Did/Do you feel like it is important to "know" it's your last baby while pregnant? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 10-13-2010, 05:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sorry if that doesn't make sense.

What I mean is this. We are pregnant with our second. My dh feels that 2 kids is perfect and he could easily be "done" after this one. In my heart I wish we could have 3, but my mind agrees that 2 is probably for the best (mostly for financial reasons). But who knows what the next few years will bring (he is doing REALLY well at his job and has been offered to become a partner over the next several years).

We have decided not to close any doors permanently just yet. My dh also feels strongly about being done by 30 (we are 26 and 27 right now). He told me that he is still semi-open to the idea of having the third.

I am pregnant right now with number 2 so IF (and it's a big if) we decided to have one more, I'd most likely be getting pregnant again when i'm 29 (in 3 years). But there is also the chance that we will just decide/feel that 2 is it and we are done.

So now my question. Is it important to know it's your "last" baby while you are still pregnant? I guess my main fear is that we will decided in 2 or 3 years that yes we are done and i'll look back and somehow regret that I didn't "know" while I was still pregnant.

I guess writing this all out seems silly now when I read it back and of course no matter what i'm trying to enjoy and remember each special moment of the pregnancy, but i'm curious if anyone has any thoughts or if anyone felt/feels/wonders like I do???

i really hope that all made sense!!

me, dh and 2 boys = our family (oh and a cat...who is also a male...lol)
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#2 of 18 Old 10-14-2010, 05:00 PM
 
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Well when I was pg with #2 we thought we were done. Dh was even supposed to have a V right before the baby came. But things happened and he never went through with it. SO much has changed in the last three years. I go back and forth over wanting a baby and now that I am Catholic I don't use any BC. But my dh is done and he uses BC yet doesn't want to get the V anymore. Could we end up having more? It is a strong possibility but we just don't know. We aren't planning on having anymore but never say never right? I doubt my dh would ever come to me and say let's have another baby. Our circumstances aren't ideal for having any more children and by the time things change we'll probably be too old to have kids anyway.

I guess what I am saying is you never know what the future holds and just enjoy every moment because it is precious (which can be hard to see when you are in thick of it some days) and it goes by oh so fast! This morning I was looking at my two snuggling each other and thought to myself how did they get so big! I am sure you are enjoying this time so just focus on that and the rest will work itself out.

But to answer your question yes it did feel important at the time to know that I was done but I can see in hindsight that it really may not matter that much - but that's just for me!
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#3 of 18 Old 10-15-2010, 09:35 AM
 
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I'm pregnant with our second right now and we very well might be done with 2. We're not sure and it's not something we're going to decide until well after this baby arrives and we settle into life with 2. Heck, we didn't decide for sure to have a 2nd until DS was sleeping through the night at age 2! We're open to a 3rd, but neither of us feel like we must have. We'll both be 30 when this baby arrives and originally we wanted to be done by then too. Now, we've revised that to 34, leaving us time for 1 or 2 more if we decide we want that. I don't feel that I need to know right now if this is our last pregnancy, but it very well could be.

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#4 of 18 Old 10-15-2010, 09:50 AM
 
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For me, yes. When we had DS2, we expected to have another. And so, I feel like I left some things undone, some things unexperienced, because I thought we were going to have another child. Then, life happened, and now we're unable to have a third, and I really feel like there's doors left open that I wish I could have closed, if that makes any sense.
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#5 of 18 Old 10-15-2010, 10:03 AM
 
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I'd like to know- we're preg with our 3rd and because we know we have to c-section the option to do a tubal is open. We're open to 4 (or even more possibly- I always say one at a time then we'll see) but we're also considering maybe now is the time to stop and if we are stopping I'd like the tubal. So I'd like to know and experience this as my last if it really is but I also don't want to regret doing something permanent and then feeling like a member of our family was missing.
I think the experience - or at least the perspective is different when you know it's the last- I just want to know how do I know?
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#6 of 18 Old 10-15-2010, 10:08 AM
 
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I treated both of my pregnancies as my "last", just because you never know what life has in store for you. I really focused on appreciating every bit of it, since I may never have that ability again and because many people never get that chance. If you go on to have another baby later, great! But you still know that you fully appreciated what you had while you had it.

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#7 of 18 Old 10-15-2010, 10:09 AM
 
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Not silly at all. #2 is a suprise for us, and neither my husband or i are ready to say that we won't ever do this again. At the same time, my husband (and me too, for that matter) feel like we could be done at 2. Because my first is so young, I haven't been able to enjoy this pregnancy the way I had hoped I would for my last. I do have twinges of-- what if I never do this again?

I take heart in knowing so many of life's major decisions are out of our control, and try to enjoy what I can for the moment (not something that I'm good at, but motherhood is making me learn pretty quick!)

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#8 of 18 Old 10-25-2010, 04:54 PM
 
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We both kept saying that our youngest (just turned one) would be our last, but deeeeep in my heart I knew/know I want one more. Also DH always says "This is crazy, this is our LAST ONE" and it never is.

So although we both said things like "This is probably our last one" I didn't actually *treat* it like it was. If I felt like it was *for sure* my last pregnancy I would totally want to do some things differently, like take lots more belly shots and journal more and just all-around savor each day. (I guess I should do those things anyway but I just don't have time any more! )

If you feel like there's a chance you'll want one more, keep that door open and don't get too emotionally vested in this pregnancy being your last, I'd say. It's amazing how easy it is to afford another baby once your youngest is 3 years old and you're just craving another snuggly, sweet little newborn!!

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#9 of 18 Old 10-25-2010, 05:28 PM
 
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I think we are maybe done with our three. But.

Maybe not? I'm leaving it open to revisit in a few years.

However, I was SURE during the last pregnancy that I was done. I was planning to have a tubal, but decided against it only about a day before it should have been done.

I'm not sure how/when you know you are done- I try to envision the family a decde into the future, to give me a picture anyway....
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#10 of 18 Old 10-25-2010, 05:38 PM
 
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I think its important in a way..... but I also agree with Mosaic that if you treat each pregnancy with appreciation then you won't feel like you have missed out on that if it is indeed your last.
I too feel that there may be another baby out there for me, not right away but we're not closed to the idea. I love pregnancy and have pretty easy ones, its the birth part that I can't seem to master So a third would be a c/s and i will also be faced with the tubal since my DH will NOT get a V.
There are days with my preschooler and toddler that I think about just scheduling the tubal NOW though! But I know as things get easier I might be up for one more, and that pregnancy will be cherished and I'll probably do things differently.......like not telling people right away and not finding out the gender, and being prepared for a c/s rather than having it be an emergency.

mama to L (4) and G (1.5)
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#11 of 18 Old 10-25-2010, 11:38 PM
 
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We were positive we were done when we found out our third was a girl. Super positive when she was born at 35 weeks and had a nasty 2 week NICU stay. Super duper positive when she was a colicky baby till 6 months.

Then we got our foster daughter right before dd3 turned one. Then she turned one. Then my baby didn't want mama milk anymore (YOU try forcing her to nurse! I'm holding on desperately but DANG she's stubborn! lol) Now...we're gearing up to ttc #4.

I guess I'm saying you just never know.
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#12 of 18 Old 11-14-2010, 05:35 PM
 
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DH wants to be done. I am devastated because, 1. I want more. and 2, had I known it was the last time i;d be pregnant/birth, I would have done a lot different. :-( I just cant make peace with it. Still trying to convince him. bawling.gif


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#13 of 18 Old 11-16-2010, 08:08 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sg784 View Post

DH wants to be done. I am devastated because, 1. I want more. and 2, had I known it was the last time i;d be pregnant/birth, I would have done a lot different. :-( I just cant make peace with it. Still trying to convince him. bawling.gif



My husband ALWAYS says "we're done with this one!" when the youngest is a baby, but then when things calm down and don't seem so crazy and overwhelming anymore, he's been happy to welcome one more.  I think many times a husband can feel overwhelmed at the responsibility of providing for another child, and feel like things are too crazy/chaotic, and like he'll never have his wife back!  At least I've seen that in our home and with other friends.  I've had to "help" my DH by assuring him that he's doing a great job providing for us and that I can be frugal enough for us not to be burdened by another baby, and also make sure that I'm making time for us to be just husband and wife.  He needs to know that even if it's just an hour while the kids are napping, I can be "off-duty" mama and be just wife - the woman he married.  Right now he's again saying "no more" but I think we have one more baby waiting to join our family.... we'll see....I'm not pushing it yet.  Maybe if you just let the issue be for a little while, he'll come around.  redface.gif  I know it's hard to think of no more babies when you still want another!!


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#14 of 18 Old 11-29-2010, 12:20 AM
 
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When I was at the hospital having my 2nd, I felt that I wanted to be pregnant again. Holding him in my delivery room, I just felt like I couldn't be done making babies. Granted, I've had 2 easy pregnancies with relatively easy deliveries, so I kind of feel like I'm made for birthing babies (in a weird way). 

 

DS is almost 6 months old, and I think I may be pregnant again (waiting another week to test), and I am kind of hoping for a positive.

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#15 of 18 Old 11-29-2010, 07:21 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jillybeans View Post

We were positive we were done when we found out our third was a girl. Super positive when she was born at 35 weeks and had a nasty 2 week NICU stay. Super duper positive when she was a colicky baby till 6 months.

Then we got our foster daughter right before dd3 turned one. Then she turned one. Then my baby didn't want mama milk anymore (YOU try forcing her to nurse! I'm holding on desperately but DANG she's stubborn! lol) Now...we're gearing up to ttc #4.

I guess I'm saying you just never know.


Jillybeans, were you in the October 2009 DDC? Your siggy looks familiar....  smile.gif


slinggirl.gif  Melissa: wife todh_malesling.GIF, mama to 5 dear children grouphug.gif and remembering Matthias angel2.gif (8.9.05 - 8.10.05)

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#16 of 18 Old 11-30-2010, 11:59 AM
 
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I didn't feel done until right after our fourth was born, so no, I don't think that it's important to know during pregnancy if you are done having children.


Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
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#17 of 18 Old 12-08-2010, 03:33 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miss_honeyb View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by jillybeans View Post

We were positive we were done when we found out our third was a girl. Super positive when she was born at 35 weeks and had a nasty 2 week NICU stay. Super duper positive when she was a colicky baby till 6 months.

Then we got our foster daughter right before dd3 turned one. Then she turned one. Then my baby didn't want mama milk anymore (YOU try forcing her to nurse! I'm holding on desperately but DANG she's stubborn! lol) Now...we're gearing up to ttc #4.

I guess I'm saying you just never know.


Jillybeans, were you in the October 2009 DDC? Your siggy looks familiar....  smile.gif


Yes!  I was the first to have a baby in our DDC...five weeks early.  Ugh.


Jill, mama to three fiery girlies and a sweet baby boy: Grace, 11.30.2005,  Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah 9.5.09, Reed 8.19.11 & dfs Gage 2.29.12   angel1.gif x4
 

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#18 of 18 Old 12-29-2010, 06:50 AM
 
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For me, yes.

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