How is everyone feeling? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 35 Old 02-13-2017, 01:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How is everyone feeling?

I just wanted to check in and see how everyone was feeling? Things have been fairly quiet

Personally I haven't been sick (yet), but have been quite tired and have bouts of feeling overwhelmed with the thought of two little ones! So far we have only told our family and very close friends. I have almost let it slip a few times at work! We are wanting to wait until after we hear the heartbeat at our midwife appointment at the end of the month! I feel like I am starting to show already Anyone else?
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#2 of 35 Old 02-13-2017, 05:09 PM
 
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Hi @Turner58800 ! I also haven't been too sick, but definitely persistent nausea and fatigue/slothfulness. I'm also starting to show, and am almost out of the first trimester, yay!

I really resonate with your comment about feeling overwhelmed at the thought of two little ones. I am so ready to have another baby, but there are a lot of feelings associated with it - how will we manage the added costs, time commitments, energy demands, etc.?? We are still struggling quite a bit with DS and sleep, so that is one part of things that influences everything else. I'm just hoping that by the time the new LO is here, we've gotten DS into a rhythm that works for all of us. What in particular do you find overwhelming?

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#3 of 35 Old 02-14-2017, 01:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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@FyerFly I am only 7 weeks! So quite a bit earlier than last time I think. YAY! on almost being out of the first trimester!!

For me most of feeling overwhelmed stems from working full-time. I carry the insurance for the family. We looked at the numbers to stay home or work part-time last time, but with the loss of my income plus the cost of insurance through DH, it just wasn't practical. I don't think much has changed in the last year and a half.

So when I start thinking about the changes, getting myself and two little ones around in the AM by myself (DH leaves a bit before I do), managing drop off and pick-up by myself (Sitter is on my way to work and out of the way for DH), getting home and nursing new baby, cooking dinner for toddler and family, spending time with toddler, bedtime, etc.

I also worry for my marriage. We are doing good right now, have found a balance of everything so to speak. I'm just worried how the stress and extra responsibilities will add strain to our marriage.

We have been talking about the changes already and I think keeping the communication going is key.
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#4 of 35 Old 02-15-2017, 04:23 AM
 
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@Turner58800 wow, sounds like you will have a lot on your plate! I mean, we all will, but I'd guess its especially challenging to have the pressure of carrying the full-time job and insurance. Will you have any maternity leave to help ease the transition?

I really appreciate that you mentioned your marriage. I had no idea before DS how intense the demands would be, and how that would affect our relationship. We've chosen to basically both work full time+ type schedules (flexible, not 9-5, but the overall amount of hours we each need to work is a lot) and take care of child care on our own with very little help (we have a sitter who comes to play with DS while one of us works for about 2hrs two mornings a week), which has been incredibly demanding and stressful, and I've definitely noticed our relationship suffering some. Like you and your DH, we are surviving ok right now, but its definitely a worry I have adding a new little one to the mix. We also talk about how "we'll do things differently next time" particularly with regard to sleep (crossing all my fingers and toes that this new babe will be even slightly a better sleeper than DS has been) - but this also stresses me out because there is a lot we did with DS that I won't feel comfortable changing (co-sleeping, nursing through the night for a long time, other attachment parenting things). So I'm anticipating some conflicts ahead, but hopefully also some compromise on my part so we can find a way to make things work for all of us.

I've struggled a lot with what to do personally - I would be happy to quit my program and find a different job that pays more and focus more on our family for now, but DH is pretty adamant that we've come this far, I should finish what I've started. But everything is so different now -- I don't necessarily want the full time job that my program is preparing me for (at least not while my kids are little), so it feels very confusing and frustrating. We're definitely trying to take one day at a time as much as we can.

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#5 of 35 Old 02-15-2017, 08:26 AM
 
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@Turner58800 -- I'm in the same boat with being the primary breadwinner and insurance carrier as DH is in a PhD program. Our first couple years as parents are just now evening out and I do worry about how much number 2 is going to throw things into flux, especially because due to my commute/vanpool schedule DH handles the majority of homelife and he'll have two littles to get out the door in the morning on top of everything else. I also worry about being able to make time for us -- we realized that since DS has been born we can literally count on one hand how many dates we've gone on.

Side note @FyerFly keep with it! DH has mentioned this multiple times but even if you stay home after getting it, get the darn degree! Think about the blood, sweat and tears you've already put into it!! I had a friend in a similar boat, but she said that her husband making sure she finished has been awesome. She's not doing anything super related to her field, but she said it's been awesome.

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#6 of 35 Old 02-15-2017, 06:02 PM
 
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@justlizzy yes, we can also count our dates on one hand. I still remember that first date a few months in - it was SOOO fun!! Felt like we were almost doing something "bad" which made me giggle (and/or the wine made me giggle, who knows). I actually think I want to try and ramp them up this summer if we can - DS is SO much easier to leave with a sitter now than he's ever been (knows her by name, asks for her, doesn't freak out when we leave), so I'm hoping we can find at least a little more time for the two of us once the semester winds down. Because I highly doubt it will ever be as easy again! At least not for quite a few years...

Thanks for the encouragement regarding the PhD. I get into these mental funks where I have tunnel vision ( PhD = immediate tenure track academic position and nothing else) and I don't remember or appreciate all the other possibilities there may be. I have to admit, I'm teaching my first class this spring and I kind of love it. The students are really impressing me, I'm testing out different techniques, and its the kind of work I seem to really enjoy. There is a lot of pressure in my field to stay on a very particular timeline (finish dissertation, apply for full-time academic jobs, get one OR you miss out (apparently)) so its easy to spiral into thinking that if I don't follow the "standard" path that there won't be any value to the whole thing. Which intellectually I understand is not true, but emotionally it can get rough, especially on not enough sleep and with my pregnancy hormones...

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#7 of 35 Old 02-16-2017, 10:36 AM
 
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@FyerFly -- totally get it from the spouses point of view. I spend a lot of time encouraging DH.

Have you looked to see if there is anything else you could do aside from looking for a professorship after you're done? DH did that because all of the sudden it dawned on him that he's pretty darn specialized and the chances of finding a true medievalist position are smaller, even though he's been working hard to add philology on top of literature so he's more diverse once he's on the market. He's also trying to get on with some of the university publishers so he can also apply for publishing/translation/editing jobs too. Might be something to look into! One of the grads from his department got on with Google a few years ago -- which a lot of people look down on (non-academic job), BUT as DH pointed out, the guy is probably not doing too badly for himself, and google is supposed to be a fabulous company to work for. We're basically to the point that after he's done we're not discounting anything, especially with the changes he's seen in academia since he started on this path.

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#8 of 35 Old 02-17-2017, 10:50 AM
 
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@justlizzy I have! Funny enough, one of the things I'm also thinking about is something editorial - I actually have a fair amount of experience as an editor, and its the type of work I enjoy (and if I could find consulting or contract or freelance work, it could dovetail very nicely with parenting!) I really like your approach of not discounting anything, and I've also really grown and changed in my admiration for academia over the past few years too. HOWEVER I did just have an incredibly helpful conversation with two of my favorite mentor-like professors, and for the first time I can remember, they had me really excited about the prospect of pursuing an academic position. Every time I've ever talked about/thought about it, I get these pangs of worry about not being able to spend enough time (during the day/week/whatever) with my little ones. But I don't know, something may be shifting in me to the point where I see the benefits of at least leaving that open as a possibility, to see if/how it could work out (as you say, not discounting anything, perhaps even including a more "traditional" path).
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#9 of 35 Old 02-21-2017, 11:45 AM
 
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Hi all! This thread is oddly relevant. I'm an academic (tenured), so I'm on the other end of things, but I'm trying to finish up my current book project right now so I can have enough pubs to make full professor in a few years while actually enjoying my maternity leave with this little one. It's a great life, but it requires a lot of sacrifices in the early years. Now I'm just sort of starting to benefit from all the flexibility it provides. I agree to check out editing. I know quite a few former profs who chose that path over the tenure-track grind. Both have their challenges, obviously.

In terms of the pregnancy, I'm a little hesitant. Symptoms have been all over the place. I should be 10 weeks today and I had my first prenatal appt. We couldn't hear the HB and my midwife couldn't feel my uterine size clearly because of my tilted uterus, so I didn't get any reassurance. I had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks between kids, so I'm a little freaked out. I have a dating ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow though, so that should help me feel better about things. Mostly trying to stay on focus with my writing since I'm on sabbatical this semester and can't afford to get sidetracked with pregnancy anxiety. Though of course I still am.

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#10 of 35 Old 02-21-2017, 11:50 AM
 
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@justlizzy Every time I've ever talked about/thought about it, I get these pangs of worry about not being able to spend enough time (during the day/week/whatever) with my little ones. But I don't know, something may be shifting in me to the point where I see the benefits of at least leaving that open as a possibility, to see if/how it could work out (as you say, not discounting anything, perhaps even including a more "traditional" path).
I'll also just add that one of the benefits of academia is the flexibility. I had my first when I was a few years pre-tenure and I loved that we could stagger our schedules (my husband isn't an academic but works part time and coaches) and I felt like I got the best of all worlds: I could be around during the day, but then get work done at night or on weekends. If you have to be in a lab or doing fieldwork, it's a much much different situation. But for the research I do, it was kind of the perfect job for raising young kids as long as you are self-motivated to publish. The other angle is that now that I have tenure I have much more say over the classes I teach and the schedule I set, so I can be home every day by 2pm to accommodate my husband's coaching schedule, for example. Depending on the institution it can be really great. The biggest pain is moving to where the jobs are, which I'm sure you've already thought about. So that in itself might make editing or freelancing much more attractive. I'm sure you've thought of all of this, but I just wanted to pipe in and say that academia can be very very family friendly. Good luck!
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#11 of 35 Old 02-21-2017, 04:55 PM
 
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Thanks @LilyTiger great points! My research will likely be similarly flexible (not fieldwork or lab-based), so that's an encouraging thought.
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#12 of 35 Old 02-26-2017, 01:49 PM
 
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Hello everyone! I am due in September with my 6th baby and we found out that it looks like it will be another girl- so 5 girls!

Well anyway I have had minimal nausea but otherwise things are doing well. So excited to be going through this journey with you ladies! I hope everyone is doing well for you all too
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#13 of 35 Old 03-02-2017, 11:39 AM
 
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Hey everyone! We had our dating ultrasound and my due date got moved forward a bit, which means I ovulated crazy early (like CD 8 or something). Anyway, new date we're going off of is September 18. We have a genetic counseling appointment in two weeks to do the DNA test and nuchal fold measurements (I'm 36, so technically "geriatric". HA.). I'm excited to see the bean again, but mostly excited to find out gender. We didn't find out with our first two, but since this is likely our last we're going to find out so I know whether to give all the girl stuff away. I'm feeling much better at 11 weeks. More confident now that we've seen the baby and my morning sickness is better. Now I'm just a little nauseous/gross-feeling in the evening, but nothing super dramatic. Energy levels are picking up and I'm finding it a lot easier to eat veggies and healthy foods, so I'm doing a clean eating challenge right now. I basically lived off grilled cheese for the first two months, so I need a healthy reset.

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#14 of 35 Old 03-04-2017, 05:08 PM
 
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Congrats @granolamommie !
@LilyTiger I definitely had a similar first trimester diet! And am experiencing an uptick in healthy foods now - even including green protein smoothies, which is something I've never really been into before. Clean eating challenge sounds like such a great idea!

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#15 of 35 Old 03-06-2017, 11:04 AM
 
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Ugh, I spoke too soon, @FyerFly . I'm 12 weeks today and morning sickness returned with a vengeance. I'm back on frozen pizza and grilled cheese.

Also, my belly totally disappeared this week! I was wearing maternity clothes and looking pretty poochy and all of a sudden I'm almost my normal size again! I forgot how much the belly varies until 18 weeks or so (for me at least).

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#16 of 35 Old 03-06-2017, 04:48 PM
 
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@LilyTiger booo!! Sorry its back. I'm 15w and I think mine is finally ebbing (though I probably shouldn't speak too soon either!)

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#17 of 35 Old 03-13-2017, 10:44 AM
 
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I think I'm slowing crawling out of the 1st trimester misery. I'm not yet 13 weeks so this is pretty early for me to be feeling better but I was much sicker than normal. Maybe I squished the same amount of awfulness into fewer weeks.
I can't wait to have dinner with my family again. I miss that so much. And plain water. My strongest aversion has been water for some reason.
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Ugh, I spoke too soon, @FyerFly . I'm 12 weeks today and morning sickness returned with a vengeance. I'm back on frozen pizza and grilled cheese.

Also, my belly totally disappeared this week! I was wearing maternity clothes and looking pretty poochy and all of a sudden I'm almost my normal size again! I forgot how much the belly varies until 18 weeks or so (for me at least).
Hi, Lily. Have you tried ginger tea, ginger ale, or any other natural nausea suppressant? Ginger tea was my hero for morning sickness.

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#19 of 35 Old 03-13-2017, 12:31 PM
 
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@LilyTiger -- the only thing that got me through was the preggi pop lozenges. They're pricey, but I felt like they were worth it!

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#20 of 35 Old 03-28-2017, 12:45 PM
 
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15 weeks yesterday and the morning sickness is finally better! I was doing ginger tablets and other stuff, but nothing really seemed to help. I'm now just mildly nauseous at night.

But is anyone else having crazy exhaustion? I feel like I need a two hour nap every day just to function. Definitely drinking more caffeine than I would like, but I need to do work and I can't do it without some energy. I'm really hoping the second trimester energy bump kicks in sooner rather than later.
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#21 of 35 Old 03-28-2017, 05:15 PM
 
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@LilyTiger so glad you're feeling better! I've also been pretty darn tired, but partly because of DS's nighttime antics and partly because it seems when DS sleeps well, pregnancy insomnia hits me! Around 5:30-6 pretty much every day (though it was way earlier than that today!!) I just kind of crash and have to sit or lie down for a while. Definitely helps to put my legs/feet up a wall, and let the blood drain out. Are you able to take the naps you need?

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#22 of 35 Old 03-30-2017, 05:56 PM
 
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Hey everyone! We had our dating ultrasound and my due date got moved forward a bit, which means I ovulated crazy early (like CD 8 or something). Anyway, new date we're going off of is September 18. We have a genetic counseling appointment in two weeks to do the DNA test and nuchal fold measurements (I'm 36, so technically "geriatric". HA.). I'm excited to see the bean again, but mostly excited to find out gender. We didn't find out with our first two, but since this is likely our last we're going to find out so I know whether to give all the girl stuff away. I'm feeling much better at 11 weeks. More confident now that we've seen the baby and my morning sickness is better. Now I'm just a little nauseous/gross-feeling in the evening, but nothing super dramatic. Energy levels are picking up and I'm finding it a lot easier to eat veggies and healthy foods, so I'm doing a clean eating challenge right now. I basically lived off grilled cheese for the first two months, so I need a healthy reset.
We have the same due date!
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#23 of 35 Old 03-31-2017, 05:13 PM
 
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I'm feeling a bit better but having a crash every evening/afternoon too. For some reason, naps leave me feeling just horrible so those are out for now. Every day, I think that I'll go to bed super early with my toddlers. Then I bounce back by 6 or 7 and stay up til a reasonable time.
@fyerfly Do you use magnesium oil? Insomnia bothers me every day that I forget mag oil but I fall right asleep and stay asleep (instead of waking up every few hours and not falling back asleep, ugh) when I use it. I started using it for the restless leg syndrome that showed up in my 1st pregnancy and discovered it works for insomnia too.
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#24 of 35 Old 04-01-2017, 06:45 PM
 
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@TealCandy I know what you mean about thinking I'll go to bed early, then ending up staying up. Its like I get a second wind once DS is in bed, haha. Last night DH was out of town, and once DS went to bed, I stayed up wayyy too late (which for me is 11pm). But sometimes it feels so good to have quiet "me time."

I've never used magnesium oil - intriguing! What do you do to use it, do you put it on wrists like an essential oil or somehow ingest it??

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#25 of 35 Old 04-01-2017, 08:38 PM
 
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I'm a huge fan. It helps with pregnancy insomnia and my frustrating restless leg syndrome. Oddly, I found it slightly eased the nursing aversion I had during my 2nd pregnancy. It also helps with how hot my feet get during pregnancy. I think I've heard its good for stress in general but I've never experimented with that.
You can ingest other forms of magnesium but the oil is applied topically. I just rub it on and leave it, but it leaves a pretty noticeable coating so a lot of people rinse it off after 20 minutes once it absorbs. It's great because you can't use too much. Our bodies just won't absorb what they don't need (not true of other forms of magnesium). You can put it anywhere. I usually do my thighs and upper arms since the sensation doesn't bother me there for some reason, and I don't want to have to rinse it. I need a lot more of it when I'm pregnant. If I wake up with rls (SO annoying and uncomfortable), I'll coat whatever skin I can reach quickest to stop it sooner haha. Its pretty easy to find at health stores and I think amazon has it. Its pretty cheap but you can make your own with good quality magnesium bath flakes too. I've never done that but keep meaning to try.
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#26 of 35 Old 04-03-2017, 05:15 PM
 
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Awesome, thanks @TealCandy I'm definitely going to look into it!

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#27 of 35 Old 04-04-2017, 06:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I had my second appointment yesterday at 14 weeks 1 day. We finally heard the heartbeat!! <3 <3 best sound ever! A strong 160! Plus DH was able to be there with me, and we didn't have to bring the toddler. It was pretty special . He wasn't able to be there to hear the heartbeat the first time with DS.
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#28 of 35 Old 04-04-2017, 06:05 PM
 
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Awww congrats @Turner58800 thats so exciting!!! And how special to share that awesome moment with your DH as much as I love my toddler, midwife appointments are definitely not the same with his sweet energy and enthusiasm for everything but what is going on in the room. My DH is usually chasing him around the yard of our birth center, missing pretty much the whole thing.

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#29 of 35 Old 04-04-2017, 08:04 PM
 
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I feel the same way about my boys coming, especially the little 1. My husband misses everything chasing them. Its a lot more pleasant for all 4 of us if the 3 of them stay home together. My mom is a teacher so she'll probably watch them so he can come to some appointments once she's on break.
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#30 of 35 Old 04-05-2017, 06:08 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TealCandy View Post
My mom is a teacher so she'll probably watch them so he can come to some appointments once she's on break.
Oooh love that idea! DH stayed home with DS for my appointment today, and while I enjoyed the relative peace, it does seem sad to me that he's not getting a chance to engage nearly as fully during this pregnancy. I'm hoping they will both come along for the next appointment, but maybe I'll try to schedule the one after for when my mom's in town (she's a teacher too ) My mom and DS could even come to the appointment with us, and then she can do the chasing while DH and I get the time with the midwife. I really like that idea!!

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