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#1 of 18 Old 12-30-2013, 10:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Lately, I've been having this urge of fulfilling my life with a large family. I'm thinking like 5 or more, we have one right now. I feel that more people in our home would bring so much joy. We find our daughter to be a huge blessing and we def want more of those, I can't describe the feeling. Is it odd? I don't find it that way at all I find it to be very natural. I talked to Hubby about it and he actually feels the same. We just purchased a LadyComp so we know our chances of fertility will increase once we're ready for the next one, Can I have any tips from other Mamas with large families? In the near future, Hubby and I want to buy land with a decent home for us and our expanding family. 


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#2 of 18 Old 12-31-2013, 05:41 AM
 
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I don't know if having 4 kids is considered a large family but where I live I'd say it is. No, its not an odd feeling at all. In fact, that is the feeling that has gotten me to 4 and still wanting more. Also, I feel pregnancy and birth are a blessing as well and enjoy those experiences too. A lot of people say I am crazy because I want more. I honestly don't get it. I was an only child while my hubby was 1 of 10. I knew once I had my first child that I didn't want him to have the lonely, boring childhood I did. There are pros and cons to a large family but YOU and your husband need to be the ones who make the final informed choice without the influence of opposers. 


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#3 of 18 Old 12-31-2013, 12:12 PM
 
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Yup she said it!
I have 4 as well. Hoping to TTC in September of next year.
Some people will try to tell you that the more kids you have, the less you can afford, and therefore the more kids you have the worse their lives will be (at least ppl tell me this all the time, IDK if its a common thing that ppl say) But I just don't agree with that at all! I really hope my kids are not judging how good of a life that they have by how much stuff they have aquired. Life is not about *getting stuff* and if that's what people are teaching their kids then I feel really sorry for those ppl, they are missing out on so much life has to offer. And so much that being a family has to offer.
I saw something in the MOM group the other day that I really liked, she said, "when ppl ask me how I divide my love for so many children, my answer is always the same, I don't divide it, I multiply it!" So true!
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#4 of 18 Old 12-31-2013, 02:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh wow!! you mamas describe it perfectly. That's how I exactly see the fatc of wanting more children but when I mention it to my family they find it to be an insane idea. What would you consider to be a good age gap? I was thinking 3 years but my husband wanted to wait 4 years I really don't, I feel it delays the years of wanting a large family and it's better to get it over with. It's crazy to say that I want 6 kids or 5. If we plan to buy land we will have more than enough space for children to play etc. but as you said I don't think it's the material things it's the love being offered and shared. I have no problem with hand me downs for all the others. 

 

How do you juggle more children and your busy lives?? I think the Duggar family has it down! lol I love it!


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#5 of 18 Old 01-01-2014, 11:49 AM
 
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I would lean more towards 2 and a half to 3 year age gaps. That's good for me, but it might not work for you. There's not right or wrong age gap really. There's 25 months between Ds1 and DD, then 33months between DD and DS 2, then I have a 4 and a half year gap between DS2 and DS3. (I was having a hard time convincing DH for my #4) But the other day he was playing with the baby and abruptly askes me why we waited so long in between the last 2... I'm like, u seriously don't remember me begging for a baby LOL
Juggling the house has been a difficult transition. I wanted to do it all, and I just honestly can't and still be a teacher, mommy, and friend to my kids. I was getting way too overwhelmed. DH said something that totally changed my perspective. "Being a good mom isn't doing everything for the kids, its instructing and teaching them responsibility, preparing them for adulthood." I had felt really guilty about giving them a bunch of chores till he said that. They all have age appropriate chores now, and I still have my own house work. But I can spend more time being their mom now instead of their maid. And I think even families with only a few kids should be teaching the kids that they need to pull their own weight. Its good for tge whole family dynamic.

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#6 of 18 Old 01-02-2014, 09:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by 3LilChunklins View Post

I would lean more towards 2 and a half to 3 year age gaps. That's good for me, but it might not work for you. There's not right or wrong age gap really. There's 25 months between Ds1 and DD, then 33months between DD and DS 2, then I have a 4 and a half year gap between DS2 and DS3. (I was having a hard time convincing DH for my #4) But the other day he was playing with the baby and abruptly askes me why we waited so long in between the last 2... I'm like, u seriously don't remember me begging for a baby LOL
Juggling the house has been a difficult transition. I wanted to do it all, and I just honestly can't and still be a teacher, mommy, and friend to my kids. I was getting way too overwhelmed. DH said something that totally changed my perspective. "Being a good mom isn't doing everything for the kids, its instructing and teaching them responsibility, preparing them for adulthood." I had felt really guilty about giving them a bunch of chores till he said that. They all have age appropriate chores now, and I still have my own house work. But I can spend more time being their mom now instead of their maid. And I think even families with only a few kids should be teaching the kids that they need to pull their own weight. Its good for tge whole family dynamic.

I really feel that children were meant to help around the house and the parents, siblings, etc. You shouldn't feel guilty because it teaches them responsibility and team work for the future. Hubby and I would like to have our own small farm and have many children to help us with it. This type of labor teaches them many things that school and society cannot. Your doing a great job by not letting it get to you and staying strong, your being Mom and that is that! :) I think I'm going to keep it at 3 year gap as I'm still in school and we're in the process of moving/saving up for land. We are extremely determined to make this happen as we can't take the suburban life much longer. In the mean time I need to prepare for my VBAC. It's a huge scary step but I'm so positive it will be different this time for sure so I know I can do this. I might go with a HBAC just to be comfortable, I HATED the hospital experience. 

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#7 of 18 Old 01-03-2014, 05:14 AM
 
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3LilChunklins , Yes, frequently people have implied in other words that having a lot of kids makes you unable to afford anything and therefore they will never have any nice things or be able to go to college. Yep, one of my husbands friends even said that exactly when I got pregnant the fourth time, "Now none of your kids will ever go to college". I'm not having kids to send them to college, first of all. If they want to go, that is one thing but they will need to work hard and earn a scholarship and work part time to help pay for it. I'd be happy to help with the rest but I am not going to bust my butt to work for their education when I can not be 100% sure that they will go through with it or change their minds and have to start over. College isn't everything, not these days. Its about experience. Secondly, like you said, I don't want my kids growing up thinking that possessions and wealth or money are happiness. THAT! You said it perfectly. Thirdly and lastly, I hate, Hate, HATE it when people respond to finding out I'm pregnant negatively. I lose respect for them. Life is something to be celebrated and pregnancy is a miracle but instead they are like "again?". It really brings me down and if/when we have more kids, anyone who reacts negatively will be out of my life, including family, since I do not need them to drag me down. One of my New year goals is to stand up for myself and opinions better, firmer. So the next time I pass a stranger and they exclaim "4!? You got problems!" (yes, this actually happened), instead of glancing back at them with my nasty look I will turn around and give them a respectful, educated piece of my mind. {end of rant, sorry}


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#8 of 18 Old 01-03-2014, 05:18 AM
 
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  • grizzx , Call it old school, maybe, but that is how I feel too (that kids are meant to help out with the house and land). It just makes sense and you are right on, it teaches them stuff that they could never learn in school and it teaches them a few very important things that fall into one category which is How to Sustain Themselves and very possibly survive if that God-forbidden event ever occurs. 

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#9 of 18 Old 01-03-2014, 01:56 PM
 
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Jtapc- I love that new years goal! I think I'm going to make that one of mine as well.
DH has the most gorgeous blue eyes, and he told everyone "Im gonna keep tryin till I get a blue eyed baby". Well #4 did inherit his daddy's baby blues. So MIL felt she had to give us a talk on birth control. "God gave you a baby with blue eyes now do your part and quit having kids" DH stood his ground "I never said if you give me a blue eyed baby Ill stop having kids. The bible doesn't even promote birth control " (We use pull and pray, that way were being responsible but God has ample room to work LOL) I wished I was more outspoken like him. And I love that resolution!
I just wish ppl could keep their negativity to themselves! Especially once your already pregnant, its not like being rude about it is going to change anything.

To the OP, I would suggest reading spiritual midwifery by Ina May Gaskin. She's so inspirational, and I think there are some stories of VBAC births that she attended. Also drinking tons of RRLT for the last 2 months of pregnancy to tone and prepare your uterus. As well as EPO topically at bedtime from 35/36 weeks on. That will *really * prepare your cervix. I did that with my last and was only in labor for about 4 hours. I went from 5 to complete in under 2 hours. Your body was made to give birth to your babies, you can do it!
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#10 of 18 Old 01-03-2014, 02:18 PM
 
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If you haven't already, feel free to come join our Moms of Many group - http://www.mothering.com/community/groups/show/52/moms-of-many.

 

We currently have six and are open to more at anytime, though mentally I waffle between wanting more time before the next one and wanting another newborn right now! 


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#11 of 18 Old 01-03-2014, 03:25 PM
 
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We are PG with #6. I originally, way back when, only wanted 2. My perspective changed a lot. My age gaps are 18m for the first 2, then 5 years (I had a my first 2 from a previous marriage) between 2-3. 3-4 is 19m apart, 4-5 is 20m apart and 5-6 will be 27m apart. Having multiple littlest is a lot of work, but they are all SO close. For us, we feel we are complete with 6. I'm also beginning to have a lot more complications. But we love our big family. We get a lot of comments like many above say. Especially never being able to afford things for them. We don't get to go out and do something on a whim all the time, no. But we do plan things as a family often and we do, it's more special. We aren't just out spending money on things to do, just to have things to do. They learn a lot about helping around the house, raising babies, how to live with various people etc. I too would love to live out on land with our own huge garden and livestock and all. I think it would be awesome for my kids. They learn what real work is and take pride in how that work benefits everyone. We don't have a lot of material or technological junk. No more TV, no iPads and phones and junk (we have a kindle that DH and I share and the kids get rare play time on) and they are perfectly fine. They love being outdoors, love being creative. If we had only 1 or 2, I honestly would be the same way about electronics and such.

 

But I love our big family. It is great.


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#12 of 18 Old 01-04-2014, 02:01 AM
 
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We have 7 kids and I'd desperately like one more.  I think it's got worse since I've been told that I've got low AMH levels and it'll be more difficult for us.  I guess I always took my fertility for granted and now it might be more difficult it's really hit home.

 

Children are such a blessing, I had mine one after another.  My kids are 12, 11, 9, 8, 6, 5 and 3 (4 this month).  I loved the closer age gaps but I must admit I'd really like to have a larger age gap next time (LOL Like I have a choice now our youngest is nearly 4).  

 

On the financial side I think you make use of what you have.  Like room in your heart, there's almost always a way of managing.  We're very fortunate in that we don't struggle at all to afford our kids, although we have in the past, now we're quite comfortable.  But I can't imagine our situation would be any better if we only had one or two children, we'd probably still spend the same amount it'd just be more wasteful spending I suppose.


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#13 of 18 Old 01-04-2014, 09:41 AM
 
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Exactly!

My mom had a dream in the beginning of Nov that I was going to have another baby. I haven't obviously gotten preg again yet, but that confirmed in my heart that there will be at least one more smile.gif

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#14 of 18 Old 01-26-2014, 06:30 PM
 
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I want a large family as well! I have 2 right now. Dh wants more but not sure how many more he's willing to have! He's always worried about money. I tell him I save so much by bf lol. I find people in my family are so negative about it though. Like bc I have a boy and a girl I should all done! But yes it's my dream. I was an only child and hubby was one of 5.

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#15 of 18 Old 01-26-2014, 08:11 PM
 
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Chiming in to say that while I don't have many children (yet) I come from a family of 11 kids and I absolutely LOVE it!!!! smile.gif I am the 3rd oldest and definitely experienced the negative reactions of people that you all speak of and constantly found it so sad and also puzzling. Even at a young age, I knew that the nay-sayers had no idea what they were talking about because it they could see how happy each and every one of was to always have a friend and playmate ect and all the dynamics of our family, then they would surely speak otherwise! I always told my parents that the greatest gift they ever gave me was all my brothers and sisters. You should have seen the celebration at my house whenever my parents announced to us that they were pregnant again! It was better than Christmas! I don't mean to paint an unrealistic picture and pretend that we all got along perfectly all the time, no of course not. There were sibling arguments and all things that happen in natural relationships, but I see that as a gain, too. We were really good at sharing and knowing that the world didn't revolve around us! And like pp's have said... we had chores and responsibilities and I know for fact that it was good for us. There are tons of psychological studies on how children truly thrive in an environment where they feel their talents and contributions are used and valued. In fact, as a side note, through counseling my husband has realized a lot of his problems stem from the fact that he wasn't given chores or responsibilities growing up.

But anyway, I adored taking care of my siblings! Getting to dress them and play with them and teach them new things... they were so much better than baby dolls! Lol. So I think It goes without saying that I want a large family, too. I definitely think all children are a blessing and love a quote by Mother Teresa who said, "How can you say that there are too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers!"
Sure there is a lot of hard work and self-sacrifice... right now I am majorly sleep-deprived from my toddler and on bedrest with my pregnancy, but I really try to focus on the bigger picture. Parenting= long days and short years. I may have little kids for the next 15 years, but If I live to be 80, then that is such a small fraction of my life that I will be changing diapers, breastfeeding ect and I know I will always look back on this time with fondness and cherish it. I had an older lady look at me In the grocery store and look at my dd and pregnant belly and she smiled deeply and said, "Those are the best years of your life right there." smile.gif

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#16 of 18 Old 01-27-2014, 11:22 AM
 
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I always say that I wish my husband and I had met when we were younger so that we could have had at least a dozen kids together! ❤️ (I was 30 when we met. I had two children from a previous relationship)

Have you visited momys.com? I definitely recommend doing that. 😊
Also, google "mega families blogs" to find the website that lists bloggers with seven or more children. But beware, that fun site can be such a time sucker! 💗 I also adore the Duggars and their books, and the Bates family.

Not that we can always choose, but I definitely prefer a much closer spacing between siblings. I have siblings with an eight year space, all the way down to siblings with an 18 month space. The closer they are, the more fun and play they have together. The further apart they are, the further apart their interests are and they just don't play together as much.

Large families are wonderful! 💜❤️ However, I am a bit biased. wink1.gif

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#17 of 18 Old 02-14-2014, 07:06 AM
 
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I would love to have more kids. We have three right now with 22 months between dd and ds then almost 4 years between ds and little dd. Dh isn't thrilled with the idea of more and is desperately worried about money. I understand his concerns but I think it'd all be okay. I think a lot of his hesitation though is because he only has one half sibling that was 10 yrs older and honestly never around much. Since his parents divorced and his mom was less than capable he's always had a hard life. I think he's worried the more kids we have the closer they'll get to his upbringing :(. I was one of three and my mom has always talked about how she wanted a 4th and STILL thinks about it at almost 50 with 3 grown kids and 4 grandchildren now! I honestly have to say I would have loved a 4, 5 or 6th sibling and would still be happy if she had another even though I'd have 3 older than him/her. I guess that weighs on me that if I want a 4th I'm afraid the feeling will never go away like my mom. The big thing holding me back though is dh's hesitance and the fact that I would love a 4th but I honestly think a 4th is going to make me want another too LOL. I really think 6 sounds nice. :) I guess I feel like the longer I mother the better I get at it and wouldn't it be great to have a home birth and bf and babywear again?! Ahhhhh baby dreams.


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#18 of 18 Old 02-23-2014, 07:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sorry its been a while since I've posted on here. School and mommyhood is really taking a toll on me, so much that I think some fertility is going on. I feel like #2 might be coming along sooner than I thought but I'm not fully sure. I will start new post on this topic in another thread.. I need help.

On the side note, I did add MOMYS.com to my favorites thank you.

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