Having another Child discussions - Pro's/Con's- Thoughts? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 07-23-2007, 04:39 PM - Thread Starter
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Many of you have read my prior post about my conversations with DH about having another child. For those that haven't read my prior posts here is a summary.

My dh and I have been together for 17 years, we have a 14 year old and a 6 year old, boy/girl. I desperately want another baby and I really feel that I would feel totally completed in my family if we had one last baby. My husband doesn't think we should have another baby since we have a boy and a girl, they are both healthy so why chance that things might not be so great with a new addition. He also feels that he wouldn't have enough time for another child and that money would be tight. Yes, money might be tight, but I truely feel that we would manage okay.

Anyways, after many discussions I am to a point where I am trying to come to terms that we may never have another baby. I am trying to be okay with this and so I have been trying to determine "why" I want another baby. It's very hard for me to put it into words except to say I just do!!

I have decided to put together a list of pro's and con's to having another baby that I want to share with my dh. I am hoping that maybe I can help him realize that I do understand the difficult parts of having a child, but there are so many good things that come along with having another child!! I was hoping that I could share my list with everyone here and you could give me your imput to thoughts on my list and also anything that maybe I am missing (it's really hard for me to put words to things sometimes). If I am going to share this with dh I want to ensure that it's perfect.

•Financial strain- primarily daycare cost potentially $600-$900 monthly
•Our time divided by three rather then two kids
•Added strain to our relationship (especially if hubby is not totally on board to have a third)
•morning sickness/tiredness from pregnancy (early pregnancy)
•child could be sick – though tests are pretty good at detecting this in pregnancy
•Having to work with a small child in daycare
•Getting up at night – doesn’t last forever though

•new dimension to family – more kids to love and grow up together
•Strengthened bond between us – creating a new life together could bring us closer together to share in the creation/pregnancy/birth/child/etc.
•I do not FEEL ready to say that our family is done at 2 – feel that our family is missing someone at times
•would make me happy – I love having kids, they are a very important part of my life
•we are good parents
•we make healthy, smart, beautiful kids
•I like being pregnant (except for the first few months)
•I feel like I may regret not having one more child when I am too old to have anymore kids– If we wait I will be too old (don’t want to have another baby past age 34)
•More potential for grandkids later in life – bigger family get together’s = more fun!!
•Care-free sex

Realistically, yes there are reasons why it might be better to stick with the two that we have. BUT the feelings are still there and I just can't seem to get it to go away (have been feeling this way for about 3 years now).

Thanks in advance for your input!!!
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#2 of 4 Old 07-24-2007, 10:38 AM - Thread Starter
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this seems to have gotten lost in posts... any feedback would be great!
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#3 of 4 Old 07-24-2007, 11:44 AM
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I just can't believe how similar our feeling are on this issue! My situation is different, but the feelings are the same. Life would be much easier with only 3, but there IS someone missing! My dh and I have been having the same discussion for the last 2 years. FINALLY, I think he is getting "used to the idea" ugh.

I think that if you sit down together and go over his list of reservations and see if you can, one by one put those fears to rest. I found that I always had a logical and reasonable solution to each of his fears. He had to realize that I respected his fears/reservations about having another, just as he had to respect my need for another despite all logic! It seems to me that men are just afraid to "rock the boat" and especially if they are the breadwinner, it just scares them to death that they will not be able to provide.

I am not saying it will definitely work, but after time, if you don't drive him nuts with the discussion, he may come around. If he realizes that you are taking steps to overcome some of the obstacles (like having money in the savings for example) and that the "feeling" just doesn't go away because it's real and not just because you're bored or something, it could help.

I think your list is great. Give him the opportunity to have a list as well, though. Keep the faith and trust that everything will work out as it's supposed to.


Jessica Siczkowycz

Student CPM with Birthspirit Holistic Midwifery Services

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Mommy to four amazing kiddos, married to the best husband ever

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#4 of 4 Old 07-24-2007, 11:49 AM
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Could there be another reason DH doesn't want anymore kids right now? I just feel like if it took this much convincing to get my DH on board it might not be a good idea to go forward with having another at that point. And you might not have the strengthened bond your looking for if he might in any way resent this decision. I know what you mean about feeling that there is another baby there for you, but your DH must be feeling a lot of pressure right now and is letting you know that right now is not the time. I don't know what else to say, but I hope you figure it out .

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