Going from 2 to 3 children? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 35 Old 05-08-2007, 06:19 PM - Thread Starter
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I am sure this has been posted before but.....how hard was it REALLY for those of you who went from 2 to 3 kids.....PLEASE be honest! I have heard that it isn't a big change at all and then I have also heard just the opposite...Just wondering what I am wanting to get myself into!

eta: I plan(if dh decides that he agrees with me ) to have them each(dd1 and dd2 are exactly 23 mos. apart) 2yrs(about 23-28 mos.) apart.
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#2 of 35 Old 05-08-2007, 10:42 PM
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It hasn't been too bad for us. Both of our age gaps are 32 months. Our biggest challenge was going from zero to one. DD1 was the most challenging baby and has continued to be the most "tiring" of our children, if you KWIM. She also started kindergarten (full-time) just 9 days before DS entered the world...so, that has made a difference too.

Both my girls love their little brother to pieces and have excepted him wonderfully! That has made it easier too!

Good luck!
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#3 of 35 Old 05-09-2007, 10:16 AM
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Were about to do this in a few momth (TTC). My ds will be at least 5 and my dd will be 4 when #3 is born if I conceive when I hope to. I think it will be fairly easy seeing as my first 2 were 14 months apart.: It was almost like twins b/c the oldest has CP and they hit their milestones at almost the same age.

Mom of 3 sons and one daughter
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#4 of 35 Old 05-09-2007, 10:31 AM
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the initial transformation from 1 to 2 was hard but 2 to 3 was really easy
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#5 of 35 Old 05-09-2007, 10:44 AM
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Two to three was easy for me. It was 0 to 1 and then 1 to 2 that got me. However, DH thinks #3 was harder. But I think that's only because #3 is a girl (as first 2 are boys). He's been MUCH more involved with DD....(not to mention she's got him wrapped around her little finger) so that's probably why he thinks it is harder.
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#6 of 35 Old 05-09-2007, 11:33 AM
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I found from 2-3 a bit harder than the other additions. But mine are 15mtnhs and then 12mnths apart, so my problem has been three carseats, and the fact that oldest dd couldn't really walk for long if we went out. She is getting a little older now so it is getting easier. Also just the fact that you are now out numbered, can make your head spin, but you get used to it pretty fast. I think these types of issues you can't really prepare yourself for, every childs temperment is different and you can never know how it will be.

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#7 of 35 Old 05-09-2007, 08:48 PM
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It was hard....well...it IS hard now. Everyone I know says 2 to 3 is the hardest transition. DH says its because you go from man to man to working "zones"!
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#8 of 35 Old 05-12-2007, 08:36 PM
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For me one to two was a piece of cake. They were also almost 9 years apart.

Noe being PG with number three I was horribly ill and then going from two to three was alot harder than the one to two.

But not "end of the world, I want to cry all day" hard!

Resistance is futile Matey
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#9 of 35 Old 05-17-2007, 09:29 PM
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For us 0-1 was easy. Then 1-2 was great, 4 1/2 year difference.


Number 3, WOW, that is hard! Only 21 months difference. I find myself chasing a 2 year old and running with a 2 1/2 month old in a football hold! While hollering at #1 to keep up! Some days I think that I must be quite a site!!!

I also only have very spirited children.:
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#10 of 35 Old 05-17-2007, 09:37 PM
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We're talking about having our third and I'm a bit worried.
Like a pp said, it wouldn't be man-to-man anymore. Now we can say "ok- I have her, you have him" or vice versa. I think it's going to be tough.
Our second and third will be at least 3.5 years apart, though, since dd will be 3 this fall.

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#11 of 35 Old 05-18-2007, 02:26 PM
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going to 3 was the easiest for us so far! ds1 is 9 and very helpful and dd is 4 and very calm and easy-going. so its not stressful to have to meet all the baby's needs. plus the older two can play all day together.
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#12 of 35 Old 05-19-2007, 05:14 AM
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We're talking about this as well. I found going from 1 to 2 to be rough for the first several months (mine are 24 mo apart), but if we had a third, my other 2 would be 7 and 5 so my new concern is getting back into the "baby" groove after being used to independent creatures for so long LOL! Plus, I was in my 20's when I had #1 and #2 but my mid 30's if we went with #3.

It's a hard decision for us, because we knew we wanted 2 but aren't sure about 3.
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#13 of 35 Old 05-24-2007, 08:52 PM
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Easiest so far for me! I mean there is an adjustment period no matter what but it was not bad. My first two are 1.5 years apart. My second and third were 2.5 yr apart.

I'd like 3 yr. but it wasn't bad.

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#14 of 35 Old 05-28-2007, 04:31 PM
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Hi, I am in the exact same situation. My DH and I completely agreed on two kids and left the option open for a third. Now, my two DS's are 7 and soon to be 3. We are discussing a third and how much it will change our lives and our household. (we'll also need to move) Our boys are both easy going, calm and well behaved. We worry that we are due for a " more difficult" child. Plus so many people around us have said that having a third is much more difficult. I am pretty sure that we are going to TTC but nothing for sure. I am so grateful for people who are in the same position. Thanks so much for all of your postings.

Julia W
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#15 of 35 Old 05-29-2007, 01:12 AM
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1-2 was the hardest without a doubt and 2-3 was no biggie, we were pros and had already been doing the baby thing for four years

Good luck in whatever you decide!
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#16 of 35 Old 05-29-2007, 01:42 AM
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Well, a family dynamic could be set with 2 parents and 2 kids. You have not only the relationship between the 2 parents to work on/in/with, but the parents to 2 kids and 2 kids with each other. I'm going to start sounding like Kierkegaard here with the relation relating to the related and the relating :

When you introduce another child to the family, there is that many more relationships going on--everyone to this new child and each other.

For us it has been a huge transition from 2 kids to three. It isn't because our children are well-behaved or difficult (attention: all children are well behaved and difficult at different stages. Don't get too comfortable ). It is more that logistics are way more complex now. Of course it will get easier as the baby grows older.

Mine are just turned 6 years, 3 years and 5 months.

I think the greatest thing about having a third child is the sense between my kids that they are now a significant mass, they are a 'gang' and they belong to each other. The way my 2 boys look and interact with their baby-sister is beyond beautiful.

So, of course it is difficult; but what else would I do? Read another book, draw more, or hold another beautiful baby?

 hh2.gif  ~~~~~~~~~~hh2.gif

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#17 of 35 Old 05-29-2007, 10:29 AM
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For me the transition from 0 to 1 was the hardest. With #2 it was very easy, that is until she got mobile! Now #3 is here and it has been cake. Of course he is just getting ready to become mobile, so there could be a big change soon!
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#18 of 35 Old 06-03-2007, 10:22 PM
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Easy as pie!

Really. First babies, are, well, first babies. Going to 2 kids was, well, twice the busyness. The third has been a breeze.
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#19 of 35 Old 06-03-2007, 10:32 PM
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: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :

just be SUPER organized

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"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." ~ Sir Winston Churchill
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#20 of 35 Old 06-04-2007, 04:37 PM
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we have three daughters all two years apart.
From one to two was so easy.. I hardly noticed a difference at all. My oldest was sweet and helpful and my youngest was an amazingly calm baby. They loved each other from the first time my oldest nearly tipped over the bassinet trying to get a better look at the baby... I was in heaven.
From two to three was shocking! I was not prepared for how different our lives would be. In planning I didn't understand why having three would be any different from having two, but I was only thinking in numbers... not ages.
My oldest was four and she started terrible three's at three and a half. Good times... lol.. my middle child was two and while she loved the baby, she didn't always appreciate NOT being the baby anymore. So if my oldest pitched a fit, my youngest would start to cry so I'd be trying busy trying to calm the both of them down, and my middle child would become beligerent because she wasn't getting all the attention and she is BY FAR the drama queen, when she gets mad at me, she's mad for a couple of hours! Three little ones was fairly crazy.
Now that they're a bit older its amazing.. My oldest is old enough to help the other two with anything and she gets to live the good life because she's the oldest. My second loves being the middle child cuz we're always aware that she's the middle child and so we make sure all three of them are treated equally. If anything my middle one gets alot of attention becuase she's sweet enough to give you a cavitiy is you stand too close!
And my youngest is just damn adorable.. right now we're all in perfect balance! We'll see how things go with the next one!
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#21 of 35 Old 06-04-2007, 05:45 PM - Thread Starter
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Thanks everyone! I am just getting back to this thread! HAHA!

We are still undecided....I think I may start another thread just to get something off my chest! I apprecitate all the honest comments.
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#22 of 35 Old 06-04-2007, 06:34 PM
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Going from 1-2 was hardest for me.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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#23 of 35 Old 06-04-2007, 06:37 PM
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For me it was easier. I became more zen. But... you'd have to change your username! I have 5 kids. Going from 1-2 was by far the hardest. And once you have 4, you don't even notice the difference!
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#24 of 35 Old 06-04-2007, 06:41 PM
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The hardest thing was not having a hand for each child.

My kids are all about 2.5 years apart.
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#25 of 35 Old 06-04-2007, 07:08 PM
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Like several other posters, going from 0 to 1 was the most difficult for us. #3 definitely means less down time for me, but not drive-you-over-the-edge craziness.

There are many small ways #3 is difficult for, for example:

When I had #2, #1 still took a nap each day, so I could potentially nap if they both slept at the same time. By #3 no one was napping, so I never got to take a nap during her newborn days.

Bedtime is a pain - all three kids need individual attention to get to sleep. There are only two (and often one) adults available, so one (or two) kids are running wild while I am trying to read to and brush teeth for a child - at the time of day when I have HAD IT and have trouble keeping my calm about me.

A wider age range means less chance of common abilities for the children, but they are no so far apart that they can be unsupervised. For example, I can't take #3 to baby-parent swim classes like I did #1. At the beach the older two want to go bogie boarding, but it is difficult for me to stay out in the deep water with them while holding #3 safely.

Overall, my DD is the easiest child - I am not sure how much is her personality and how much is my more relaxed attitude.

Mom to John (age 11), James (age 9) & Katherine (age 5)
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#26 of 35 Old 06-05-2007, 10:56 PM
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#27 of 35 Old 06-09-2007, 12:40 AM
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Good thread...Paddy will be 2 in August and Henri will be 1 in July. They are 11.5 months apart: But to be honest, they are not difficult children. Paddy has always been excellent about naps and bedtime, although we're having normal discipline issues right now ( don't push your baby brother over and make him cry, that's a nice gesture Paddy but please don't clean the toilet with your hands, etc...) My biggest concern right now is diapers Paddy is just beginning potty learning now, and while he shows every sign of readiness, it could be another year before he's totally potty learned, and then his brother would still be in diapers too. I cloth diaper, and having THREE kids in diapers would be insanity : But we love how close our boys are, and we feel there is room in our hearts for yet another. Breastfeeding is also a consideration with me. I fully intend to nurse for two years plus with Henri, and I dried up when I was pregnant with him by the 2nd trimester, so nursing him through the pregnancy could be a challenge. We also need a bigger car. We currently drive a 2 door Ford Focus and there is no way a third carseat is gonna fit in that thing
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#28 of 35 Old 06-09-2007, 11:46 AM
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Thank you to the BTDT mamas who have provided so much insight. 0-1 was REALLY hard for me and 1-2 was a breeze. So I'm wondering if I would be due for another challenge with 3. My DH feels done so this might be a moot issue but I'm thinking hard on the possibility of having one more child and weighing the pros and cons. My first 2 are nearly 4 years apart and ideally the next two would be between 3 - 3.5 years apart.
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#29 of 35 Old 06-12-2007, 02:37 PM
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Firstly, we have spirited, gifted children who have never slept , so it has been hard the whole time so far. They are 14 months and then 16 months apart with the 4th coming about 23 months after ds3; a close bunch. I have not had any consistent alone time for 4 years, or even time to work on my own pursuits, hoping that one day I will again. I think that is largely to do with the closeness of our children in age.

Relatively, ds3 was the easiest addition and now it's actually harder if one or two are away for an hour walking with daddy. I find that with three, they find many more ways to play than with only two. I am less required to set up play opportunities and can just observe more. Now, that said, I do still do much, much more than many other mums for set-up/facilitation because our children don't shut off, and sleep only 10 hours/day (the youngest has a 1 hr nap about three times/week in addition to that); ds1 and ds2 both quit napping altogether at 16 months and ds 1 only ever had one nap to begin with, for one hour (but that reduced his night sleep to nine hours, never longer than two-hour stretches : ).

I am on 'go' for 14 hours/day. The third was the easiest because he is very agreeable (with me because we have similar personalities- he is very challenging to dh though) and also very advanced so I have had less care-taking with him than even the others who were also very early with most physical (and all other) milestones. It has been enormously helpful that ds3 started walking at 8 months- that is VERY relieving. He was also sitting unassisted at 3 months, playing independently by then and started to say words to indicate needs just before four months old. I think it might have been harder if he had done these things at a more common time, but I don't have anything to compare with in my own experience.

By far, our most challenging infancy was ds1, so ds2 seemed easy by comparison and ds3 like he just came walking and talking out of the womb . I think the degree of easy vs. difficult that you experience will depend greatly on the child who is born and also on the dynamic of relationships in your family. Ds3's personality and characteristics have been instrumental in ds1 and ds2's bonding. He seems to have filled in the gap for them and it's been a wonderful blessing to watch their collective bond.

It's true about being out-numbered, but I have spent most of the time alone with the boys while dh works until recently, so I was outnumbered at ds2. That was the hardest transition for me.

I have also heard others say that it must be so hard to have ours so close together, but without a point of comparison, I just think it is what it is. For me, watching a friend with a 4 yr old and a newborn looked hard because the 4yr old can do pretty much everything on his own, or at least try (regardless of whether or not mum was aware or approving of what he was doing), whereas mine have all been still young enough that for most things, they had to ask me and then patiently wait until I could assist them. Now we'll have a 4 1/2 yr old with a newborn, but with two sons between and lots of experience for ds1, so I don't forsee that being a problem. Ds1 is naturally inclined to look to his brothers' needs and to desire to help me and has been increasingly helpful with each babe.

I think it's hard in some ways, whatever your situation, but in the end, it just is what it is, and you'll work together to make solutions to the dilemmas you find. If you are flexible and want this, you'll be fine. And even if you're not flexible, you'll find yourself being stretched in the ways that will allow everyone's needs to be met.

An aside- our former chiropractor told me that child #3 is the one she sees most frequently in [what she considers] large families because that's the one who falls off the change-table, bed, down the stairs, off the back of the couch, twists this and that etc... because of the typical desire to do everything the others are doing without yet the physical competence to participate. That is definitely true about our ds3 to an extent; the difference is that he actually acquired the ability to do things fairly evenly with his desire, so he's had very few accidents.

I am very long-worded, it seems. I tried to be as accurate as possible with my perceptions of our experiences thus far; I hope it's not off-putting.

Well, I've been absent for 8 months, and during that time, it turns out that I have completely transformed. You are all precious. Thank you for being here and sharing your lives. You are truly a gift. namaste.gif Jan. 23, 2012

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#30 of 35 Old 06-12-2007, 06:22 PM
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Thanks for this interesting thread! Ours are 1 and almost 3 and we go back and forth on deciding if we want a third. I am pretty sure that we do except we are for sure waiting until DD is 2 to even consider TTC. We would like a 3-3.5 year age gap between #2 and #3 -- our first two are 21 months apart and whew, that is hard!

I think ideally we'd have 5 1/2, 3 1/2 and new baby.

Mama to 3 kids. We live in a yurt!
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