anyone else ready to start TTC but partner isn't? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 09-16-2011, 11:00 AM - Thread Starter
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Hi everyone!
I haven't used the forums in a while... DS ( my only) just turned two, weaned himself a few months ago.

I'm hoping to hear from other moms who are ready to TTC but their partner isn't. I'd love to know you are out there!

My husband and I agreed when we got married that we'd probably like to have two children. And I've always wanted to have two, about 3 years apart. I was thinking we would start trying over the summer, just before DS's 2-year birthday. But DH seems to still be recovering from the change to his life from our first.

I feel like my life is in a great place. We have no major family issues, our son is fabulous and easy to care for... But my DH is not feeling emotionally stable. I wish he could decide to move forward with this and get used to the idea during the 9 months!

I'm coping with all kinds of big feelings - lot of sadness, feeling like we're "behind", anger at him for keeping me from what I want to do, etc... I am so ready to do this project with him and get to have that closeness that TTC brings. and I want our family to have four people in it! DH says that he's not opposed to having a 2nd, but he's not sure when he'll be ready. So I have no idea how long I'll be waiting. I want my children to be close in age! And since we've just weaned, I think my hormones are going crazy.

Anyone else out there dealing with this kind of thing?


Artist and mother to Naftali age 3, and Nomi born September 2012.  winner.jpg

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#2 of 4 Old 09-16-2011, 05:00 PM
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I am. In one way.....I'm really, really wary of the growing age gap between my DD and a potential child. She just turned four....and the idea of having a huge gap between siblings does not appeal to me. FI, wants to marry in the summer of 2013...and wait a year afterward to start TTC. By then, DD will be turning 8 by the time any sibling will be appearing at the earliest.


An eight year age gap just seems bad to me. Especially, because it won't be until around then I'll be able to head off to Law School....and I'm really about to say "I'm getting my tubes tied" because I do not like the idea of having to go through Law School pregnant and then doing BarBri and job hunting during a child's formative years.


I'd like to marry now, TTC not long afterward, attend school part-time and by the time that a child would be ready for 1st grade, I'll just be finishing up my Bachelor's and applying to Law School. Then I'll be doing the law school and  career thing while both kids are in school.


OTOH, we're barely surviving and I can barely afford day care and preschool for DD. Adding another child to the mix would make us destitute.


Right now, we're TTA,





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#3 of 4 Old 09-19-2011, 06:08 AM
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I too am in this boat... sort of.


After a pregnancy scare last cycle, and then actually feeling disappointment instead of relief when AF came, I realized I want another child sooner rather than later. DD is 15 months old, and while is an awesome kid on most accounts, has never been the best sleeper. Only recently did she sleep through the night (and I mean EVER, not ROUTINELY). Most nights she wakes up once or twice, but once a week for whatever reason she wakes up nearly every hour on the hour. It's exhausting, and sometimes it all falls on DH because I work nightshift 2 nights a week.


DH and I had gotten into a fight the last time we talked about child #2. He mentioned he would be happy with just DD, but would "go along with" whatever I wanted because he didn't want me to be unhappy. We both agreed at the time to curb all conversation TTC-wise until DD's second birthday.


Now DH is beginning to study for his CPA exam, which is an 18+ month ordeal. I guess I'm starting to feel rushed, only because I know DH won't want to START to TTC until he's passed all 4 exams, and it took us a year to conceive/stay pregnant with DD.


Part of me thinks the only way I'll get the second child I want is by accident. (Note: I would never try to get pregnant if he wasn't on board with TTC). Then another part of me thinks he'll open up to another child once DD is a little older. And the last part of me is trying to be ok with the realization that he may never feel comfortable trying for a second child.

Jen - 29, part-time LDRP RN and Birth Consultant. DH - 33. Married since 2006. brokenheart.gif 3/09. DD 2010.  Expecting a surprise new one in May 2014!

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#4 of 4 Old 09-19-2011, 05:40 PM
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It's a hard place to be in. Ds2 was a concession on dh's part and it's tough having a partner that's just not as involved as you are .. Even if he's committed and supportive it's still hard to not have someone really sharing the joy with you.

So it's really a question of how far are you willing to push on this issue?and

Loving DH geek.gif, raising DS1 learning.gif(01/08) and DS2 bfinfant.gif(10/10), caring for cat.gif x 3 .
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