Does anyone work with their spouse? - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-13-2010, 12:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Looking for tips on how to do it without going crazy. I started a diaper store and we are almost to the point where dh can quit and we can move to a storefront and sell more than diapers. But sometimes I don't know if I can do it. He is a store manager at his current job (actually, all his jobs have been store management) and he tries to manage me even though I am the one that started the business and knows how things actually work. It is beginning to drive me nuts. I asked him to stop micromanaging me but he got offended. Not only is it annoying, it is a huge waste of time to have two people doing the same task.

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Old 01-13-2010, 01:10 AM
 
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Looking for tips on how to do it without going crazy. I started a diaper store and we are almost to the point where dh can quit and we can move to a storefront and sell more than diapers. But sometimes I don't know if I can do it. He is a store manager at his current job (actually, all his jobs have been store management) and he tries to manage me even though I am the one that started the business and knows how things actually work. It is beginning to drive me nuts. I asked him to stop micromanaging me but he got offended. Not only is it annoying, it is a huge waste of time to have two people doing the same task.
We are working on getting to that point so not there yet, but hope to be. I think with our stuff there's a clear delineation of duties. There are parts of our business he doesn't want to be involved in (e.g. answering questions about kefir, etc.) but since he's a tech person and we run a web business, there's plenty for him to do.

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Old 01-17-2010, 11:40 PM
 
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Dh and I worked together in my soft goods design and engineering business for 15 years. I ran it solo for 10 years before that.

Working together is not for everyone, but it worked well for us until the beginning of the recession when business got slow and then dh took a job with the county (thank goodness!) We did very well with it for a number of years, before that, but I called the shots and gave the orders and he was able to take a supplementary role (like I said, it's not for everybody.) If your dh is not able to take orders from you, I wouldn't recommended it.
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Old 01-18-2010, 01:50 AM
 
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I don't work *with* my husband, but we both do a lot of work from home so are in each other's hair almost constantly.

I'd really consider whether having him quit to work with you is something you both want. Is it necessary that he's there to help you? Could he keep his job (is he happy with it?) and you could hire someone else to help out with the store? Personally, I don't think I'd be up for running a business with my husband myself, but some people not only make it work but enjoy it.

It's really up to you. Some people might like having something independent from their spouse and coming home at the end of the day to regroup and share the day's experiences. Just ask yourself if it's really necessary, and if you want it to be. If you think your husband might be offended by not being included, just play up the fact that you really need to have your own project that tests your own abilities and independence, etc.
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Old 01-18-2010, 09:22 PM
 
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Ahhh, DH. We have worked together for 10 years now as photographers. In the beginning it was really rough, lots of headbutting, but after awhile things started to click. Its still hard, but I would rather be with him than without him (i think...)

I suggest you sit down with your DH and write out a list of job duties. EVERYTHING you do in the business from inventory lists, to phone answering, to phone replying, to emails, to buying pencils. Write it ALL out. Then decide together what tasks each of you will perform. Then separate it based on that so you each have a "job description". Ideally when its done, you will no longer need to manage each other since you each have your own tasks to be in charge of.
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Old 01-23-2010, 01:11 AM
 
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I currently work with dh, not by choice, as he is unemployed right now. Sometimes he drives me nuts, lol. I run a home childcare, and I have to say , that is he very good most of the time, and tries to stay in the background and does things like clean up the kitchen from snacks and lunch and does laundry. He does help me keep an eye on the kids if need be, but I have to tell him, when I need him, he won't volunteer for that, lol.
He's a great dad with his own kids, not but not that fond of other people's...
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Old 01-24-2010, 11:58 PM
 
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My partner wants to work together more, but I know he would drive me crazy - I build projects and tasks in a way where we have our space from each other - honestly, if your husband wants to manage the store front, what would he feel about you letting him doing that while you started a new business? Then in your mind think of it as you sold your business and have little to do with it now unless you are called on for advice, and in your mind, build something new. If he has been in store management all these years, he may surprise you by growing the business to something you never imagined. Best case scenario, you will have 2 successful businesses, worst case, he messed up your business to the point where it is run to the ground in a year, but you will have another business budding.

It is a huge risk, I know ... but nothing is really worth jeopardizing your relationship because both of you are competing for the reins in the business. Let him have it - you obviously have the talent to build - build two things, then maybe three or four ...

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Old 04-28-2010, 07:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So updates:

Now we are in a store front and still butting heads and having serious problems. He is really hard to work with. Every little thing that doesn't go smoothly, he throws a tantrum and stomps around. Of course, it is mostly computer problems, and since I set up the computer and he is not comfortable on the computer... it makes it tense. He actually told me yesterday that I did a terrible job setting up the computer. That hurt me. He couldn't have set them up at all.

For example: the order manager doesn't work right on the front computer. It works fine on the back computer. I have a billion more pressing issues on my mind, such as the fact that we have no health insurance until *I* do all the book keeping for 4 months. So in my mind, just go to the back computer to print out the orders. NBD. But no. He continues to try to do it on the front one, freaks out, stomps around, tells me what a huge problem it is.

And then he complains when customers order something heavy, or something cheap, or whatever. He complains about the manufacturers being slow hippies. Whatever it is, it is a problem.

On top of that, I apparently provide terrible customer service and he has to tell me how to write emails. Never mind my 5 star perfect rating on the Diaper Pin or the mountains of testimonials I have saved from my old site. I have gotten so paranoid of what he will say about something I wrote that I have started second-guessing myself and trying to guess what he would say was right and doing that, and then it ends up worse b/c it isn't what I wanted to do or would have done and I mess it up.

Then there's the fact that my rule is that when I get home, I don't work after dinner. Period. I also don't work at all on Sundays. This is what I have to do to be able to fall asleep and maintain some sort of a balance in my life. He doesn't do this. He decides we need money at 10:30 on a Tuesday night, tries to make a sale and email announcement, doesn't understand all the computer stuff, freaks out, and actually wakes me at 11:30 to freak and try to get me to tell him how to do stuff on the computer. Did I mention I am 18 weeks pregnant with my FOURTH child? And then he doesn't sleep that night and when I wake up in a fine mood, he starts freaking and yelling and crying. I refuse to join him in the panic, and this enrages him.

It is to the point where I hate being there with him and want him to go get another job. I want to work with someone who doesn't stomp and complain all the time. I love the days he takes off. I want him to be sick all the time. I want some acknowledgment that what I have achieved is freaking HUGE and AMAZING and that he owes the fact that he doesn't have to work for his old hated boss anymore TO ME.

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Old 04-29-2010, 11:06 PM
 
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He needs to get a different job. Now. That sounds so unpleasant.

Can you just ask him to not come in? To find something else to do?

Or will he freak out?


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Old 04-30-2010, 12:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I told him all this. He didn't take it well at first but then I did notice him making big attempts to control himself at work. I also felt a lot lighter and decided I would do what I thought was right in any given work situation and not let his voice inside my head. Honestly, just telling him and getting it off my chest made me feel a lot better.

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Old 04-30-2010, 01:54 PM
 
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I told him all this. He didn't take it well at first but then I did notice him making big attempts to control himself at work. I also felt a lot lighter and decided I would do what I thought was right in any given work situation and not let his voice inside my head. Honestly, just telling him and getting it off my chest made me feel a lot better.
Good!

Do you think he doesn't like the idea of selling... diapers? I mean I love diapers, but my husband doesn't get so excited about them. Maybe he is wrestling with the idea of working in the diaper store, and feels like his manhood is being challenged (bread winner instinct, etc.), and he just needs to find his place?

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Old 04-30-2010, 02:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Good!

Do you think he doesn't like the idea of selling... diapers? I mean I love diapers, but my husband doesn't get so excited about them. Maybe he is wrestling with the idea of working in the diaper store, and feels like his manhood is being challenged (bread winner instinct, etc.), and he just needs to find his place?
Maybe. He has said that he would prefer to use more of his selling ability (he used to sell furniture and strollers which cost more and require more skill.) I think part of it is that it was mine for a year, and I don't like being criticized for the way I have always done things.

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Old 04-30-2010, 02:41 PM
 
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Nope, I couldn't work with him. We used to share an office but I had to kick him out because I couldn't get anything done with him there. I do not envy your situation, i hope you guys can come to some sort of undertanding!

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