Moms and Mother In Laws! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 1 Old 11-01-2012, 11:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey there everyone.  I am new to this forum and wanted to introduce myself.  I am not a new mommy, but rather, a fairly new grand-ma.  My two year old grandson calls me Mi-Maw and I just love it.  Makes me sound like a real "Ma Kettle" but I don't care.  He is my little sunshine boy and I feel so blessed to be one of his grandmas.  I am also blessed to have a beautiful, inside and out, daughter in law.  I have to admit that I was really scared that when my son (only child) got married, our relationship would never be the same.  I had always heard the old adage, " A son is son until he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life", and I hoped it wouldn't be true for us.  Well, almost 10 years, and one grandson later, I have to admit that my relationship with my son isn't the same.  I had to come to the understanding (fairly early on) that I was no longer his number one girl.  And you know what?  I'm so proud of him that he puts his wife first.  That's the way it is supposed to be.  All of my fears were really unfounded as my daughter in (love) is a very precious young woman. Since even before their wedding she has always made me feel that she wanted a relationship with me and that my husband and I would always be her "other" parents.  We are very blessed because we love her just as if she were our own.  All that being said I have to say that it hasn't always been easy.  I've made my share of gaffs, overstepped boundaries, and have been insensitive many times... but not purposefully of course.  Often I've just been trying to help when all I end up doing is making things worse and my good intentions just seem to come back to bite me in the proverbial butt!  I'm not perfect and thankfully I have a daughter in law who doesn't expect me to be.   She and I have had to talk through misunderstandings, cry over misinterpreted actions and even re-hash conversations where we both misheard and misunderstood the other.  Even our cultures have clashed as I was raised in the south and she was raised in the north.  I am an extrovert, she is a self proclaimed introvert.  I use a toothpick, where she wouldn't be caught dead with one in her mouth!  One might think that we would mix like oil and water, but would find upon closer examination...on the inside... we have a lot more in common than not and we both love one young man very much! 

 

This is where I want to give encouragement to all of you new mommies out there.  Be patient not only with your mother-in-law but also with your mom. It is very hard for us to learn how to mother from afar.  As you are taking on your new role as mommy, remember we are taking on a new role as grandma.   We haven't had mother-in-law or grandma training. Also try to remember we've been right for a very long time with no one to tell us any different!  It is sometimes hard for us to realize that there are other ways of doing things than just the way we've always done it!  Be gentle when you confront... but please... do confront.  That is the way to understanding.  Don't just think she will know that she has over stepped a boundary... she doesn't!!!  Love your husband by loving his mom and dad.  Work toward a middle ground because the reward you'll get back is so great. Give her the benefit of the doubt because she is just trying to love you when she's trying to help... even if she does shrink your $100 silk blouse in the dryer! 

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