How far/near did you space your children? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 41 Old 09-17-2008, 10:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just got my PPAF today! Yay! I was a little afraid I wouldn't get it for a loooonng time, knowing how some go even years. I want my ds to have a sibling relatively close in age. He's not quite 6 mos yet. By having them close together, I hope they will be more bonded. Plus, I feel it will make better use of my stay-at-home mom time and I'll go back to work part time when they're both in school. The closer they are, the shorter the time we'll be struggling on one income. BUT I do worry about there not being enough of me to go around. My ds has my undivided attention right now. That'll be a shock for him when that changes. And my second will never get that kind of devoted care which ds had, which makes me sad. I understand spacing them out for that reason. I'm thinking maybe I'll start ttc when ds is about 11 mos old. Then he won't be as reliant on me for milk in case my milk changes or dries up. I know my midwife thinks a woman should wait 2 years to fully heal, but that just seems too long to me. Sooo, question for you experienced moms out there. I would love your input on how far or near your children were spaced and the pros and cons of it. Also, I don't know much about fertility and your PP AF. Does it tend to come back regularly or irregularly? Is there a chance that even though I menstruated, I might not be fertile? Should I start charting just for info? Thanks so much mommies!
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#2 of 41 Old 09-18-2008, 04:51 AM
 
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I've been struggling with this issues as well. PP AF came back at 9 mo but I think we are going to try to hold off another month or two since DS will then be 17 or 18 mo. I am concerned that being pregnant again will pull nutrients from DS who is BF or worse yet, my milk supply could decrease or dry up entirely. So the logical part of my brain knows I should wait until he's a little older. BUT...the other part of me really wants kids close in age and I'm getting baby fever again.

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#3 of 41 Old 09-18-2008, 05:12 AM
 
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Well, obviously my first two were closer than DH and I intended (when debating on our first and then when our second would arrive after that). They are 45 seconds apart.

But our twins were 13 months when DD was conceived. We decided when they were 10 months or so to begin TTC soon. So the twins were 21 months when DD arrived. Honestly, it wasn't difficult at all (going from 2 to 3).

I love it now. Yes, they are all very close in age but otherwise as well. They get along great for the most part (the boys fight more with one another than they do with their younger sister).

So for us, 21 months between our twins and our next one was perfect! Wouldn't change a thing.

My DD is now just turned four years old and my boys will be six in November. We are TTC again and I am nervous about the age gap between the three and then the one we (hopefully) are blessed with. But then my Dad is 11 years younger than his brother and they had a great relationship and my Mom is 11 years younger than her brother and they have a great relationship!
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#4 of 41 Old 09-18-2008, 09:23 AM
 
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We'll be spacing a bit further apart than you are talking about. I nannied for a family that had two LO's a year apart, and found it really hard. DS will be two before we start TTC. I also wanted to guarantee him two years of breastmilk since most mother's dry up in their second trimester.

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#5 of 41 Old 09-18-2008, 09:44 AM
 
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I have 5 children and am pregnant with my 6th.
1 & 2 are 3 yrs apart
2 & 3 are 16 months apart
3 & 4 are 20 months apart
4 & 5 are 3 yrs apart
5 & 6 will be 16 months apart

WHEW
NAK

Previously I had thought that the 3 yr spacing was good, but I think that the spacing is too far. I really like the 20 month space. My DS(#3) was 11 months when I got pregnant with DD(#4).

ETA: I really think it depends on the child. You really never know how things will pan out until the baby is born, or sometimes before. My DD2 was a really independent and easy going LO, but when I got pregnant with DS3 she really changed. She became a whiny,clingy really dependent child.

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#6 of 41 Old 09-18-2008, 11:21 AM
 
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DD1 and DD2 are 3y and 10m apart, DD2 and this babe will be 2.5y apart. DD1 needed the time before another baby came along, and I was so thankful that she was older when DD2 was born. DD2 was ill for many months, it took a huge toll on our family, I don't know how we would of gotten through it had DD1 been younger, she was old enough to understand what was going on, and that mommy couldn't do anything for her for 6 months or so.


I personally think 3y is a great spacing because that child gets to be the baby for a while, no issues with milk supply, etc... We went with a closer spacing between 2 and 3 for a variety of personal reasons knowing that DD2 is a different child then our first and would be able to handle it better. I want my children to get 2 years of breastmilk, which isn't always possible when you are pg! I'm a little nervous about a 2.5y spacing, I think it's cutting it really close for my comfort, they really still are babies at 2.

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#7 of 41 Old 09-18-2008, 02:23 PM
 
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As I always say when this question comes up, it's highly individual for each family's situation. I had my first when I was 21 and am 29 now with three. Obviously, this answer would be different if I were 38! My first two were only 18 months apart and it was their young years were my worst years of parenting of my life. For someone else, it might not be so bad. It was literally a fog and I really think I have repressed memories of much of it. I learned my lesson and me and dh were serious about getting some space in. Our next child was in four years. I honestly felt 'ready'. I needed more recoup time. I never feel the need to have another for the benefit of the sibling. I really doubt the sibling knows its that important for him/her. My girls are close and they fight about any and everything. It reminds me so much of me and my brother, although I think they get along better most of the time.
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#8 of 41 Old 09-18-2008, 06:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone for your feedback and sharing your experiences. Wow, Jannah5 you have a lot of experience with this! I agree so much with the idea of keeping them close, as well as spreading them out. I'm not close to my siblings (one is 11 years older, one 3 years younger, one is 14 years younger) but we are all half siblings and didn't really live together. My husband is 3 years younger than his brother and they are very different and not too close. He says that as soon as he was old enough to be at his brother's school, his brother would move up to the next grade. They had one year at the same highschool, but that's all. So I guess 3 years seems too far for that reason.
I realize I may be a little naive to what effects there may be to adding a second baby. My ds is sooo mellow and sweet. He's lulled me into believing that babies aren't too difficult. Then I hear other mothers' stories and realize how good I have it and that I'd be in trouble if our second one was a handful.
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#9 of 41 Old 09-19-2008, 12:34 PM
 
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Thank you Trelani for starting this thread. My DS#1 was 5 years old when DS#2 arrived and if I had it to do all over again I definitely would have had them closer together. Playing together seems more frustrating for them than fun because they are both in two very different places physically and mentally. DS#2 is 17 months now and we are considering TTC#3. However, I wonder how that would affect the dynamic with my older son always being so much older then his siblings. Anyway, just wanted to add my agreement that a large age difference probably doesn't work as well as a closer one. Good luck in finding the right spacing for your family!

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#10 of 41 Old 09-19-2008, 04:13 PM
 
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I am going to say it really depends. On a lot of things. How fast you can get pregnant, how long you want/ed to nurse the current baby, whether or not you planned to tandem, the personalities of all involved and the timing of rough patches with each child....

We loved the idea of having them closecloseclose...We would have been happy with 15 months, they ended up at 22. They are now 1 (on Saturday! and almost 3. It has been one of THE HARDEST years of my life and aside from a few pangs of baby longing here and there, I am NOT ready for another one. I think you just KNOW if you are or not. With Ds1 I was ready for another right away. Now I'm not!

My Ds1 was really easy going, a good sleeper for a long time, very complient, and my Ds2 is like a firecracker. He hasn't slept since he was born. He has multiple allergies and eczema. He's super intense and has no 'middle' setting, he is either happy go lucky or screaming his head off. He wants to be held all the time and when you put him down he gets into trouble! He was walking at 8 months and he gets into everything. Ds1 was so young when I got pregnant and was doing the postpartum thing that I feel like I missed a lot of time with him.

FOR SURE, I think spacing depends on the personalities of the previous baby too! If we'd had a second 'easy' baby, I think we might be playing with the idea of adding another right about now. But as it stands, I am looking forward to the change from superneedy babyhood into toddlerhood. I also want to nurse my Ds2 till he's 2 or so, and I don't enjoy being pregnant & feeling yucky & achy for 9 mo straight, so that ties into it too.

Just my point of view.
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#11 of 41 Old 09-19-2008, 04:57 PM
 
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I am so glad to have come across this thread! I have a 4 year old DD and a 9 month old DD. I always thought that the 3 yr. spacing was best, it has worked very well for DD1 and DD2. After DD1 PPAF returned at 18 months which made spacing them easy. With DD2 PPAF came back after only 4 months (that's what I get for having a baby who likes to sleep at night). I know that it will be unlikely that we will have the 3 year spacing again and actually think there may be a slight chance I just got pregnant I am struggling with feeling guilty that DD2 will not be the baby as long as she might need and don't really know what to do with that. I feel like every baby is a blessing but don't know what to do with this guilt I feel about DD2, even if I am not pregnant right now I know it will likely not be long. So I guess I don't have an answer for the OP just I'm struggling with the spacing thing too!

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#12 of 41 Old 09-20-2008, 11:05 PM
 
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I got pregnant again when the elder was 15 months, making mine 2 years apart (and 4 years between eldest and youngest).

They all have always gotten together well - or as well as sibs can. ;-) I'm glad they will grow up and I hope remain close.

As far as my pregnancies, they were fine physically, except that #2 and #3 had problems with premature labor- they were delivered at term though.
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#13 of 41 Old 09-26-2008, 11:06 PM
 
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In November, I will have 4 children within 4.5 years.

I was ready for #2 the day after #1 was born. I remember jokingly mentioning to my husband "ok, I'm ready for the second one!" I became pregnant 10 months later. PPAF tends to arrive about 5 mos PP

#2 arrived, and I was ready for #3. I became pregnant around 7 months, but miscarried. I became pregnant again sometime when ds (baby #2) was 12/13 months... I think. I can't do the math right now for some reason, but they're about 22 months apart.

This time when #2 was 6 months old, I became pregnant again... And I kind of wish i would have waited at least until 10 months because she weaned when everyone else typically did - 2-4 months into pregnancy. That means she was only 8/9 months when she weaned, so I didn't achieve my goal of breastfeeding her a minimum of 1 year. Everyone else I had. I feel bad about that.

I love the close spacing. my oldest two *usually* play together, but they get into spats where for days they'll fight with each other over everything, then they'll play well together... My oldeset is 4.5 and is at the perfect 'mothering' age - when #3 was born she was right there after the birth, loved holding her, changing her diaper, tried her best to calm her down and even now with #3 being a year old now she's playing with her, pretending to be 'mom' and really helping me out.

I don't yet feel as though I don't have enough of 'me' to go around. that may very well change when #4 arrives.
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#14 of 41 Old 09-28-2008, 08:10 PM
 
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I don't think there's any universal 'best' age gap for all families. I've been weighing out the pros and cons of baby #2 for about 1.5 years now (since around the time my son turned 2), and I've come to 2 conclusions, from hearing testimonials of friends and, um, the internet:

1) There is no predicting how your children will get along, no matter the age gap. We can all wish and hope for the siblings who be close and voluntarily hang out as adults, but there's absolutely no way to guarantee it will happen. It's been hard for me to come to terms with this fact!

2) Each mother, or set of parents are so different, I think you need to really look at what suits you, and what will provide you with a comfortable amount of sanity at the end of the day. I have friends who have been spacing their children 18 months apart, and for them it is working well- it's hectic, but they seem to be managing, and looking forward to "getting through all the baby stuff" almost all at once.

Personally, I don't think I'm built for the close gap. I mean, if those were the cards I'd been dealt before now, or we'd had an "oops" (I was hell-bent on NOT having an "oops" in the first couple of years PP), I'm sure I would have managed well enough. But in general, I feel I am more suited to a large gap. It is only now that there would be a 4+ year gap that we are trying in earnest to concieve.

I had an mom acquaintance say to me once "I think the smaller gap benefits the children, and the bigger gap benefits the parents". Throughout our conversation she seemed to be trying to instill her opinion that we would be selfish to wait for a big gap. I couldn't feel more the opposite. For us- and for me in particular as a SAHM- I needed to have the time to luxuriate in my son's only childom for a bit. Now that he will be 4+ by the time we welcome a sibling (fingers crossed!), we feel he'll be quite ready, and not nearly as threatened by the process. He has his own little social life & buddies now, and can play independently. He's long since weaned, toilet trained, and sleeping through the night. We're hoping he'll be better able to understand the change in the family, and we know he's verbal enough now to communicate his feelings- that's a big one for us.

But having said all that, I think there's a very even pro & con list for both the close and larger gap, as well as having only one child (we've toyed with this idea since our son was born as well). I think it all comes down to your gut feelings about it, or for some there's a lot of other factors involving age or health, and unplanned pregnancies, where women aren't so fortunate to have a lot of time to really ponder and choose the shape of their family.

In any circumstance, there are no guarantees, which is both terrifying and oddly comforting, isn't it? Best of luck! Sorry for the rambling!
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#15 of 41 Old 10-01-2008, 08:02 PM
 
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We are waiting until DS (our only so far) is 2 to even think about it, most likely won't TTC until he's closer to 2.5. These are our reasons:

1) We are Weston A Price (or Traditional Foods) followers and we believe what he found when studying traditional cultures: it is highly taboo to have children less than 3 years apart because (in their folk wisdom) the subsequent child won't be strong/healthy (i.e. the mother hasn't replenished her nutrient store fully). Now, I am sure many of you will argue against this using your own subsequent children as examples, and I am not trying to say your kids aren't strong or healthy, I just believe kids can/might be even stronger when this timing is followed.

2) DS still nurses several times a night and another 6+ times a day (he's 17 months, BTW). I have absolutely no signs of AF and think I might not until I (might) have to nightwean him around 2 () So closer timing might not even be a consideration!

3) I really want my oldest to be able to communicate before having another (non-communicative) baby. Just me, I think others can handle this just fine, but I'm not willing to find out if I can!!

Overall, though, I am also of the camp that the best spacing is very dependent on each individual family.

Good luck!
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#16 of 41 Old 10-01-2008, 08:18 PM
 
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we, for many reasons, waited until dd was 2.5 to ttc. she's now 32 months, and i'm 12 weeks into pg#2. i'm happy with this for many reasons. first, we were not settled until a year ago. we lived on the east coast and knew we wouldn't stay. second, i struggled with ppd. i wanted to be feeling totally healthy in that regard, and build up my repetoire for staying mentally healthy. and, finally, the one we could actually control....i really wanted dd to have a good, solid 2-2.5 years of nursing, and i also really, like one of the pp said, wanted her to be verbal. i want her to be able to be a participant in this addition...i personally would not handle two babies well, i'm certain. i also did not want to be tempted to encourage the leaving of the baby stage too quickly. so they will be almost 3.5 years apart. i'm happy with it.

i have two siblings. i was 18 months old when my 1st brother was born, and 5 when my second was born. we're all very close, with 18months, 5 years, and 3.5 years in spacing. so i think that it is more luck, or maybe parenting style, or just personalities that weigh into sibling closeness. we weren't always like that as kids.

my mom, mil, and a number of my aunts had accidental close first babies, with 18 or less months between kids. some handled it well, some not, but i always thought that i'd like to have a little more time with each of my babies before adding another.

just my personal thought. i know that others feeling quite different. more power to ya!

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#17 of 41 Old 10-03-2008, 11:41 AM
 
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I think it's a bit selfish and unfair to the baby already here to get pregnant within that baby's first year. I don't think most of the "oops" babies are actually "oops" either. unprotected sex can = baby, whether your cycles are back or not. Most choose to ignore it, or just love popping babies out every year, thinking it's some race to produce the most babies in the lesat amount of time.

My kids that are the closest in age are #1 & #2 - 22 months apart. I think that around 2 years is the ideal spacing for us. #2 & #3 are 4 1/2 years apart, and I didn't like that at all. I always felt like someone was missing in there.

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#18 of 41 Old 10-04-2008, 08:33 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mommyofmany View Post
I think it's a bit selfish and unfair to the baby already here to get pregnant within that baby's first year. I don't think most of the "oops" babies are actually "oops" either. unprotected sex can = baby, whether your cycles are back or not. Most choose to ignore it, or just love popping babies out every year, thinking it's some race to produce the most babies in the lesat amount of time.

My kids that are the closest in age are #1 & #2 - 22 months apart. I think that around 2 years is the ideal spacing for us. #2 & #3 are 4 1/2 years apart, and I didn't like that at all. I always felt like someone was missing in there.
You know most women? I don't think it's selfish at all. Hey, some might say that your selfish havebecause you have 4 children and that 22 months is too close together. This thread asked how you spaced your DC, not if you think those who had theirs nearer to one another were wrong.

Like you said, "I think that around 2 years is the ideal spacing for us" and that's good for you. I like MDC, but it always gets me that someone comes on a thread just to stir things up

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#19 of 41 Old 10-04-2008, 09:31 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Jannah5 View Post
You know most women? I don't think it's selfish at all. Hey, some might say that your selfish havebecause you have 4 children and that 22 months is too close together. This thread asked how you spaced your DC, not if you think those who had theirs nearer to one another were wrong.

Like you said, "I think that around 2 years is the ideal spacing for us" and that's good for you. I like MDC, but it always gets me that someone comes on a thread just to stir things up
I actually have 6 kids, not 4. I didn't mean to stir things up, I was just stating an opinion on something that has been bugging me for a long time.

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#20 of 41 Old 10-04-2008, 10:47 AM
 
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I actually have 6 kids, not 4. I didn't mean to stir things up, I was just stating an opinion on something that has been bugging me for a long time.
I wasn't trying to be rude or nasty, it just irks me when people make certain comments or generalizations. Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

A couple of years back my SIL made a comment about her X-husband believing that having many children wasn't good for the earth. That's fine and maybe he's satisfied with having 2 children. Now that he's divorced from my SIL maybe he'll remarry and decide to have more children? My point is, you'll never know where you'll end up.

I never thought that I'd have 6 children especially as soon as I did, but I did and as far as I'm concerned they are alright. After I told a friend that I was pregnant for the 6th time, so soon after my c/s, she said that I was careless. I totally agree with her statement. I delayed getting an IUD and had unprotected intercourse and what da know

P.S. sorry for saying you only had 4 DC

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#21 of 41 Old 10-04-2008, 02:31 PM
 
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I used to think I'd want my kids closely spaced, but I came to realize that it wouldn't be right for us. I didn't get my cycles back for 27 months and still don't feel ready (dd is 3). Sometimes I feel bad because a lot of friends I know with kids Haley's age already have a second child, some are pregnant with #3. But in the end, I think I have to follow my intuition and I've just never felt like adding to our family yet. Maybe it is partly due to outside changes, too (we moved, husband got a new job, I got a new VERY part time job/activity. I dunno. I've read that kids need at least 3 yrs spacing on the natural child project site. Go with what you feel is right. All kids are different, all moms are different.
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#22 of 41 Old 10-04-2008, 03:03 PM
 
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Well I've only read some of the replies, but I love our age gaps.

Nechama & Rena are 10 minutes apart, but you don't exactly get a choice if you want twins or not. We were thrilled though

Rivka came 17 months later. Yes, it was crazy & hard having 3 kids under 18 months old, but honestly it wasn't as bad as it might seem to some. Yes, it was tiring. No, I didn't sleep, but honestly, they get along wonderfully, play together, are only 1 year apart in school, have lots of the same friends, etc. Yet they are each individuals. For us (and those 3 kids in general) it worked out wonderfully. They share a room and go to sleep together every night and really they are a joy :

Avraham Tzvi came 2years 9 months after Rivka (I got PPAF around 18 months with her and got pregnant an little while later). It was also a good gap. They don't exactly play togehter now, but he loves looking at his big sisters and chasing after them. They all adore the baby. NOt one hint of jealosy yet B"H. Really, it was a much easier transistion than I thought it would be.

I say try to think of how you physically feel, what you want to handle, and go from there. Dh has 5 siblings and he's closest today with his sister (7 years older) and one brother (5 years older). He isn't as close to his brother who is 1.5 years older, so personallity definatly plays a role.

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#23 of 41 Old 10-04-2008, 06:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Jannah5 View Post
I wasn't trying to be rude or nasty, it just irks me when people make certain comments or generalizations. Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

A couple of years back my SIL made a comment about her X-husband believing that having many children wasn't good for the earth. That's fine and maybe he's satisfied with having 2 children. Now that he's divorced from my SIL maybe he'll remarry and decide to have more children? My point is, you'll never know where you'll end up.

I never thought that I'd have 6 children especially as soon as I did, but I did and as far as I'm concerned they are alright. After I told a friend that I was pregnant for the 6th time, so soon after my c/s, she said that I was careless. I totally agree with her statement. I delayed getting an IUD and had unprotected intercourse and what da know

P.S. sorry for saying you only had 4 DC
I apologize for offending anyone. Congratulations on Baby #6!! I guess part of it is a tad bit of jealousy, because it takes me so long to get my fertility back. I want a couple more kids, but here it is 21 months after my last one, and nothing . DH doesn't want to have kids after he turns 40, and his 39th birthday is tomorrow . *Sigh*, maybe I can change his mind .

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#24 of 41 Old 10-05-2008, 03:17 AM
 
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My DDs are 14 1/2 months apart : I am one of those people that is fertile by 12 weeks pp, regardless of nursing around the clock, & our reasons for the spacing were:
1. We knew we didn't want an only, & figured that after 6 months, DD#1 would be able to take supplementation/solids as needed - we came close to waiting 'til 6 months (I did nurse her until her sister was born - needed to supplement, but never dried up all the way)
2. The theory of getting the whole babyhood thing accomplished all at once, & moving on (is it better or worse, to have double the babies, when you're not real good at the infant thing? Still not sure about this one....)
3. Wanted to see all our kids self-sufficient before our retirement (no joke - assuming our kids leave home by age 20, I'll be in my early 60's, & DH in his mid 70's), thus wider spacing not an option.

In all honesty, sometimes I wish we'd started out family 10 years earlier, & done wider spacing; but now that our kids are starting to really play together pretty well, & it looks like this is all going to work out the way we'd hoped. No joke, my last pregnancy was much harder on me, so I sure couldn't have done another close one, & that is something to consider (it was actually my 3rd in 3 years - 1 m/c, than 1st DD, then 2nd DD).

: : SAHM to : (5/06), : (7/07) Plus : & a few
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#25 of 41 Old 10-06-2008, 11:03 AM
 
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my first 2 are 18 months apart...then between #2 and #3 almost 2 years exactly...#4 was a surprise and he came 5 yrs after my 3rd child. ttc again now while BF and Im not finding it very easy.:
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#26 of 41 Old 10-06-2008, 11:40 AM
 
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Hi all, I'm new here!!

We have 4. All are very close together.
#1 and #2 are 14 mo apart
#2 and #3 are 19 mo apart
#3 and #4 are 19 mo apart.

We planned the first two so close. I have a brother who is 11mo younger than me. We were inseparable when we were young and I wanted that for my babies. It was a little hard at first. I felt bad for my son. He was still a baby and now I had another baby to care for. But once we settled in it was great. They are the best of friends now. Can't keep them apart!! We didn't plan the other 2 at all. I got pg both times on birth control, one an IUD. I love that they are all so close in age. My youngest is almost 1 and I am really getting the baby fever!! My brain says no more...but my instincts say keep poppin' 'em out!! Unfortunately DH doesn't want anymore. He won't touch me with out a condom on!!! Anyway...nice to meet you all!!
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#27 of 41 Old 10-06-2008, 12:02 PM
 
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I am struggling with this almost daily. DH is really wants his children closely spaced. DS knocked me off my feet. I never in a million years thought mothering could be so hard. He is so clingy and has not slept longer than 2 hours at a time in 13 months. He cut his 1 nap to 30 minutes at 8 months. He started walking at 7 months and now climbs over the baby gates, etc. I feel like I am going crazy. But with all that being said, we are looking at TTC next year. We originally agreed to TTC when DS was a year but I pushed it to when he will be 15 months. Now I am thinking of pushing it back till he is 20 months. It’s a hard choice and there are many factors we are looking at:

1. Day care costs. DH is in school to get his masters and I am studying to be a midwife. Our children will have to be in daycare and honestly….you get a huge discount for having 2 kids in at the same time. We calculated that we would save about $15k by having another next year rather then spacing 4 years apart.

2. As pp mentioned, retirement age. We want to retire at 55 or so and we are 26 now. I want my children out of the house, out of university and making an income before we retire. I want to help them out as much as possible through school and I don’t think we could do that retired.

3. Get through the baby years. I have no idea how the next one will be but I am PRAYING s/he is a sleeper. But if not, I would rather just continue on not sleeping for another year or two then get in a groove of nice sleep and a few years later have to adjust back to sleep deprived mode. If anyone is going through what I am with lack of sleep you know what I’m talking about. It can take 8-10 months to adjust to daily life with no sleep.

4. My PCOS. Who knows how long it will take to conceive the next and I know I have a better chance the younger I am.

5. We already have all the baby stuff in the house and it’s out and ready. If I was waiting 4-5 years, I would sell it all since our place is small and then buy new stuff later.

6. I will be going on call to births in 2011 and I want my children to be at an age where they could handle me being gone for 24 hours.

I’m sure there are other reasons. I know I am worn out but when DH and I write it down on paper, all the reasons to have another soon rather than later win.
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#28 of 41 Old 10-06-2008, 10:11 PM
 
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DD #1 and DD #2 are 3.5 years apart. We are struggling to figure out how far apart we want our next. I'm very fertile, however we have to be careful not to plan too soon because of miscarriage problems that may raise again. We are thinking roughly 2 years from now to TTC.
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#29 of 41 Old 10-07-2008, 05:01 PM
 
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Our dcs are 2 years apart and we are ready to TTC our third and final as soon as my fertility returns. We are not TTA, never have. Dd is 8 months. My first two's spacing was natural though so if it follows suit this time they won't be any closer than 2 years again. I would love for them to be closer in age but I'm sure it will all work out however it is supposed to. I don't look forward to being pregnant again but I just want our family to be complete.

mommy to ds 11/05, dd1 01/08, and dd2 01/10!
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#30 of 41 Old 10-09-2008, 07:18 PM
 
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DD will be 5 in December. I plan to TTC next month and assuming it works right away, there will be about five and a half years between #1 and #2. The thought of having a second child seemed insane to me until last year.... then I started to think about it... but it didn't become a strong urge til a few months ago.

I am thrilled by the fact that DD has had my undivided attention for the past five years. I was able to nurse her til she was two and half, watch her self-wean into an independent, strong little girl, and now she wants a baby brother in a BIG way! (Though I'm hoping for a girl myself... of course we'll be happy with whatever we are blessed with!)

By the time a new baby would come next year, DD will be starting Kindergarten. My relationship with her will begin to change as she blossoms and begins to need me less and less as far as daily routines go. I think it will be wonderful to be able to let her "help"... (not to be misconstrued with me using my child as a slave or anything! LOL) And once she's in Kindy, I will have the time to devote to a newborn, and wont feel guilty that a new little one wont be getting as much attention as they need.

DD gets closer and closer to daddy as the days go by, which is a bittersweet shift for me. They play outside without me, they share in their love for all Lego Wii games, they wrestle and watch Star Wars. No longer does she "need" her mama by her side all the time the way she used to, and I know this is healthy and it's a sign that I've done a good job making her feel secure... but I think it certainly contributes to me wanting another one...

I can see the logic behind wanting to have kids close together so they can go through stages together as much as possible... sot hey can be together in school.... but I think (for me) it's so strenuous and it makes it tough to kick back and just enjoy each child. To me, it almost seems like just one shot at being a parent. When I think about having another, I think, "Yay! I can't wait to do it all over again!" I want to enjoy all those firsts as intensely and closely as I did the first time around.

Ali - Wife to Steve and mom to Zoe - age 7, and Ezra - 17 months (9/2009)
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