What do you love best about having a big family? - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-16-2006, 09:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I would like to have a big family and wondered what you mamas with big families like best about it.
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Old 06-17-2006, 04:04 PM
 
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Ok, I don't have a big family, but I'm #2 of 6 kids. Here are the pros and cons from my point of view:

PROS:
Always a party when you get together. Tons of fun, never boring.
Instant playmates growing up, again, never boring.
Kids learn to share and be part of a team

CONS:
not enough one-on-one time with parents
a feeling of being "lost" in the huge family
parents are raising kids for 30 years or more (in my situation anyway) and I guess this could be a pro for some people, but for my folks, at age 55, they would like a little alone time!

Can't think of more right now. All in all, I'm so happy I was raised in a large family, but am not choosing that for myself. I feel like I missed out, and would like to give my kids more (not talking material things)than I got growing up

Marja: consensual-living, unschooling, piano-teaching, doula and mom to 3 creative, independent people:
DD, 8, DS, 6, and Baby DS born July 1, 2010 Married to DH for 10 years!
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Old 06-19-2006, 06:50 PM
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Hi Meghann!

Well you probably don't care to hear from me because you already know how I feel, butttttttt I will chime in anyway

I want a big family too. Probably 4 or 5 kids. We want to adopt a child too. I hope to have mine all close in age, so they are closer. I have 1 real brother and 4 step brothers. And I did have another step brother and one step sister before my step dad died. I loved it! Always had someone to talk to, family get togethers were always fun, always had someone on your "side" (lol)...bad parts were less presents at christmas time. Just kidding! Honestly, I loved it. I really don't know of any cons...? Well sharing bedrooms, but since I was the only girl, I always got my own, haha. But if I had a sister I'm sure I would have loved to share it with her.
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Old 06-20-2006, 10:33 PM
 
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I am the oldest of 6 and I also have 6 kids. Both my parents come from big families as well. I love having a big family.

There is alot of love and closeness. I never felt that I didn't get enough one on one time. I spent way more time with my parents than my friends did who had smaller families (really parenting style has way more to do with it than family size). Homeschooling affords alot of time for parents and children to interact. If you can wahm or sahm or have a sahd or a wahd or all of the above then the kids will be better for it. I have a friend who has 2 kids, both parents work, they see their kids from 5-8 (which is bed time) every day. I see my kids 24/7 so I am getting alot more time with my 6 than they are with their 2. So parenting and lifestyle does have a lot to do with it. Its also really helped dh and I financially. With each child dh had to have more money coming in, we had to get a bigger house after #4 so that meant the 2nd career change in 6 years. Its a great motivator. When #4 came he had a great job making alot of money and he probably would have stayed there indefinetly. It ended up being a great thing to leave. Having a lot of children has been a great learning experience as well. I learn something new from my children every day. My children are growing up to be wonderful people and I am thrilled and feel so honored to have been so close to them. To have gotten to know them. I do love them so much. Thats also a great advantage, I get hugs from 6 people every day, and kisses and smiles and laughter.

There are negatives. Finding a van is hard. There really isn't anything between 8 and 12 seater so you have a huge van even though its only half full. You get lots of nasty comments from people on a daily basis.

Expecting #9.  Always busy hsing.
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Old 06-21-2006, 03:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Full Heart

There are negatives. Finding a van is hard. There really isn't anything between 8 and 12 seater so you have a huge van even though its only half full. You get lots of nasty comments from people on a daily basis.
Why do people give you nasty comments?
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Old 06-21-2006, 03:03 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CrunchyKat
Why do people give you nasty comments?
I'll get on my soapbox here- this isn't meant to be offensive to anyone, just my POV.

Because they all assume you're on welfare, after all, you couldn't possibly afford that many kids without THEIR tax dollars paying for it. Or they assume the kids each have a different dad, or you don't have enough sense to figure out what's causing you to get pregnant in the first place.

I guess they don't have enough sense to see a diamond on my finger and see that my kids all look just alike. I try to remind older people who make nasty comments that I and my kids are paying for their social security, so not to complain.

And I'll say this- I've only got two here living, and have lost 5 pregnancies. I started getting nasty comments once I started showing with the pregnancies I lost each time. And, of course, I get comments for even getting pregnant since I had a miscarriage last time. Like any of it is their business.

/rant

I feel better now.

ETA: I want to make it clear that don't take issue at all with people who are on public assistance and have kids. My issue is with people who think it's their business to tell me what decisions to make in my life based on their ASSumptions.

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Old 06-23-2006, 03:25 PM
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ohhh ok. I can't stand it when people are so judgmental! Sorry mama!
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Old 06-29-2006, 01:51 AM
 
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I'm the oldest of 7 and I always loved it, seriously. I really agree with that parenting style makes a huge difference, I know I never felt lost, christmas and birthdays were great! We all only got like 2-4 presents, I think 1 one yr but multiply 2 X7=14 We all had to share! So we actually felt like we were getting a ton of presents, and since we were always taught to share we didn't despise it. My mother stayed at home and my dad even moved his office to the garage for a long time, so we had both our parents constantly (I wasn't too happy about that starting at like 14 though ) I think coming from a large family is a real positive aspect, it helps the kids grow wonderfully, in my opinion.

I hope to have a large family someday, I do want to have them close enough though so I'm not raising kids still when I'm ready to be a grandma. I've got 2 already and my fiance has one so were off to a running start.
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Old 06-29-2006, 08:15 PM
 
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I am #4 of eight and have five kiddos myself. I absolutely LOVED having a bunch of sibs growing up. Lots of hands to work, play, and love. Wow, that seems so trite when I see it in print, but it's true.

The biggest con that I can see right now is the sibling fighting. It drives me nuts sometimes, but I know it will pass. I see most/all of my siblings at least once a week, and I'm so thankful to my parents giving me such an amazing gift.
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Old 07-04-2006, 04:09 PM
 
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I am #3 of 7 and can't wait to continue building my own family!! ( I have 2 kids so far). I never felt unloved or lost in my big family, but I am agreeing with PPer's that it has a lot to do with parenting style. We were homeschooled as well, so I was with my mom all day. My dad worked next door at his office, so we saw him at lunch and any other time he decided to drop by for a few minutes. We always joke with my mom that every single one of us thinks that we are "the favorite." That's what a great mom she was/is -- made us all feel special and unique to the point where we thought she couldn't possibly love the others as much as she loved us money was a bit tight, but my mom was an excellent tightwad. We all learned how to live a full happy life that wasn't overwhelmed by consumerism, and that continues to bless me and my siblings as we grow older and manage our own families.

I don't think big families are for everyone. It is 100% sacrifice on the part of the parent, for sure. My mother is 54 this year and still has a 17 year old, a 14 year old and a 10 year old at home with her. But I know her, and I know that she believes that raising her children has been the most enjoyable, special time of her life. So its rewarding, despite the major sacrifices.

Sorry I wrote a total book!!
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