Bad reason to argue with DH? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 07-14-2004, 07:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OK, so AF was 8 days late! We were sweating a little over it but not too concerned yet. Well, in all the waiting we opened the book again on having a 3rd baby. For some reason DH cannot make up his mind and it makes me so I mean I know his concerns and all but it's something I REALLY want and he is the only thing standing in the way of that, which he knows but he continues to be indecisive and lame. What is so hard about deciding YES or NO??? So, of course we had it out last night and I am pissed at him today which is the 8th time this has happened between us. It just seems like he wants another baby every other month but won't commit to it. I just want to know either way and close the book on it already. Sorry to go off but I am so frustrated!!! It is a big deal for me to know whether I will carry another baby inside me ever again or not!! I can't get pregnant on accident either b/c he is overly cautious and almost manic about staying away from me when I am ovulating. God, I just want to scream. Now I'm even more pissed off. What do I do?
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#2 of 11 Old 07-22-2004, 12:05 PM
 
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We aren't ttc at the moment, but I would like to in about a year. However, my dh flip-flops based on ds's behavior. Right now he's a challenge to get in bed at night. Last night after ds was aslepp, dh told me "No more children." When we got married, we wanted to have three. Some days he's ready to have another one now "and just get it over with." Other days, he swears, "No more children." I just try to ride it out since I don't want to get pregnant right now anyway. But it literally drives me crazy. Sometimes I think the only way we'll have more children is if it's an accident. DS's birth was a difficult one and for six months afterward, dh said he didn't want to go through that again at all. However, now when ds does something cute, dh is all excited about what the next one will be like. I just don't get it. I'm sorry you're having to go through this with the pressure of actually wanting another one. My heart goes out to you...

Tana, wife to Steve (5/02), mom to Ben (7/03), Joey (10/06) and Caroline (9/09)
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#3 of 11 Old 07-22-2004, 05:52 PM
 
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I just want to offer some sympathy.

My dh is a lot like yours. Based on what he ate the night before, he waffles back and forth between yes and no to a third, and time keeps passing.

Ds and dd are 5 and almost 4, and I really wanted the third to be a lot closer together than this.

We have huge arguments about it about every three months. And he is also militant about protection and not having sex when it's risky.

Right now, he thinks he wants another one, but my period is currently wacky, so that's not helpful. He'll give it one shot (literally) when he thinks he wants another one, and then if I don't get pg, he decides it wasn't meant to be.

I've had enough, and I told him I want to TTC in October. Right now, he's saying okay, but I think it's just because it's three months away, and he figures he can talk me out of it.

He knows I'm not going to give up until I get my third, but he is fighting it all the way. My advice is to just keep bringing it up, because it is so important to you. You'll wear him down.

Good luck.
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#4 of 11 Old 07-22-2004, 06:07 PM
 
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Well, I am on the opposite side on this one as my mind can change back and forth as to whether or not I want a second child.

80% of the time I am sure that I am done and complete with one child but there is 20% of the time when I wonder if I don't want another.

Thankfully my DH doesn't pressure me like you are pressuring your husband. I would be so stressed and sick trying to make such a huge, life decision with someone breathing down my back so heavily.

I don't think any spouse has the right to pressure their partner to make a yes or no decision about something that they obviously are struggling with. It is not a clear cut easy decision to make.

Just because you have decided you are ready and want more does not mean that he or she is obligated to fulfill that. Sorry I don't believe so.

To hear the terminology "you'll wear him down" in reference to creating a child is sort of scary to me.

JMO.
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#5 of 11 Old 07-22-2004, 06:32 PM
 
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I didn't mean, wear him down as in force him to have a child. I'm sorry if that's the way my words came across.

I believe having a child is a huge decision, and is something both people in the relationship should be in agreement on. Which is why I currently only have two, I have respected my husband's wishes and decision to not have more. But I do think I have the right to tell him I'd like another one and that it is important to me to have another one, if it's heavy on my mind. Even if he doesn't agree.

According to the OP, her husband hasn't said no way, no how, no more, ever. He's flip flopping, back and forth, and not giving her a definite answer. Hence, her frustration.

Maybe I should have said, until she gets a definite answer, I thinks she should bring it up, if it's really bothering her.

And of course, if I"m way off, never mind.
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#6 of 11 Old 07-22-2004, 07:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for all the responses. DH and I did decide together to have 1 more child. We are now just waivering on when to get pregnant exactly, which looks like Oct. right now but could be somwhere between Oct. and April of next year! It is a HUGE decision and his apprehension has more to do with fianances and a large enough home not really whether he wants more children or not.
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#7 of 11 Old 07-22-2004, 07:29 PM
 
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I'm glad you figured it out.

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#8 of 11 Old 07-22-2004, 07:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you..

Alison74, I want you to know that I know EXACTLY what you're going through with your DH. We've been there many a time and hae had several heated arguments over it. Don't give up hope though, men just usually take longer to get to the answers.
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#9 of 11 Old 07-22-2004, 07:44 PM
 
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Thank you for the thoughts, RyleenColinsMom. I appreciate it.

Patience is a virture, right?
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#10 of 11 Old 07-22-2004, 08:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alison74
Patience is a virture, right?

Exactly! We've been talking/arguing over this since November of last year and just now decided on it all!! I never gave up though and now I'm glad I didn't.
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#11 of 11 Old 07-22-2004, 08:38 PM
 
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My dh and I have often, often argued about this very issue. Together and due to our religion we practice NFP. HE does the charting so he knows when I'm ovulating, etc. I was wavering after number 5 whether or not I wanted another baby. God has obviously decided for us but I really feel done after this. It's so hard when you don't agree, though. I'm glad you came to an understanding. My dh worries about finances and house size as well. He loves being a daddy!

Amy - Blessed wife to Jesse (the best dad in the world), mother of 10 on earth plus 8 in heaven.   PROUD to be a Catholic! : winner.jpg familybed2.gifhomeschool.gif

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