This is a rant. It is only a rant. If this were a true bitter testament to how uncooperative my family was, and how thoroughly they were trying to sabotage me, you would be given instructions on how to talk me down from my maniacal rage, put down that third glass of shiraz, and take my incontinence medication.
But that won't be necessary, because all I need to do is blow off steam.
So I get the perfect at-home job a couple months ago. It's great because it has nothing to do with my "field," the one I worked in for 11 years before having kids, the one I have a master's degree and a license to practice and a long list of continuing education credits in order to do. No, this new job involves online research on a completely dry subject (commercial real estate appraisals), a little writing, and a few esoteric web sites on which I can access information that only a handful of people on the planet give a shit about. It's wonderful. And it pays almost as much as I would make working in "my" field, yet I don't have to buy malpractice insurance or supervision hours. Problem is, it does take a little time - surprise! I have a 6-yr-old who goes to Kindergarten, and I have a 2-yr-old who stays at home with me, other than hanging out with her babysitter 6 hrs a week. I have a husband who works a whole lot, to keep us paying the bills, so like many SAHM's I do everything related to running the household - paying the bills and keeping the books, taxes, child care, all school-related duties and functions, calling the repairman, doctor, dentist, gymnastics, play dates, birthday presents, you know the drill. Having this job changes none of that. But we really need this, as a family, and I desperately need to make it work.
Are my kids sensing my excitement/anxiety/new-found sense of purpose other than them, as precious as they are/total panic at the prospect of not meeting expectations and losing this opportunity/desire to vomit every night at 11:30 when I finally decide to unplug and go to bed and someone in the house decides to wake up and practice looking like they're going into anaphylactic shock if they don't get string cheese right this minute? Is that what's going on here? Why do they hate me?
Tonight was supposed to be my final stretch to finish the last in a series of jobs that would net us a decent haul, enough to dampen the panic about being able to make the mortgage for at least another two months. Alas, it did not happen. My work time was swallowed in one big gulp by my toddler, who decided she wasn't going to sleep. At all. Her normal routine is to read a couple of books with dad and then drift off to sleep by 8, after which he carefully extracts himself and lets her to her own devices until we go to bed. She does occasionally wake up needing a cuddle or whatever, but not often, and it's usually no problem for one of us to oblige her since the whole episode tends to last a minute or two, and then everyone's back to sleep. Not tonight, though. Starting from bed time, she was awake every ten minutes howling in anger at being left alone, and finally we had no choice but to bring her back downstairs with us. Seeing me, there's no way she's content on Dad's lap anymore (she still nurses, which I'm proud of and glad of, but also grateful that she normally does so during DAY TIME HOURS, THANK YOU!)
Right after we got back from our Christmas traveling, my schedule started to heat up (a good thing - more money, y'all!) and that's when everyone in my family suddenly got very sick. Bronchitis, borderline pneumonia, flu, you name it, we had it. Okay, so there's a perfectly logical explanation (travel + other people's sick kids + less sleep = disaster) but that doesn't change the deadlines, does it?
Anyway...thanks for listening/reading. I'm sure this is a common experience.....PLEASE tell me this is a common experience! Working from home is not as easy as it sounds - wait, when/why the HELL did I ever think it sounded easy??? I guess before I had kids I thought parenting would be easy too. You can stop laughing now!
Jen, mom of two amazing girls, b. 2/16/06 and 1/29/10
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