One final thing. I wanted to say hi to all the new mamas on here. I've been reading your posts and I am so glad you've joined us. Sorry I am not as good at "wanting but waiting" as I mean to be. hahaha. I am proclaiming, though, here and now that I mean to wait until May and the earliest. MAY, HO!! I will keep rereading this post to remind myself. May is not far away. May is doable, right? May. Thank you for your support. :)
Funny, Snowdrifter, that the grass seems greener...but it is still just grass.. I remember that before DH and I started having babies, we waited three years after marriage (and had dated for five years before that), wanting but waiting wasn't too hard. Just a little. We'd talk about it now and then. But my drive was not, how can I put it, ravenous? Vicious? Now that we dove in for the past several years and have two together (and one from my previous relationship), all bets are off. We LOVE the entire hardwonderfulscaryjoyous process of making and raising kids. It is fulfilling on every level, so with that experience under our belts, and in the backs of our minds, I think we know that whatever happens, we'll all turn out okay...SO WHY NOT!? Why not one mo, why not now??? Guessing. But I think that is it, for us. I am also trying not to feel guilty for not waiting for a *more perfect* time, and giving in to my gut (or, ehem, loins). Oh, well. We each walk our own way.
I do think that planning stuff to do will help engage you in the process of wanting but waiting though. Good idea.
Hello everyone! I am new here but have been charting for quite some time! I had a Paragard IUD but had it removed in December because I had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy (I could have left the IUD in, but it freaked me out too much). I'm back to TTA with FAM and dying to TTC our first...
Hi, Welcome odalisque! I also had a ruptured tube from an ectopic due to IUD, and yes, I agree, I would never use one again. I just wanted to give you a bit of baby dust and tell you that after the removal of my tube, I've gone on to have two babies very easily (getting pregnant without trying) despite only one tube, which is against the odds they give you, so I think there is nothing to worry about on that front for many women. I am hoping that you also find good fortune and wish you luck while you TTA! When are you planning to TTC? Many of us are (trying to) waiting for summer.
Thank you, writermama12! I am meeting so many people with the same experience and I'm sorry you had to go through that too. I miraculously got to keep my tube, but I'm still worried there may be something blocking it. My doc recommended that I go for an HSG when we start TTC. Depending on how the chips fall we may wait until next year. :( I would like for my husband to finish school (he has just over 2 semesters left) and get a job first because there's no way I'm going back to my current (awful) job after baby. But, we've been talking about it more and more since my surgery, so we'll see what happens!
writermama: I laughed too I keep thinking that May would be the perfect time to start too. It would give me May, June, and July for my ideal baby spacing and birth time. I really don't want to have a baby at the beginning of fall, knowing I will have to bundle, bundle bundle a newborn for the next 6-9 months. I like the idea of a spring baby. So maybe you can use that as motivation. I wish that I had a hormone problem around O. I think that I'm still nursing too much to really feel the urge.
Odalisque: I think it's a good idea to wait until your husband has only one semester of school left. That gives him 9 months to finish school and find a job. That's not too bad a time frame. And I would wait and see what happens with TTC before I would go for extra testing. You really only need one good tube (and one good ovary of course) Welcome!
3lil: Maybe your husband has super sperm! I will still cross my fingers for you for a valentine's day surprise that isn't AF-related.
Give me your opinions on how hard I should push DH on the 3rd child issue. I don't want to cause problems in my marriage but I feel like he is being really short-sighted about this. I've spoken my piece multiple times and he knows how much it means to me. I've thought about just letting it all go and waiting for him to slip up sometime in the week before O or hoping that he has super sperm that somehow survive for 6-7 days. But that thought drives the planner in me crazy. And I would want a third sooner rather than later so our spacing stays similar. I can not STAND being in limbo. I need a plan!
Snowdrifter, I missed your prior post...my writing technique changes depending on genre. So with YA, I actually do both the things you mention. With each chapter written, I then plot out in outline form everything that will happen in the following chapter before writing it, then while writing it, I let the characters act organically and move in a natural direction within my boundaries, sometimes leading them in different and better ways than I'd planned. But I do have an overall vague plot and structure I'm imposing over the book, and a narrative arch that won't really change.
Andthestars, tough one for outsiders to comment on. I understand the drive to get opinions though because I do that too. But it is hard for me to give good advice since there are so many variables involved...like dh's personality, how often and under what circumstances you've brought this topic to the table only to have it shut down...I like chunklins' strategy to give you an experience. So here's mine. After ds3 was born, I'm the one who proclaimed I was done, although it is no secret in this family that I would love a daughter. Dh agreed that three boys is a bountiful family, but after several months pp, I began to feel differently. Sometimes, talking about my feelings and justifying them to dh was a relief, sometimes a chore as he mostly listened, but would also argue against the idea and tease me relentlessly about being so fickle, that it was just my hormones yadda yadda. Finally, I let him know that I'd decided I really did want to do it again and told him succinctly why, and asked him to please think about it. He did. I followed up often, like several times in a month, and asked him his feelings and thoughts and eventually it was clear that he is willing if I am sure. Then slowly he began getting more accustomed to the idea and it went into planning phase, letting him have some say and voice in the planning gave him ownership of it and now we're pretty much on the same page. So, that was my progression. I did not let the issue go because it was on my mind so much and I journaled about it and decided it was important to me. I hope my story helps you.
It seems I can't keep up with you ladies. Welcome, Wayworn. To me, the challenges of mothering are not a deterrent to wanting another. I guess I will follow the leader here & offer experiences in lieu of advice to Andthestars, since it really is so hard to offer advice on a stranger's marriage. My only word of advice that holds true of every relationship is to keep the lines of commutation open, and be honest. Maybe visit or borrow a friend's newborn and remind him how great they can be - maybe comment about how full life is with kids & how nice it would be to have a full table at Thanksgiving when you're old. :)
I seem to be in the minority, maybe with Writermamma, in being the one to have declared that we were done after the last babe. I don't seem to want babies until my LOs are about 3 years. My hubby used to say that he only wanted 1-2 kiddos, but after each one he has been completely onboard with having the next. This time, when I said we were done, he hedged before I did. Then, after we gave away All our baby stuff- cloth DIAPERS Included! - I decided that I wanted 1 more. DH Was actually thrilled, and the only convincing I really had to do was to convince him we needed to wait so that I can finish my doctorate before I'm too pregnant to fly to Florida for graduation. It was actually the idea of being able to take one more family cruise before the next babe that convinced him to wait.
I agree that just knowing the plan is a relief. I felt so anxious in between decisions. As for plans / goals, my main objective is to finish my degree and then to get into some better shape. DH just found out he has an interview for a possible new job in another city, so if that happens, we will probably be preparing this house to sell & looking at moving. But we will cross that bridge only when/if we come to it.
I am finding it hard to keep the anticipation a secret. I especially Want to tell my boys. But DH likes to keep it a surprise until it actually happens. So I'm occupying myself with researching names, and the best car seat... :)
Snow, I am glad to share my experience and would love it if my sharing helped to encourage you to write! Yes, do it. You will never regret writing, only not writing. I have a lot going on so I cannot write creatively every day. I freelance write analyzing YA lit for a living, and edit an online academic journal and run a writing workshop for seniors, while being a SAHM to three boys...so my time is limited. I try my hardest to write my novel Wed evenings and Saturday mornings. I aim for three pages a day, no matter how long it takes me, that is all I work on those two days. So far, I am into chapter three, so it is working, but I get distracted and sometimes don't feel like generating writing, so that is an obstacle I need to overcome. I screw around online way too much, especially when I am wondering if I am pregnant...hahah. I can burn hours reading symptoms. Even though I've had three kids!!! I know all the symptoms by heart, have gone through it, but I can't help it. t is all I want to think about. Crazy, huh? It ticks me off. I wish my internet would just go out so that I HAD to focus on my novel. :)
OOOOhhhh man, I'm excited for you, Chunklins. I am trying hard to ignore the unusual things I am feeling because of what happened to me last month (being convinced only to learn that it was only a wicked cycle). Crazy hormones! Last night I woke up in middle of the night with numb hands and sweating from the most vivid dream I've had in months. I am not one to remember dreams often, but this one has been replaying in my head all day. It was weird and not baby related. :) Good luck!
Oh, and I've only ever had numb hands during pregnancy. So, maybe this cycle will be wicked too and maybe the numbness is hormonal rather than swelling related. IDK.