Hi all! My first post here so a little background to the question.
I married young (18) had a son at 19 and a daughter at 21. We divorced not long after and I ended up dating a guy I had been friends with since my young teens.
Well, that was 6 years ago. We bought a house together 2 years ago, originally planning to get married shortly after. The house ended up taking more money than we thought (new roof, new boiler, etc...) and we are finally getting married this coming May. We've also been talking about TTC right after we are married (I want a spring baby this time so the timing works out perfectly).
I do REALLY want another, I didn't think I would but seeing how amazing he is with the kids, and finally feeling really and truly settled, is bringing out major baby lust.
Hesitation comes from two places though. First is the big age gap. If I were to get pregnant next summer that would put my kids at 10 and 12 when the baby is born. We have both said if we decide to have a kiddo, it would be only one. It feels to me like that child would basically grow up as an only child and I'm just not sure how I feel about that. I've always said I think siblings are important, but maybe my mind is changing? I'm also not sure how my kids are going to feel about having their lives so strongly impacted. I don't really want to ask them either since a) they can't keep a secret and we wouldn't want everyone to know and b) that seems like a lot of pressure to put on a kid, deciding if they want a sibling or not, even if it wouldn't be 100% their choice.
The second issue is I feel like I'd be starting all over again. I love my kids and I love their ages. I see friends with babies having to lug stuff all over, deal with temper tantrums, aches and pains of pregnancy, etc... Sometimes I envy them and sometimes I'm just thankful to be past all of that. I've got my own stuff I do now that is definitely not baby friendly, dog training and motorcycle riding. Motorcycle riding would definitely have to go for the foreseeable future and at the very least I'd have to stop attending training classes with the dogs (classes are during the day when kids and DF are at school/work). I could still train on my own but a lot of the fun for me of training dogs is the social aspect.
I'm also not sure how I'd deal with my current job and having a baby. I work as a vet tech, 3 days a week, doing a 12 hour shift. We work straight through with no breaks (aggravatingly totally legal in NJ) . Having an exclusively breastfed baby is VERY important to me and I'm not sure how to make that work. I looked up LLL in this area to get support but the meetings are of course only on the days that I work.
Basically it boils down to this, my heart says YES! My brain keeps saying, why? Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated!
Alexis, mom to DS 11/99 DD1 01/02 and DD2 09/23/11.