did you experience the "Vasectomy Blues" - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 09-06-2010, 02:44 PM - Thread Starter
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My husband had a vasectomy in March and we are just now out of our "blues/regret" period. Even though we had discussed it at much length and KNEW we were doing what was best for our family, we still had that period of questioning.

I wanted to start this thread to support those going through the blues, share information for those thinking about vasectomy and also just to see what others experienced.

My husband and I decided on Vasectomy after two difficult but successful pregnancies and 5 miscarriages. My health and wellbeing would have been on the line if we decided to try again. Plus, we LOVE having the opportunity to have so much one on one time with our girls. We knew permanent birth control would be the best thing for us.

Even though we were in agreement that we both truly wanted the procedure, we felt sad and confused when it was done. I wish we had been prepared for that, but we didn't know to expect that. It's normal and it does pass with a little time and communication but it would have been good to know about.

After a few months of discussion and emotion we have realized it was just a normal phase we had to go through to feel at peace with our "baby years" coming to an end. We are very very happy with our family the way it is and I am very happy to know I don't have to worry about the difficulties pregnancy brought to me. In the end, it's all good

So what are/were some of your experiences?

-T, Wife and Best Friend to R 3/2005; Mommie to E 8/2007; and G 3/2009

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#2 of 8 Old 09-08-2010, 09:27 PM
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Let's just say we're post-reversal now! It's been almost 3.5 years since the first procedure and we didn't regret it until this past year. DH decided he wanted to reverse it and it was successful! For us, it was spiritual. We just felt like we cut something off that was intended to be part of our sexual relationship, whether we conceive or not. We're open to conceiving though---we're just trusting the Creator on this one!

Consciously mothering 3 girls and 2 boys
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#3 of 8 Old 09-10-2010, 10:48 PM
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We did....it took me longer to come to terms with it but I think it is only natural to feel that way. It doesn't make us regret our decision at all, it's like you said just something that I think is healthy and natural.

It took me about a year and a half to be COMPLETELY at peace with it....Like you we had both mutually decided it was what was best and the most responsible thing we could have done.

For me I loved being p/g and I love having homebirths but it doesn't make it right for me and that wasn't enough of a reason to justify having more.
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#4 of 8 Old 10-13-2010, 04:36 PM
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I'm there with you right now. My husband just had his on Friday, and I was shocked at how I felt as he was walking away from me at the office to have it done... like, "no! wait! Come back!" I felt sad, it feels so final.

We are done having kids... I had two very difficult pregnancies and PPD after each one. I do NOT want to have to deal with that again, and I don't want my older kids to see me going through that again.

So, for us although it was the right choice, I am still sad and feeling a loss. I am hoping that, with time, that feeling will go away.

Mom to two beautiful boys, now in school to be a therapist and help other women with PPD.  

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#5 of 8 Old 10-13-2010, 04:45 PM
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Thanks to all for sharing. DH agreed to have one earlier this year and has yet to make an appointment. We both feel like four children is just right for us and yet neither of us is pushing him to make the appointment. It helps to read about other's experiences.

Homeschooling mama of four fantastic kids and wife to one great guy.
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#6 of 8 Old 10-13-2010, 04:56 PM
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We're on the verge of making that decision. DH was ready to make an appointment 2 years ago, but I told him to wait. The last few months I have realized that I do not want any more children. My pregnancies weren't difficult and my c/s were equally uneventful so it's nothing health related.

I'm glad you brought this topic up because I would never have expected to feel regret.

mama to   broc1.gif DS 6/06 and banana.gif DS 4/08
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#7 of 8 Old 10-13-2010, 05:04 PM
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I never felt a even a twinge of regret, but we waited years before having it done just to make sure that it was the right choice for us. We have four children and I knew within weeks after having my last that he was my last. I resisted the procedure because of the invasiveness and potential risks to it, but I am SO GLAD that my husband chose to have it done. Worry-free sex is the best!
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#8 of 8 Old 10-17-2010, 07:32 PM
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Well, I guess it's not quite the same for me ... DH hasn't had the procedure yet though he's talking about making an appointment in November. I'm also really not sure that I'm done having babies. DH was done before DS2 though, so he's planning on getting snipped and I don't feel that I really have the right to object. I guess it's good to know that even for those who are Done, there is still a period of regret.

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