Are we programmed to just want more? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 08-27-2010, 09:31 PM - Thread Starter
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My two are just 3 and just 1 and there are so many days I feellike I am losing my mind but I cannot shake the desire for a third. Every single time I go through it I decide that logically it makes sense for us to be done. But I still think about another so I wonder if there is just some inate desire women have to want another?
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#2 of 13 Old 08-28-2010, 12:54 PM
 
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I don't know. I've been trying to get over wanting another for four years. I wish it would just go away. It makes absolutely no sense for us to consider another. I know my DH is right about that and I won't argue it. I am over 40 and it feels ridiculous to me to still feel this way and it does not make sense to me that I can want something emotionally while fully knowing it would not be a good choice for us. It makes me very suspicious that my emotions are hooked to an animal instinct and that I cannot trust them.

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and 3 , in our happy secular
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#3 of 13 Old 08-28-2010, 01:03 PM
 
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Perhaps, up to a point. Until #4 was born I had the feeling that we wanted to keep adding to our family. Now with 4 kids I feel like I'm at my absolute limit both physically and mentally (baby number four is by far our easiest baby too!)

I'm now at the point where I'm ready to move on to the next stage in parenting. It has been a real change in my thinking for sure!

Homeschooling mama of four fantastic kids and wife to one great guy.
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#4 of 13 Old 08-28-2010, 11:20 PM
 
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I could have written your post! My 2 children are also 3 and 1, and there are days when I am going CRAZY with them -- but still want a 3rd!! WTH is wrong with me?

Deep down, I have a feeling we may start TTC for #3 when the youngest is 2 or 3. But I still can't help but to have these mixed feelings -- especially when it has been a particulary rough day, or when one of them wakes up during the night and I am reminded of how is it to NOT sleep through the night.

So confusing!

Tired mommy to a 2, 4, and 6 year old!
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#5 of 13 Old 08-28-2010, 11:28 PM
 
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No, I think you are absolutely right! It's in our DNA as women! Why do little children (the good ones, anyway) get all the sweet smiles from the women and grannies when out in public places? How come every time I see a pregnant woman or new baby I get a twinge inside, even though I've sworn to myself a thousand times I was DONE!?
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#6 of 13 Old 08-29-2010, 04:08 PM
 
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Honestly...not me. I never really had baby fever in the first place. I love DS more than anything on the planet and we're super happy together, but I feel quite content having one. Sometimes if I'm holding a friend's baby I'll get a twinge of it, but I don't actually have a full-blown desire to have another one myself.
So yeah. That biological imperative has sort of skipped me by.

Jen, journalist, policy wonk, and formerly a proud single mama to my sweet little man Cyrus, born at home Dec. 2007 . Now married to my Incredibly Nice Guy and new mama to baby Arthur.
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#7 of 13 Old 08-29-2010, 04:32 PM
 
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Originally Posted by *MamaJen* View Post
Honestly...not me. I never really had baby fever in the first place. I love DS more than anything on the planet and we're super happy together, but I feel quite content having one. Sometimes if I'm holding a friend's baby I'll get a twinge of it, but I don't actually have a full-blown desire to have another one myself.
So yeah. That biological imperative has sort of skipped me by.
Same here so far! I don't think it's an innate trait of women in general to want more babies, but humans are programmed to reproduce, so, idk.

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#8 of 13 Old 08-29-2010, 04:53 PM
 
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It's because for all those hectic, sleep deprived, barfed on, kissing boo boos better moments, there is a baby giggle or sigh, or watching them sleep or an eskimo kiss that erases all those crazy moments and pulls at those heart strings!

Jenn (36), wife to DH for 13 years, DD1(13) , DD2(10) and DS(4)

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#9 of 13 Old 08-30-2010, 02:35 PM
 
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I have a newly 4yr old an 2yr 8m yr old and a 10m old and I am thinking its time for #4 It is so crazy 99% of the time but I still want another. Plus ds says the the 10m old needs a buddy lol

Jennifer, SAHM to my little man 5 1/2 and my VBAC sweetie pie girls 4 1/2, 2 1/2 and 6mos. 

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#10 of 13 Old 08-30-2010, 03:29 PM
 
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I am content with two...until one of my friends is pregnant or just had a baby. haha. I have had baby fever terrible...it would not be a good idea to have another right now. I just can't get it out of my mind that I want another someday. If i were in a diff. spot in my life i would totally have another right now..I'm afraid that by the time i get to the point i wanna be it will be too late..So my decision is kinda made for me. I'll just have to see how things go. I'm still open to the idea but it kills me to know that it will end up being to late for me. By the time it would be a good time for us, yds would be 8. I don't think i will start over with a nb then:/ Ugh...I'm of no help..just that yes i feel ur pain lol. I had been baby fever free for about 2 months...I've sadly relapsed due to two of my friends just having there babies....lol

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#11 of 13 Old 08-30-2010, 03:41 PM
 
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I know I am programmed to just want more... I have four kids, ages 3, 5, 7, and 9. I would love to have 1-2 more. Not sure if there would be a point when I felt like I truly didn't want more.

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#12 of 13 Old 08-30-2010, 04:08 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RTT View Post
My two are just 3 and just 1 and there are so many days I feellike I am losing my mind but I cannot shake the desire for a third. Every single time I go through it I decide that logically it makes sense for us to be done. But I still think about another so I wonder if there is just some inate desire women have to want another?
You sound like me. DD is 3, DS is 18m. I really thought we were done. Last month, while on BCP, we had a "scare", turned out to be a false alarm. DH and I talked and decided that, for once, we were in a good place mentally and financially to TTC (both our kids were "suprises"). We got baby fever fast and decided to TTC.

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#13 of 13 Old 09-02-2010, 02:06 PM
 
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I'm really struggling with this. Intellectually, I'm fine with two. The animal part of me can't stop thinking about having another though. I went to a LLL meeting last night and there were two 7 week old babies. I'm really feeling baby fever right now. I wonder if this would be the same if we had 3,4, etc. Unless a miracle occurs its not going to happen though. Dh had a Vas last December. Sometimes I wish it would fail, but that would completely ruin our marriage. Sigh.

Heather Mike Married 8/1/99 Mom to Charlotte Aug 04, Nov 06, and Katherine Oct 07
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