Best Age Gap Between Kids? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 02-27-2014, 11:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I know this varies a lot between families so if possible, I would love some reasoning too :) At the moment we only have one and she's 7 months old. A part of me says "whatever happens happens," but at the same time I wonder if I should try to plan siblings out like if I wanted them close together or 3+ years apart. 

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#2 of 13 Old 02-28-2014, 04:19 PM
 
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For me u would have to say two years it best because then your body is healed from the first pregnancy and in my mind it will be a good. for a gap to where they can still be in good relations with one another
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#3 of 13 Old 03-01-2014, 07:02 AM
 
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My spacings have varied among the four children.  My widest spacing between kids was 3y 10m which was awesome. I love that spacing the most. DD1 was old enough to really understand that the baby needed a lot of attention. We actually did not have any jealousy issues or regression which happened in all my spacing that were closer. The regression was always hard.

 

 

 2.5 years apart was rough but we survived. My other spacing was 2y3m apart but the then two year had/has many delays so for all purposes those two siblings function like they are about 18 months apart. That was unbelievably difficult, I'm still amazed that everyone lived because it was that challenging! My youngest is now 2.5 and my oldest is 11 so we are in a different phase now. 

 

 

IMO it is highly personality driven if the siblings will be friends and playmates in addition to being siblings. It doesn't always go hand in hand. 


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#4 of 13 Old 03-01-2014, 08:12 AM
 
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My first 2 are 25 months apart. That was really really hard in the beginning. But I'm fairly certain going from one kid to two is challenging no matter what the gap is.

Then when I had my 3rd, #1 was almost
5 and #2 was almost 3. I did like that much better. But who knows if it was the ages or if I was just used to multiple children. The older two were very helpful at those ages. And they were really accepting of the new addition.

When I had #4, #1 was 9, #2 was 7, and #3 was 4. This was awesome for me. Because the older 2 really helped out a lot, and still do. They can fix quick easy breakfast and lunch for themselves and their younger brother, they help around the house, and help with the baby a lot.

As far as them being close, absolutely! As far as them being play mates, some days they are, others not so much.
The point is, every age gap has its pros and cons. And kids will be close, even if their not always the best of friends. ( Even if my kids aren't getting along with each other, add a kid who isn't one of their siblings who bullys or starts something and watch the comradery! They all have each others backs! They will stick up for each other in a way that makes you very proud as their mother, even if they fight like cats and dogs with each other!) Whatever age gaps you end up with will work out.

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#5 of 13 Old 04-04-2014, 05:52 PM
 
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My daughters are 2 weeks shy of 2 years apart- and I LOVE IT! It was a lot when I was pregnant and nursing as I had a lot of issues with pain and supply- but now, I would not trade it for the worlds- they are beyond tight.

I am pregnant again and there will be 9 1/2 years between my youngest and this baby and 11 1/2 between my oldest and this baby. Most likely we will have another (2 babies total) and then he will have a V. I have always wanted 4 kids and although we have a lot of space, I am totally fine with the age gap. The girls are old enough to be excited and understand and help and learn. And the baby will be blessed with great role models for sisters. They never fight, so we are really lucky and I hope that rubs off on the babe. 

My sister and I are 3 years apart and we were not close as kids- but as adults we are. 

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#6 of 13 Old 04-04-2014, 05:56 PM
 
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The theory is if you go beyond a 5 year gap, it is like raising another family. I can understand that. I know that when my girls are out of the house this baby will only be as old as they are now. And that is hard. But, my life and business were so insane the last 5 years, there is no way we could have had another. So, for us- this spacing is good.  


[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze  and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks
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#7 of 13 Old 04-04-2014, 10:53 PM
 
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Nothing to add, just hoping more people chime in.
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#8 of 13 Old 04-04-2014, 11:13 PM
 
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I am currently holding out and hanging in there for conceiving a new baby with the goal of a 3 year gap between it's birth and my first's (he is now 22 months).

From what I've gleaned from other mom's and reading up online here and there, the first child may be better prepared for some tests of independence, change and struggle in the 3rd year rather than earlier.

No studies to link to unfortunately.

I do do a lot of observing of other sibling pairs, and check out what 3 year olds are up to also, to kind of imagine the dynamics.

My son and I are very close and snuggly, and he is a sensitive little one, so I imagine a little newborn there with us and think, how is this going to go down?.

I have been fawning over babies with him, and playing with dolls when we get the chance, to kind of test his waters.

Great to hear about all the differently spaced births.

Sub-ing, and interested to hear from others on their thoughts and experiences. 


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#9 of 13 Old 04-06-2014, 03:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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A lot of kids in my family are between 14-19 months apart but that seems to be a hit or miss. My one niece was a very early walker and great talker so when her little brother came into the picture at 18 months, they seemed farther apart and she loved being a "big sister." However, that same boy is about to a younger brother next month (16 months apart) and he's just started walking last month and is still not verbal. So I'm sure that is going to be hard =/

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#10 of 13 Old 04-16-2014, 05:13 AM
 
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My first two are 18 months apart.  Though I was very tired, it was a good spacing because #1 never remembered being alone and so had no jealousy.  They are super-close now.

 

My second and third and third and fourth are 2.5 years apart.  I was less tired, but I think there was some adjustment because a 2 year old is very much a baby and misses out on being the baby.  My dd, especially, felt some feelings when ds3 was born.

 

#5 will be 4 years younger than #4.  This is supposed to be physiological hunter-gatherer spacing.  I think it will be good bc #4 is so independent and doesn't want to be a baby anymore, and I feel like I could give him all his babyhood attention, more so than with the 2.5 year spacings.

 

I have a very old friend who had 4 kids 6 years apart each.  She loved that as the older one was in K when the new one was born, and so it was easy to give attention to the baby most of the day.  I don't think they are very close as adults, though.


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#11 of 13 Old 04-16-2014, 01:09 PM
 
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My two are 26 months apart. The youngest right now is ten months, life is still pretty nutty. I think it should get easier once he can walk and knows a bit of what to not play with. Plus he also will only nap in moms arms which makes things tricky. But I did that for the first so I am trying to be fair:)

I agree what was mentioned above going from one to two kids is a big adjustment.
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#12 of 13 Old 04-16-2014, 01:48 PM
 
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I am gaining great insight here; thanks folks!

Still no bun in the oven here, but Spring sure gets my hormones flowing.

I just can't quite imaging sharing my arms with another babe yet.

I think a little baby doll present for my son's second birthday will be good practice for both of us.

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#13 of 13 Old 04-30-2014, 08:34 PM
 
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I wanted to space mine out about 3 years, but ended up 4.5 year apart (exactly), and it's GREAT! The oldest was old enough to know what was going on, he was ready to move out of our bed & into his "big boy" bed, and he was old enough to take care of a lot of his own needs while I cared for baby brother. Now, they are 8 & almost 4, and they're best buddies. They play video games together, watch movies together, and play Legos together. I homeschool them, and the oldest helps with the little one's lessons. The LO loves and looks up to his big bro, and does everything he does. In my opinion, it's perfect. Our next one will be just a little bit more than 4.5 years after the current youngest, if our plans succeed, and I'm looking forward to another close bond.

 

My brother & sister & I are all within 2 years of each other, and IMO we were too close to be friends while we were kids. We are now, but there was a LOT of fighting when I was little. I think it's partly because we were close enough that my little sister thought she should be treated the same as I was, and I thought I was so much older than she, ... and my mother had too many little kids & not enough hands. So, I didn't want to do that to myself. It's all in what sounds good to you and works with YOUR family, though. What works for one doesn't for another. :)


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