How far/near did you space your children? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 41 Old 10-09-2008, 07:43 PM
 
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I'm the opposite of MyZoeJane (I have a five year old Zoe too!). I promise I'm not trying to be a downer - I hope your experience is not the same as mine!

There's five years (exactly) between my two, and I really feel like we waited to long. Of course I can't express that to anyone IRL, because I get responses like 'Things happen the way they were meant to' or 'Maybe it means you just weren't ready'...

What it does mean, is that dh and I had a rocky relationship, legally separated for a year, got back together, I was desperate for another child, and we ended up getting pregnant.

But then I thought like the pp did - she'll be more independant, she won't need me physically as much, she's going to school, she'll want to help...

Uh, no. My dd1 is the sweetest, calmest girl ever. And she did a total 180 (that hasn't corrected itself yet) once the baby was born. My almost six year old will have nothing to do with me, and despises the baby.

If you ask her - she will only say negative things. 'She cries, she bites, she bugs me' and it's NOT typical adjustment stuff. This has been going on since my pregnancy. Despite everything we've done (including counselling and so, so, so much one on one time between the two of us) she's had an unbelievably hard time.

Our paediatrician said that it's so dependant on the child. Some do well a year apart (as my neighbour's two boys are), some do better further apart. Looks like we missed it on this one!

If I could go back and change anything, I'd have them 2.5 years apart. I'm so torn between my school aged dd and my infant dd, it's not even funny. They are such opposite schedules, and such (obviously) different interests and abilities, it's really made my life difficult.

We're hoping to TTC #3 - and dd2 and baby-to-be will NOT be further apart then three years.

ETA - Sorry for such a vent. Dd1 and I are having a hard time, and it's only been since dd2 arrived. It really breaks my heart...

Full time working mom to two bright and busy little girls! treehugger.gif
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#32 of 41 Old 10-14-2008, 03:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, so much collective experience out there! I've enjoyed reading everyones' posts. For those mommies who had closer spacing, were you able to continue nursing? I know it depends on your body and if the milk flow continues, but that is my biggest concern. I don't want my ds cut off when I get pregnant. Two mommies in my La Leche group nursed throughout pregnancy, but their lo is older and not as milk dependent.
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#33 of 41 Old 10-14-2008, 10:16 PM
 
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We have three years almost to the month between our first two. DD2 is 17 months and my fertility is back but very unpredictable. I like the three year spacing, but if it's quicker this time that's fine, too.

To my husband I am wife, to my kids I am mother, but for myself I am just me.
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#34 of 41 Old 10-15-2008, 07:40 AM
 
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I just have one dc and am not ttc yet, but have been thinking about this question a lot lately. I got my first ppaf at 11 weeks and have been charting (and ovulating!) since then. My LP is still quite short, but since I'm ovulating, I'm assuming we could get pg at any time. I come from a very fertile family and DH's family has no history of pregnancy or birth problems.

Like Holiztic mentioned earlier, we subscribe to many of the theories of the WAPF, one of those being that it takes the body about 2-3 years to replenish nutrients and restore hormonal balance. I also have several "goals" I'd like to meet before adding another child. I'd like DS to be 1)walking 2)talking/clearly communicating with us 3)pottying independently 4)weaned and 5)done getting his baby teeth. Some of these will be prerequisites to ttc and others are things I'd be fine dealing with while pg.

So, it looks like our ideal spacing would be 2.75-3.25 years. But, to throw a wrench it it, we've decided we want ~6 kids. This means I will probably be pg, nursing, or ttc for the next 15 years (good thing I got a relatively early start!) and will be giving birth to #6 at around age 40.

DH and I are all right with that, but we very well change our minds over the next decade or so and either decrease the spacing or the ultimate family size.

Mama to DS1 (12/07), DS2 (4/11), and DD (6/22/14)
Finally diagnosed with APS after 3 s (11/09, 3/10, 7/13)
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#35 of 41 Old 10-15-2008, 08:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trelani View Post
Wow, so much collective experience out there! I've enjoyed reading everyones' posts. For those mommies who had closer spacing, were you able to continue nursing? I know it depends on your body and if the milk flow continues, but that is my biggest concern. I don't want my ds cut off when I get pregnant. Two mommies in my La Leche group nursed throughout pregnancy, but their lo is older and not as milk dependent.
NAK Yup, nursed throughout pregnancy.

: 2:Ma To 6 :12,8,7,5,2,1&
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#36 of 41 Old 10-17-2008, 10:28 PM
 
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Great responses! This is a great thread.

dd1 and dd2 are 28 months apart. Not by choice...we started ttc #2 when dd1 was 6mo, figuring we'd have trouble like we did the first time. In fact it took longer, and 13 months later we got pg (after a couple of m/c) with dd2. This time we are also starting early. If I could choose, I'd have them between 18mo and 2 years apart. Personal choice, the way I like things to be, etc. Whether or not that will happen is the mystery!

Jill, mama to three fiery girlies and a sweet baby boy: Grace, 11.30.2005,  Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah 9.5.09, Reed 8.19.11 & dfs Gage 2.29.12   angel1.gif x4
 

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#37 of 41 Old 10-17-2008, 10:37 PM
 
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#1-2 24 months apart
#2-3 23 months apart
#3-4 25 months apart

all on purpose, only thing is March is a busy month because 3 of them have birthdays then and the other one was born the last day of February! SO, I love the two year age gap I would maybe just suggest not getting pregnant exactly the same time, every other year

I tandem nursed #3-4 for a year together so obviously thru the pregnancy. Had to wean one at age 3 and the other at 14 months because of a 3 week hospital stay My first two I bf for a year each so stopped a couple months before getting pregnant with the next (do regret that part!)

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#38 of 41 Old 10-19-2008, 09:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Holiztic View Post
We are waiting until DS (our only so far) is 2 to even think about it, most likely won't TTC until he's closer to 2.5. These are our reasons:

1) We are Weston A Price (or Traditional Foods) followers and we believe what he found when studying traditional cultures: it is highly taboo to have children less than 3 years apart because (in their folk wisdom) the subsequent child won't be strong/healthy (i.e. the mother hasn't replenished her nutrient store fully). Now, I am sure many of you will argue against this using your own subsequent children as examples, and I am not trying to say your kids aren't strong or healthy, I just believe kids can/might be even stronger when this timing is followed.


3) I really want my oldest to be able to communicate before having another (non-communicative) baby. Just me, I think others can handle this just fine, but I'm not willing to find out if I can!!

Good luck!
Nature knows better, IMO.
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#39 of 41 Old 10-20-2008, 07:06 AM
 
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We generally wait until two-ish to TTC. I really feel like our little ones NEEDED that baby time. I, personally, could not do a less than two year age gap. I know my limits. I find that they are easier to communicate with by the time 2.75 arrives and still young enough not to feel too displaced by a younger sibling. My body also really needs the minimum 2 year recovery time and I am adamant about protection.

DS and DD are two years, eight months apart. DD and the new baby I am due within December () will be two years, nine months apart. Here's hoping it'll all work out! lol
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#40 of 41 Old 10-21-2008, 09:59 PM
 
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Child-led weaning is very important to me.

I spaced my kids 3 2/3 years apart. I would have waited another 6 months if I hadn't had fertility concerns. Both DH and I are the older sibling and both of us were spaced about 3-4 years apart from our sib. So, that's what felt right to us.

there are advantages and disad. to close and far spacing. I guess to me, I wanted DD1 to have me all to herself for a good long while. And then, she was in preschool/school while DD2 got to have me.

Mom to DD1 (11/1999),  DD2 (07/2003), and DS (11/2012), all born at home and cloth diapered. 

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#41 of 41 Old 10-24-2008, 09:40 PM
 
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Mine are 29 months apart. I think that it's a really nice age gap, but I don't think I'd be ready for another one for a long time.
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