no one thinks PG is a good idea - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 05-29-2006, 11:48 AM - Thread Starter
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ok so you may have read my other thread about DH and I planning/debating hard core about getting pg with #3
the problem is NO one in my family thinks its a good idea, my mother especially, the idea makes her cry
it boils down to $$$$$ we are living very lean at the moment and as you all know children cost $$$
anyone else having this reaction??
because you have more $$ means you can have more kids?? not if you are a great parent and caretaker for your child you can only have 1 or 2????

widowed from Marc Nov. '09(love you more babe) mom to Sophia (9) Emma (8) Lily (5) :

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#2 of 9 Old 05-29-2006, 12:20 PM
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I don't know your situation, and I am not denying that many things are much easier when you have money...but that said, not having much money doesn't make you a bad parent. In the past few years, I've heard my childless friends say that they're ready to have kids because "I have a masters degree" or "I'll be ready when we get a house and new car". That's fine for these individuals, but it's kind of odd that in our society, these things are seen as preparing you for parenthood more than experience, values, passion, etc.

It's really hard not having family support. You and your husband know what's best for your family. Best wishes.
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#3 of 9 Old 05-29-2006, 12:23 PM
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This is between you and your DH. Nobody else's opinions (your mother, for ex) should really matter.

Children don't have to be super-expensive- they don't "need" nearly as much as the popular magazines say they do.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#4 of 9 Old 05-29-2006, 12:32 PM - Thread Starter
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my mom matters a little bit because right now I work very part time so she watches the girls for a few hrs on mondays and saturdays (like 4hrs) and she said she will not watch 3 children so that leaves us with having to figure something else out throwing a huge wrench in our plans
she cries and tells me she just doesnt want to see us struggle, I mean we have a house (and a mortgage obvioulsy) but we still have a house have no credit card debt we just live paycheck to paycheck with no savings and that scares her, like if anything breaks in our house we have no back up plan, if our washing machine breaks what would we do, well most likely we'd have to borrow money from someone or get a credit card (we do have one emergency one for this reason) so she see's us in this situation now and that multiplied times 10 if we have a third (4th including dsd)
so today I am really depressed about it, my DH is 110% on board but again he doesnt do the budget I do so that is what brings me back to not doing it but my goodness it is something we both want so much!!! SO much!
I dont know ladies, I just dont know )-:

widowed from Marc Nov. '09(love you more babe) mom to Sophia (9) Emma (8) Lily (5) :

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#5 of 9 Old 05-29-2006, 09:26 PM
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I honestly think having another child cannot be based solely (or even mainly) on how much money you make. Children can be expensive, but honestly, the things that make them so expensive are food, clothing, childcare, and healthcare - and you can make smart choices with all of those. Your health insurance costs are unlikely to go up because of an additional child - you want to check to make sure, but usually it doesn't matter how many children you have, the cost to insure is the same. You can negotiate with your doctor on the co-payments/deductibles. Food - if you breast-feed, that's free. When the baby's older, he/she can eat what you eat - no need for jarred food. Clothes - you have two children now, so the baby can wear the clothes they have outgrown - even if it's a boy, he won't care if he's wearing pink! Childcare - since your mother would not be willing to care for a third child (and I wonder if that's to "prevent" you from having another), you would have to consider that. Could you do some work at home that will equal what you are paid part-time, so you can care for the kids without outside childcare?

Your mother's concerns are legitimate, but frankly, those concerns are there with OR without a 3rd child! They are not going to appear OR disappear with the child's birth. Your husband may want to keep careful track of your expenses, and see what you can cut back on to create a savings account, but as I said, that would need to be done whether you have another child or not. As you WELL know, having even one child requires sacrifice, and having more requires more sacrifice, but consider the "pay-back"!

If you and your husband really want to have a third, even without the savings, etc. I say go for it. The joy with more than make up for the sacrifices you will make!
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#6 of 9 Old 06-02-2006, 03:12 PM
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I say go ahead...if you wait till you can afford all the things that you dont really NEED anyway youll never have another.... Im 19 yes 19 and gettin married this year to my dbf who ive been with 3.5 yrs we are planning on ttc number 2 this fall (or sooner if it just happens) i honestly dont care what anyone else thinks im a great mother and i KNOW we will be you can do sooo many things to save money but some ppl are to lazy to try...

My name is Lindsay I am a full time wife to Nick 10-21-08 and full time mommy to Cadence, Irie and Isis

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#7 of 9 Old 06-03-2006, 12:09 AM
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If you both have the passion to do it-have the third! As pp have said you can't base more kids soley on money. And you can't base it on your mother, even if she does watch your kids. You will find a way to make it without her help. And chances are after she sees the new little angel, her heart will melt. We don't have a lot of money either, but if your at least making it now, you will after a third. It is a purely personal desicion and you and DH sound ready.

hearts.gifhearts.gifhearts.gifhearts.gifhearts.gif A house full of girls, but for dad and one brother bikenew.gif
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#8 of 9 Old 06-05-2006, 11:39 AM
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There is no good time to have a kid : They are always going to require adjustments to your family- whether money, space and/or time. So that said, since there is no good time to have another kid and you want to- GO FOR IT. My last one was really pushing it- dh is older than me by a bit. And if I had been thinking rationally, ds would not be here. But oh gawd is he the joy of my life. I can't picture my world without him. Dh gets a kick out of him too. They are buds. And plus- it looks like you have the girls spaced close. Do you really want to wait? Or then again, are things going to change in the future that will make another one easier? How is your crystal ball doing?
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#9 of 9 Old 06-05-2006, 11:58 AM
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I'll be the voice of dissent here and say you really should run the numbers and see how supportin a 4th kid really would affect your budget (loss of your income, child care issues if you lose that help from your mom, etc). And not just now, because everyone (rightly, IMO) says babies don't really cost much, especially not when you are recycling the clothes and stuff you used for the others. But you won't always have 4 preschoolers. Some day you'll have 4 middle schoolers. 4 teenagers. 4 college students. The older they get, the more expensive they are to support. Do you see yourself being able to swing that, especially with them spaced so close together?

I also have to say I laugh everytime someone says breastfeeding is free. Even pregnancy hasn't been "free" in my household, in terms of food expense. We're spending about $25 more a week to cover my turbo-revved appetite now. I can only imagine what it will be like when I am having to make food for the little one, too!

For me, a second or third child would create an extreme dent in my budget because it's important to me to work FT, and childcare on a second or third kid would bust the bank. An additional child would also come at the expense of my nephews and niece, who I help provide support for now. It's very important to me that I be able to do that, more important than having additional children of my own. If I have another, it would have to be when my first kid (due in Nov) is school age. But, obviously, your circumstances are different.

Think hard about all your variables, then if you think you can do it, and it's really important to you, do it.
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