Wanting but Waiting 2015 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 01-05-2015, 01:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wanting but Waiting 2015

Hello! Here is the shiny new thread for those of use who want to have a baby/more babies but we are waiting to TTC for various reasons. Please join us in supporting one another on our journeys.




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#2 of 21 Old 01-05-2015, 03:48 PM
 
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A pregnancy scare while WTT is very odd. It drives home that we're not ready right now, although I wish we were, and also that we need to go back to being more careful.


this is just a moment in time, step aside and let it happen
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#3 of 21 Old 01-05-2015, 07:18 PM
 
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I agree, when i was late a couple months ago, it was so odd. Like 60% of me was panicking and hoping that I hadnt accidentally conceived because i WANTED to CHOOSE to begin that journey but then 30% of me was....i dunno....giddy. Like, relieved that the choice to TTC might have been decided for me.

Sigh. Such is life.

*hugs* @LTurtle

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#4 of 21 Old 01-05-2015, 07:39 PM
 
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One of the big things for me is that we turned out to be in a really bad place last time. I really want to enjoy being pregnant this time. I mean, as much as one can enjoy what is basically 9 months of fibro flare up, which strangely is a lot. Even if we could pull everything together in the next 9 months, it'd still be some time of frantically trying to pull everything together that I just don't want.


this is just a moment in time, step aside and let it happen
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#5 of 21 Old 01-05-2015, 09:39 PM
 
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Howdy, checking in to the new thread here. Happy New Year everyone!

I'm feeling good about the timing of TTC now. I was feeling "behind" before but I am excited to look ahead and see a solid list of "pros" for waiting.

1) my DS will likely be off to a preschool for a few days a week and I'll be able to have some sanity in an otherwise insane time.
2) there may be a period of time pre baby #2 where we aren't changing diapers or nursing at 4am.
3) I'll have met some people in our new neighbourhood and have some support from other mamas
4) I'll have lots of time to think about and research the right midwife for me
5) I'll have time to totally unpack our house and get little things done around the property to make it a safer and more fun place for kiddies
6) My husband and I can plan our first weekend away while I can still enjoy a tasting menu

How is everyone else?

Married my husband in 2007 & welcomed our little boy in 2013. | We are into farm-to-table eating, adventurous travel, integrated healthcare, home birth, breastfeeding and attachment parenting.
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#6 of 21 Old 01-06-2015, 04:01 PM
 
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I know that waiting is the right choice, although primarily for reasons that are upsetting on their own. I think it'd be easier to wait if the reasons were things I was okay with. Like if I was waiting to graduate, or if I was waiting to finish a project I was happy to work on, or something. But the reasons I want to wait are things that that I wish I wasn't facing.

(Also kind of nervous that the pregnancy scare isn't actually a scare- I'm at the start of TWW territory, even though the odds are against it, that still means two weeks before I can know for sure. There've been a few things where both DP and I've noted I haven't been like this since last time...)


this is just a moment in time, step aside and let it happen
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#7 of 21 Old 01-06-2015, 05:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm sorry about the scare and the not so great reasons that are making you wait @sillysapling . What did you go to school for? What kind of job would you like?



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#8 of 21 Old 01-06-2015, 06:06 PM
 
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Thanks. I'm not really sure how I'll feel in two weeks if it turns out I'm not pregnant. It's really annoying that you can't just find out immediately if you are or aren't- whether you're trying or avoiding. :/

I went to school for art and tried to get a botany minor. Ideally, I'd like to make money off of doing a webcomic- but it takes years to build that up. Beginner artist jobs pay horribly and I wouldn't particularly enjoy having to constantly do art for others, so I'm looking for other things. I have experience in office work & customer service, and I'd also like to work as an assistant in science. I can be content at pretty much anywhere that doesn't utterly suck and that I'm making enough to live off of.


this is just a moment in time, step aside and let it happen

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#9 of 21 Old 01-07-2015, 09:25 AM
 
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Yay, new thread! Happy New Year, everyone!
@sillysapling I actually had a friend who was an art major and did botany drawings--these amazingly detailed drawings of leaves and cells, etc. that you would find in resource books. It was hard for her to find a job doing that that paid the bills--especially living in the NYC metro area. So, she taught art at the school that I work at for a few years while she and her husband got back on their feet. If you're interested in that sort of thing, it could be really rewarding and you may even be able to get tuition assistance for your little one as she gets older and may attend a pre-k program. I completely understand that some people love *having* children and couldn't see themselves working with them every day, but you don't necessarily need a teaching degree to get a job teaching art in a private school.

Just something to think about...

s hugs to you since your scare and we're here to support you no matter how it turns out.

kristi, 30 years old. married to eric 8.17.13.  looking forward to being a mama.
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#10 of 21 Old 01-10-2015, 05:23 PM
 
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Yay, new thread! Happy New Year, everyone!
@sillysapling I actually had a friend who was an art major and did botany drawings--these amazingly detailed drawings of leaves and cells, etc. that you would find in resource books. It was hard for her to find a job doing that that paid the bills--especially living in the NYC metro area. So, she taught art at the school that I work at for a few years while she and her husband got back on their feet. If you're interested in that sort of thing, it could be really rewarding and you may even be able to get tuition assistance for your little one as she gets older and may attend a pre-k program. I completely understand that some people love *having* children and couldn't see themselves working with them every day, but you don't necessarily need a teaching degree to get a job teaching art in a private school.

Just something to think about...

s hugs to you since your scare and we're here to support you no matter how it turns out.
I'm so happy that it's the new year, as it means that we are closer to TTC! We are going to start trying in six months or so. We are also going to buy our first home ever, at around the same time...ideally, we will find a house, move, and TTC. I'm so excited, also nervous, as I've never TTC before, lol. DS 1 and 2 were happy accidents.

While I wait, I'm focusing on enjoying being baby free (ds 2 is 12, so very independent), and working on getting healthy. The past two years were quite stressful and I gained weight and fell off the healthy living wagon. I've started eating better, signed up for dance classes, and have been walking and exercising on a consistent basis.

"Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen." Ralph Marston

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#11 of 21 Old 01-11-2015, 07:47 AM
 
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I'm so happy that it's the new year, as it means that we are closer to TTC! We are going to start trying in six months or so. We are also going to buy our first home ever, at around the same time...ideally, we will find a house, move, and TTC. I'm so excited, also nervous, as I've never TTC before, lol. DS 1 and 2 were happy accidents.

While I wait, I'm focusing on enjoying being baby free (ds 2 is 12, so very independent), and working on getting healthy. The past two years were quite stressful and I gained weight and fell off the healthy living wagon. I've started eating better, signed up for dance classes, and have been walking and exercising on a consistent basis.
Welcome, @grisandole ! How exciting! Where are you looking to buy your home? Sometimes I feel like we'll be renters for life, but I'm addicted to HGTV and DIY TV. Wishing you luck on your house hunt and it sounds like you are doing lots of positive things for your body.

DH has found a job, interviewed on Friday and is starting on Monday!! We are still on track to go off BC at the end of this month (Jan 26th) and start TTC our first. We're so excited but I'm trying to stay calm as I've been on BC consistently for 15 years and it might take awhile to regulate. I started reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility and it is a wonderful book. I've learned so much already!

How's everyone else doing?

kristi, 30 years old. married to eric 8.17.13.  looking forward to being a mama.
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#12 of 21 Old 01-12-2015, 09:11 AM
 
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I guess this is the place for me to post! YAHOO. I have made my first, out loud, official statement to my husband that I want to start TTC #1 this october and It is exciting and a bit scary! ( Dont get me wrong, he is a total part of the decision process) We have been together for going on 15 years and it has always been a topic of love and excitement but there has never been talk of a real "start" time frame.
I am driving myself insane (well, more then i already am) with the baby fever I must have. I just cant get enough. I have been reading books..i LOVE taking charge of your fertility, and want to re-start up and finish birthing from within. I have looked into local highly praised midwives/hospitals/obgyn's and made lists and lists. My health is in a very bad state right now, both from conditions and a disease out of my control and also due to my lack of self-care. We are very fortunate to be going on a family vacation in October to Europe and I feel it is a wonderful reason to not only use as a goal for getting healthy and as a start time frame for possibly TTC (I feel so out of place using the abbreviations!) It feels good to have a place to fit in
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#13 of 21 Old 01-13-2015, 12:37 AM
 
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Yay grisandole for TTC around the corner this year! We finally (I say finally because we have talked about this for 10+ years now) bought our house and took possession a month ago now. I hope you find your dream home too. Settling in is definitely making us both want for more children to fill it.

On another note, does anyone else who is about to start TTC this year have a fun idea for kicking off the trying? A trip? Special dinner? Hubby and I haven't had a night away since DS was born nearly two years ago. (Some date nights here and there but never overnight). So I've cleared it with DH for me to plan a romantic night away together but he's not allowed to know where we're going. I'm literally going to give him GPS coordinates and meet him there. I know he's DYING to start trying again so over dinner I plan to tell him I'm ready too.

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#14 of 21 Old 01-14-2015, 07:08 PM
 
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Yay grisandole for TTC around the corner this year! We finally (I say finally because we have talked about this for 10+ years now) bought our house and took possession a month ago now. I hope you find your dream home too. Settling in is definitely making us both want for more children to fill it.

On another note, does anyone else who is about to start TTC this year have a fun idea for kicking off the trying? A trip? Special dinner? Hubby and I haven't had a night away since DS was born nearly two years ago. (Some date nights here and there but never overnight). So I've cleared it with DH for me to plan a romantic night away together but he's not allowed to know where we're going. I'm literally going to give him GPS coordinates and meet him there. I know he's DYING to start trying again so over dinner I plan to tell him I'm ready too.
@typebug OMGoodness, I absolutely LOVE this idea. I've never thought of doing something like this, but maybe we will. so romantic!

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#15 of 21 Old 01-15-2015, 04:11 PM
 
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@typebug OMGoodness, I absolutely LOVE this idea. I've never thought of doing something like this, but maybe we will. so romantic!
I feel like I'm planning a marriage proposal sneaking around booking stuff. It's fun and makes me feel like I'm almost there.

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#16 of 21 Old 01-15-2015, 04:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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@efd123 ! I'm glad you found where you belong. Good luck with all your preparations!
@typebug That sounds very sweet! I hope you have a great time. What month was your son born?
@mamadance84 I'm so glad to hear DH found a job and you are back on track! I hope he likes the job and all goes well. Plenty of people get pregnant the first month of BC so don't be surprised if you do.
@grisandole So excited you will be trying TC soon!
@sillysapling I heard job openings are up this year so I hope that bodes well for you!
@Brown Lioness

AFM: We went to see our RE last week to talk about trying for #2 . She asked when we wanted to get started, saying we could start right away and my wife got all flustered and couldn't form words. It was pretty funny. She wasn't expecting to jump right in. We wanted to talk to the RE about a plan to help us decide if/when to start trying. The good news is all my blood tests looked really good. She recommended we start with what worked last time so that means pills and shots. I was a little surprised. I was hoping we could be a little less aggressive at first to see if it worked. I would have been happy to have twins last time, but I really want to have 1 baby next time. I only got 1 last time though so I suppose that could happen again. She gave me a prescription for metformin so I can start on that now. I am glad about that because it really seemed to help last time and it took away my cravings for sweets and I lost weight. So it should help get me in a better place from which to start TTC. My wife and I had some really good talks. I got emotional. It was hard for me to talk about how much I want to have a baby and how worried I am that we can't afford it and that there are times when I think having only 1 would be a good idea and that I feel unsure sometimes. I know I want another baby, and my wife does too, but we only recently got to a point where I am feeling financially secure and where we can start saving some money. My wife is going to be looking for a new job so we may wait until she finds one so we can know what our budget will be and where we might want to move in relation to commuting to work. I feel good about where we are. I can wait a little longer while we sort some things out. I feel like we are on the same page.



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#17 of 21 Old Yesterday, 08:31 AM
 
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Hmm, I think this thread might be the place for me. We have a 15 month old and do want a second child, but are not ready to start trying for a while yet.

Our reasons for not being ready yet are many... Her first year of life was so demanding for both of us - I work full-time, and so does my husband, but he's a bartender, so his schedule allowed him to stay home with our daughter while I worked. She was an appalling sleeper from 3.5 -12 months, so dealing with the constant wakings was a real drain for me, and the task of caring for her while exhausted from working late nights was very draining for my husband too. I am SO THANKFUL that he was willing and able to stay home with her, but I know it was tough for him at times. She's in daycare three days a week now and that has worked out great. Her sleep is a lot better now, but I feel like I'm finally getting to the point where I can have some "normalcy" in my life and carve out some time for myself. Working out, seeing friends, and hobbies all went by the wayside since she was born. I'd really like to enjoy a bit of "me" time for a little while before thinking of a second. Aside from all that, my husband wants to open his own bar this year, so that would definitely be bad timing for working on another baby. I think he's willing to try for the next baby a few months after getting the bar open.

So anyway, I think it will be past her second birthday (October) before we even think about it.

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#18 of 21 Old Yesterday, 09:21 AM
 
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@pokeyac that all sounds amazing! I'm so happy for your and your wife that you may start TTC #2 ! and it's wonderful when you can really open up to each other and feel like you are on the same page. Hope the job search for her goes smoothly!

Welcome @slammerkin !

Sounds like you've found the right place! I can't imagine how stressful that first year was on your family. I don't know from experience as we are waiting to conceive #1 , but I do know how "out of control" I can sometimes feel when I don't find the time to take care of myself as well as I should. I know that in order to feel like myself, I at least need to get sleep, eat regularly/healthily, stay active. I know that must be next to impossible with a babe. Glad to have you here!

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#19 of 21 Old Yesterday, 11:20 AM
 
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Thanks @mamadance84

Yeeeaaah, healthy eating also went by the wayside. Thankfully breastfeeding took the weight off, but I still need to get my eating back to a good place and start cooking regularly (need to do it now especially in order to get some good food around for DD). Also I feel so physically weak from not exercising regularly. I want to be in a much better place physically before getting pregnant again.

Oh, and how did I forget to mention another big factor in not being ready to get pregnant again? I can count on one hand the number of times we DTD while I was pregnant because it was just not enjoyable for either of us. And then it took 9 months after the birth before it was finally not too painful to do it (and another 3-4 months before it felt mostly "normal" like it used to). We still struggle to even find the time now, but I'd sure like to enjoy a few months of normal sex before potentially entering another loooong dry spell.

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#20 of 21 Old Today, 05:31 AM
 
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Hi Fellow WTT Mamas!

I am so glad to have found this thread.

(Hi @sillysapling )

Waiting to try is SO hard! My stb-DW wants to wait until we tie the knot this summer - which is totally legit and I agree - she is going to be the one carrying the baby, but my DD is almost 6 and I miss the baby stage so much! Plus, I had a horrible experience with the baby stage due to emotionally abusive ex-h so I am really looking forward to getting to raise a baby in a loving, happy home.

Sometimes I feel like a kid waiting for Christmas. With DD, it was an unplanned but one-time-and-boom kind of a thing; I know with DW it might be a lot harder because we will be TTC with donor sperm etc., so now its like waiting for Christmas and having no idea when it might come, lol!

Ahh well, we have much to do in the meantime, we have a pup coming in May, a wedding of sorts in August, and we are moving back into my tiny house in July. Sometimes I like to complicate things too much

How are those of you distracting yourselves?

Former mothering.com member. Took a long break and changed handles for safety reasons. Queer mama with stb-DW, 2 in :still with DD almost 6! Hoping to start trying in Aug and 2 fur babies . STB adding
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#21 of 21 Old Today, 08:58 AM
 
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I feel like I'm planning a marriage proposal sneaking around booking stuff. It's fun and makes me feel like I'm almost there.
This is such a cute idea! I love the idea of having a romantic getaway to kick-off TTC! You must be having a lot of fun

Former mothering.com member. Took a long break and changed handles for safety reasons. Queer mama with stb-DW, 2 in :still with DD almost 6! Hoping to start trying in Aug and 2 fur babies . STB adding
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