I want another baby, he doesn't - any advice? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-28-2006, 02:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello~

I just got online and realized that a few more people had posted to my topic. Thanks!

Hakeber~ Thanks so much for your post - in a lot of ways you are right and I do not think you are rude by any means! My husband did'nt have a lot as a child and he thrives on being able to provide things for his children that they often do not need. I know we would be fine with another, convincing him is another thing though. Of course times like today when I am anxiously waiting for my next check I wonder if I am thinking straight... after doing x-mas shopping my check book is running a bit low. (btw - we have separate checking accounts still - strange I know it's me that wants it that way as I don't want him trying to manage what I do/don't spend).

Things are going better now and we are trying to focus on building our new house - in the meantime I have NOT brought up another baby at all, whereas he has on a few occassions. Of course, it always ends with him trying to explain why we don't need another baby. I don't know for sure, but I have my suspicions that he may be thinking about it and trying to talk it out in his head. I could be totally wrong because he still says no more kids, but I think he is realizing how much this means to me. I am sure he is seeing this since any time I hear about babies or the topic comes up, I almost break down in tears.

Off topic: Yesterday my sister called me unexpectedly to tell me that her doctor had done an ultrasound and that I was going to have a baby neice. You would have thought it was my baby - I was so excited and broke down and work in tears of joy!! I have been trying to tell myself that I have two precious neices that I can help with (one is 1 year old and the other baby to be). I think this is getting me by right now, but the desire is still so strong!

Back to the subject... last night DH wanted to bd and I am on my monthly cycle right now -- he actually did not withdraw (yes, I know I can't get preggo during my period and he knows this as well), BUT he NEVER EVER takes the chance!!! This is the first time he did not pull out in over 5 years!!! I asked him why he did that and his response was well you can't get pregnant right now right - I said yeah most likely, but my luck I would and you would be mad at me... he didn't say anything either way, but didn't say I guess I should not have done that!

So now I am thinking in my head - maybe, just maybe he is thinking about it. I had dreams all night about being pregnant and expecting this wonderful new baby. I kept thinking maybe I could O this month early. : I know that I want us both on board and in agreement on this though. I don't want to get my hopes up for nothing, so I am just going to keep quiet about it for a while (was already) and see what happens. He knows he is very fertile (got pregnant after one encounter with the last baby) and he is always very cautious (never ever has an accident) so we shall see. If he does this again and doesn't pull out later in the month I will certainly know he is coming around. Keep your fingers crossed for me!! : It's making me crazy right now with anticipation!!

What do you think?
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Old 12-03-2006, 01:02 AM
 
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Oh I so hope it works out for you and he comes around! i'm new to this forum but I'm feeling the baby vibe myself lately and my DH says no way. My one and only DS just turned 5, I'm in a very good place emotionally and physically and FINALLY feeling like I want another and he is completely opposed so I feel your pain!

Doula, Wife and mom to A (11/23/01) and O (5/7/09)
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Old 02-04-2007, 06:16 AM
 
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I'm in the same place. My ds will turn 6 on the 21st, I am 100% ready to have #2, dh says no, we have no $. I can't tell you how sick I am of hearing that. Off topic a bit. I'm glad you've come around to your sis's pregnancy. I was 17 when I got preg with ds and talked alot about adoption because I was still in high school. However, I came around and realized I had to have the little guy in my life. Haveing him has helped me grow up soooo much and I can't imagine my life without him. Back to the issue at hand, I haven't brought up #2 for almost a month, and we aren't doing anything to prevent a pregnancy, no pulling out or anything, TMI I know. I don't really think I can get preg right now any way. I quit take depo a year ago and still haven't had a period. Sorry, I'm rambling. I would say to just kinda leave the subject alone, if he brings it up go about talking about it in a way that won't start a fight. For me that usually means I can't say much, because I start crying and sometimes that just makes things worse. This is quite long enough, so I'm going to be done.

Elizabeth wife to Matt , mom to Logan (2/21/01) , and little man Desmond (9/23/08)

Mourning the loss of her father: Robert Edward Dillon 5/31/52 - 01/03/2011

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Old 02-05-2007, 12:44 AM
 
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Keep talking to him about it. My husband started out for sure not wanting any more kids, no way no how, but the more I talk about it, the more open to it he is. I *think* we have finally decided to wait 5 years and then reassess whether we want another child then or not. Of course, I still will. Maybe he will by then, too. We are most likely going to adopt if we decide we want another at that point.
I was just reading on this thread and on page one when becoming posted, I LAUGHED so hard when I saw her siggie... you must have been pregnant and not even known it when you posted... 5 years, huh? I guess 5 days was more like it!?!? Congrats! Wishing you a happy little boy in July!

fantesia28 - Wishing you & your DH to find abundance however that may be.

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Old 02-05-2007, 05:18 AM
 
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I was just reading on this thread and on page one when becoming posted, I LAUGHED so hard when I saw her siggie... you must have been pregnant and not even known it when you posted... 5 years, huh? I guess 5 days was more like it!?!? Congrats! Wishing you a happy little boy in July!

fantesia28 - Wishing you & your DH to find abundance however that may be.
I just did that exact thing! LMAO.


OP-whoever told you that you couldn't get pg on your period was off her rocker. in fact my sister was conceived when my mom was *safely* on her period. you get pregnant when the sperm meets the egg. WHENEVER that might be.

ApplePieBaby-I do the same thing. my dh thinks that another baby is preferable to having to remember every single time to use a condom. we've been using condoms this year (the whole year so far) but he's already been having days where he doesn't and says "i'm sure you won't get pregnant and if you do its not the end of the world is it?"

Jami (25) Roland (27) & Caleb (5), Jacob (3.5) , Kaitlyn (2)
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Old 03-13-2007, 12:26 AM
 
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Fantesia28- keep us updated!

I could have written your original post but some of our circumstances are different.

Just wanted to offer up a
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Old 03-13-2007, 07:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I actually wrote this post some time ago. In the beginning of December my hubby finally came clean and said he was thinking about maybe having another baby. He may be coming around, just not sure yet!

We are building a new house right now and I am trying not to bring it up much right now and focus on the new house. Once it's up though, I will be bringing this up again... I am hoping maybe to start trying in August and hoping it might take the first month.

He goes back and forth... he always throws in the little comments of how things are good the way they are, but I do know he is thinking about it and I know that he knows how I feel.
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Old 03-13-2007, 08:04 PM
 
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So sorry mama, can't give much advice but my dh was the same way, did not want anymore and i didn't push it but i was "late" a few months back and thought i might be pg and told dh, he didn't say anything until later that night and when he did he said "ya know, surprisingly enough i'm really excited about the new baby". unfortunely i wasn't pg and we BOTH ended up being disappointed but now we're TTC#3! Good Luck Mama
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Old 03-13-2007, 08:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by fantesia28 View Post
I actually wrote this post some time ago. In the beginning of December my hubby finally came clean and said he was thinking about maybe having another baby. He may be coming around, just not sure yet!

We are building a new house right now and I am trying not to bring it up much right now and focus on the new house. Once it's up though, I will be bringing this up again... I am hoping maybe to start trying in August and hoping it might take the first month.

He goes back and forth... he always throws in the little comments of how things are good the way they are, but I do know he is thinking about it and I know that he knows how I feel.
Guess we posted at the same time and i missed this update.
Hope all goes well
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Old 03-14-2007, 10:33 PM
 
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Hope I didn't stir up "old wounds"...best wishes with getting your house up...it sounds like you've made progress in your direction since he's at least considered having another.
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Old 03-14-2007, 10:47 PM
 
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Hugs. I want more kids and dh doesn't. I will never understand this. I guess he just keeps hoping I'll get over it and soon be too old.

So yeah, I hear you sister!
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Old 03-15-2007, 02:30 AM
 
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I know this isnt what you want, but have you thought of fostering children? You get to nurture and love a child and make a difference in their lives, and yet its not permanent.

Loving Mother to our adoption miracle, Riana :, and our angel baby, Xavier. Trying for baby. Wife to my Hero! BLOG LINK IN PROFILE
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Old 03-28-2007, 03:13 AM
 
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In my opinion, money is fleeting, as is time, and I have never met anyone who regrets having that last child once they look at their sweet little face.
That's for sure!

I just want to offer some encouragement. While we were still dating, Dh and I had agreed with hardly any discussion that 2 is the perfect number of children. Then I enjoyed my first baby so much I started to wonder why I had plans to limit myself to only 2. I told dh I wanted 4 or 6. He said maybe 3. Life got hard with 2 children (especially because C has health issues), but I continued to want one more. I really did not feel "done." We talked a lot about it in the two years after C was born, but more and more I came to agree with dh's reasoning (primarily financial, but for myself I was looking forward to leaving the less pleasant tasks of babyhood behind and moving on to new adventures with big kids). I began getting rid of the baby toys, clothes, and paraphenalia. Nothing big fortunately. It's funny how quickly I became pregnant after finally deciding to give up on the idea and start getting rid of things. It happened after dh had been on a long business trip. He missed me. It was the beginning of a new year and we had visions of re-connecting as a couple, fixing up the house, etc. Alas, my first post-partum period had just passed. When we neglected to use bc that night, I reminded him of that fact, since he had been so sure he wanted no more, but he said, "It's okay, we're married." Two weeks later, HE was the one who found the line had shown up. He took it pretty matter-of-factly. It got tense later, when I insisted on having a homebirth for the first time. But we worked through that too.

And yes, he admires our son's sweet face and has never expressed any regret. And I already can't even imagine life without our son.

The neatest thing is, after Ian was born I finally DID feel very DONE. I feel very fulfilled and have no interest in having any more (and won't because dh got the snip). So I think that feeling of not being done means something. You probably aren't.

Michele, mom of DD 5/01, DD 11/03, and DS 11/06

http://michelepixels.com/

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