vasectomy or iud??? - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-28-2004, 02:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My dh and I are both 29 and have 3 beautiful kiddos (11yrs, 3yrs, 2mos.). He is VERY much done having children and I could really go either way. I feel like our family is complete and really don't have adesire to add anymore little people into it - BUT at the same time, I can't say for sure if I'll feel the same way in 5 years - or if any of the "what ifs" actually happened. My dh was (is)absolutely willing to go in for a vasectomy - in fact we just went to the consultaion yesterday and he scheduled the surgery for Sept. 2nd. After we got home I REALLY began to think about it and the huge ramifications this will have on our lives. I mean not only will we be DONE having kiddos with no option, ever - but if anything were to happen to me - he would have no option of having more kiddos with anyone else. I keep thinking that if he were older I would feel more comfortable with his decision.

So, last night I told him I just wasn't ready to give up that part of our lives forever. He said he would be willing to try something else as long as it is SUPER effective (say 99%). I am an avid long time nurser and feel VERY uncomfortable taking anything while nursing (inc any hormones) - we have conceived one kiddo while on the pill, another because of our own laziness and a 3rd while using a diaphram. He and I are now looking at an IUD.

I don't know if the majority of my aprehension about a vasectomy is because I really am worried about the long term impacts (and the what ifs) or my own inabilty to cope with the fact that I would never again be pregnant and rub my belly, or give birth and hold a sticky sweet newborn on my chest, or nurse a soft skinned, fuzzy haired little one in my arms....

If you were my girlfriend (which in a way - we all are!) what would youtell me??
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Old 07-28-2004, 02:43 PM
 
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My dh just had a vasectomy after our second baby. It is a bit different for us bc we are older than you-both in our mid 30's.
Even though I don't want more children and my dh REALLY doesn't want more, it was still a bit difficult for me. I mourned a bit. Even though I didn't want a third child. I mourned the idea of not being pregnant again or having a newborn.
That being said-it was the right decision for us. Maybe since you have a lot of childbearing years left and are reluctant, an iud is the way to go for now.
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Old 07-28-2004, 02:54 PM
 
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If you get an IUD now you can always choose a vasectomy in the future very easily. If you get the vasectomy performed now and decide you want one more child in 5 years (or whenever) it is very costly to get it reversed.

But also take into consideration what your feelings will be if you end up being that.01 percent that ends up pregnant.
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Old 08-14-2004, 08:30 PM
 
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I would get the IUD and consider the V later. I know this sounds crazy, but I don't think I could enjoy sex as much with DH if he had a vasectomy. Even when we are using birth control, a part of the reason sex is attractive to me is the romantic idea that it can end up in a pregnancy, a coming together of him and me on a deeper level. If that was completely gone like with sterilization, I wouldn't have those romantic warm fuzzies and sex would feel empty (I think). But I think getting the IUD (less permanent) now and making the FINAL decision later when you both feel 100% sure of it is a good idea.
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Old 08-14-2004, 08:37 PM
 
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My dh and I were in the same boat 1.5 years ago, WE are a blended family (he has a dd and ds, I had a ds then we had a ds and dd together)I was 30 and he was 34. We were happy with our new baby girl and felt like our family was complete, but neither were ready to make a permanant decision. So I got the Copper T IUD (good for 10 years). Now we have both decided that we want another child so I'm going next month to have it removed. I'm just sooo glad we decided not to get my tubes tied or him get a vasectomy.
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Old 08-14-2004, 09:13 PM
 
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Right now we are only planning on having two. After our second I will get another IUD (copper T again, loved it before) then once we are absolutely sure he will get snipped.

Chaotic uc.jpg homeschool.gif mama to 5 plus a bonus one on the way.  stork-suprise.gif

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Old 09-03-2004, 12:06 PM
 
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Read my post.......about needing advice.......my dh had the vasectomy and I felt like you did and we almost didn't make it as a couple.......even tho you say you could go either way....if there is even an inkling of "what ifs/maybe".....don't do anything permanent. Just a side note, it cost us over $10,000 to have it reversed.
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