How to balance everything? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 7 Old 09-16-2013, 05:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I know that there must be other WAHMs in similar situations to mine. I’d love to rack your brains for advice, suggestions and even, perhaps, camaraderie as our challenges are so unique.

 

I won’t go into extreme detail, but basically, I’ve been WAH for almost three years - since my oldest son was born. (I have two now.) I work a demanding job that routinely requires longer hours but does also offer some flexibility and leeway. Except for about 90 minutes in the morning, I work WHILE watching my two under-three sons. My DH works out-of-the-home.

 

I’m struggling because I really feel as if my husband doesn’t respect my job, the fact that I do my job (which is equally as demanding as his) while also caring for our sons, or that I do the majority of the housework and meal preparation. He doesn’t prep lunches, make breakfast and he’s not home at night to make dinner or put the kids to bed.

 

At this point, I’m just at a loss. I feel upset that I truly feel my husband doesn’t appreciate my struggles or how hard I work. We have talked on multiple occasions and I’ve told him how I feel. He hasn’t made an effort to wake up early to spend time with me, to wake up early with whichever child is up first (he always wakes up w/ the child up last) or even to help much more with housework. Nothing gets done unless I'M the one to put in the effort - and that includes staying awake in the evening to spend time with him.

 

Is anyone in (or has been in?) a similar situation? How do you keep life/work/children balanced? How do you get your SO to recognize and respect that you’re more than a SAHM?

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#2 of 7 Old 09-19-2013, 10:11 PM
 
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willfullmama, that sounds very stressful; you might want to crosspost in Parents and Partners as well. I'm not in the same situation so I can't offer any BTDT experience, but I wanted to bump your post up for attention. :bump: Anyone have experiences to share?


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#3 of 7 Old 10-23-2013, 04:55 PM
 
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Hi. I am in a similar situation but I only have one kid, age two. I think because I don't have to leave the house and I don't usually get up early because I stay up late to work, that my life seems easier than my husbands. I don't want to argue whose job is easier though, as that never gets anyone anywhere. I just need a little help and respect. It sounds like that is what you are looking for too. I think when someone works from home a lot of assumptions are made. I also think that in a lot of marriages, maybe yours/maybe not, but in ours, the dynamic of the husbands family plays a role. My husband's mom stayed home and didn't work. I think he thinks his life is similar to that of his family. This all is tricky to navigate and we aren't out of the woods yet, but continued open dialogue on the subject and how deeply it all effects me has made a lot of progress. I hope that things get better for you. You sound like an awesome mom who is doing incredible things!
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#4 of 7 Old 10-23-2013, 06:32 PM
 
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I put up a business hours sign up on my sewing room door (I do dressmaking and costume making at home). Unless it's an emergency, I'm not available during those hours just as if I was working outside the home. I will make exceptions just as I would if I had an outside job. I have a land line for the business that I let go to voice mail and I answer it when convenient to me (but also in a timely fashion). My cell phone is for personal use and only close friends and family have that number. In other words, I treat working at home the same as working outside the home.
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Chris--extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, co-sleeping, APing, CLW, homeschooling before any of this was a trend mom to Joy (1/78), Erica (8/80), Angela (9/84), Dylan (2/98)
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#5 of 7 Old 11-11-2013, 09:22 AM
 
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That sounds really hard OP! I WAH full time and we don't have outside childcare help either -- it can be incredibly stressful at times! Luckily my DH does grasp how hard my role can be, so he takes on lots of childcare/food prep duties, and does the entire bedtime routine with the kids every night because that's during my working hours. I can't even imagine how hard it would be without a supportive partner.

Do you do all your work while your DH is at work, or does some of your working time happen while he's home? Could you do as SewChris suggested and post your working hours somewhere and then stick to them without exception until DH gets that your working hours are just as real as his? Can you hire a housekeeper? If he balks at that, say that you're happy to split housekeeping duties with him, but you won't be doing it all yourself anymore.

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#6 of 7 Old 11-13-2013, 11:27 AM
 
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I want to add that when my son was younger, I did use daycare while I worked at home.  On the week ends, his sisters and dh helped watched him.  There was no way I could have worked and taken care of him all by myself.  Electricity, hot irons, or sharp objects don't mix well with my son.  Neither does clients.  And I need to project a professional attitude while working.  I don't work in pjs or sweats.  When I do answer the phone, there are no small children, TV, or anything else in the background to suggest that I'm not a business.


Chris--extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, co-sleeping, APing, CLW, homeschooling before any of this was a trend mom to Joy (1/78), Erica (8/80), Angela (9/84), Dylan (2/98)
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#7 of 7 Old 11-23-2013, 05:16 PM
 
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I can sorta relate.

I do in home care. I have kids 3-5 days aweek, and classes the other two days. My SO has said, "all you do is sit around all day." He works nights and sleeps while I have kids all day, so I'm not sure where he gets that idea lol.

For myself, I have a color coded planner, a family binder to keep track of appointments, recipes, bible study, school information, Christmas cards, birthdays, and other stuff, I meal plan, I clean and delegate tasks to my kids, and pray, like, constantly. Also, when given an opporunity to relax... I take it. I don't waste time feeling guilty anymore. I just chill out. I used to worry about the mayhem but I don't anymore.

Also, some advice I was given was to take the days one at a time. I think that's crap. I would go nuts. I need to have a general idea of what the next few months look like. I am super adaptable but I need some idea.

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