Baby lust vs wanting another child/person - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 9 Old 09-06-2010, 01:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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A lot of my friends are having babies. I held one today and just got the worst ache to have a baby. My only child is 2.5 so it isn't unreasonable to have another. BUT the desire to have a baby seems so hormonal primal vs the intellectual decision to add another human to our family. Another 5 year old, another teenager etc. I mean, they are only babies for a short time. I don't see 5 year-olds and get kid lust...can baby lust be trusted? When you guys get baby lust is it just desire for a baby or the desire for a sulking teenager too?
Am I making any sense??
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#2 of 9 Old 09-06-2010, 02:15 AM
 
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It makes total sense to me. I went through a lot of soul-searching before getting pregnant with this one, our third and last. I really had baby lust badly, so I tried to tell myself it was just biological, and that it would go away or that I'd just learn to deal with it.

I kind of realized though that I have an almost 9 year old and an almost 6 year old, and I've loved them both like crazy even when they were temper-tantrum throwing toddlers or sassy 4 year olds or 8 year-old drama queens. So I kind of figured that the baby lust is biology maybe kicking into high gear, but if it felt okay for our family, and if I could just go with it, I'd end up falling in love with the baby and the child.

I'm not saying just to give in to baby lust without giving it thought, but if you think it over and it sounds like it could work for you, why not? I wouldn't have done it if it felt detrimental to my family for reasons of health, economics, amount of attention I could give each child, etc. But I felt that 3 was doable. And I am looking forward to having the baby stage again. It has been a long time!
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#3 of 9 Old 09-06-2010, 02:35 AM
 
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See, I'm kind of in a place right now where I wouldn't mind another pregnancy and another *kid* but I'm weary at the thought of going through another newborn- and toddler-hood, LOL.

But in any case, as stressed as I was at the thought of another child with my last two pregnancies, once they were here we just simply couldn't imagine how we ever got on without them. It was like they'd always been here. They were just part of the family, and we were happy for them to be here for all the ups and downs.

Wife to a great DH, SAHM to 3 great kids
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#4 of 9 Old 09-06-2010, 03:12 AM
 
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I'm kinda the opposite. I love to look at and squeeze other people's babies, but not because I want them, just because I like them. Babies are hard. I enjoy DD so much more now at 2.5, when she can talk and sing and (occasionally) be helpful. I want more children, but I look at it from the perspective of enduring the baby years (not entirely, but you know) for the sake of ending up with some 5, 8 and 12 year old siblings (or whatever!). If kids came "ready-made" aged two or three years apart, I'd take a dozen.

As for your situation: it doesn't really matter what you think about other people's five-year-olds. What do you think about your own? Do you adore and enjoy them, or do you think "Ehh, you used to be cuter; I'd better make a replacement". If it's the former and not the latter, having another baby probably makes sense.

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#5 of 9 Old 09-06-2010, 03:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My situation is complicated for a few reasons (aren't they all?) not the least of which is that my DS is the easiest, sweetest most endearing child. I lose my patience with him about once a month. And I am not a patient person...
I find that I like each stage more than the last...
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#6 of 9 Old 09-06-2010, 09:56 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by azgirl View Post
can baby lust be trusted?
No. Absolutely not.

I don't even like babies that much, but lately whenever I see one my eyes get all watery. My body has baby lust bad. I, on the other hand, am only willing to tolerate another pregnancy and infanthood so we can get to the good stuff a few years later. I really want another soul in our household, but... not the right time, for plenty of good reasons. I just wish I could tell my body that!
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#7 of 9 Old 09-06-2010, 10:53 AM
 
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LOL, I always have baby lust. But I don't really want another toddler, or preschooler, or school aged child right now. Babies are cute and squishy and smell good and I'd love to have another RIGHT NOW. But then I remember they turn into 6 month olds who don't sleep. I look at my toddler streaking through the house and remember that soon they learn to talk back, strip their clothes off, and pee on the couch. I look at my 3 year old and realize that it doesn't take long before they start tantruming and biting. I look at my 6 year old and realize that it doesn't talk long before they think they know better than me.

Then I realize that as much as I love my kids, they are a handful and we have enough on our plates now. I love them dearly and each new stage brings awesome new things. But each baby more than doubles the workload too! And a baby + a toddler + a preschooler + an elementary aged kid seems like about five times more work than what I have time for right now. As they get a little older, there will probably be room for another little one...but for now, unless I could just keep the baby in the baby stage for another 3 or 4 years until the other kids get older, it's probably not a good idea to follow the baby lust. :

~Brandon Michael (11/23/03), Jocelyn Lily Nữ (2/4/07, adopted 5/28/07 from Vietnam), Amelia Rylie (1/14/09), & Ryland Josef William (9/7/05-9/7/05 @ 41 wks). 
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#8 of 9 Old 09-06-2010, 06:24 PM
 
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I think baby years/toddler years are so tough that the whole baby lust thing is a primal drive we have so that we have more kids. I mean, babies are hard work! And then just as things start to get easy - getting better sleep, having more time to ourselves -- we want to do it all over again b/c babies are "soooo cute"! Plus they fill that place in our hearts that makes us feel so needed and loved. You don't think about the hard work though. You don't even really *remember* it looking back. You take the bad with the good and plow through, and that's really all you can do.

Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
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#9 of 9 Old 09-07-2010, 06:54 AM
 
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I totally have baby lust right now but it's not even from seeing other peoples babies. I just had my own, he's 6 months old and he's my 6th child. Why on earth do I still have these feelings of wanting another. I NEVER felt that within the first year of birth with any of my others. It took me forever to get used to the idea of having him. I told myself right after he was born that it was NOT the right time to be making any decisions. i hoped that by now the feeling would have worn off. After my son (4th child) and my daughter (5th child) were born, I did NOT have any feelings of wanting more, even when I saw babies and attended births and all that. I was happy seeing it happen for other people.

Now, I don't know what's wrong with me. I had always planned on being done by 30. I'm turning 34 this year! *sigh*

The kids always ask for more, DH totally wouldn't mind more. It's really up to me. But life isn't getting any less complicated with such a big family! And the whole money issue I feel like we need to work on. We've always found a way, but I feel like I'm on the verge of making positive changes in the money handling area. I don't want a distraction right now (and babies are huge distractions - they take over my whole brain usually!). lol

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