How do you know when you're done? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 03-24-2013, 04:42 AM - Thread Starter
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I am really struggling with this. We have 3 boys - 6, 3 and 13 months. Three was always a number in my head. In fact, after ds2, I really wasn't sure I wanted another baby but I knew I wanted three kids and wanted to get it over with so we could move on to the next phase in our life.

Now that we are here though, it's so much harder! All the obvious reasons point to stopping at three. Dh is open to more - he wants more like 4 or 5 - but he has such a hard time dealing with all three together already that I'm hesitant to add to that. He also works long hours so I'm on my own a lot. We fight a lot when I'm pregnant and throughout the first year. Finances are always a concern - we make enough but barely and more kids would mean more stress. We have three boys and even though I always wanted a girl, I am totally excited about doing a triple bunk bed in their room once ds3 moves out of our room. I was just starting to do some freelance work after ds2 and while I've been able to continue doing it, it's been hard through the pregnancy and while ds3 has been so little - I could start to focus more on that. On me for that matter - maybe lose some of this baby weight! And once ds3 starts sleeping through the night, I'll be able to sleep again!

But there is such a yearning for another baby. I have so many friends that are pregnant and I feel so sad when I look at them and their new squishies and know I won't have one again. I thought when I was done that I would feel more like I did after ds2. But I'm kind of obsessed with babies now. Is this normal? Is it hormones? Or is it really a sign that maybe we're not done?
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#2 of 8 Old 03-24-2013, 06:40 AM
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1. You have plenty of time. You still have a baby. You may not be "done" but you dont sound ready for another quite yet. And that's okay, you can leave the door open and revisit it later. It's much less stressful that way smile.gif

2. I think, and from what others have said it seems to be supported, that when you are done you know it. when dd3 was a younger toddler and dh was cracking jokes about being done, it really got to me. Even though I didn't want a baby right then, the idea of being done made me a little sad. He wasn't actually serious, and we are now expecting #4 and I feel totally done. It's like a switch went off as soon as I got pregnant. I am just ready to be done having babies smile.gif

Banana, doula wife to Papa Banana and mother to Banana One, Banana Two, Banana Three, Banana Four...

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#3 of 8 Old 03-24-2013, 06:50 AM - Thread Starter
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Thanks for your thoughts. I should add that I am 36 and only have one ovary (that works very well apparently ;-) and don't want to wait too long so the time factor stresses me too. I know it's not a decision that *has* to be decided right away - but sometimes I feel like it is...
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#4 of 8 Old 03-24-2013, 06:54 AM
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My partner says he's done which makes me sad.  I'm hoping he'll change his mind down the road a bit.  I'm 30, he's 34.  We have 2 boys together, a 3 year old and a 2 month old.  He also has a 13 year old from a previous relationship.  I would like 1, possibly 2 more.  He says he's getting too old. I'm hoping he changes his mind in the next couple of years.  He absolutely adores his children and is an excellent father.  I like to space my babies so they're almost 3 years apart so they can be breastfed for 2 years. (I don't believe in breastfeeding while pregnant - at least for me as I don't always eat as well as I should.)  So I'm hoping for at least 1 more.  Was hoping my second would be a boy... and would like at least 1 girl in the future.

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#5 of 8 Old 03-26-2013, 05:13 PM
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I hope it's normal? LOL! I also have 3 boys (2, 4 & 6) and am not ready to say no more babies ever. DH says no more "right now". Our hands are full, being done would be logical! I have been day dreaming of having #4 when #3 is like 4...It might be a treat to have a baby and no toddler!! Older siblings who can help out!
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#6 of 8 Old 03-28-2013, 04:48 PM
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I am 39. I had my 1st miscarriage this past summer. It was so, so sad! Heartbreaking, really. So now that I will be moving into my 40s, and I know the chance of m/c increases quite a bit, I'm feeling so fearful of miscarrying again that I think I'm done with pregnancies (after this one). Although dh & I will never do hormones or surgery for fear of cancer either. :p Geez, I guess I'm just full of fears aren't I. :p

North Idaho rural living  mama to: 23 yo DD, 16 yo DS, 8 yo DS, 6 yo DS, 4 yr old DS, 2 yo DD, and 1 yo DS. And someone new coming this Christmas!
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#7 of 8 Old 03-31-2013, 11:03 PM
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I want to know, too. I don't want one right now, but do still want one. I'm almost 38, and if I were ten years younger I wouldn't be stressed about it, but since I'm not, I am. DH does not want one. I have two sons, 10 and 20, and he has a teenage son. None together, which makes me very sad and I feel like I'm missing something.

"Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen." Ralph Marston

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#8 of 8 Old 04-07-2013, 12:00 PM
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I thought that I would "feel done" after three, but NO!  My baby fever is pretty bad right now, and I'm praying for the chance to raise a fourth.  I love pregnancy, birth, and raising children.  They are such a blessing!


I hope you find some peace about this decision.  Good luck!

~Erica, Cory, Fletcher, Jonah, and Charlotte :: knit.gifhomeschool.gifteapot2.GIFwinner.jpgblogging.jpg

Expecting Blessing #4 - December 2013  pos.gif
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