I want more, DH doesn't-anyone else? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 48 Old 10-04-2005, 10:39 AM
 
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Originally Posted by JaneyHD
This thread has attracted some really interesting comments and insights! I should update you all and let you know that DH has agreed to TTC #2!
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#32 of 48 Old 10-04-2005, 10:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you! Though I sometimes fear he's wavering, last night he wanted to know when my fertile days would be and why we couldn't I just get pregnant right away (ah, the mysteries of ovulation)!

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#33 of 48 Old 10-05-2005, 03:06 PM
 
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We're the other way around...
I think I'm done and he isn't... :LOL
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#34 of 48 Old 10-07-2005, 05:08 PM
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I guess I must be different from most of you posting. I have ds 10/17/95 with first husband then we divorced. I had always wanted at least 2 children; then finally met dh and have dd 9/9/04. Dh absolutely wants third but is not sure about a fourth. I saw a segment on the Dr. Phil show and he said something that is very wise: "it takes two yeses and one no". "Accidents" that are on purpose or because of lack of responsibility to me seem like poor communication and trust issues. If your dh can't trust you to take/use the bc you agreed to or that he agreed to be accountable for it just seems to me like it is asking for trouble. I feel for those with one child because I have always had the personal feeling that siblings are special. I also understand having baby lust. For the almost 5 years I was divorced every pregnant woman made me feel very sad for the loss of my marriage and the possibilty of more children. I even had some well meaning friends that told me to "just get preganant by a boyfriend and then never see him again, and don't tell him that you are preganant". It was a very tempting offer, but I am so glad that I waited for someone who loved my ds and me and who really wanted another child. I personally feel if you have to "trick" a partner into another child that you should reconsider. I love the fact that my dh and I make all of our decisions together. I hope this post gives some of the women out there at least another point of view.
: :Marissa : Alexander
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#35 of 48 Old 10-07-2005, 05:44 PM
 
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I feel that people make excuses for not having more children that really are not really valid IMWorld. The $$ excuse (for the most part is just an excuse, my kids are not loosing out and adding a few more won't hurt us either in the $$ department, I could debate an entire thread on this aspect), the when we get settled, when we have our careers, the list goes on and on -- fact is if you make these excuses the only way you have a child is a "for real" accident. Women can not ignor their biological clocks indefinitely and have a career or wait for their spouse to feel it is the right time. The right time is when you the woman know it's right.
Women can have it all, just not all at the same time and those who think they can are fooling themselves and short changing their families -- JMHO.
I won't let excuses keep me from having what I want out of life. There will never be that 'perfect' time to have children, there will always be something getting in the way.
My dh left the Army during our first pregnancy, we moved to a new town with a job that may or may not have lasted, I finised college after the birth of our 1st, we bought a house after our 1st, many of our friends were buying second homes after the birth of their 2nd or 3rd, we were not b/c we bought a large enough house to grow into, during the first year of our 2nd child's life my dh was without a job and found another job, a better paying job as well... Life happens and you can't put your dreams of children on hold waiting for the 'perfect' moment.
Granted our 1st was an accident, 3 yrs into our marriage -- but everything is in God's timing, not ours anyway. Proof is in the # of children conceived will the woman was on birth control and some even when the woman's tubes were tied!!!
Our dd was conceived while on the PILL, double hormone type. And yet it took over 10mo of trying to conceive ds2!!!
Listen to your biological clock, doctors have not been telling woman the truth about conception into your late 30s and early 40s. It is a very difficult and painful road for some woman who wait, several mainstream articles have been written on this topic in the last year. Your 20s are your prime for birthing, your early 30s is wears you out more. Each year you get older the more wearing pregnancy is on you as well as labor and birthing or even recovering from a c/s -- it just takes more out of you.
IMO it's no fun having your kids spaced out so far apart that it's like 2 or 3 only children, the bonds of brothers and sisters just doesn't seem to be there when they are younger. My sister is 6 yr younger than me, we were never close until we became adults (this was not my parents choice but rather infertility or mis information about cycle charting back in the late 60s).
To be totally blunt, if you dh doesn't want any more children and you do and you get into arguments over it or the time is running out, it's time to seek counceling either from your religious affliation or private practice.
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#36 of 48 Old 10-07-2005, 07:32 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dmj
"it takes two yeses and one no".
Forgive me if I am a bit daft here: I get the "two yeses" part but not the "one no" part. Maybe I would get it if it were two no's.

I don't get the sense that anyone here is trying to trick their partner; did I miss something?
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#37 of 48 Old 10-07-2005, 07:58 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Electra375
To be totally blunt, if you dh doesn't want any more children and you do and you get into arguments over it or the time is running out, it's time to seek counceling either from your religious affliation or private practice.
To be totally blunt, counseling does not change everyone or everything and I for one am more committed to my relationship with DH and to my family and to being in agreement for another child than I am to having another child no matter what. Yes we still have to find peace with this.
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#38 of 48 Old 10-07-2005, 09:07 PM
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I meant that it needs to be accepted by both parties. If one of you doesn't want another child, then you need to respect that person enough to keep that decision. As for the tricking I was looking at a post that said that one woman was not using her diaphram and she was not telling her partner this fact. I know several women who just went off the pill with out telling the partner this as well. Personal integerty is very key in any relationship. If you go against your partner or misinform them what does that say about your character? I am all for if both of you say we are not going to use b/c and if we have more children-great. But hoping that he/she will come around after the fact just does not seem right to me.
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#39 of 48 Old 10-07-2005, 09:19 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dmj
I was looking at a post that said that one woman was not using her diaphram and she was not telling her partner this fact.
I missed this.
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#40 of 48 Old 10-10-2005, 10:28 AM
 
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I wish I would have found this thread back when it started. I had a thread in TAO about the issues DH and I were having about having another child.

We have 4 and I want another

DH is an only child and thought that was great and grew up thinking he would have ONE child. Well, when we got married I already had the two boys from my previous marriage so he came into an instant family. He is an incredible step-dad and is very close to the boys. Not too long after we got married my baby lust kicked in high gear. He was not ready. I waited, encouraged, and waited and on our first anniversary he agreed he was ready and we got pg THAT night DD#1 was 7.5 months old when I was shocked to find out I was pg I wasn't sure how he would react and was nervous but he was so excited from the moment I told him. We had two great homebirths with the girls (I am one of those straightforward birthers )

So now here we are, our youngest is about to turn 2 and months ago I started feeling this huge void. For me it has been a feeling that it is supposed to happen. I know part of it is my faith and spirituality. Just a few months ago DH was saying he was going to get a vasectomy. He knew I was not ok with it but I wasn't sure I could prevent it. In our 7+ years of being together DH has NEVER used P&P and thinks men that do are stupid. He says "You either want a baby or you don't and P&P is just a cop out" He is Mr. Responsible, he uses a condom every single time.

I have had periods and ovulatioins come and go and been quite weepy about the whole thing The good news for me is that DH has always been willing to talk with me about the way I feel and the way he feels. It was just so hard for us that we were not on the same page. Our marriage is very strong and we really do agree about everything that is important but this one thing. It has been hard for me but it has been hard for him too because he didn't feel he could make me happy

Well, last week we were actually talking on the phone. He told me he wants to want another, he just can't wrap his brain around the idea of FIVE kids! He starts asking me questions about carseats, bedrooms, beds, who will sleep where etc. Well, he agreed that he is comfortable enough to start using NFP to avoid again. We used NFP for the first year of our marriage before DD#1. He feels this way if it happens it is Gods Will. He came to this conclusion after much prayer from both of us. We are Catholic so that is an issue for me as well.

Anyway, this turned out to be really long but it is nice to have found other Mamas that feel the same way I do. I am still tandem nursing my almost 2 and 3 year olds but my 2 year old has decided to potty learn and it just breaks my heart not to have a little fluffy butt in the house.

I am happy for the Mamas that are getting the children they so hoped for, hopefully I will join you soon

Keri

 Keri wife and Mama to  Cory 17,  Brendan 15,  Kerianne 8,  Avery 7,  Lilia 3
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#41 of 48 Old 10-10-2005, 10:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Woo-hoo Keri! How exciting for you! I hope you get a new little bean soon. Sounds like DH is really coming around.

Now I'm just waiting to ovulate so that we can TTC DH asked me the other night when I would be "eggy!"

I hope everyone else gets the babies they wish for as well.

Jane
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#42 of 48 Old 10-10-2005, 10:43 AM
 
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Thanks Jane
Don't wait too long... DD#2 was conceived when we had 'relations' on day 6 and I ovulated on day 11 so you never know

Keri

 Keri wife and Mama to  Cory 17,  Brendan 15,  Kerianne 8,  Avery 7,  Lilia 3
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#43 of 48 Old 10-10-2005, 01:55 PM
 
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Just speaking FYI (excuse me if you already know). The few days just prior to ovulation (as much as up to 5), the day of and the day after ovulation offer the most potential for conceiving. The mucous you secrete prior to ovulation supports the movement of and the life of sperm. This is why the days prior to ovulation can lead to

Good Luck
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#44 of 48 Old 10-10-2005, 02:08 PM
 
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I know this probably seems a bit terrible. My dh and I had our first ds by accident. After 4years I really wanted another baby, and our ds wanted a brother or sister. Dh agreed that once he got promoted at work, we could have another. DS 2 was born 6-14-05... and dh, who never wanted kids, is open to having as many as i want. I know this is maybe a bit old-fashioned, but it works for us. I try my best to make dh's life as easy as possible. I work part time to contribute about 20% of our annual income. I do all of the cleaning, all of the weekday cooking, all of the errand running. I am the only one who has ever gotten up at night with our children. I try to keep our romantic life active(even when i was very pg)... in short, I try to make life very smooth for him so that he will be happy and, this is the terrible part, willing to do what I want. Not to say I sacrifice my happiness- I love my work, I love being with my kids, and I do get time of my own ( I hire a babysitter if I want to meet a friend, or only leave when baby is napping, etc.) Dh loves being a dad, but he does watch them when I work so I try not to give him kid care... I just think that if he's happy, I'm happy. (And thus the little ones are happy....)
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#45 of 48 Old 10-10-2005, 02:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hummingbear
Just speaking FYI (excuse me if you already know). The few days just prior to ovulation (as much as up to 5), the day of and the day after ovulation offer the most potential for conceiving. The mucous you secrete prior to ovulation supports the movement of and the life of sperm. This is why the days prior to ovulation can lead to

Good Luck

Oh yes, definitely! I'd actually explained to him about EWCM, and that's what the "eggy" was in reference to! It works for both meanings, I guess.

In any event, we're "practicing" while we wait....
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#46 of 48 Old 10-12-2005, 07:40 AM
 
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I think it's wonderful to have more children but yours baby is so young
to my mind it's better to wait for a while and then ... maybe he change the mind
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#47 of 48 Old 10-17-2005, 11:32 PM
 
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I would like one more, DH is done. I go back and forth actually ... but deep down I know someday I want another. Maybe as our two get older he will miss that baby stage .. or maybe he will be glad its over ... and maybe I will ... who knows.
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#48 of 48 Old 10-19-2005, 10:51 AM
 
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AF arrived so today is our first official day of NFP

Keri

 Keri wife and Mama to  Cory 17,  Brendan 15,  Kerianne 8,  Avery 7,  Lilia 3
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