How realistic is this? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 07-01-2005, 10:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi,
We're going off the pill/patch (ortho evera) this month (well, we've got til Sun to decide for sure ) and going to try charting. I hate being on horomones, they're too much $$ for us to spend right now, and I have a really hard time getting them because I will not have a pelvic/pap.

I always knew when I ovulated, but didn't realize that I could acutally use that for birth control, but now I'm a little nervous about using that after 2 yrs of not Oing. How realistic is it that this could work for me? I'll be doing temp (but have allergies and sleep with my mouth open lots at this time of year) and CM. I want to get pregnant, but if it happens on accident with this method, DH will most likely be fairly resentful, and I don't really want to have a baby that way. I want us to both choose to have a baby, ya know? I'm a thinkin that the first day of my "off limits" he will decide to have kids! He doesn't want to wrap it up, so we'll see what happens. Any experiences with going right to this off the pill?

Thanks!
Cara
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#2 of 8 Old 07-01-2005, 11:20 AM
 
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No experience with that specifically, myself... but my current "deal" with DH might be of interest since you say that your DH would be fairly resentful if you did get pregnant at this point.

I want another. He wants to wait. I'm willing to wait (at least a little while), but not willing to go on hormonal BC or get an IUD at this point in my life.

Our "deal" is this: I tell him (without his asking) the first day of my period that I got my period. And, I honestly answer any questions he may have about my cycle if he asks. Oh, and I'm not allowed to tamper with or hide his condoms (not that that's something I would ever do anyway).

His responsibilities are to: remember when I told him I got my period (or ask if he forgets, but with the understanding that I might not remember off hand and will not stop the action to go find my agenda and look up the date), do the math regarding where I should be in my cycle based on the 1st day of my last period, decide just how much of a risk he wants to take (or not) and wrap it up or not accordingly, and be willing to assume any and all consequences of his risk assessment. He is also responsible for buying/making sure he has condoms on hand.

Basically, we agreed on a level of information that he is comfortable with, and the conditions for the transmission of said information. Then, I gave him all BC responsibility, before conception. If I do get pregnant, he knows we will be keeping it no matter what.

You might want to talk to your DH about a similar "deal", to take some of the pressure off you and give him some control so that he won't be resentful if there is an oops!
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#3 of 8 Old 07-01-2005, 03:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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that sounds like a good idea. I'm really not sure how long my cycles are going to be, and I think that I might chart and inform him of his risks pretty much every day. He will not wrap it up for some reason, and we both know that he is not being logical Oh and we would absolutely be keeping the baby too.
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#4 of 8 Old 07-02-2005, 12:05 PM
 
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I stopped taking the pill and charted successfully for about a year before dh and I decided it was time for a baby. I was tired of feeling like it was my sole responsibility to not get pg, so I got dh involved simply by showing him how my charts worked and showing him where I was in my cycle and how safe it was. That way I really felt that we were both consciously making the decision not to have a child, and it brought the question home to my dh in a very concrete way, which I thought was important.
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#5 of 8 Old 07-03-2005, 01:47 AM
 
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I started charting after going off depo and about a month before my period returned. It took away a lot of the worry about when fertility would return.

Soon after we got married I told Derek that I wanted a baby and I was ready to have one. I would not be in charge or preventing pregnancy anymore. If he wanted to avoid it, then it was entirely his responsibility. Sometimes he was careful sometimes he wasn't. I didn't want anything tricky to happen between us, and I felt that I was capable of being tricky, and I was afraid that even if I wasn;t being tricky, he might think I was. Now I'm getting quite anxious for another one, and I want to make the smae deal. However, it;s different now because then, I didn't know when the safe times were or weren;t and now I definitely do. Derek is relying on me to tell him when it is safe and when it isn;t. Hmm. wtd?
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#6 of 8 Old 07-06-2005, 12:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks

We are officially off the horomones now! Yay! I told him that I'd tell him when I think I'm fertile, so we will see what happens

Thanks!
Cara

ETA: I'm totally with you on the tricky business... I have been doing a daily disclaimer speech for the past few days... I will TRY to tell you, but I haven't done this before, and if we get pg, I am not being underhanded, because I want us BOTH to want the kiddos and welcome them!
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#7 of 8 Old 07-06-2005, 03:00 AM
 
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If not getting pregnant is super important to him or you (which it sounds like it would be him, not you) then you may want to use protection until you figure out your cycles. Just fyi. It can take a couple of months to regulate your cycles after hormonal BC and then your day of ovulation might vary by month.
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#8 of 8 Old 07-06-2005, 09:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, ahem, that would be ideal. I know I could get it if it didn't have to be right this month! BUT he wil not use protection, so it's figure it out this month or get pg. I only had 5 months of bc left, so all it is doing is having a baby 5 months earlier at the soonest. Doesn't help that my mom tells me that she got pg the first month off the pill every time! lol. If he wanted me for sure to not get pg, then I'd be on the horomone bc still. So, I guess we'll see.

Thanks!

Cara
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