Have been lurking here for a while... but really need to get some stuff out of my head and get feedback on it ... I am in a short term relationship, in my early-mid 30s and REALLY want to have a baby. To the point that I find myself sabotaging my birth control. If I keep going this way, I am going to get myself pregnant "by accident" with a guy who isn't going to be involved.
This is NOT the way I want to be pregnant. I am hoping that maybe if I talk about it here I can stop doing stupid things with him.
As someone who made a baby with the "wrong" guy, let me tell you, it sucks. It sucks to be permanently tied to someone you don't want to ever see again. It sucks to spend money on lawyers to deal with custody crap. It sucks to have to share your child with someone you don't live with. It sucks to have to pay for all the insurance costs, daycare costs, and food costs, etc by yourself. It sucks to put in all the hard work caring for a baby only have them cry when it's time for mommy's house because their dad is emotionally blackmailing them, it sucks to have to drag your x into a marriage because the father of your child will always be a part of your life. It sucks to always have to put on a happy face when you're dealing with an x because that's what's best for your kid.
Most of all though, it sucks for the kid. I feel guilty every day that my daughter doesn't get to grow up with the same type of family that I did. I feel bad that she's the one who has to pay the most for our mistake. (And it was a mistake. It wasn't until I started charting to get pregnant 6 years later that I realized I have really long cycles with ovulation bleeding. We both thought we'd be okay since I was still "menstruating" a little.) I will always love my daughter with all my heart, but I will regret to the day I die the circumstances in which she was born. Now that I've had a child on purpose while married, I can tell you it's very, very different.
Now, about what you're doing to this guy... How dare you create a long term obligation for him without his consent. Sure, men are responsible for every single sperm that leaves their body, but he's trusting you to take care of birth control right now. If you're missing pills or doing other things to increase your chances of getting pregnant, you have a responsibility to tell him.
Happily married to my soul mate, and a mommy of two girls + another baby due in June!
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