Feel like I am failing ;( - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 04-19-2011, 12:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So, my DH is working full-time and going to college almost full-time and we have a 4.5 month old. We do all the AP stuff... co-sleeping, bwing, EBFing, etc. DD is a pretty intense baby... high needs, according to The Baby Book. She doesn't nap very much...

 

We moved to our new home 2 months ago and we still are not totally unpacked, my home is a mess and I haven't worked on my business really in almost 2 months. I got registered as an LLC, got a store started (not set-up though) and got about 20 pages up on my site. I am doing an informational site with a online shop. I feel incredibly guilty right now because we do need some extra money and nothing is happening with my site. I know it is hard to make money with an online shop, but I am hoping to get enough traffic to make money with advertising and / or the shop. I am feeling like such a failure right now and like if I can't even do this with one child, how could I think I could do it with two? DH and I have a dream to both work from home and he might get there with his degree in Computer Science when he finishes, but I don't know how I am going to.

 

Do you have any advice for me? I need at least an hour or so of uninterrupted time to get articles written and to do work on the site. But I also need to clean my home... I've got a recurring fees right now for the shop / site, so I want to work on it - not just keep putting it off. How do you WAHMs do it?

 

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#2 of 6 Old 04-20-2011, 06:39 PM
 
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Does the baby nap at all?  Would the baby sleep better near you while you are working?  All I can really say is that it's hard and you have to make the time.  Unfortunately the time changes at each stage.

 

While probably controversial:

As an infant dd1 had two learning dvd's which lasted 30 minutes each.  I'd put her in front of one of those and get as much work done as possible and then move her to an activity gym or swing for about that time and again work like heck.  The rest of the time  I was interactive.  About 10 months old or so she started going to bed at 7 pm and I could get some work done that way. At one point, I had a laptop so I could chase her around the house.

 

When the second one came along (a three year age difference), my older one interacted with her some and while I was there, it helped.  DH has had to take a big roll in helping as well since the second was more high needs. He did have baby duty for an hour or so in the evenings and at times had to do some house work.

 

When they were 3 and 5 I hired some mothers helpers to come in during high work volume days. I hired them for four hours twice a week to come in the mornings (check into some homeschooled teenage girls with good references) until I could be caught up.

 

Now we are about to start over and although DH is now at home working full time I know I'll be the main caregiver because I have less work and because I'm "mommy".  I'll have some helpers this time that can be of real help in some ways but I plan to keep him near me even when I work in a bouncy seat, pack n play, baby carrier, etc. My work is going to take a lot longer I'm sure.

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#3 of 6 Old 04-20-2011, 07:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by camprunner View Post

Does the baby nap at all?  Would the baby sleep better near you while you are working?  All I can really say is that it's hard and you have to make the time.  Unfortunately the time changes at each stage.

 

While probably controversial:

As an infant dd1 had two learning dvd's which lasted 30 minutes each.  I'd put her in front of one of those and get as much work done as possible and then move her to an activity gym or swing for about that time and again work like heck.  The rest of the time  I was interactive.  About 10 months old or so she started going to bed at 7 pm and I could get some work done that way. At one point, I had a laptop so I could chase her around the house.

 

When the second one came along (a three year age difference), my older one interacted with her some and while I was there, it helped.  DH has had to take a big roll in helping as well since the second was more high needs. He did have baby duty for an hour or so in the evenings and at times had to do some house work.

 

When they were 3 and 5 I hired some mothers helpers to come in during high work volume days. I hired them for four hours twice a week to come in the mornings (check into some homeschooled teenage girls with good references) until I could be caught up.

 

Now we are about to start over and although DH is now at home working full time I know I'll be the main caregiver because I have less work and because I'm "mommy".  I'll have some helpers this time that can be of real help in some ways but I plan to keep him near me even when I work in a bouncy seat, pack n play, baby carrier, etc. My work is going to take a lot longer I'm sure.

 

Thank You! Well, today was a better day than most. She was so tired from the past two days of no naps she took a long one and I used it to clean my horribly messy house and get stuff done. Yesterday I got a tiny bit of work done for the business.  DH said she played for 40 minutes by herself this morning and she did the exact same thing for me later on. Now that she sits and can scoot around a bit she stays engaged with her toys for a very long time. It isn't uninterrupted like I feel I need, but I am just going to have to get used to this! Sounds like you made do any way you could. I will have to, too. 

 

I wish she would go to sleep before midnight, but it only happens once in awhile. She ends up sleeping midnight to 8:30am. She only will nurse to sleep and I can't leave the room. She won't even nurse to sleep right now before DH gets home, though, so..

 

I guess I just need to take it day by day and do whatever I can. I got the cleaning chore list from motivated moms and I am going to do that to try to keep the house maintained so it doesn't get so out of control!

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#4 of 6 Old 05-09-2011, 08:12 PM
 
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I used to have a part time WAH job with a very high needs DD.  I survived by working on my laptop one-handed while nursing her.  She nursed a million times a day and would nap for awhile as long as I was holding her.  For cleaning, I wore her in a moby wrap.

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#5 of 6 Old 05-11-2011, 02:31 PM
 
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I have been there. It DOES get better. ( (hugs))

 

It took me 9 years ( with 3 kids) to have time for my dream. My son, my first, was HARD. It got easier with two- really!

 

Right now, my house is a mess too, and I don't have the moving in excuse.  :)

 

This is what I do/ did....

 

Back pack- you can always carry baby in a hiking back pack while you do dishes and small chores. Our hiking back pack was priceless.

 

Get a play friend-- other babies/ children are baby magnets.  Find a mom who won't mind coming over with HER baby for a play date while you work on the computer. You can swap with her keeping HER baby busy for her chores.

 

10 minute rule- Tell yourself you will do "X" 10 minutes( wash dishes, throw in laundry, fold clothes, bathroom clean). You will be surprised what you can do in 10 minutes!

 

You will get through it!

HUGS

Barbara


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#6 of 6 Old 05-26-2011, 06:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks! She is 6 months now and I've managed to get a bunch of pages done on my site. My husband gave me a Saturday to work on it. He went out for beer after work Friday night  and I stayed home to watch the baby, then the next day I got about 6 hours to work on my business! It was really wonderful. Now I am motivated again and sneaking work in here and there

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