I have 2 girls 18 mo's apart, and than another girl 3 years apart from my second, and I really thought we were done...except everyone seems to be talking to me about how they wish they'd had a 4th. Do you think having your 4th was a great decision? And yeah I know, nobody regrets a baby, but does it make life more fun or more complicated? Be honest! My thought is to have another right away (or at least when fertility returns), so that the two youngest could be good friends and be a year apart in school just like my oldest two are. Does that make sense or is that insane? Age, finances, or anything like that are not a factor, it's just the logistics of the everyday that's I'm questioning.
I'm having my third right now, so I can't say anything from personal experience, but I do know three mamas of 3+ kids that say the more you have the easier it seems to get. It's probably a combo of the parents getting more and more experienced and flexible and the fact that the family becomes more of an entity instead of so much focus on individual kids.
Mama to Avalon 1/07 , Austin 1/10 in between and Avery 12/11
My 4th is only 6 weeks old but it's the daily life that it is kicking my butt right now. It was so much easier from 2-3 then to 3-4 for me. Mine aren't really close together, 8, 4, 2, and then baby. Before I got pg with #4, I was in that place where I maybe *could* of been ok with 3. I didn't have that same burning desire to have another like I did the first 3 times but I also didn't feel done either. I went back and forth and ended up getting pg during a time where I am never ever fertile so it felt like it was meant to be. I certainly am done now, I felt it very strongly during my pg and even more now. I don't regret him at all, I'm glad we do have a #4 because now that he is here, I do know that I always would of wished for one more, now I'm good! There one concept that I think about, I was a good mom to 3, I was organized, things flowed smoothly, even when #3 was a newborn. The one extra kid with 4, really seems to have pushed me over. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that once he isn't a newborn that things will slowly start falling back into place, but there is a part of me that wonders if we have just entered an entirely new level of crazy that I never thought possible. One of the moms of many threads a while back, there was quite a few people that said the same thing about #4 Time will tell I guess.
I do have to say I've never bought into the whole concept about having them close in age so they can be buddies. My kids range from almost 4 years apart to 2y3m apart with these last two, the older three fight and play with the best of them. I believe it is highly dependent on personalities. My sister and I were spaced closely together to be friends and instead we spent our entire childhood trying to kill each other. I always wondered if my mom regretted that spacing!
We're thinking about #4 too. We have all boys-10y, 4y & 19 months. Overall it works and some days it just sucks! I think you have that with any amount of children though. My 4 year old is my super passionate child and needs lots of attention. I think if you are wanting more children, you won't regret it and you will know in your heart when you are through.
A doula who married a cop & became a mama to 3 boys: G 12/22/00, my rainbow baby B 2/2/07 and L 2/10/10 my CBA2V baby, waiting for my little caboose late February 2013 & always remembering my two angels 2006 & 2012.
We have 4 amazing little ones :) We never really put a limit on the number of kids we'd have, strangely enough, but we ended up with 3 sons and a daughter just like DH's parents. I love having a big family. Our kids are almost 9,7,3 & 14 months tomorrow. As amazing as they are, it can be challenging. The dynamic changes alot - I like to say we're evenly outnumbered lol. But the kids are close, and the older ones dote on our baby girl. Not that our oldest wasn't hoping for another boy :) Our biggest thing is time; we don't seem to have enough time. But that is school and work for DH and I (me at home part time), soccer, camping, etc. Life just gets overwhelming at times, but parents with one child can say that too. I really and truly believe that if you think about having a 4th you kind of already decided to, maybe just need some reaffirming :) I guess at the end of the day it boils down to organized chaos, but it is absolutely worth every minute. I believe also that you will know when your family feels complete. After Bella's birth, everything just seemed to sort of settle, I never got any of those "oh I miss the newborn I have to get pregnant again feelings" it was just complete and full of love and I just knew we're done - but finality in a way I would want others to feel; no regrets :) Whatever you do decide I wish you the best, it is a heck of a wild ride!!!
Bella Rose is here 07/29/10!
Always missing my
DD 10/06 DS 08/08 DD 07/10
I LOVE having four. Had my first 3 under 3, and then felt my body needed a rest so took a break and had our 4th a few yrs later. MY youngest is almost 5 yrs younger than her next sibling. BUt she really balances the family. She is 3 and a half now and the big kids still cant get enough of her! Logistics did get more complicated, but for me it was because of the age gap. Crazy as it is, with 3 under 3 we were all in the same phase. WIth the gap it meant that the 7 yr old needed help with homework, the 8 yr old was needing help with dance and the baby was overtired and hungry!! Hehe. BUt it worked out well too and I loved sharing the experience of a newborn with the older ones. There are day to day realities...u can never all fit in a 5 seater car! Or one hotel room! We did consider a 5th straight away cos we worried the age gap would leave her feeling lonely but she is so involved with her older siblings and not lonely at all. And I love how when they r all at school, its like having only1, your first all over again but without the new mum insecurity!
I had 4 in 6 years. The biggest age gap is 2y5m. The smallest is 19mo. They are now 4, 6, 8, and 10. I really love it, having them so close means that they can play in different configurations all day long. If two are driving each other crazy they can swap and play with the other siblings. Someone is rarely left out as often happened when there were only 3 (or the youngest was a baby). It is easier to plan vacations and family activities as they are close enough in age that the same sorts of things can appeal to them all.
OTOH we have entered the age of children's activities. 4 kids in different after school activities is crazy! Lots of time running from place to place, three kids waiting around for another to finish their sport or activity. It is a whole new experience, and just like all things parenting I am sure we will work it out in time. But did I mention it was crazy?
I still wouldn't trade in having them so close together. It was crazy for the first few months (years?), but well worth it.