Wanting But Waiting Tribe - 2011 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 505 Old 01-04-2011, 12:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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January 2012 Update:  I will not be able to maintain this thread for 2012.  I am expecting a LO in the very near future and with my other LO and various other commitments, I just won't be able to participate.  If someone would like to take over, please just copy the first page (and/or format how you see fit) into a new thread for 2012.  The list is updated through today, January 11.


 

Wanting But Waiting Tribe ~ 2011

 

This tribe is for those of us who are longing for a baby right now but, for whatever reason, are waiting to try for one. This is the place to go for support from others in the same boat.

 

If I miss an addition or change, please either PM me or note it in red.  Please include what year you would like to be listed under and/or if you are requesting to be added or moved.  Thanks! smile.gif

 

 

 

Pregnant or Starting Now!    dust.gif

 

 

 

Wanting But Waiting ~ 2012

 

  • MedicBaby21 - Late 2011 - Spring 2012
  • tulgey - January
  • MrsJJ - April
  • nattery - Spring
  • treeoflife3 - Spring
  • librarygirl - May
  • zenmumajen - Spring/Summer
  • buterflymomma - June/July
  • Brown Lioness - Summer
  • homegrowngirl - Summer
  • swelldoula - Summer
  • RavenStar - Summer/Fall
  • CorriJ - December

 

 

 

Wanting But Waiting ~ 2013 and Beyond

 

  • C is for Cookie - Spring
  • CarsonBookworm
  • poetlizabeth
  • TenOfHearts
  • treehugger86

 

 

 

Wanting But Waiting ~ A Little Bit Longer

 

  • betmina
  • BHappy
  • button-nose
  • canadianhippie
  • CatholicGirl
  • ChristiJohnson1
  • colta
  • CTH3989
  • Dacks
  • dejagerw
  • eblindauer
  • freyja137
  • HerbanGirl
  • HibpTon
  • janinemh
  • JHopesMomma
  • justKate
  • lakeruby
  • Lyterae
  • Magelet
  • maia.springgoddess
  • Mamabear<3
  • mi.birthdoula
  • molliecat
  • MommatoAandA
  • mwright
  • PinkGeek
  • rachel65655
  • sarahdavida
  • Thyme Mama
  • VK1987

 

 

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#2 of 505 Old 01-05-2011, 12:09 PM
 
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Yay for the new thread!


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#3 of 505 Old 01-05-2011, 01:08 PM
 
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I'm excited to see the new thread and to have a tribe! Can't wait to get to know all of you W but W ladies.  I intro'ed myself at the end of last years thread, but I'll do it again just in case. :)

 

I have one DS who is 15m.  I SAH with him and we're having a blast.  DH and I are already in our mid-thirties, so the clock is ticking a little bit on having more kiddos. DH has been ready for #2 since DS was born basically, but I wanted to wait till he was 1 at least to TTC.  Around his 1st bday I did get the baby itch pretty badly and I have a mama friend IRL with a DD the same age as my DS who got pg right before they turned 1.  But my fertility hasn't returned yet due to BFing. . .so after doing a lot of research and thinking and wishing and hanging out on the TTC boards and kinda driving myself crazy, I decided that I want to wait till DS is 2 before TTC.  I couldn't veen get pg right now without enforcing some weaning which I don't want to do and anyway, I decided that I don't want to risk loosing my milk supply while pg before DS is 2. 

 

So here we are. . .wanting but waiting.  Hopefully my fertility will return on its own and right about the time we'd like to get pg again (towards the Fall of 2011).  


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#4 of 505 Old 01-06-2011, 07:08 AM
 
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Oh I'll intro myself too. 

 

Peanut (DD) is 21 months old. I'm a part-time student and SaHM. DH and I have always planned on having another when Peanut was around 3 and we decided on a 3-month window where we'd like to get pregnant because of my schooling. DH is excited, but scared. This is the first time we've planned a pregnancy. :-P I'm mostly just excited. I like the idea of knowing ahead of time and being excited to find out. 


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#5 of 505 Old 01-06-2011, 10:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello, Ladies! 

 

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by lactatinggirl View Post

Oh I'll intro myself too. 

 

Peanut (DD) is 21 months old. I'm a part-time student and SaHM. DH and I have always planned on having another when Peanut was around 3 and we decided on a 3-month window where we'd like to get pregnant because of my schooling. DH is excited, but scared. This is the first time we've planned a pregnancy. :-P I'm mostly just excited. I like the idea of knowing ahead of time and being excited to find out. 


I understand that sentiment.  We weren't actively preventing, but I was not expecting to get pregnant, either.  I think planning a pregnancy has a different feel to it, for me.

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#6 of 505 Old 01-06-2011, 10:35 AM
 
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Well I thought I would join in.  I am wanting, but we are waiting, at least until DH is nearing the end of his dissertation.  We are mid thirties, so there isn't not alot of time. 

 

We are waiting mostly for financial reasons, and also because we haven't fully recovered frm having our first 2 children only 12 mths apart.   I am a fulltime WOHM (not by choice) and would with the next one would like to only work part time, but as a fulltime PhD student DH bascially is in the office/library 40+ hours a week, but doesn't bring in an income. So it is complex.  Can we support a family of five on my part time salary? Maybe...depending on where we live. Anyway sorry to carry on just wanted to say Hi and we are wanting but waiting at least until the April/MAY 2011.

 

Oh and any of you wanting and waiting ladies who are charting, feel free to join us over in CTA.

 

Kris


Mama of 3 little boys - DS1 4/08, DS2 4/09, DS3 12/11

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#7 of 505 Old 01-06-2011, 06:39 PM
 
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I will join!  I'm new to these boards and still trying to get the hang of it all...BUT-

 

I just had my tubal ligation reversed, and we have to wait another 3 months to try.  It seems like a long wait!  SO I guess we are wanting but waiting.


 
 
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#8 of 505 Old 01-06-2011, 06:53 PM
 
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I need to join, I am desperate for another baby!

 

However, I had a HORRIBLE postpartum YEAR with kiddo (I'm sincerely terrified of doing it again with another baby) and have other issues to work out as well (which probably helped add to how horrible her first year was for me) before I can handle trying it again.  That and some other things put our marriage in an upheaval so we need to get back on track...

 

and on top of that, my husband is deployed anyway.  Gone til the end of summer ish.  Kinda hard to get knocked up!

 

At the earliest, we probably won't try til spring 2012 :(  I'd LOVE to get pregnant at the end of the year so I can have a September baby however husband is getting out of the army when he gets home and we might be moving out of state nov/dec so uh.... not a good time to try when we will still be working on US and readjusting after another deployment!  Hopefully by then I'll at least be much better hehe.

 

At any rate, its crazy how badly I have the baby itch.  It even started when kiddo was only like 6 months old which is pretty ridiculous considering how badly my hormones were messed up!

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#9 of 505 Old 01-08-2011, 08:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dashley111 View Post

I will join!  I'm new to these boards and still trying to get the hang of it all...BUT-

 

I just had my tubal ligation reversed, and we have to wait another 3 months to try.  It seems like a long wait!  SO I guess we are wanting but waiting.



Wow!  I can't imagine how excited you must be to start.  smile.gif 

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#10 of 505 Old 01-09-2011, 09:48 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mulvah View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by dashley111 View Post

I will join!  I'm new to these boards and still trying to get the hang of it all...BUT-

 

I just had my tubal ligation reversed, and we have to wait another 3 months to try.  It seems like a long wait!  SO I guess we are wanting but waiting.



Wow!  I can't imagine how excited you must be to start.  smile.gif 


We are!  Its hard to be patient knowing that after so long my body can finally do want I want it to- But, I am hardly "back to normal" and my doc hasn't given us the go ahead...so...we wait.


 
 
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#11 of 505 Old 01-09-2011, 11:27 AM
 
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I had this super vivid dream last night about getting a BFP on a FRER. So of course when I woke up this morning I peed on one. . .but no surprise, BFN. I should just not keep any HPTs in the house. Seriously.  Then I went on FB and found out one of my friends is pg.  Sometimes it seems like everyone else is getting pg!  And I know all my reasons for waiting and my New Years resolution is to try and be happy in the moment and not always trying to predict and control the future. . . but it still hard not to fantasize about seeing those two lines.  Sigh. I couldn't get pg if I tried at this point (still haven't had return of cycles from BFing), which is a good thing really, but it's weird not to know when my fertility will return. Its weird to know that I CAN'T get pg. And charting is just annoying at this point.

 

Okay, pity party over.  

 

Nice to be getting to know some of you other WbW mamas!  It's hard to wait. . . whatever the reasons are. Hope it goes quickly for us all!  I try to think of how awful morning sickness is when the baby itch really gets bad. 


photosmile2.gif Me= crunchy mama to one rambunctious toddler, born on October 1, 2009. And one sweet little baby born January 19, 2012. heartbeat.gif

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#12 of 505 Old 01-09-2011, 01:28 PM
 
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It is SO hard when the people around you are getting BFP's and having babies.  There's no shame in a small but fierce pity party!hug.gif


 
 
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#13 of 505 Old 01-09-2011, 01:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dashley111 View Post

It is SO hard when the people around you are getting BFP's and having babies.  There's no shame in a small but fierce pity party!hug.gif



Thanks dashley!  I'm curious, if you don't mind me asking, do you have kiddos already and just decided you wanted more after the tubal? (Or never wanted them till now?)  Anyway, that must be a hard wait, but awesome that you were able to have that reversed!  

 

I know my DH is pretty anti-vasectomy precisely b/c of the permanence of it.  I'm glad he wants to remain open to having babies. .. but someday it might be nice not to have to worry about BC.  We have always agreed on definitely 2 and maybe 3 kids, but I feel that he leans more towards 2.  If I was younger I'd want 4 or 5. . .but since that ain't gonna happen, I do fantasize about 3.  We'll see how I feel after 2 though!


photosmile2.gif Me= crunchy mama to one rambunctious toddler, born on October 1, 2009. And one sweet little baby born January 19, 2012. heartbeat.gif

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#14 of 505 Old 01-09-2011, 03:01 PM
 
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I have 2 kids and thought I was done- but I was also unmarried/recently divorced when my youngest was born...not a good time to make decisions!  I agree that opting for a less permanent type of birth control is best.  You dont ever know where life will take you, and what you will find yourself wanting later in life, I guess...

 

 

 


 
 
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#15 of 505 Old 01-09-2011, 04:38 PM
 
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I posted an intro on the old thread but I'll do it again here.  My husband recently shocked me by saying he wanted to have another baby - I thought he was totally done so I was surprised when he said he wanted to have a fourth. Originally we were going to start trying immediately but we've decided to wait until June. I work full time as an L&D nurse and he is pretty much a SAHD.  If we wait it will double the amount of paid time off I have for maternity leave and help us get our finances in a better place to let me take longer maternity leave also.  I am still breastfeeding our little one who is 15 months, and I don't want to wean him yet, and my personal preference would be to have a baby in spring or summer instead of winter.

 

It is so hard to wait though.  Every time I have a birth at work I just want to throw sensibility out the window and start trying. I can't wait to be pregnant again, and give birth another time and meet a new little person. I am so excited to have another baby!


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#16 of 505 Old 01-09-2011, 06:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BeanSprout Mama View Post

I posted an intro on the old thread but I'll do it again here.  My husband recently shocked me by saying he wanted to have another baby - I thought he was totally done so I was surprised when he said he wanted to have a fourth. Originally we were going to start trying immediately but we've decided to wait until June. I work full time as an L&D nurse and he is pretty much a SAHD.  If we wait it will double the amount of paid time off I have for maternity leave and help us get our finances in a better place to let me take longer maternity leave also.  I am still breastfeeding our little one who is 15 months, and I don't want to wean him yet, and my personal preference would be to have a baby in spring or summer instead of winter.

 

It is so hard to wait though.  Every time I have a birth at work I just want to throw sensibility out the window and start trying. I can't wait to be pregnant again, and give birth another time and meet a new little person. I am so excited to have another baby!


Just wanted to hay hi - always happy to see another RN here at MDC.  I am a family nurse practitioner, prior to that I was an ICU nurse.

Oh and both my babies were spring babies, by chance, but it works out very well I think.  You're not pregnant during the summer and then as soon as the baby is born it gets warm, so you are never having to deal with bundling up a newborn...


Mama of 3 little boys - DS1 4/08, DS2 4/09, DS3 12/11

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#17 of 505 Old 01-10-2011, 09:10 AM
 
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I'd like to join. I currently have 2 daughters- 4 and 6 years old. I thought for sure I was done after dd#2, but a switch flipped for me on her 4th birthday and now I'm really really ready for another bambino! Dh has always wanted 3, so there is no need to have to talk him into anything.

Why are we waiting? I'm in my last semester of nursing school. I have always had fairly easy pregnancies and I wouldn't expect another pregnancy to be any different- but you never know.I don't want anything to come between me and that stinking RN license, especially when it's within sight now.

Our goal is to put of the urge to TTC until I graduate in May...


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#18 of 505 Old 01-11-2011, 10:18 PM
 
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I can't believe I am posting here, but I am feeling the itch again.  DD1 is 2.5 and DD2 is 4 months.  I just really want to be pregnant for some reason.  So weird.  fertility did not return until DD1 was 16 months and I got pregnant the next month.  I think it is a good age range and I want to nurse DD2 at least till 18 months (milk dried up upon conception with DD2, but we dry nursed and are tandem nursing now).  I am hoping that fertility stays away at least until DD2 is around 18 months, but I am so confused by the urge to have another one so soon.

 


SAHM to Chloe«- 6/2008 (10 lbs, 5 oz), Hannah- 9/2010 (9 lbs, 12 oz), Liam- 2/2013 (9 lbs, 6 oz)

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#19 of 505 Old 01-11-2011, 11:02 PM
 
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Yeah, add me in here too, lol.  There just is no "done" is there!

I keep thinking I should have listened to my overwhelming urge to go for it when DS3 was just a few months old...  Now, as I see how active and busy he is, I think I have to wait until he is a little older...  like 2012 for me :)


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#20 of 505 Old 01-12-2011, 12:45 PM
 
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Hi Everybody, I would love to join.

 

I have an interesting story. I had my ds1 in 1998, and it took 6 ms to conceive which I consider normal. After the 1 year of terrible post partum was gone, I was ready to have one more. After 6 months of trying I got a faint line, but I had a m/c at 7 weeks.

 

Then it took more than 2 years of struggle. I was confirmed with 0% chance of having a baby due to blockage of both tubes. It was terrible to hear the news, we were thinking about IF, when the next month I got a BFP, just like THAT, and dd2 was born in 2003. (Wonderful birth...Gosh!).

 

Anyway, 2 years later DH wanted to have one more, but I wasn't ready, just started working, blah, blah... 2 more years later I was ready, but DH wasn't. (That's how it is.) And then, 2 years ago I got pg, because we weren't "careful" enough (a dream come true, when it's not you who decides). That was out of the blue, and while it took a long time for DH to accept it, he did, and he was happy. But I had another m/c at 7 weeks. But DH had already got used to the idea of having a third, so we started "not being careful".

 

Of course after 4 months I started charting and obsessing. Then I got pg, and a huge BFP told me everything was gonna be all right. I even waited until week 13 to go to a doctor, thinking that if anything, it would have happened already. How wrong was I. Blighted ovum. Had to have a D/C. We both were devastated. Now DH is not keen on the idea of having a third anymore. He says 1. he is too old (43), I'm too old (39), and the kids are too old (12 and 8). So we are not TTC at least for a while. But somehuuuw we weren't careful on New Years day, and I definitely feel like pg. I have had sooooo many BFN, that I don't dare to test. I'm scared of being and at the same time of not being pg. What if this is my only chance?

Sorry for being so long. Any insights are appreciated.grouphug.gif

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#21 of 505 Old 01-12-2011, 03:35 PM
 
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I can't believe I'm posting in this thread! But here I am......

 

Please add me for 2011 September.

 

My story goes like this. I have a 6.5 month old at home. The first few months were really rough. He's a somewhat high needs baby and I had no prior experience. The sleep deprivation was awful and nursing really threw me for a loop. I expected every 2 hours, not every 20 minutes! Things are better now. He wakes up to eat twice per night, but my hubby and I each take a wake-up. His naps are all over the place lately, but he's having even better night sleep. 

 

I think I want a baby because I want at least 2 children and I'm thinking to myself....well, wouldn't it be better to get all the awful sleep deprivation out of the way? Plus, I secretly think that my second baby is likely to be easier than my little guy. That's probably dangerous thinking though.

 

I'm a FT teacher, so I want to time the pregnancy just like I did the first time, so I can take the same amount of time off. It worked out to about 19 weeks between summer vacation and using a significant number of sick days. I could do that again if the baby was born in the summer of 2012, preferably mid to late June, just like my current baby.

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#22 of 505 Old 01-13-2011, 09:50 AM
 
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   Well good luck to all of you- waiting...is SO hard!

 

Vero- hug2.gifThanks for sharing your story!


 
 
Ash- DS 2003, DD 2006, and one baby Turkey born on Thanksgiving.

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#23 of 505 Old 01-13-2011, 11:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chloe'sMama View Post

I can't believe I am posting here, but I am feeling the itch again.  DD1 is 2.5 and DD2 is 4 months.  I just really want to be pregnant for some reason.  So weird.  fertility did not return until DD1 was 16 months and I got pregnant the next month.  I think it is a good age range and I want to nurse DD2 at least till 18 months (milk dried up upon conception with DD2, but we dry nursed and are tandem nursing now).  I am hoping that fertility stays away at least until DD2 is around 18 months, but I am so confused by the urge to have another one so soon.

 


Do you want to be added to 2012?  smile.gif

 

Also, how does dry nursing work?  Silly question, maybe, but how do you know when you're completely dry?  Did you start supplementing with milk before or did you just start when you knew you were dry?  I'm somewhat nervous about what will happen to my supply when I do get pregnant.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by veroxara View Post

Hi Everybody, I would love to join.

 

I have an interesting story. I had my ds1 in 1998, and it took 6 ms to conceive which I consider normal. After the 1 year of terrible post partum was gone, I was ready to have one more. After 6 months of trying I got a faint line, but I had a m/c at 7 weeks.

 

Then it took more than 2 years of struggle. I was confirmed with 0% chance of having a baby due to blockage of both tubes. It was terrible to hear the news, we were thinking about IF, when the next month I got a BFP, just like THAT, and dd2 was born in 2003. (Wonderful birth...Gosh!).

 

Anyway, 2 years later DH wanted to have one more, but I wasn't ready, just started working, blah, blah... 2 more years later I was ready, but DH wasn't. (That's how it is.) And then, 2 years ago I got pg, because we weren't "careful" enough (a dream come true, when it's not you who decides). That was out of the blue, and while it took a long time for DH to accept it, he did, and he was happy. But I had another m/c at 7 weeks. But DH had already got used to the idea of having a third, so we started "not being careful".

 

Of course after 4 months I started charting and obsessing. Then I got pg, and a huge BFP told me everything was gonna be all right. I even waited until week 13 to go to a doctor, thinking that if anything, it would have happened already. How wrong was I. Blighted ovum. Had to have a D/C. We both were devastated. Now DH is not keen on the idea of having a third anymore. He says 1. he is too old (43), I'm too old (39), and the kids are too old (12 and 8). So we are not TTC at least for a while. But somehuuuw we weren't careful on New Years day, and I definitely feel like pg. I have had sooooo many BFN, that I don't dare to test. I'm scared of being and at the same time of not being pg. What if this is my only chance?

Sorry for being so long. Any insights are appreciated.grouphug.gif


 

I am so sorry for your losses. 

 

When would you normally start menstruating?  Surely it's coming up soon, right?  I would probably wait to test until a couple of days after I was set to start AF.  I really do hope you get your positive.  fingersx.gif


 

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Originally Posted by Hannah32 View Post

...I think I want a baby because I want at least 2 children and I'm thinking to myself....well, wouldn't it be better to get all the awful sleep deprivation out of the way?....


There are a plethora of personal reasons (aren't there always!?) why I want to try sooner rather than later, but the sleep deprivation is one of the smaller factors.  I totally understand.

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#24 of 505 Old 01-13-2011, 01:41 PM
 
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Probably I would start AF Tomorrow or Saturday. I'm not gonna test only on Sunday. I just hate BFNs soo much.

You know, this really would be a dream come true, because we have been thinking about the third for a long time, and I think that we have been thinking waaay too much. (What if this, what if that...) Sometimes you shouldn't think just go with whatever God throws at you.

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#25 of 505 Old 01-13-2011, 11:03 PM
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This might be a good place for me.  DD is 21 1/2 months old.  I had no fertility signs until she was almost 18 months old, and we decided the time might be right for another one.  DD slept 6 hour stretches at night for a week or 2 in mid-December, and it was enough to get me my first postpartum ovulation.  It was a high point in our relationship.  I was giddy and in love with my husband.  We hit all the right days to conceive.  I felt pregnant.  I had symptoms of implantation at 6 DPO.  DD woke up from her nap one day, and the first thing she said was "baby."  I asked her where, and she pointed to my belly.  I hadn't told her anything about a baby in my belly.  I had an 8 day luteal phase.

 

I had a BFN on the day I started bleeding, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I had been pregnant.  On the 3rd day of bleeding, I had a quantitative blood HCG test.  2.  High enough that maybe I was.  Low enough that maybe I wasn't.  I'm having a really hard time mourning a life that I'm not sure existed, and I really don't know how to deal with it.  I was so sure I was pregnant.  I don't want to go through that again.  We're waiting for a longer LP before we try again.

 

That's also hard.  We will only use NFP for religious reasons, and DD is nursing through the night again.  I thought I was ovulating again, but now it looks like I didn't.  I'm in the "fertile" phase and have been for 2 weeks, and it could be a while with DD nursing like she is.  It's hard to practice NFP (abstinence) so rigidly when we both know we want another baby as soon as possible.  We wanted to leave it open, to let nature take its course, to just let ecological breastfeeding space our babies.  We've been charting not to avoid, but to know the due date, and we didn't plan for this.  Now, we not only don't get to have a baby yet, but we may be looking at a lot of abstinence while I wait to really be fertile.

 

Please don't try to convince me to use other birth control.  We believe what we are doing is best, that there is growth to come out of it.  It is just a struggle for now.  Someday, I'll understand...

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#26 of 505 Old 01-14-2011, 07:20 AM
 
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JMJ,

I'm totally with you. First of all, I have had at least 30 cycles throughout my IF struggle in which I was SURE I was pg, but something went wrong. First it was difficult for me to handle, because I wasn't "officially" pg, I just "knew". But it didn't stop me from trying. Somehow I got used to it that God has other plans with me. We kept trying, and I kept crying after each let down. I have had 3 m/c-s, one of which was 13 weeks, a blighted ovum. Now that was the one when as you said: " I'm having a really hard time mourning a life that I'm not sure existed". Because there was no baby in the sac.

So what I'm trying to say is that don't let this bleeding stop you from trying. I always try to think about the women of old ages, when they didn't know they were pg, so they didn't obsess that much. I couldn't not obsess, so what I did was after every cycle when I was sure and AF came anyway, I let myself cry for a while that I shook is off and started to look forward the next cycle. I did it for more that 2 years, and I'm doing it now, TTC #3...

Good luck, and I think NFP is wonderful.

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#27 of 505 Old 01-14-2011, 09:32 AM
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Veroxara, thanks for sharing your experience.  It helps to know that I'm not the only one who obscesses over babies who may or may not have existed.  I have much hope of being fertile again soon, so for now, we're waiting for a longer luteal phase before we try again.  We'll be trying again as soon as I have evidence that my LP is long enough.  It's not that we're afraid to try.  It's that we feel it's best to wait until we're more likely to have a sticky one.  DD was conceived in one cycle of trying, which makes me feel even more certain that I was pregnant and more hopeful of being successful when we do try.  There is a religious/spiritual aspect as well that we would like to be able to have all of our children baptized, and while there is nothing immoral about never getting the chance, and our church accepts "baptism of intent" in such cases, we trust that God would have mercy on unbaptized babies, but it's hard to think of my children not living long enough to be baptized.  I just can't TTC when I know that there is a reason why the baby wouldn't make it.  I'd rather work out the reason first.  Maybe as time goes on, that might change, but for now, that's where I'm at.  If I didn't know that I would likely be fertile soon, I would probably do as you did and TTC at every chance just to hope for the window of opportunity that would work, but for now, I wait.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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#28 of 505 Old 01-15-2011, 05:34 AM
 
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Hello! I've lurked on here for a while and I'm really hoping for a little support :)

I know a family is completely worth waiting for. I'm 22 soon, and financially I'm not in the place for a child yet. I've been with my partner for 4 years, he's 30 so is emotionally ready for a family but he's taken a temporary setback in his career to go to university to be able to further himself so that he'll have more options and a better potential income for the future.

We both talk about children like it'll be an inevitability we've been together for 4 years and unless something absolutely awful happens him and I are completely meant to be together - he's my rock.

I guess the problem is, I feel so ashamed at how broody I am. I'm a sensible person, and we're responsible with contraception, but really want to experience pregnancy and parenting so badly - but I have nobody to talk about it with! All my friends are male because I struggle forming happy relationships with the girls around me, and I can't talk about it with my boyfriend because while he's just as excited about our future family as I am, he's not a woman and he doesn't understand quite how it feels to have a very specific sense of physical vacancy. Also, my family are very career driven. My parents weren't around much when I was a kid because they came from very poor backgrounds and my mum struggled to give us a better life than she had, and they'd all feel like I was throwing my life down the drain if I had a family before 30. My sister is almost 30 and not overly keen on children, and I can't talk to her either. I do want a prosperous career too, but I equally want a family just as much.

I know it's completely worth waiting for...it's just sometimes I wish there were people who understood. I guess I just wanted to air out my feelings on here. I've been lurking for a couple of years and I love the ethic of this place and it seems there are other people who understand what I'm talking about.

Sorry for the rant...and thanks for reading if you've got this far :)

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#29 of 505 Old 01-15-2011, 02:15 PM
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Welcome to MDC, button! I think that's a struggle for a lot of people. You want to get things in order first, but they'll never be totally perfect. It's just a struggle to find the time when it's right, even though it's not perfect. That's really something for the two of you to decide, and while you will have to deal with the disapproval of your family, that shouldn't be a big factor in your decision making. It's not their life. It's yours. They'll get over it or they won't, but you're the one who has to deal with the consequences of your actions. My husband is over a decade older than me, and because of that, I got married and started having children much younger than I thought I would have otherwise. He was already in a position financially to be ready for a family, and so we got married when I was 21 and had our daughter when I was 22. I got pregnant 2 months after I graduated from college. I do feel like I was prepared for both marriage and motherhood. I just hadn't expected them to be a financial reality so soon. With my husband's job, I am able to be a SAHM, and that's exactly what I want to do. Some family members think I should have gotten at least a master's degree first just in case, but we decided that we were ready to have children, and higher degrees can wait. I am a strong believer that children should be loved into existence. This means both love for your partner and for the child. We as women were created to bring forth life with our bodies, and it is completely natural to desire to do just that, but it must go a step further. We must have such love for that child that we do everything we can to give him/her the best. We have children for their own good more than for ours. This also means loving your partner so totally and completely that you are willing to give yourself completely to him and receiving the complete gift in return. This often happens in marriage, or at least, marriage is intended to be a commitment of this sort in order to create a stable home for children. I don't know your situation to know why the commitment of marriage has not yet been made, but that could be a sign that there are some more things that need to be worked out before you are ready for children. Children are a very serious lifetime commitment... which is why we're here, wanting but waiting.

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#30 of 505 Old 01-15-2011, 02:28 PM
 
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Hugs button-nose. . .it is hard to be wanting but waiting with no one to really talk to about it.  I totally get it.  I know it's hard to get out of the broody thing when you are wanting, but here is my 2cents:  you are young and not only is a family worth waiting for, but it's worth enjoying yourself before you do the mama thing!  I waited till I was early 30s to have my first and I am really glad I did. Certainly, not everyone would feel this way and of course it can be great to have kids in your 20s I am sure, but since you know you are waiting anyway, try to think of all the things you get to experience and enjoy now that will be harder with a child.  For ex, I haven't been to the movie theater in over a year, or gotten to sit down and enjoy a leisurely meal at a restaurant more than twice since having a baby. Oh and enjoy your time with your partner, it gets so much harder to have quality adult time.

 

Anyway, not trying to belittle your feelings of course, just to give you the perspective from the other side a bit! :)  Don't be ashamed of how you feel, just acknowledge it and then try to embrace the time you have while you wait. I know, easier said than done though.

 

Hannah32--I think I am the opposite. . .I figure I want to reach a place where I get to sleep a little BEFORE I do round 2. Maybe its my age, but I'm not sure I could do another year plus of sleep deprivation without a break.  I am thinking of night weaning, both to encourage my fertility to return and to get some sleep before TTC #2. But maybe sleep is just a dream at this point.  My SIL had 3 babies in 4 years. . .I am both a little jealous and terrified of that (not that it's going to happen for us).  I mean 3 car seats, 2 in diapers, and talk about no sleep. Yikes.


photosmile2.gif Me= crunchy mama to one rambunctious toddler, born on October 1, 2009. And one sweet little baby born January 19, 2012. heartbeat.gif

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