Wanting But Waiting 2014 - Page 4 - Mothering Forums
First ... 2  3  4 5  6  14  ... Last
Family Planning > Wanting But Waiting 2014
writermama12's Avatar writermama12 11:45 AM 02-06-2014

One final thing. I wanted to say hi to all the new mamas on here. I've been reading your posts and I am so glad you've joined us. Sorry I am not as good at "wanting but waiting" as I mean to be. hahaha. I am proclaiming, though, here and now that I mean to wait until May and the earliest. MAY, HO!! I will keep rereading this post to remind myself. May is not far away. May is doable, right? May. Thank you for your support. :)

SnowDrifter's Avatar SnowDrifter 11:54 AM 02-06-2014
May isn't too far off. I can't believe the first week of February is almost over already.
I'm actually a little jealous of you Writermama, I'm not very good at being spontaneous or letting things happen when I don't feel the time is perfect.

I'm trying to find some projects to fill my non work time that are baby related but not expensive. I find planning tends to less some of the wanting.
writermama12's Avatar writermama12 12:38 PM 02-06-2014

Funny, Snowdrifter, that the grass seems greener...but it is still just grass.. I remember that before DH and I started having babies, we waited three years after marriage (and had dated for five years before that), wanting but waiting wasn't too hard. Just a little. We'd talk about it now and then. But my drive was not, how can I put it, ravenous? Vicious? Now that we dove in for the past several years and have two together (and one from my previous relationship), all bets are off. We LOVE the entire hardwonderfulscaryjoyous process of making and raising kids. It is fulfilling on every level, so with that experience under our belts, and in the backs of our minds, I think we know that whatever happens, we'll all turn out okay...SO WHY NOT!? Why not one mo, why not now??? Guessing. But I think that is it, for us. I am also trying not to feel guilty for not waiting for a *more perfect* time, and giving in to my gut (or, ehem, loins). Oh, well. We each walk our own way.


I do think that planning stuff to do will help engage you in the process of wanting but waiting though. Good idea.

3lilchunklins's Avatar 3lilchunklins 12:48 PM 02-06-2014
AF is very rudely due on Valentines day!!
I don't think I actually O'd till a week after the risky business took place... so it probably won't be this month.
Excited for you writer!
It really cracks me up how much these hormones effect our brains and ability to be practical... Lol
odalisque's Avatar odalisque 06:10 PM 02-06-2014

Hello everyone! I am new here but have been charting for quite some time! I had a Paragard IUD but had it removed in December because I had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy (I could have left the IUD in, but it freaked me out too much). I'm back to TTA with FAM and dying to TTC our first...

writermama12's Avatar writermama12 04:33 AM 02-07-2014

Hi, Welcome odalisque! I also had a ruptured tube from an ectopic due to IUD, and yes, I agree, I would never use one again. I just wanted to give you a bit of baby dust and tell you that after the removal of my tube, I've gone on to have two babies very easily (getting pregnant without trying) despite only one tube, which is against the odds they give you, so I think there is nothing to worry about on that front for many women. I am hoping that you also find good fortune and wish you luck while you TTA! When are you planning to TTC? Many of us are (trying to) waiting for summer.

odalisque's Avatar odalisque 05:15 AM 02-07-2014

Thank you, writermama12! I am meeting so many people with the same experience and I'm sorry you had to go through that too. I miraculously got to keep my tube, but I'm still worried there may be something blocking it. My doc recommended that I go for an HSG when we start TTC. Depending on how the chips fall we may wait until next year. :( I would like for my husband to finish school (he has just over 2 semesters left) and get a job first because there's no way I'm going back to my current (awful) job after baby. But, we've been talking about it more and more since my surgery, so we'll see what happens!

3lilchunklins's Avatar 3lilchunklins 09:07 AM 02-07-2014
Oh my gosh! What an awful experience! I'm glad your tube wasn't damaged tho smile.gif
katydid09's Avatar katydid09 11:09 AM 02-07-2014
Odalisque, wow that is super scary. I'm glad things worked out okay. Would you want to find a new job after a baby or would you stay home?

Writer, i probably shouldn't laugh at your struggle to wait until May but I couldn't help myself. I am the same way, glad to know I'm not alone smile.gif
AndtheStars's Avatar AndtheStars 03:01 PM 02-07-2014

writermama:  I laughed too :o  I keep thinking that May would be the perfect time to start too.  It would give me May, June, and July for my ideal baby spacing and birth time.  I really don't want to have a baby at the beginning of fall, knowing I will have to bundle, bundle bundle a newborn for the next 6-9 months.  I like the idea of a spring baby.  So maybe you can use that as motivation.  I wish that I had a hormone problem around O.  I think that I'm still nursing too much to really feel the urge.


Odalisque:  I think it's a good idea to wait until your husband has only one semester of school left.  That gives him 9 months to finish school and find a job.  That's not too bad a time frame.  And I would wait and see what happens with TTC before I would go for extra testing.  You really only need one good tube (and one good ovary of course)  Welcome!  


3lil:  Maybe your husband has super sperm!  I will still cross my fingers for you for a valentine's day surprise that isn't AF-related.


Give me your opinions on how hard I should push DH on the 3rd child issue.  I don't want to cause problems in my marriage but I feel like he is being really short-sighted about this.  I've spoken my piece multiple times and he knows how much it means to me.  I've thought about just letting it all go and waiting for him to slip up sometime in the week before O or hoping that he has super sperm that somehow survive for 6-7 days.  But that thought drives the planner in me crazy.  And I would want a third sooner rather than later so our spacing stays similar.  I can not STAND being in limbo.  I need a plan! 

3lilchunklins's Avatar 3lilchunklins 04:03 PM 02-07-2014
Yea, I totally hear ya on the needing a plan. Just being mentally adjusted either way.
Um IDK what to tell u on whether to push for #3 or back off. I was in a very similar situation with wanting my #4 and DH just didn't. No real reasons, he was just done. I got pregnant by surprise which it did take him a long time to accept that. But now you never would know that he had any reservations at all. I said things like "see aren't you glad we had him" to which he's like yea of course! and then asks why I said that. "So you don't remember being angry when I got pregnant? telling me all you can see is dollar signs!" He goes "wow I really said that? that's pretty messed up!" So my point is - now that baby is here and they've bonded well he doesn't even remember not wanting him. Maybe just for now hope for a slip up... I hope the other mamas have some good advice for u smile.gif
writermama12's Avatar writermama12 09:27 AM 02-08-2014

Snowdrifter, I missed your prior post...my writing technique changes depending on genre. So with YA, I actually do both the things you mention. With each chapter written, I then plot out in outline form everything that will happen in the following chapter before writing it, then while writing it, I let the characters act organically and move in a natural direction within my boundaries, sometimes leading them in different and better ways than I'd planned. But I do have an overall vague plot and structure I'm imposing over the book, and a narrative arch that won't really change.


Andthestars, tough one for outsiders to comment on. I understand the drive to get opinions though because I do that too. But it is hard for me to give good advice since there are so many variables involved...like dh's personality, how often and under what circumstances you've brought this topic to the table only to have it shut down...I like chunklins' strategy to give you an experience. So here's mine. After ds3 was born, I'm the one who proclaimed I was done, although it is no secret in this family that I would love a daughter. Dh agreed that three boys is a bountiful family, but after several months pp, I began to feel differently. Sometimes, talking about my feelings and justifying them to dh was a relief, sometimes a chore as he mostly listened, but would also argue against the idea and tease me relentlessly about being so fickle, that it was just my hormones yadda yadda. Finally, I let him know  that I'd decided I really did want to do it again and told him succinctly why, and asked him to please think about it. He did. I followed up often, like several times in a month, and asked him his feelings and thoughts and eventually it was clear that he is willing if I am sure. Then slowly he began getting more accustomed to the idea and it went into planning phase, letting him have some say and voice in the planning gave him ownership of it and now we're pretty much on the same page. So, that was my progression. I did not let the issue go because it was on my mind so much and I journaled about it and decided it was important to me. I hope my story helps you.

3lilchunklins's Avatar 3lilchunklins 12:17 PM 02-08-2014
So I'm 6DPO right now. My lower back has been achey for a couple days, today in addition to the back ache I had period like cramps, I'm wondering if they could have been implantation cramps...?
Also I have a question about POAS...
The box says you can test 4 days before you miss AF. But it doesn't make sense to me since everyone has a different length LP. 4 days before is 8 DPO for me, that seems awfully early.... I'll probably wait till 10 DPO anyway. But I'm still wondering ...
waywornwanderer's Avatar waywornwanderer 01:02 PM 02-08-2014
Hi All! Joining in the up/down emotional roller coaster of wanting but waiting. DD1 is my only child and will be one (tear!) next week. I'm stoked to have been able to wait long enough to give her a solid year of mama nourishment!! But now I must wait longer because: (1) she is not an eater and has a few allergy/GI issues. Her main sustenance is breastmilk and I'm loathe to deny her milk either to achieve pregnancy (still haven't returned to cycles PP) or because of my milk drying up. (2) we're working around my husband's school schedule. He's a student physician and we find out this time next year where he's matched for residency. We want to wait until that point to TTC. So March 2015, which seems terribly far away.

We're toying with the idea of being really laissez faire about it and just TTW starting in May. That'll give a two year gap between children and my cycles haven't even returned yet so who knows if/when I'll conceive.

I have NO IDEA why I want a baby right now. My DD has been such an awful sleeper that I feel like death and really want more time to replenish sleep/nutrients between pregnancies. And yet! The allure is sooooo strong. Must have more babies!!!

So thankful to have found this thread. I seriously need support here. Haha!
waywornwanderer's Avatar waywornwanderer 01:21 PM 02-08-2014
My grandma just sent me pictures of my cousin's beautiful newborn. Arghhghggh. The struggle is real. How I can be jealous when my daughter is still co-"sleeping" and waking 687635 times a night is beyond me!!
Yaliina's Avatar Yaliina 10:01 AM 02-09-2014

It seems I can't keep up with you ladies.  Welcome, Wayworn. To me, the challenges of mothering are not a deterrent to wanting another.  I guess I will follow the leader here & offer experiences in lieu of  advice to Andthestars, since it really is so hard to offer advice on a stranger's marriage. My only word of advice that holds true of every relationship is to keep the lines of commutation open, and be honest.  Maybe visit or borrow a friend's newborn and remind him how great they can be - maybe comment about how full life is with kids & how nice it would be to have a full table at Thanksgiving when you're old. :)

 I seem to be in the minority, maybe with Writermamma, in being the one to have declared that we were done after the last babe. I don't seem to want babies until my LOs are about 3 years. My hubby used to say that he only wanted 1-2 kiddos, but after each one he has been completely onboard with having the next. This time, when I said  we were done, he hedged before I did. Then, after we gave away All our baby stuff- cloth DIAPERS Included! - I decided that I wanted 1 more. DH Was actually thrilled, and the only convincing I really had to do was to convince him we needed to wait so that I can finish my doctorate before I'm too pregnant to fly to Florida for graduation. It was actually the idea of being able to take one more family cruise before the next babe that convinced him to wait.


 I agree that just knowing the plan is a relief. I felt so anxious in between decisions. As for plans / goals, my main objective is to finish my degree and then to get into some better shape. DH just found out he has an interview for a possible new job in another city, so if that happens, we will probably be preparing this house to sell & looking at moving. But we will cross that bridge only when/if we come to it.


I am finding it hard to keep the anticipation a secret. I especially Want to tell my boys.  But DH likes to keep it a surprise until it actually happens. So I'm occupying myself with researching names, and the best car seat...  :)

3lilchunklins's Avatar 3lilchunklins 12:29 PM 02-09-2014
I had also thought I was done. I actually had signed all the papers to have my tubes tied before I gave birth to #4. I decided if I ended up with an epi then I'd go through with it. Well in spite of begging or an epi, I dialated too fast and couldn't have one. So I didn't get fixed. Good thing too, cuz I'd be awfully depressed to want another and not able to even hope for that to happen.
Chula13's Avatar Chula13 01:46 PM 02-09-2014
I am a sahm to 4 boys 13,5 and 3 yr old twins . I would really like to have 1 more but my husband thinks we can't swing it financially but isn't entirely opposed to the idea. I would really like to get at a healthier weight before getting pregnant however so that's what I'm working on now before I start pushing the baby issue.
SnowDrifter's Avatar SnowDrifter 02:51 PM 02-09-2014
I second the not being able to keep up. Hello to everyone I haven't met yet.

Odalisque, if you don't mind me asking how old are you? I'm also waiting on my first and my hubby just started a four year online course for a business degree.
He's tentatively asked if I want to wait until he's done school before we have our first but that's just way too long for me. I just turned 28 this past December. Which already feels old to be having a first.

I work one full time job and I put in about 12-24 hours per month at a second job. Hubby has had several interviews but most say 3-4 weeks before they'll tell him anything.

Other then that I'm trying to get into better shape. Trying to make February a smoothie month. I do better at weight loss when I eat breakfast. But solid foods before noon make my stomach upset.

Writermama, do you have a set amount of time you sit each day and just write. I've been thinking of trying the 30 min - 1 hr a day of just writing to see how it goes. Sorry if I pester you with questions. :-)
writermama12's Avatar writermama12 04:38 PM 02-09-2014

Snow, I am glad to share my experience and would love it if my sharing helped to encourage you to write! Yes, do it. You will never regret writing, only not writing. I have a lot going on so I cannot write creatively every day. I freelance write analyzing YA lit for a living, and edit an online academic journal and run a writing workshop for seniors, while being a SAHM to three boys...so my time is limited. I try my hardest to write my novel Wed evenings and Saturday mornings. I aim for three pages a day, no matter how long it takes me, that is all I work on those two days. So far, I am into chapter three, so it is working, but I get distracted and sometimes don't feel like generating writing, so that is an obstacle I need to overcome. I screw around online way too much, especially when I am wondering if I am pregnant...hahah. I can burn hours reading symptoms. Even though I've had three kids!!! I know all the symptoms by heart, have gone through it, but I can't help it. t is all I want to think about. Crazy, huh? It ticks me off. I wish my internet would just go out so that I HAD to focus on my novel. :)

3lilchunklins's Avatar 3lilchunklins 05:39 PM 02-09-2014
Lol I do the same thing
katydid09's Avatar katydid09 11:06 PM 02-09-2014
Welcome to all the new comers.

Yaliina, what are you getting your doctorate in?

Snow, I've had the same problem with breakfast and have come up with the same smoothie solution. Lately I've been making a strawberry banana oatmeal smoothie that is really good and super filling. Plus I can get other things done while I eat breakfast smile.gif

Chula, several of us are also trying get to a healthier weight, what are you planning to do? I'm always on the look out for a better plan, I'm not making much progress with what I'm doing now.
Chula13's Avatar Chula13 11:59 PM 02-09-2014
Well so far I am just doing move on dailyburn which is a dance workout and watching calories. But I am planning on revamping my whole way of eating ,I eat too many processed grains and not enough healthy fats for one and also gluten causes digestive issues so that needs to go. Also I'm trying to address my emotional eating as well.
3lilchunklins's Avatar 3lilchunklins 02:39 PM 02-10-2014
I've been pretty nauseous today and SUPER thirsty for a few days now- that's always been one of my first indicators. I think I'm gonna POAS tomorrow morning. I was going to wait till Wednesday but I'm feeling fairly certain.... I just can't take the suspense!!!
writermama12's Avatar writermama12 02:45 PM 02-10-2014

OOOOhhhh man, I'm excited for you, Chunklins. I am trying hard to ignore the unusual things I am feeling because of what happened to me last month (being convinced only to learn that it was only a wicked cycle). Crazy hormones! Last night I woke up in middle of the night with numb hands and sweating from the most vivid dream I've had in months. I am not one to remember dreams often, but this one has been replaying in my head all day. It was weird and not baby related. :) Good luck!

writermama12's Avatar writermama12 02:46 PM 02-10-2014

Oh, and I've only ever had numb hands during pregnancy. So, maybe this cycle will be wicked too and maybe the numbness is hormonal rather than swelling related. IDK.

3lilchunklins's Avatar 3lilchunklins 03:03 PM 02-10-2014
I always get numb hands while sleeping but it is usually much worse during pregnancy .

I have been having totally weird vivid dreams as well. Not related to babies or pregnancy but definitely strange. AND my mom said she had a dream that she had an 11 month old who was crawling around and then she picked him up and put him in a ring sling and he fell asleep on her chest... then suddenly she has twins too...
(When I O'd I'm pretty sure I distinctly felt 2 eggs burst out, but I didn't think too much about it since I really didn't think this cycle would avail a pregnancy)Then she says "now I have 10 kids!" (Which she wouldn't, with the 3 in her dream she would have 8... I looked up the symbolic meaning of 10, it symbolizes prefection and completness.)

I didn't tell her this yet but I think in her dream she was me. My mom has never even once used a ring sling. I have an 11 month old that loves to be worn tho wink1.gif and well see if this whole twin thing is literal or symbolic.
katydid09's Avatar katydid09 08:41 PM 02-10-2014
Chula, that sounds like a good plan to me. I've just decided that my lack of self control is my biggest problem.

3lil, things sound promising, I'm excited to hear how things go tomorrow.
3lilchunklins's Avatar 3lilchunklins 07:01 AM 02-11-2014
BFN... I am only 9DPO so maybe false, but I'm not upset, pretty relieved actually! I got thinking about how my 11 month old will have to be night weaned and moved to his own bed.. I'm not ready for that! And neither is he, that wouldn't be fair to him.
Come to find out my nausea might have been due to a stomach bug that going around, IDK but LO4 got it and I didn't know till he puked all over DH last night (priceless LOL)

How is everyone else doing?
waywornwanderer's Avatar waywornwanderer 08:06 AM 02-11-2014
Aww 3lil I'll be waiting for an update. LOL your poor LO and DH. Still, it's pretty funny. Hope your family is feeling better.

DH and I DTD a few days ago. We're NFPers, so no protection. I'll be a year postpartum on Fri and so far, no outward signs of returned fertility. My Clearblue monitor did pick up a high reading just before we DTD. But my hormones are all over the place and I've had false highs before.... So we'll see. I think I'd be totally at peace with conceiving right now, even if that's not "the plan". I can't help but think that my baby is in desperate need of a sibling! smile.gif
Tags: Family Planning , Fertility
First ... 2  3  4 5  6  14  ... Last