wow, sounds like you will have a lot on your plate! I mean, we all will, but I'd guess its especially challenging to have the pressure of carrying the full-time job and insurance. Will you have any maternity leave to help ease the transition?
I really appreciate that you mentioned your marriage. I had no idea before DS how intense the demands would be, and how that would affect our relationship. We've chosen to basically both work full time+ type schedules (flexible, not 9-5, but the overall amount of hours we each need to work is a lot) and take care of child care on our own with very little help (we have a sitter who comes to play with DS while one of us works for about 2hrs two mornings a week), which has been incredibly demanding and stressful, and I've definitely noticed our relationship suffering some. Like you and your DH, we are surviving ok right now, but its definitely a worry I have adding a new little one to the mix. We also talk about how "we'll do things differently next time" particularly with regard to sleep (crossing all my fingers and toes that this new babe will be even slightly
a better sleeper than DS has been) - but this also stresses me out because there is a lot we did with DS that I won't feel comfortable changing (co-sleeping, nursing through the night for a long time, other attachment parenting things). So I'm anticipating some conflicts ahead, but hopefully also some compromise on my part so we can find a way to make things work for all of us.
I've struggled a lot with what to do personally - I would be happy to quit my program and find a different job that pays more and focus more on our family for now, but DH is pretty adamant that we've come this far, I should finish what I've started. But everything is so different now -- I don't necessarily want the full time job that my program is preparing me for (at least not while my kids are little), so it feels very confusing and frustrating. We're definitely trying to take one day at a time as much as we can.