I don't want an abortion but I have no choice? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 27 Old 02-11-2012, 11:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
sprout 1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I just found out this afternoon that I'm pregnant with #4... Was married to the dad of my 3 and went through a horrible divorce last year, he's pretty much out of the picture now. I've only been dating this guy 8 months.

 

I told him tonight and he was really upset, said I had to get an abortion. I told him why I couldn't and wouldn't do that but when he kept arguing I finally just said fine and told him I never want to see him again. It really hurts... he has a 4yr old so I kind of was thinking he'd be at least open to something other than just getting rid of the child he and I made together.

 

I can't get an abortion. But I have to. I feel in my heart I could handle another child but I know I will have no support emotionally, physically, financially. So logically, I can't have another child. How will I even take care of mine when I have morning sickness, etc etc etc. But if I had an abortion I know it would destroy me. But then again if I wasn't able to take proper care of all my children that would destroy all of us. I'm just in shock that I'm in this situation at all and don't know what to do.

 

I wrote a huge long thread in the "I'm pregnant" forum but this seems like a better fit...

sprout 1 is offline  
#2 of 27 Old 02-12-2012, 04:01 AM
 
motherhendoula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: LawnGuyLand
Posts: 749
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Hi, maybe im not the best person to be writing to you because for me, i found the choice to be pretty easy.  I was a single mother of two young children, I was living in a one bedroom apt.  I was working 3 jobs - my ex demanded split custody of the kids and used that to justify paying me NO child support.  and i was dating a wonderful man.   I was nearly 35 when i got pregnant (condom malfunction)  and let myself day dream a little bit about making a life with this great guy and raising the new baby with him.  But pretty quickly i saw the reality - living in a tiny one room apt - struggling financially -  for me it was too much.  I have always been a head before heart sort of person and for me, making the decision was pretty quick and easy. 

Of course, my BF reacted better than yours did - so sorry for that!  what a dill-weed! 

I opted for a 'medical - or chemical' abortion - which was Cytotec, inserted.  It was still rather painful, i bled for about two weeks and had to take it easy.  Overall i do not beat myself up about this decision, for me it was the right thing to do at the time.  Thats the best we can do.  Dont be too hard on yourself, Good Luck whatever you decide.


Happy at Home Mama to DD 4/95 DS 4/98 and DS#2 8/10  femalesling.GIF        h20homebirth.gif       sewmachine.gif

http://www.etsy.com/shop/motherhendoula
 

motherhendoula is offline  
#3 of 27 Old 02-12-2012, 08:39 AM
 
librarygirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Northeasten Ohio
Posts: 253
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I don't really have any advice but just wanted to wish you peace and a chance to think things through before making a decision. *hugs*


Children's librarian, married to J since 5/12, with 3 cat.gifand 1 crazy dog2.gif. TTC #1, planning on femalesling.GIF, bfinfant.gif, and cd.gif.

librarygirl is offline  
#4 of 27 Old 02-12-2012, 08:59 AM
 
fruitfulmomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Between the Rockies and a Flat Place
Posts: 4,243
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 19 Post(s)

It is not his choice to make. Don't let him force you into doing something you already know you don't want.

 

Circumstances can chang between now and the birth. pm me if you want help finding resources local to you that could help.

tammyrcv likes this.
fruitfulmomma is online now  
#5 of 27 Old 02-12-2012, 09:03 AM
 
Alenushka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 1,893
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

I am very much pro-choice. More  pro-choice now that I have kids.

 

However, I think you need to see a counselor. Unbiased one.

 

Abortion is only a good decision if  you feel it is. If it destroys you, as you say (whatever it means to you) , how will you take care of your kids?

 

You have choices.

 

1) Have the baby and get child support out of this guy

 

2) Find a loving couple to adopt your child

 

3)See a therapist ASAP and make your peace with the decision.

 

4) think of permanent birth control method.

 

Could it be that the reason you feel that way you feel is your cultural/religious background. Perhaps  you feel that  you have  to feel guilty about abortion to be "a good girl". You do not need t feel this way.

 

 

I am forever grateful that my mom had chosen  abortion with her 3d unplanned fetus. She could barely take of us as it was....with a third kid we all would have  ended up in state care. I remember when I was adult, and were spending   time together  with my newborn son. My mother told me how bad she felt about her abortion. And I looked at her holding my son and I said "I am sorry it happened but it saved us all. That decision is a reason why  you are holding your grandchild right now and why  my brother and I are OK"

 

I believe that my parental obligation, first and foremost, is to the children I already have.

ghannit likes this.
Alenushka is offline  
#6 of 27 Old 02-12-2012, 09:06 AM
 
Mom31's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: America
Posts: 3,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Hugs mama... it is not his decision to make. It is yours... you seem to really feel like you could not handle an abortion- so do not go that route- if you feel strongly about it.

I also suggest seeing a counselor.

PM me if you want to talk- I have been there.


mdcblog5.gifsaynovax.giffambedsingle2.gifhomebirth.jpg

 

 

Mom31 is offline  
#7 of 27 Old 02-12-2012, 09:06 AM
 
JollyGG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,654
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

Momma you can do this alone if you decide to. You already know how to parent, with any luck you still have some baby gear. Even if you don't, babies really don't need much. No, it's not likely to be easy, but it's not impossible.

 

I don't see how old your other three are but I'd guess that they can handle a period of time when Mom is ill and not at her best. Kids are hardy. Yes, you'll feel bad, but they will in all likely hood be fine.

 

If you do decide to keep the child you do have the option of pursuing child support. He doesn't get to just decide what you have to do for you and then wash his hands of the situation. He has a responsibility to this child if he likes it or not. It's just up to you to decide if you want the headaches and the continued contact with the jerk and if the costs are worth the advantages.

 

If you really really feel you cannot raise this child then adoption is also a loving option.

 

If this is something you don't want to do then don't do it. 


Mom to DS 4/24/03 and DD 4/17/06
JollyGG is offline  
#8 of 27 Old 02-12-2012, 09:15 AM
 
BookWorm24's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

First of all you ALWAYS have a choice! That being said I know first hand of what it is like to have financial trouble and little ones I had two children before I was old enough to buy a lotto ticket. It was hard but I made it work w/o a man. I also know what it feels like to have someone or everyone telling you what you have to do. If you are haveing ANY reservations about getting an abortion don't do it, there is no redo button for that and it is a choice you will have to live with for the rest of your life. You can however give the baby up for adoption, there are many couples who cannot concieve and are looking toward adoption, you may be able to help them start a family. Whatever you decide IT IS YOUR CHOICE and you are the one who will have to live with it. 

BookWorm24 is offline  
#9 of 27 Old 02-12-2012, 09:21 AM
 
Mom31's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: America
Posts: 3,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

if you even begin to think adoption please read primal wound first


mdcblog5.gifsaynovax.giffambedsingle2.gifhomebirth.jpg

 

 

Mom31 is offline  
#10 of 27 Old 02-12-2012, 11:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
sprout 1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

wow thanks everyone for your replies... I shed my first tears reading through them.

 

The funny thing is my period was a day or two late last month. I decided if it was late a couple more days I'd get a pregnancy test, and if it was positive I'd take the abortion pill. Over the past month I've thought several times what a mistake that would have been, and I had what were almost like mourning thoughts for the child that would have been. I know if I had an abortion I'd always feel regret, shame, and like a coward for not trying to do something I know I could do.

 

My kids are 8, 5, and 2. My due date would be a month before my daughter turns 3, which is funny since all my kids are 3 years apart.

 

My 8yr old has sensory processing disorder so he can only be in the classroom a few hrs a week, so I have to homeschool him the rest of the time, there's really no option at this point. So everything I do for income is always under the table, I just can't work a regular job right now. I've been pursuing my bachelor's degree online, and I do have some things I could sell that would probably float me for a year or two. That's something, right? I mean by the time all the kids are in school I could hopefully use my degree to get a good job and we'd be ok.

 

There's no way I'll get support out of this guy. If I have the baby, I will do everything in my power to not list him as the father. He was supposed to be like a fun rebound for me... I had a mirena but it caused me to have some cysts and bladder issues so I had it removed and he got a vasectomy. We've never had unprotected sex since my mirena so I don't even know how this happened... He doesn't work and I don't agree with his parenting philosophies (should say lack therof) or his lifestyle (growing weed to make ends meet). I was with him because we had so much fun together, and honestly it's nearly impossible for me to meet people. Not someone I actually wanted to have a family with though, and apparently he felt the same about me. 

 

I don't know, I just feel like I could do it on my own. Overall I feel like a good mom. I'd do anything for my kids. They all adore each other and we're a pretty tight family. In my heart I feel that another child is a positive thing, not a negative one. But I have no way of knowing how that all could change. I've been through so much in my life that I almost feel like I could do anything, and I really couldn't afford to be humbled if things would go wrong with this. Part of me thinks I'm an absolute idiot for even considering it, but another part of me feels like it's just how it's going to be and we're going to find a way to make it like we always have.

 

Tomorrow I will be going in to one of those pregnancy centers where they give counseling, it's supposedly not biased but we'll see.

 

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, it means a lot to me.

sprout 1 is offline  
#11 of 27 Old 02-12-2012, 11:29 AM
 
pianojazzgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Montreal
Posts: 4,335
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I don't have any great insights or advice, but I couldn't read and not send hugs.  (((hugs)))

 

Good luck making your decision mama.  May you have peace in your heart.


Kate, mom to 7 year old Djuna and 4 yr old Alden. Missing our good friend Hal the cat who died June 2, 2010

pianojazzgirl is offline  
#12 of 27 Old 02-12-2012, 06:08 PM
JMJ
 
JMJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,301
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Hugs to you, mama.  I couldn't read without responding.  What a difficult situation!  I'm so sorry to hear you're going through all that.  I have known women who have had abortions because they feel like they had no choice, and they have had a very difficult time with their abortions.  I really feel that a society that really cared for women would support them to be able to have their babies and that no woman would ever feel like she has no choice other than to have an abortion.  What a terrible place to be!  I sometimes feel like our society in general has shut down support for pregnant women because they could just avoid needing help by having an abortion.  This is especially true for the men who get women pregnant.

 

Fortunately, there are some individuals and organizations (mostly who have a pro-life bent) who are trying to do everything they can to provide women in exactly your situation, those who don't want an abortion but don't know if they can do it by themselves, to get the assistance that they need to be able to make the decision to give birth to their babies and make decisions about the baby's upbringing that they can live with.  Many pregnancy care centers will provide women with referrals for affordable or in some cases free prenatal and birth care, maternity and baby clothes and materials, assistance with finding jobs or making financial decisions about how to make things work, help walking through the adoption process if a woman chooses, and anything they can do to help women get on their feet after the birth.  No, this does not extend throughout the child's entire life, but there is not such a gap in our society's willingness to care for women and children after the baby is born.  Programs like WIC, food stamps, and other welfare programs provide some support to those who have the most critical needs.

 

There are no guarantees in life, and something terrible could happen to any of us.  I know you're living closer to that edge than many of us, but most of the time, things do work out.  I've never known anybody who has regretted their decision not to have an abortion.  I have friends who are struggling single moms, and it's hard.  They live paycheck to paycheck and sometimes get behind on bills, but they never regret making a decision for life for their children, and somehow, they make it through.

 

I do encourage you to talk with someone who is aware of the resources for struggling pregnant mothers in your area, and this is likely to be your local pro-life pregnancy center.  Nobody is unbiased when it comes to abortion.  Either they think it might be a good choice, or they don't.  Places that refer for abortions are not likely to suggest that you go someplace that is pro-life, even if it is a place that could provide you with the real resources that you would need to follow through with your choice for life, and most of the places that work the hardest to provide for pregnant women in need do so out of a strong belief that both the mother and baby are people who deserve support and therefore can't in good conscience encourage abortion.  I really encourage you to explore ALL your options to know what resources could be available to you and prevent you from feeling trapped in having an abortion.

tammyrcv likes this.
JMJ is offline  
#13 of 27 Old 02-12-2012, 06:29 PM
 
JollyGG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,654
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by JMJ View Post

Hugs to you, mama.  I couldn't read without responding.  What a difficult situation!  I'm so sorry to hear you're going through all that.  I have known women who have had abortions because they feel like they had no choice, and they have had a very difficult time with their abortions.  I really feel that a society that really cared for women would support them to be able to have their babies and that no woman would ever feel like she has no choice other than to have an abortion.  What a terrible place to be!  I sometimes feel like our society in general has shut down support for pregnant women because they could just avoid needing help by having an abortion.  This is especially true for the men who get women pregnant.

 

Fortunately, there are some individuals and organizations (mostly who have a pro-life bent) who are trying to do everything they can to provide women in exactly your situation, those who don't want an abortion but don't know if they can do it by themselves, to get the assistance that they need to be able to make the decision to give birth to their babies and make decisions about the baby's upbringing that they can live with.  Many pregnancy care centers will provide women with referrals for affordable or in some cases free prenatal and birth care, maternity and baby clothes and materials, assistance with finding jobs or making financial decisions about how to make things work, help walking through the adoption process if a woman chooses, and anything they can do to help women get on their feet after the birth.  No, this does not extend throughout the child's entire life, but there is not such a gap in our society's willingness to care for women and children after the baby is born.  Programs like WIC, food stamps, and other welfare programs provide some support to those who have the most critical needs.

 

There are no guarantees in life, and something terrible could happen to any of us.  I know you're living closer to that edge than many of us, but most of the time, things do work out.  I've never known anybody who has regretted their decision not to have an abortion.  I have friends who are struggling single moms, and it's hard.  They live paycheck to paycheck and sometimes get behind on bills, but they never regret making a decision for life for their children, and somehow, they make it through.

 

I do encourage you to talk with someone who is aware of the resources for struggling pregnant mothers in your area, and this is likely to be your local pro-life pregnancy center.  Nobody is unbiased when it comes to abortion.  Either they think it might be a good choice, or they don't.  Places that refer for abortions are not likely to suggest that you go someplace that is pro-life, even if it is a place that could provide you with the real resources that you would need to follow through with your choice for life, and most of the places that work the hardest to provide for pregnant women in need do so out of a strong belief that both the mother and baby are people who deserve support and therefore can't in good conscience encourage abortion.  I really encourage you to explore ALL your options to know what resources could be available to you and prevent you from feeling trapped in having an abortion.


I agree with everything she said.


Mom to DS 4/24/03 and DD 4/17/06
JollyGG is offline  
#14 of 27 Old 02-13-2012, 08:14 AM
 
annie2186's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: CO
Posts: 829
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by JMJ View Post

Hugs to you, mama.  I couldn't read without responding.  What a difficult situation!  I'm so sorry to hear you're going through all that.  I have known women who have had abortions because they feel like they had no choice, and they have had a very difficult time with their abortions.  I really feel that a society that really cared for women would support them to be able to have their babies and that no woman would ever feel like she has no choice other than to have an abortion.  What a terrible place to be!  I sometimes feel like our society in general has shut down support for pregnant women because they could just avoid needing help by having an abortion.  This is especially true for the men who get women pregnant.

 

Fortunately, there are some individuals and organizations (mostly who have a pro-life bent) who are trying to do everything they can to provide women in exactly your situation, those who don't want an abortion but don't know if they can do it by themselves, to get the assistance that they need to be able to make the decision to give birth to their babies and make decisions about the baby's upbringing that they can live with.  Many pregnancy care centers will provide women with referrals for affordable or in some cases free prenatal and birth care, maternity and baby clothes and materials, assistance with finding jobs or making financial decisions about how to make things work, help walking through the adoption process if a woman chooses, and anything they can do to help women get on their feet after the birth.  No, this does not extend throughout the child's entire life, but there is not such a gap in our society's willingness to care for women and children after the baby is born.  Programs like WIC, food stamps, and other welfare programs provide some support to those who have the most critical needs.

 

There are no guarantees in life, and something terrible could happen to any of us.  I know you're living closer to that edge than many of us, but most of the time, things do work out.  I've never known anybody who has regretted their decision not to have an abortion.  I have friends who are struggling single moms, and it's hard.  They live paycheck to paycheck and sometimes get behind on bills, but they never regret making a decision for life for their children, and somehow, they make it through.

 

I do encourage you to talk with someone who is aware of the resources for struggling pregnant mothers in your area, and this is likely to be your local pro-life pregnancy center.  Nobody is unbiased when it comes to abortion.  Either they think it might be a good choice, or they don't.  Places that refer for abortions are not likely to suggest that you go someplace that is pro-life, even if it is a place that could provide you with the real resources that you would need to follow through with your choice for life, and most of the places that work the hardest to provide for pregnant women in need do so out of a strong belief that both the mother and baby are people who deserve support and therefore can't in good conscience encourage abortion.  I really encourage you to explore ALL your options to know what resources could be available to you and prevent you from feeling trapped in having an abortion.

 

^^^^^ yes, to this.

 

K in my signature is not my biological child. My DH has admitted that he and bio-mom almost had an abortion. It was the only time I have seen him cry. I am not sure why/what happened (the bio-mom was still under 18) but when I look at K sometimes, I just think about how lucky she is. How lucky EVERYONE is to be here after abortion was legalized. It was a lottery we won. Unfortunately we, the winners, were the minority. 

 

You can tell from my signature that I have 4 kids (3 bio ones). It has not been an easy last 6 years for me as all of them were surprises to one degree or another. However, looking at them, right now, making block towers..........I am so happy I let them win the lottery.

 

The honest to goodness truth is that there is a BABY in there. A human life that was entrusted to you. It is not a ball of cells. It is a boy or a girl with a personality and a DESTINY. He/she is counting on you, their mother and ultimate protector, to let them LIVE.

 

Anyways, I know this post will not make me the most popular person and I honestly do not judge any poor mother who has felt that her only option was to kill her own child. It is just a by-product of the society we live in. 

 

hug2.gif  grouphug.gif's momma

tammyrcv likes this.

caffix.gif wife and forever in love with J jammin.gif  - Mom to 4 girls K blahblah.gif '01' J energy.gif '06' M bouncy.gif '08' &  A drool.gif '11'  nocirc.gif  saynovax.gif

 
 

annie2186 is offline  
#15 of 27 Old 02-13-2012, 12:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
sprout 1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Well I totally experienced what you're talking about JMJ, in regards to people's motivations for encouraging abortion when the mom doesn't want it. I talked to my brother's girlfriend yesterday, because she's a very open minded person and I thought she'd listen. She ended up giving me a lecture on how I am "creating my own destiny" by saying it would be too hard for me to have an abortion, and she strongly encouraged me to change the way I talk and think about it and go for an abortion. Obviously, saying it would be too hard to have the baby is the same thing in that regard, the only difference is it wouldn't affect HER life at all if I'd terminate. But after talking for a while, she apologized and said she just doesn't want to see me go through more pain, because I've had a really difficult few years and things were finally settling down. I guess people don't understand that it would be infinitely more painful for me to abort my baby than to raise it. For everyone else, aborting the baby makes it "go away" and solves the "problem". It will never go away for me, and I don't see any of my children as problems.

 

I've actually found myself getting EXCITED about having another baby, and then immediately feeling guilty, ashamed, and like a complete idiot. Last night I was laying in bed, looking at my pregnancy tests and I got this huge grin and just felt overwhelmed with joy. Then the "real world" hit and I felt like crying. Rather than think I may be going crazy, I'm going to just allow myself to have these mood swings for the moment and take it day by day.

 

I did go to the pregnancy center and they are on a full swing pro-life agenda. I got an ultrasound and I'm probably around 6 weeks, but it wasn't even any use talking to them because they just were trying to push adoption. 


So I guess at this point I still feel like I SHOULD get an abortion, but I know there's no way I will. I love this baby too much already. I don't know how the hell I'm going to do it but I'm just going to have to try.

 

Annie- my ex-husband's ex-girlfriend (lol) had an abortion when they were young. When I met him many years later he cried telling me about it. Throughout our marriage I thought about that baby every once in a while, and it did feel like a loss even though it had nothing to do with me. I don't judge anyone who chooses abortion, but I just know it isn't a decision I could live with.

sprout 1 is offline  
#16 of 27 Old 02-13-2012, 02:13 PM
 
Mom31's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: America
Posts: 3,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

well then you know your only option is to have and raise the baby!  You can do it and we fully support you in any decision you make. both my kids were surprises and I did not know how I would do it- but I am doing it. It will all work out- you are strong and loving mother.


mdcblog5.gifsaynovax.giffambedsingle2.gifhomebirth.jpg

 

 

Mom31 is offline  
#17 of 27 Old 02-13-2012, 02:15 PM
JMJ
 
JMJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,301
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences with your brother's girlfriend and the pro-life pregnancy center.  I think some people see adoption as the "pro-life" way of making the "problem" go away, and it can be used similarly to how "pro-choice" people use abortion, as a means of excusing themselves from giving a mother what she needs when what she really wants is a little bit of emotional and material support to be able to raise this baby, despite the imperfect circumstances.  Don't get me wrong.  I think adoption can be a great option for some situations, but it sounds like you're a great mom already, and you're already in love with this baby, and what you'd really like is support for making it work so that you can raise this baby.  (I apologize if I'm putting words in your mouth.  That is just what it sounds like from reading your posts, so correct me if I'm wrong.)

 

I'm really surprised that the pregnancy center you visited didn't offer you options for parenting the child.  Most places, maternity and baby clothes and other materials comes standard at pro-life centers, along with a wide array of knowledge about the other community resources in the area.  Is there a Birthright nearby where you live?  As an organization as a whole, they are pro-life and freely admit it, but they are not preachy or judgmental about it, and they make it their goal to listen to what a mother needs and provide for those needs.  If you go in there not sure of your decision, they'll encourage you to look at all your options, including adoption, but if you tell them that you've thought about it, and you think adoption is not the best choice for your situation, I would assume (hope) that they would respect that.  If you came in and told them that you have decided to raise this child yourself and just need some help or that you really want to explore the option of parenting and see what resources could be available to you, I would guess that they would do just that.  Most pro-life pregnancy centers are independently run, so results may vary, but Birthright has international organization to ensure (or at least do a better job of ensuring) quality.  If there's one in the area, I would definitely look them up.

JMJ is offline  
#18 of 27 Old 02-14-2012, 10:14 PM
 
8inHawaii's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 8
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I am so sorry for all you have had to go through in recent years and now with the unexpected baby. You are right in saying that an abortion can destroy you. My friends that have had abortions were all traumatized and know they have lost their child and would take it back if they could. Plus, they found it hard bringing it up to their other children years later. One person I knew - their grown child had always felt they had a missing sibling and never understood why until their mom revealed years later that she had had an abortion. The child had even dreamed of their sister they never knew! Kind of eerie. you have a lot on your plate and I understand you are scared. I know adoption seems like a cop out too, but it is actually a very selfless choice. Even though you love your unseen baby you want the best for it already and maybe adoption is it. One of my best friends is adopted and she was the youngest of 4. Her mother knew she couldn't raise her and gave her to my friend's adoptive family. Of course there were times she wondered why her mom didn't keep her, but she loves her adopted parents and she knows her bio-mom must have suffered a lot to come to the decision to give her up and that it was for her benefit - not because she wasn't wanted. My friend has been in contact w/ her bio-mom as an adult and has had a wonderful up-bringing and has a wonderful adoptive mom, dad and brother. She wouldn't change her path. I will pray for you - that you make the right decision for you and your baby and that you can have a deep and lasting peace with your decision. Just please do not abort your little one - they are a person w/ a destiny as much as my several friends who are now adults who had come close to being aborted. There is a really awesome moving ad that was put out a couple years ago that is worth looking at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIBZ-kJ6XAc Please watch it! I will be thinking of you and your family. You are a good mom to be worried about your kids!

8inHawaii is offline  
#19 of 27 Old 02-14-2012, 10:46 PM
 
Alenushka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 1,893
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

I come from the country where women routinely have 2-12 abortions. My mother felt sad about hers but not any other of my friends, relatives or other women I met. I do not think abortion is alwa a traumatazing expreince. Some people feel sad about adoption.

 

It is all depends on how one frames it.

Alenushka is offline  
#20 of 27 Old 02-15-2012, 06:47 AM
 
Mom31's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: America
Posts: 3,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I am adopted and I do not reccomend it to anyone. Seriously.  the same feelings you have about abortion you will have after an adoption and there are no guarantees about the adoptive  parents promising open adoption =- they hold all the cards.  Do not put this baby up for adoption unless you want to feel all the same things you would feel about abortion- loss, grief,  depression, etc.... I can get you more information if you like but this is not a good option for many reasons.  Your baby is yours.


mdcblog5.gifsaynovax.giffambedsingle2.gifhomebirth.jpg

 

 

Mom31 is offline  
#21 of 27 Old 02-15-2012, 07:06 AM
 
serenbat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,369
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 101 Post(s)

 

 

Quote:
I got an ultrasound and I'm probably around 6 weeks,

 

 

please get a second opinion on that- you may not be- unless you know for sure do not go by that- it has been shown that pro-life places often exaggerate the weeks to make you think you are more weeks along so you do not abort - please check at an OP or other non-judgmental place so that you know for sure


 

 pro-transparency advocate

&

lurk.gif  PROUD member of the .3% club!

 

Want to join? Just ask me!

 

"You know, in my day we used to sit on our ass smoking Parliaments for nine months.

Today, you have one piece of Brie and everybody goes berserk."      ROTFLMAO.gif 

serenbat is offline  
#22 of 27 Old 02-15-2012, 09:04 AM
 
DexLGC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Some people have regretted terminating, some haven't--my mother in law has twice, once because she was gravely ill and wouldn't have survived carrying to term, and once because they didn't have the resources to support a third child. She doesn't regret either one of them.

 

But you are absolutely right not to if you're uncomfortable with it. The point of reproductive rights isn't, "Yay abortions!" it's that you have a choice. Don't ever feel like you have to (or can't!) and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. There are resources available, like JMJ said. If you really feel like you don't have the support resources, also know that some open adoptions do work. I know the bio-dad of a child his ex gave up for adoption when he was 19. He sees the little boy regularly, sends birthday presents,etc. It is possible.

 

No option is immune to heartache, and it's what makes choices like this so difficult--my heart goes out to you for needing to make it.

DexLGC is offline  
#23 of 27 Old 02-16-2012, 06:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
sprout 1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

So more changes!! I decided there is no way I could get an abortion... I'll make this work no matter what. I really love this baby, and I'm getting so excited. Not sure how I'll make it work, but I will.

And surprisingly, I got a letter from the dad yesterday. He says he was so scared that night I told him, he wishes he could take it back, he could never go through with an abortion, and he'll always love me even if I don't ever talk to him again lol. I don't really know how I feel about him. I mean I have love for him... but he's kind of a loser. Then again look at the man I picked to be my husband/father of my kids, he just lost it and is even worse than this guy now. I guess you never can tell. 

I know I'm not going to get any help from the dad, and the last thing I need is another baby to take care of (not to mention his son, who is beyond a handful). But thankfully we have a while to figure things out.
Overall things are looking up... still sitting here feeling exhausted and pukey with 3 kids to take care of, but at least I know the dad is "supportive" of my decision. Next step is to tell the family. My brother somehow knows something is up, he's been texting me about beer for 2 days orngbiggrin.gif

 

eta: just saw the info about the ultrasound. I thought it was fishy, I really did not recognize it as a 6week ultrasound, and the tech only could find it for a few flashes, not even long enough to get a picture. No heartbeat which freaked me out, but I figured I was about 5wks based on my dates so tried not to worry about it.  I don't think I'll go back to that place, they didn't really have it together and I don't dig the dishonesty.

sprout 1 is offline  
#24 of 27 Old 02-16-2012, 07:05 PM
 
serenbat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,369
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 101 Post(s)

 

 

Quote:
eta: just saw the info about the ultrasound.

 

 

awhile back there was a documentary on HBO about pro and anti and they talked about greatly altering the ultrasounds and I have also personal heard of this (mostly in cases farther along!!)

 

seek a reputable provider for accurate info

 

good luck with what ever choice you choose (or have made)


 

 pro-transparency advocate

&

lurk.gif  PROUD member of the .3% club!

 

Want to join? Just ask me!

 

"You know, in my day we used to sit on our ass smoking Parliaments for nine months.

Today, you have one piece of Brie and everybody goes berserk."      ROTFLMAO.gif 

serenbat is offline  
#25 of 27 Old 02-17-2012, 03:10 PM
 
Mom31's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: America
Posts: 3,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Hugs mama... it will all work out.


mdcblog5.gifsaynovax.giffambedsingle2.gifhomebirth.jpg

 

 

Mom31 is offline  
#26 of 27 Old 08-17-2012, 05:16 PM
 
forever friend's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I was just wondering how you are doing now? You must be just under 2 months away from having your baby...I hope all is going very well for you. I wish I could help, emotionally, financially, etc... If you need ANYTHING please let me know!! MY mom was a single mom and I am so grateful to her for all of her hard work and LOVE she gave us!! Hugs and Love to you!! God's blessings on you and your children!! James 1:17 Every good GIFT and every perfect Gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of Lights heartbeat.gif with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. He never changes His love toward you!!!

forever friend is offline  
#27 of 27 Old 08-17-2012, 07:00 PM
 
Oliver'sMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 823
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Hugs to you!  You're an amazing mother and the love you have for your 4 children shines through your posts.  I've found that babies come on their time, not ours.  When my husband and I were dating in college, I got pregnant.  I was on the pill, and we used condoms, but it still happened.  Sadly, that pregnancy ended in miscarriage.

 

My point is, babies happen :)  Please don't feel ashamed or that you're an idiot for being excited about your pregnancy.  Yes, it will be hard, and yes, stupid people may judge you, but you get a gorgeous brand new human being out of the deal!  Love will conquer all.  Congratulations on making your final decision.  I can only imagine how hard this all must be.  You can do this!!


Enjoying life with DH since 05/04 and our two boys Oliver 02/07 and Theodore 07/10 
        
Oliver'sMom is offline  
Reply

Tags
Family Planning

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off