needed to be rich, but I've had a few brushes with being really poor, and I really don't like it.
And more than that, I don't feel crazy stressed right now. I think if I added another baby to the mix, it would make it really difficult to work and go to grad school. The day is full enough as it is -- if I split my mental energy and basic hours with another kid, I dunno, I don't know that there would be enough of me to go around.
I also really love that as DS approaches three years old, I'm enjoying his company so much. We can have fun conversations, we can do cool stuff together, he understands and follows rules, and he's just really pleasant to be around. One of my friends has the sweetest, most inquisitive, and well behaved 18 month old you'll ever meet -- but when I see them interacting, I'm so glad that my son is past the early toddler stage. It was so exhausting.
Obviously I might rethink this if I found a really great guy who was a true partner to me and could pull his weight financially and with the baby. And I do like the idea of giving DS a sibling (maybe a little girl named Lydia?).
But more and more, the idea of being a mom to an only child is appealing to me.
Of course, when people ask me if I want another and I say I'm not sure, they always assume that my biological clock will kick in and I'll have crazy baby fever and need to have another. But honestly, I never had baby fever in the first place. I was never one of those girls who dreamed of being a mother, or crooned over baby booties. I wanted to backpack across the world and be a journalist -- I did both those things.
When I accidentally got pregnant with DS, I weighed my options and made a very deliberate decision to go on with the pregnancy. And it's been great. He's the best little kid ever and I can honestly say I'm a really good mom to him, and it's easy for me to put his needs ahead of mine.
But if I have any inherent need to be a mother, I feel like DS fulfills that for me. And I like the way our life is now, without adding another baby to the mix.
Anyone else feel that way?
Jen, journalist, policy wonk, and formerly a proud single mama to my sweet little man Cyrus, born at home Dec. 2007
. Now married to my Incredibly Nice Guy
and new mama to baby Arthur.