Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: state of confusion
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Well, I already had one ds when I met dh and dd was a surprise and everyone was thrilled. Nine grandkids, no girls or nieces etc. And though dh and I said that after dd we would have two more, from even before her birth the harrassment started. my mother was/is the worst. I was told that I would change my mind after labour, becuase of how much it hurt and obvioulsy I must have forgotten that in the time since ds was born. After dd was born, I was told we had a boy and girl so we were done. I was told not to have more kids than I could afford etc etc. Once we convieved ds2 I was told, well, everyone was glad dh got HIS boy and NOW we could be done. That really pissed me off. I mean, throughout my pg with ds2 I was harrassed about not having more. My mom was there for the birth, when the midwife announced his weight, a whooping ten, six, I said something about hoping the next one wasnt bigger and she said how can you lay there after what you just went through and talk about the next one? Then she tried ambushing dh when I wasnt around about how if he really loved me he wouldnt put me through that again.... sheesh..... I kept quite about ttc the next one and truly considered not telling until I was showing. Even though we have said since I was pg with number two that we would have four then stop, now that we have four, I STILL get harrassed about it to the point where I almost want to have another one out of spite! NOt really, but you know what I mean.
My mom says often how she could not handle my life. And thats the point, they are all projecting thier boundries, thier limitations, thier priorities onto you. Their values are not your values. My stepsister has only two because they want to drive brand new cars and buy big screen tvs. Thats ok, those are thier choices and thier values and priorities, not mine. I'd rather drive an older car, have a smaller tv and more kids. And THATS OK TOO, though no one seems to think so.
And now I keep having thoughts about a fifth child after all and I will not even mention that to most people! Its not thier business. All my children are fed and clothed. None of them lack for anything.
Yes, three are more work than two, in some ways. Less in others (they sure do keep each other occupied!) But whatever you decide, its YOUR decision, not thiers. My advice? Only discuss is with those who support you. I only really mention it to dh and to my bf. She could care less if I have one more or not, she lets me think outloud to her, really just bouncing ideas around.
So, think about it, talk to your dh and let others know if/when you are actually pregnant. And let them know that you dont need thier negativity during your pregnancy, if you go that route. I finally told my mom, when she was on a rant about how much energy another child would be (while I was already pg) and I said, "Yes, youre right, my kids do take a lot of energy and thats where my energy needs to be expended rather than all the energy I expend arguing with you" that helped.
Today it came up somehow and I said, "Im not going to aruge about this. We said we were having four, we had four, we're done, so whats the point?"
If I have another one, I wont tell my family until Im showing!!
~Me, mama to soapbox boy (1991), photo girl (1997), gadget girl (2003), jungle boy (2005), fan boy (2003) and twirly girl (2011). Twenty years of tree hugging, breastfeeding, cosleeping, unschooling, craziness