I feel like I have no one to talk to about this... - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 36 Old 10-07-2007, 07:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
granola_mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Hamilton, ON
Posts: 924
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Please bare with me and read my story, I swear it relates to WAHMing.

DD was not planned. Both DP and I were still in highschool, and 18 and 19 years old when I got pregnant. As of right now, DP is in his second year of his bachelor degree in engineering and I'm mostly a stay at home mom, trained as a doula and studying breastfeeding management and childbirth education through correspondance. The only way I am able to be a SAHM at this point, which is very important to me, is because I am supported financially 100% by my dad. I am very lucky for that and am so grateful, because without him I wouldn't be able to do it.

Except, he supports me under certain conditions. If he feels very strongly about something, he will threaten to cut me off. Right now I am hiding from him the fact that DD isnt vaxxed because I know he'd say "get her vaxxed or I'll cut you off." He's also told me many times how if I ever get pregnant again, he's cutting me off. DP and I are against putting DD into school, but not quite sure how my dad will react and if he will "allow" this, because he sent us all to private schools and really believes in getting "the best education out there." While I'm incredibly thankful he is giving me the chance to spend so much quality time with DD, I don't like to live this way.

I haven't been able to openly and honestly talk to anyone about the fact that I'd really like to have another baby before DD is ten years old. I don't talk to my family about it because they will freak out, I don't talk to DP about it because he'd think I'm insane and I don't have any close enough friends here yet to discuss it with, because I just moved to this city. DP wants to stay in school FOREVER, get his PhD, so him supporting a family is a looong way off. But I feel like if I'm going to homeschool, which I feel very strongly about, I don't want to have to HS DD until she's ten and then start all over again from the very beginning with a newborn. I don't want my dad placing these restriction on me, but I don't know any other way. I don't want my family fragmented so much... if it was possible I would get pregnant again when DD was between 3 and 4 years old. But DH will have just finished his bachelor degree at that point.

I feel very alone and trapped like this. I think about it every day. Truthfully, I dream about the day I can have another baby. I daydream about being pregnant again and what the birth would be like and DD having a little sister. I'm saving all DD's clothes and I even sometimes buy some newborn stuff to sneak in there when i find a good deal... I feel CRAZY for thinking about this!!! I mean I'm only 20 and just had a baby last year!! And the worst part is that I'm holding it all inside. I am constantly thinking of ways thatwould make it possible for me to support myself (DP is on loans), but whenever I so much as hint toward it to DP he says its impossible to have a job good enough to support myself and DD and homeschool at the same time. How do you people do it? I'm just really in need of some support.
granola_mom is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 36 Old 10-07-2007, 07:36 PM
 
*clementine*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 4,108
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Did you see our other thread about this? You're not alone.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ght=jillkuster
*clementine* is offline  
#3 of 36 Old 10-08-2007, 03:40 AM
 
eepster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: growing in the Garden State ............
Posts: 8,777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wish I could tell you it was easy and all you had to do was X, Y and Z and it would all work out. The truth is that most of us are not doing what you're talking about. I am not supporting a partner who is in school while taking care of a flock of HSed children. My partner (DH) works every day to keep a roof over our heads, I take care of DS and it takes most of my energy, and I make a little money on the side. That's it I make a bit extra, I'm hoping to pay for our christmas presents this year and nothing more.

It sounds like you are studying for a career that can fit well with the lifestyle you want and make pretty good money. Maybe when it's time you could find a compromise with your dad on the school thing. If you managed to get a job at a coop or waldorf school you could go with your DD (just a thought.)

Have you posted in finding your tribe to see if you can get together with other mommies so you aren't so alone.

Timmy's Mommy WARNINGyslexic typing with help of preschooler, beware of typos
eepster is offline  
#4 of 36 Old 10-08-2007, 07:29 AM
 
zonapellucida's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: betwixt and between bairns
Posts: 3,919
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It is aweful to be an adult and still feel like a child

 Mom of many minions . . . babyf.gif jumpers.gif     jumpers.gif     jumpers.gif
"And when our baby stirs and struggles to be born it compels humility: what we began is now its own." Margaret Mead 
zonapellucida is offline  
#5 of 36 Old 10-08-2007, 01:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
granola_mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Hamilton, ON
Posts: 924
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
jillkuster, I cant access that thread. It says I dont have privileges.

Thanks for those who replied. I don't know what kind of response I'm looking for... maybe just a vent. To clear things up, I am not trying to find a way to support all of us. DP is living off of student loans and will be until he starts working.
granola_mom is offline  
#6 of 36 Old 10-08-2007, 10:41 PM
 
kokonutmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 674
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It does stink to be an adult and feel like a child, I agree.

What does your DP think about all this?

You're in a good position now, being supported I mean, so you can really invest some time looking for a way to make money and stay at home. It took me a year living with my folks to find my niche, and it's taken another year to get into a position to afford my own home. I am so grateful for that time they gave me... and am REALLY looking forward to getting out from under their thumb. With your direction into LC, you're off to a good start, it seams, doula work may be too unpredictable to do with your little one in tow, but LCing seems more schedualled.

treehugger.gif
kokonutmama is offline  
#7 of 36 Old 10-08-2007, 10:47 PM
 
hipmummy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,043
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Be patient. Sometimes these things have a way of working themselves out. Don't worry about it until your dc is 2 or 3. Enjoy the time alone with him. Plus in 2+ years you may be more financially independent.

:CLC,Doula :Mama to 2
hipmummy is offline  
#8 of 36 Old 10-09-2007, 11:18 AM
 
melissabb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: London, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 825
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
What if you became a home daycare provider??? Then you could take in a few kids AND stay at home with your daughter. You would have your own income and not have to answer to anyone. In the mean time you could still study to do what you really dream of. Then, as you finish your studies and get a few clients you could wean yourself off of daycare and start doing more in your deisred field. This of course, is a long term plan but it allows you a steady income and the ability to stay at home with your daughter and homeschool. MOst importantly though, it allows you to get out from under the thumb of your father and feel and act like an adult.

I hope it all works out for you.

goorganic.jpgsaynovax.gif Daycare Provider Who Strives To Encourage Children To Follow Their Innate
 
www.allnaturaldaycare.com
melissabb is offline  
#9 of 36 Old 10-10-2007, 11:50 PM
 
cchrissyy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Berkeley CA
Posts: 2,179
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
are you guys plugged in to the student family network wherever you are? I ask because almost ALL my friends right now are married PhD students (or, married TO PhD students) with 1-3 kids and no daycare. So if you think having kids during college and actually supporting them isn't possible, I'd guess you just don't know enough student families yet Is there family housing? try hanging out at their parks.

That's not my situation, but we did have our first 2 kids while DH was still getting his bachelors. we got grants, loans, he worked Pt and had paid internships, and i worked from home on several small gigs.

that said, I think focusing your plans around homeschooling or the next child would waste energy that should go to imediate priorities- supporting yourself NOW and getting training/education. The setting your child is educated in won't matter much at all if her parents aren't healthy, independant adults who together can take all responsiblity for her. So work that first good luck!

Berkeley mom of 3 and President of Tender Cargo Baby Gear
and The Nurture Center Store and Resource Center 3399 Mt Diablo Bl Lafayette CA 888-998-BABY
cchrissyy is offline  
#10 of 36 Old 10-11-2007, 01:16 AM
 
Jacksmum8's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,227
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think both you and your DP should be on the same page when thinking about an addition to the family. Let me ask you this, would it be better for you to just have one child and be free of support from your dad? Being under someones thumb or having help with "conditions" is never a great place to live. Have you thought about talking to your dad?


 
 

Jacksmum8 is offline  
#11 of 36 Old 10-13-2007, 11:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
granola_mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Hamilton, ON
Posts: 924
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have thought of doing home daycare, definately. But first I have to figure out what kind of childbirth stuff I will be doing. I started doula work and LOOOVED it but dd is just too young for now so i'm taking a break. also just not sure how much i want to work outside the home. the on call is hard, too. but its something i want for myself.... which is why im doing the CBE and LE, more scheduled. and i thought of doing on call childcare for other doulas while im off. But i reeeaally need to get better at networking if i am to be a success.

I am definately going to get this all sorted out before even discussing another child. I wouldnt want another one for another couple years anyway, but just not 8 years. I have 8 year gaps between me and my sister, and my sister and little brother, and we are all sooo on a different page, and i just dont like it. i want my family to be unified. i see the bond closer sibs have, like dp and his brother, and i like that. i want that for my family and im willing to work for it if i have to. That said, homeschooling is one of my priorities.
granola_mom is offline  
#12 of 36 Old 10-13-2007, 01:29 PM
 
Blu Razzberri's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,601
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi,

I'm about two hours north of you.

You never mentioned that you had any home based business ideas (besides daycare) of our own, so I would start looking into already established home based businesses. I would sift through the classifieds and get information from every company that I could get my hands on. (That's what I did when I didn't want to go back to work after my son was born). Research the companies you find until you find one that fits your life.

The company should have good products; a good compensation plan; low start up costs; and good business support.

Start up costs always exist; and you'll need to figure out how you're going to cover it. If you receive baby bonus, you might be in a position to use that...?

You can PM me if you want. Good luck with your search!

WARNING: The comments and opinions expressed above do not necessarily reflect those of the community in which I reside; or those of the internet parenting network.
Blu Razzberri is offline  
#13 of 36 Old 10-14-2007, 10:21 AM
 
inchwormz's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 831
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I really feel for your position. My DH and I were struggling the first year we had DD for a number of reasons, although quite different from yours. I was 27 when she was born, and I can't imagine having to deal with all you are at your age.

Have you put your ideas in writing? Set up some type of a "plan of action" or business plan? This is key to goal-setting, and could help you and your DP stay on track.

One of your original questions asked was how do we do it? That is, how do we work at home and still make it work? I think you might find that many of us still have our children in some type of a daycare or school setting. It's not all what it may seem. Me dd is in morning programs so I get my work done between 9am and 2pm. Then my DH is up from sleeping (he does shift-work) and takes her for the afternoon while I finish up my day. It's not ideal, and there is little time for DH and I, but it works while I build my business. I've been at this for almost 3 years now and while the pay isn't great, we're finally in a position that I don't have to go back to work outside of the home. It took 3 years to get here, but every step of the way was planned.

A few other things to consider, if you haven't already. I know you said you have your heart set on homeschooling, but you also mentioned your dad would be willing to send your daughter to private school. Have you considered Montessori? I also wanted to homeschool but there was no way I could free up that time during the day to give my dd the education I wanted AND run a business. We're in a rural location so that costs of Montessori are about 1/4 of the costs in the city. It's worked out great for us, and is almost less than the cost of daycare. She's in a school where the attention to her education is amazing, and it's not forced learning. She's allowed to learn at her own pace. I can't say enough good things about the program. While it can be costly, it might help ease a lot of your stress and free up some time to focus on other things - maybe even a part-time job outside of the home - especially if your dad would pay the bill.

Are there any moms groups or playgroups in your area? I would definitly try to get out and meet some other moms. This made a big difference for me when I didn't know anyone in our area after dd was born. The social interation made a big difference in the way I was feeling about things at home. It also gave me something to look forward to every week, and I made some really great friends along the way. Check your local library if you don't know where to start.

You mentioned you have some siblings - are any of them in a position to help you out without the "strings" attached? I'm the oldest of 4 so this wasn't something that was really an option for us, but maybe you and them could work together or even brainstorm a bit.

Sometimes you just have to prioritize, and certain plans may have to be on hold for awhile. While homeschooling may be important to you, it may have to be a part of your long-term plan (say around age 5 or 6) while you get the rest of your life sorted out first. It really sounds as though some way to support your family (and I feel this should be BOTH you and DH's responsibility! ) should be the number one goal right now.

Good luck!

Mama to DD#1 (03/05) and DD#2 (05/08). Expecting baby #3.
inchwormz is offline  
#14 of 36 Old 10-14-2007, 11:47 AM
 
root*children's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: the South-East's Worst Kept Secret
Posts: 2,770
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I also agree you should be worrying about homeschooling right now... your little one is SO little still You don't have to worry about that until baby is 5 or 6 (here in NC we don't have to officially enroll until they are 7). So, I think since you're already figuring things out, as far as income, that in 5 years, you'll probably be in a position that HS'ing will be an option, and you won't be living off your dad anymore.

Your DD is old enough for you do do in-home daycare, tho. Just make some little signs to put up at your natural food stores, and advertise on any local mom yahoo groups, here on FYT, etc. At that age, you'd be fine to take her with you and do some nannying also! it pays much better, though can be somewhat uncomfortable to be in someone else's home for a long time of the day. But honestly - you've got to figure out how to deal with stuff like that. Especially if you're planning on homeschooling and being the sole income provider. Chances are, your situation will constantly be being tweaked, and you just have to go with the flow and find what works for that moment.

FWIW, I'm a WAHM (daycare & ebay) and homeschool my 2 kids (4 & 7). I have done it being a single mom, but am not single anymore. It's hard, but it's possible.

Other things to think about are: could you live any more frugally (house-share, keep a price-book for groceries, do lots of trading for goods/services, etc.)? Can you get any government assistance? Is your DH doing school FT? Could you get a part-time job while he's home and he could be with baby?

You could also look into working as a temp or parttime at regular daycares. At least call a bunch and apply. You can usually bring your child to this.

I just know what you're going through... I was a YOUNG mama, too and I can't believe we actually made it work! I did a house-share for the first 2 years. I had to find the house, but got 3 roommates who didn't mind living with a colicky baby! I started to childcare for a neighbor and I sold Maya Wrap slings. At that point, I was so poor it was silly. Then I moved cross-country, found another house-share and starting doing nannying for a 2-child family. Then, I got pregnant with DC#2, and started doing ebay and really educated myself on living as freakin' frugally as absolutely possible. And now I'm doing what you read above, and we're now under contract to buy our first house!! woo-hoo! ... It can work!

Mama of 3 amazingly sweet kids jumpers.gif, living the dream on our urban farm chicken3.gif

root*children is offline  
#15 of 36 Old 10-14-2007, 01:45 PM
 
cchrissyy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Berkeley CA
Posts: 2,179
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Another way I "make it work" is working from 9AM-5 with kids underfoot and they have an early bedtime and I work nonstop until 1AM. every day.

Berkeley mom of 3 and President of Tender Cargo Baby Gear
and The Nurture Center Store and Resource Center 3399 Mt Diablo Bl Lafayette CA 888-998-BABY
cchrissyy is offline  
#16 of 36 Old 10-16-2007, 11:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
granola_mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Hamilton, ON
Posts: 924
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Right now I'm really educating myself on living a simpler lifestyle. It's going to be hard for us, because I come from a wealthy family and DP tends to want to best of everything... but I'm going to try. I think that will make a big difference.

Some of my plans for the next few years are to finish my Lactation educator certification, get my childbirth educator certification, get my doula business up and running maybe one birth a month or do childcare or perhaps do on call care for other doulas while I'm not on call, and if I get better at crafts then I'd love to sell some of my crafts on etsy. I thought of maybe making newborn crafts and selling them through my childbirth endeavors, and making orders for when their babies get older. Does this sound good? I'm going to take it slow and just see how little I really can live off of and slowly try to wean myself off of my dad's support.

I know many of you may not get this... a lot of people would say to me, "you're getting supported, be thankful for that". Yes, I am thankful. But not many people really understand how it feels to be in this position, backed into a corner dependant like this. I'd really love to just call my own shots and be independant and make some sacrifices than live like this for much longer.
granola_mom is offline  
#17 of 36 Old 10-16-2007, 11:57 PM
 
mrskennedy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,613
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
GM, if you want to homeschool, you probably still can. Homeschooling takes much less time than public or private schooldays do. Also, check the laws where you are. I know that here, we don't have to start reporting until DS is 8, as long as he hasn't attended school at 1st grade or above.
mrskennedy is offline  
#18 of 36 Old 10-17-2007, 04:43 PM
 
winnie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 893
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just a comment on being independent / being supported.

I moved out on my own as soon as I turned 18 because I wanted freedom. If I had stayed at home, my parents would have payed for my living expenses PLUS payed for some of my university tuition. At the time it was not what I wanted to do, I just wanted to live with my boyfriend and work. Now (10 years later), I am trying to work on my bachelor degree one course at a time, and am also doing correspondence courses to be a postpartum doula & CBE. If I could go back, I would have said to myself "Be patient, get to a better place before leaving a supportive household". It is very hard to feel completely dependent on someone else, especially if they are putting limits on your lifestyle. But I think it would be worth it for you to stick it out while you finish your correspondence courses and get on your own feet.

As others have said, you have many years to worry about what type of schooling will work for you! A LOT can change in a year, so work on getting where you need to be to become dependent, and then you will have a lot more freedom!

Good luck,
Erin

Mama to DS 02/15/06, and DD born 08/31/09!
winnie is offline  
#19 of 36 Old 10-19-2007, 12:32 AM
 
Avena's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Manifesting in Jah Love!
Posts: 1,741
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Sending you much Love & light mama! Stick by your truths!
Avena is offline  
#20 of 36 Old 10-19-2007, 11:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
granola_mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Hamilton, ON
Posts: 924
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by winnie View Post
But I think it would be worth it for you to stick it out while you finish your correspondence courses and get on your own feet.
Oh yes, I will definitely be finishing all my courses before even considering going independant. After I'm done that, I will wait until I'm sure I can stand on my own two feet and bring in enough of my own income. This is not something I plan to do in the next year or even the year after. But I do feel I need a plan for these coming years, a more longterm plan for how I can stick it out until I can be on my own. Learning to live more simply, feeling secure with my source of income, etc. These next years I am very grateful for as they give me security and a chance to set this all up for myself. It's something I'm aiming for for around when DD is three or four, and she's not even a year old yet.
granola_mom is offline  
#21 of 36 Old 10-19-2007, 03:42 PM
 
Gale Force's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Nestled in the Sierras
Posts: 4,950
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'd highly recommend getting through college on the dole. You'll thank winnie and I in a couple of decades.

Amanda Rose, author, Rebuild From Depression: A Nutrient Guide. Don't miss this opportunity to build a business telling friends about probiotic foods and grass fed meats: Beyond Organic Review.

Gale Force is offline  
#22 of 36 Old 10-20-2007, 12:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
granola_mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Hamilton, ON
Posts: 924
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I won't be going through college. First of all, I don't want to get involved in such an undemocratic, capitalist and authoritarian educational endeavor. Second of all, I'm completely 100% happy being a doula, so I just don't see why I would need to do anything else than what I'm happy doing. In fact, my plan was always to go to university part time starting this year. But then after some hard thinking I made the decision not to go.. believe me it was a hard choice. I have been brainwashed for 20 years into thinking I have to go to university. I really just sat down and asked myself if university was really necessary or that's just what I'd been led to believe. I kept thinking, man, I'd rather keep doing doula work than go to university. Then it just clicked, that if that's what I want to be doing then that's what I'll do and I went for it. I'm studying breastfeeding management and childbirth education, all on my own terms and at my own pace. I will definitely be completing that and getting things rolling before I jump the plank.
granola_mom is offline  
#23 of 36 Old 10-21-2007, 12:35 AM
 
winnie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 893
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hey,

I'm not sure if Gale Force actually meant to do something different, she may have just been saying to do your courses while living with your dad. That's what I got from her post anyways.

It sounds like you have a good long term plan, so keep plugging away!

Erin

Mama to DS 02/15/06, and DD born 08/31/09!
winnie is offline  
#24 of 36 Old 10-21-2007, 06:22 PM
 
Gale Force's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Nestled in the Sierras
Posts: 4,950
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't think you shouldn't be a doula, but if you have the chance to get a Bachelor's on somebody else's dime, I would do it. It just leaves you more options, including doing other medical work you might be interested in later. My university experience wasn't particularly undemocratic, but it was Jesuit and they are a whole other critter.

Amanda Rose, author, Rebuild From Depression: A Nutrient Guide. Don't miss this opportunity to build a business telling friends about probiotic foods and grass fed meats: Beyond Organic Review.

Gale Force is offline  
#25 of 36 Old 10-26-2007, 08:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
granola_mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Hamilton, ON
Posts: 924
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for all your advice. Part of the reason I'm not going to university is so I can be a stay at home mom, apart from my other reasons. It's either I go part time and take ten years to get my bachelor, meanwhile dependant on my dad, which is not happening; or it's doing it full time and missing out on a lot of DD's childhood, which is also not happening. I have enough of my own reasons for not going. Besides, once DP gets done his degrees I won't be working anyway and that's what I want. I want to be at home with my kids. I just want something to take us through these next few years financially while still being able to stay at home a majority of the time, which is why I'm thinking I will combine doula and other childbirth work with childcare.
granola_mom is offline  
#26 of 36 Old 11-27-2007, 03:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
granola_mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Hamilton, ON
Posts: 924
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So does anyone have any more advice?

Specifically I'd looove some advice from home daycare providers. This seems like a good option, no? It would allow me to become financially independent, as well as stay at home. But would I actually be able to support myself on that salary? What is realistic? What is YOUR financial situation if you do home daycare, if you don't mind me asking? ie, how much do you actually pay for?

This isn't a debate about whether I should go to university or not. I won't be going right now, and thats that. I have some money set aside that will be gathering interest for if I want to do it later. This is also part of the reason I don't want to leave other children for too long... I think that if I don't make it happen in the next few years (five tops), DD will be an only child. I just don't want to be spending that much of my life parenting, especially when I'm already putting my dreams on hold for DD. So, this isn't about what I'm going to do... it's about how I'm going to make it happen or if it's possible. DP won't be out of school for another 3-6 years, depending on how much education he decides on getting. So I'd love advice on how it might be possible to do this with a hubby in school full time (paid co-op part of the time)... or, if it's not possible, I'd love a reality check so I can stop dreaming and get used to the idea of DD being my only child. If I don't figure this out, I'm going to keep being depressed like I have been... don't ask why, it is just majorly stressing me out.

Thanks a lot to anyone who can help.
granola_mom is offline  
#27 of 36 Old 11-27-2007, 04:32 PM
 
Rev1053's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 692
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is silly but I see you have a blog is there a reason you dont have any ads on it? I know a lot of SAHM's have blogs and make a fair amount. I am not sure how much $ you need to support your family but that may help.
I work outside the home so I am not much help in the day care department.

Mom to '97, '07, '09 and birth mom '00 and wife to my BFF
Rev1053 is offline  
#28 of 36 Old 11-27-2007, 07:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
granola_mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Hamilton, ON
Posts: 924
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for mentioning... I thought you could only really make 10 bucks off of blog ads. I don't think I have that many readers anyway.
granola_mom is offline  
#29 of 36 Old 11-27-2007, 08:25 PM
 
bri276's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 5,848
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
home daycare can be an okay option. depends on how far you want to go with it. the people who do best are those who are licensed, have large play areas with tons of toys for different age groups, are in a good neighborhood with a big fenced in yard, and take on up to 10 kids, with one or two assistants. in that type of a setup, you can expect to make as much per child as a comparable commercial daycare.

Outside of that, as a SAHM wanting to informally take in 1 or 2 kids, it's tough. A LOT of SAHMs want to do this, so there's competition. I was a nanny several times as a teen, and worked in daycares, but having one in my home was totally different! It's hard sharing time with your own child- when they're both crying, who do you pick up? yk?

A routine is very important. I also used to print out sheets that I would fill in for the parents on how much their lo ate, slept, activities, etc. They were friends so I charged them a very low fee, but it still helped. Any little bit does, really. But it has to be worth it to sacrifice your usual SAHM life. You ARE working and you feel that way. If you were to do that, I'd recommend posting on craigslist or in local newspapers, or even on bulletin boards such as in the library. Make sure the parents seem really nice and sane, because I can tell you as a dcp, the kids don't usually drive you crazy- the parents do!

DD1 7/13/05 DD2 9/20/10
bri276 is offline  
#30 of 36 Old 11-27-2007, 09:30 PM
 
crayon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Where snow drifts, drift....
Posts: 3,722
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)
I think it is good to have a healthy plan- Sometimes babies happen without a plan- right??? I have 2 of them! - but your dad is helping and that is wonderful. I know a lot of people who are SAHMs who's husbands are in college and only live on grants and loans and gov. aid. They are all wonderful mamas who really feel the best thing for their babies are to have mama home- so they live poor and scrape by- but their DH is on a mission to get an education and take care of his/their families!

It can be done- it can.... My PED when DD#1 was born told us about how they were on food stamps and state medical when their children were young and he was in med school. He was not ashamed- it was just life.

I hope it all works out for you! How wonderful you are so smart at 20! At 20 I had no idea about this NFL world!

Oh- I am a WAHM (we do have help tho) and my girls are/will be homeschooled/unschooled. It CAN BE DONE! GL

[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze  and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks

RAINBOW BABY DUE MAY 4th!!!
crayon is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off