Wanting a 2nd but scared - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-20-2005, 04:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I never thought I would want a second child but in the last month I've been feeling a little Spirit that wants to come through (sorry if that sounds flakey to some). I know moms do it all the time. I'm just scared that I won't be able to take care of 2. Jasmyn is 17 mos now and it's going to be about 6 months before we try. I guess I'm worried that I'm not going to have all the time and energy that she needs. I need advice from other moms who have more than one. I had a friend tell me that it was 4x the work having 2. Is that true? Please shed some of your light on me mamas. Is this normal? What do I need to know? Thanking you in advance.
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Old 06-20-2005, 05:30 PM
 
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IME, having two is sometimes overwhelming but sometimes easier. It is definitely not 4x the work. There are times when they both need me that very second, and I feel frazzled like I can't do it all. But there are also times when they are playing together and entertaining each other and I can get a lot more done than if I just had one. There are pros and cons of course.

One thing I never could have anticipated though is how heart-warming it is to see your two children together, interacting and adoring each other. It starts the moment the second child is born and it is amazing. I think their lives are so enriched by each other, and I cannot imagine having either of them alone.

There's one other thing I wish I could have known. A lot of moms worry about whether they can ever love another child as much as the first... but in my experience the real problem I should have been prepared for was that I loved the new baby so fiercely that suddenly my older child seemed too big, too energetic, too annoying, just too much... and I felt really guilty that I had those feelings about him. I still loved him just as much of course! It's just an adjustment.

I have never regretted having a second, and some days I even think I want a third! :LOL If you decide another babe is meant to join your family, you will cope beautifully I'm sure.
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Old 06-21-2005, 03:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow. Sold. Thanks. I won't forget that
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Old 06-25-2005, 02:38 AM
 
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I don't really have any advice for you, b/c I'm feeling the same way right now. DS is 2 and will be almost 3 if we have another one next year. I think I'm ready for another one, but then we have a huge meltdown in Home Depot and I wonder if I'm crazy. Just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

I love how adenlilysmama put it though. I must be hormonal though b/c it made me tear up.
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Old 07-06-2005, 04:03 PM
 
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It is not 4x the work for me either. I have two daughters, just shy of 19 months apart. It has worked out really well. They play together wonderfully. The initial transition takes time for everybody to get into their new roles and new rhythm. There were times early on I felt like I had my hands too full...when one wanted to nurse & they other needed to go potty...or one fell down while the was throwing up!!! Yup, moments like that happen no matter how close or far apart your kids are spaced. But there not everyday...you just work through them. Most days everything runs smoothly. So I make 2 sandwiches instead of just 1, or watch two kids splash in the tub instead of 1...it's not much more work- at least from my experience. I actually think it's easier having two than one.
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Old 07-08-2005, 03:17 PM
 
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It's NOT 4* the work. In our house, it's not even 2* the work. Some of that is because our #2 is so so so much easier than #1 was-- as a baby and now too. In some ways, having #2 has made things easier w/ #1 too. I would say go for it. I don't know of anyone that ultimately regrets having an add'l child, but I know of a lot of people who wishes they would have had one more. I think there's a lot to be said for that.
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Old 07-08-2005, 04:37 PM
 
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I agree, it is NOT 4 times the work at all, it is not even 2 times the work. In fact I think it is easier to have 2 than just 1 at times. Mainly because they play with an entertain each other a lot, and yes they fight a lot as well. It is easier for my girls to sleep at night because they share a room with each other and don't get scared, things like that. Mine are 3 years apart.

As far as wondering how you do it with 2, well you just do it...lol Its much easier IMO to go from 1-2 kids than it is to go from 0-1 kids which was a total shock to me!

Marilyn,psych RN. Homeschooling mom to Taylor (12) and Lauryn (8)
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Old 07-18-2005, 12:16 AM
 
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Wow, I have been struggling with the same feeling and urge to have another baby too. My son is going to be two in Nov and I would like to get pregnant any time after that. But I worry that I won't feel the same immense love for the new baby as I do right now for my Kyle. Then I worry that Kyle won't be weaned (he nurses to go for a nap and to go to bed and when he wakes up in the middle of the night (not every night)).
Any thoughts on that?
I also worry because I have 10 lbs left from preg weight and another 10 from being overweight and I have read alot about weight and pregnancy and would really like to be down 20 lbs before getting pregnant again. But it is really hard for me to lose weight since I am still bf. I exercise almost 6 days per week, I am a very active person, but I like to eat and I feel that bf really has my body holding on to the weight.
Any thoughts on that?

Thanks so much for all the previous comments they really helped.

Good luck to you Jasymn's Mum!

Rachel
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