Disagreements on size of family... - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-05-2004, 04:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have always wanted 3-4 kids but dh is saying we're done. I'm praying he changes his mind... I'm so sad at his refusal to even discuss more children that I don't wanna have sex anymore. And for me, that's not normal!

I know I could adjust to the idea of only 2 if we discussed it and agreed to it, but he's being stubborn and won't even talk about it (and I haven't been nagging either!). AF arrived today and that just brings on the hormones. I'm just so mad that he won't even discuss it.

I guess I just needed to vent. He loves the two we have so much, and I get frustrated that he won't even say, maybe we'll ttc next year.

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Old 07-05-2004, 05:06 PM
 
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Awww, mama! That's hard.
We're just starting to have this discussion at our house...that is, how many we want to have, and we don't have an answer. As yet nobody is putting their foot down, thank goodness.
Hopefully he changes his mind next year!
Booooo to AF.
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Old 07-05-2004, 05:57 PM
 
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When dh and I first started dating, I only wanted one. He wanted two. Now, I want 5, and he still wants two. I could compromise with three, but two seems too small for a family. I don't know what to tell you, just wanted to sympathize.
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Old 07-05-2004, 06:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That's something else... he is one of six kids (he's the baby) and I'm one of three. I have one sibling left and he has two. I always say "only" two kids because two just seems small. I don't necessarily picture myself with eight kids (although if dh was willing to be quiverful I could be too!) but two just seems like we're putting a limit on the joy and blessings of having a family.

Odds are quite high that I will be a widow and possibly even a young widow because dh is 18yo older than I and my family tends to enjoy old age whereas his doesn't. I think if I am willing to deal with being a single mom to more than two children, dh should be as well. We have lots of support from his mom (although she is not in the best of health and cannot do anything physically to help, which is okay) and my parents, grandparents etc etc.
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Old 07-05-2004, 06:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the sympathy Christina and Persephone!
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Old 07-09-2004, 11:52 AM
 
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Hi there,
I don't know if I can help either, but wanted to encourage you. Agreeing on family size can be frustrating...I agree that your desire to have more children should be nurtured --- maybe you can try (again?) to share your thoughts with him.

Maybe there’s an underlying reason why your DH is not interested in having more children right now? Perhaps his experiences as the youngest of 6 kids are influencing him? Perhaps he worries that he won't be able to devote himself to more children? There are a thousand possibilities, of course.

My own DH has been ready for kids for a long time ---in our case it was me that needed time to "get ready". His loving patience not only allowed me to resolve some internal dilemmas but also deepened my love & respect for him. I know my ideas seemed silly at times, but he quietly listened to them all(!), and reassured me that he would wait for me. HTH.
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