I just had my 3rd baby, a beautiful little boy, on July 14th. While pregnant, DH and I agreed we were DONE. And I was SO SURE of it too. Wasn't going to miss being pregnant, wasn't going to want anymore children--I was convinced this was it.
Well... the transistion from 2-3 has been much easier than expected... and even at just 16 days PP, I am already thinking,"...maybe just ONE more?". DH says he is DONE (Though he did change his mind recently on getting a vasectomy... he says the thought of any permanent change like that suddenly freaks him out). In my mind I totally agree with DH... but in my heart, I don't feel "done". I feel too young to stop having kids. I am only 30. The thought of closing this exciting chapter of my life makes me feel sad and really empty.
My mother had 8 children and she STILL wanted more! I certainly don't want 8, but I just feel I am not done yet. Maybe it's just the biological drive in a woman... maybe in a few more weeks this feeling will go away. Maybe I don't really want another child, but just really miss being pregnant--the kicks, the flutters, the excitement, anticipation, the wondering.... all of it. It's such an exciting chapter in life, and I am very sad about closing it. In a way, not having any more kids makes me feel, well, old. And closer to my mortality, if that makes any sense. I never would have thought it would feel this way when we stopped having kids.I thought you just stopped and that was that. I never thought it would make me feel so sad.
So tell me, does the feeling for "just one more" ever go away?
You know, I'm not sure that it does for some of us! I have five terrific boys (ranging in age from 11.5 yrs. to 8 mos.), and my DH and I are hoping to have one or two more children before we are no longer able to conceive on our own. There are times when I think that 5 is definitely enough - i.e. when everyone is having a rough day, DH is gone (military), and I am feeling overwhelmed - but even on those days I feel incredibly blessed to have such a great family and would tell you that I'm open to whatever God has in store for me.
That feeling is why I have #4. Now I'm good, really, really done having babies and ready to move on. Before when I'd think if I was done, it was a maybe, but I always had this sense that if I didn't I'd regret later not having another. I'm glad that I did have him, but now looking forward to watching the family grow up instead of expanding it.
I'm so curious to see what all of the replies here are going to be. I am almost done cooking number four, even though I will only be raising two of them when it's all said and done. I am tired of being pregnant and evey day I hope this is the day that I go into labor. I have been through four different traumatic pregnancies and experiences with each of my kids. I know I don't want to parent anymore babies after this one. However, I freak out when thinking about tying my tubes like I have planned (I am only 27). I can see myself being pregnant again someday.
So for me I don't think I will ever be done craving pregnancy for some reason, even though I have zero desire to raise anymore kids. And I don't get it either, since I don't exactly love pregnancy. Must be a hormone or instinct thing, because my therapist cleared me of it being anything mental lol. Maybe I will just settle for being a surrogate or something someday instead.
Thanks for posting this question OP.
Not for me. Not yet, anyway. I have four, and we have been TTC for a couple years now with no such luck. After #2, I knew I wanted another one, and then after #3 I thought, just one more? Except that obviously I haven't been completely content with four kids (though they do keep me busy and some days I think we must be crazy to want to start all over again). I could see myself with 5-6 kids, but I do wonder if even if I do ever get pregnant again will I ever truly feel done? I sure hope so.
We had our 3rd last year and I still have thoughts of maybe one more. I know for our family 3 is probably what is best and I definitely love having 3 and am now past the age when I said we would be done, but not sure if that niggling does ever truly go away. I think I had more of that niggling when my third was smaller though than I do with 3 now running around. I will though miss planning the next little one and watching our family grow. Part of it I think is taking the next step with our families, it is not easy to say goodbye to this stage of our lives. Right now though, each night I think of each of the three of them and it makes me smile. I definitely feel like our family is more complete now than it was with 2 and we really did need our Reid. His birth has done so much for our family. It is hard though to say we are complete as with each birth, it seems like it would be nice to say, just one more.
I think it's something that's with us until we go through menopause. I've talked to some of my friends about this too. Of course, I have friends who say they are "for sure" done. They are usually ones with older children who don't want to go through the newborn stage again. DH and I are pondering having a third. This past cycle I thought I was pregnant. I found myself really happy about it. So now I know I do want another. I think DH is undecided. So we'll see! I try to tell myself that I can just hold my friend's babies. Still there is a big part of me that wants another baby and feels that yearning. Kind of like when I first knew I wanted kids. I do think it is biological. When I was pregnant with our second and having a lot of nausea, a mom said to me "Remind me of this in a few months. I usually want to start trying for another baby when the youngest is 1 1/2." So we're definitely experiencing the same things! :)
I swore I was done with #4. I told people we were finished. I relished this last lil nursling I would have to cuddle in my arms. Then fast forward to Feb of this year. our youngest is just about 3 when I mis calculated ovulation and thought I could be preggers. I was upset at first, then started to get really excited at the thought. When Aunt flow did arrive I found myself upset that I wasn't preggers I was really upset. It was that moment I knew I was NOT done. I figured the hubs would think I was nuts, we already have four children. Pleasantly to my surprise he was totally on board and actually would not mind have a lil baby in the house again....we decided to wait till this summer and this was cycle #1 of TTC and I am pretty sure Aunt Flow will be here maybe tomorrow. I have 1 tube so its definitely a 50/50 for us each month. So for me I am not sure if that "feeling" will ever truly go away.....
I wonder. I have ten and AM NOT pregnat! I have usually conceived by now. I think it is out of my hands at this point so we will see...... The answer is NO it never goes away!!!
I have two wonderful children and have been having the same problem. We have cancelled a vasectomy once and just cancelled another one today. I am on the fence and my husband is content to have no more children. I can't believe you wrote about the sadness of ending and how leaving this stage makes you feel older/more mortal - that is EXACTLY how I have been feeling. I don't know what we will do. I have very difficult pregnancies and I dread experiencing that again, but I hate the idea that I would not have one more person in my family because of something that would be extrememely hard but would also end (with a person!).
I never though I wanted kids..ever. And after baby#2 I thought I would be done. 2 was a good number...right? I had my boy, I had my girl. Why mess with nature?
I definitly want one more. And I im not sure if it would stop there. I dont have a number in mind..maybe 4? I just love seeing the relationship between my son and daughter and I want them to have lots of siblings. I love being a momma