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#1 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 01:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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One of the names I really like for this baby is a fairly uncommon, nature/hippie name. I'm thinking about using it as her middle name and giving her a more traditional first name, but calling her by her middle name. Basically so that she can use her first name if she wants to, and so she'd have a traditional name for job applications and whatnot.

How much of a pain do you think this would be for her? The only problem I can really think of is being called the wrong name in school, but we're planning on homeschooling anyway.

Does anyone here go by their middle name, or have children that do? How has that worked out for you?

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#2 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 01:35 AM
 
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One of the names I really like for this baby is a fairly uncommon, nature/hippie name. I'm thinking about using it as her middle name and giving her a more traditional first name, but calling her by her middle name. Basically so that she can use her first name if she wants to, and so she'd have a traditional name for job applications and whatnot.

How much of a pain do you think this would be for her? The only problem I can really think of is being called the wrong name in school, but we're planning on homeschooling anyway.

Does anyone here go by their middle name, or have children that do? How has that worked out for you?
We call our daughter by a variation of her middle name, and it's worked out just fine--she's 5.5 and in public elementary school. No issues whatsoever, other than curious questions pretty regularly about her given name.
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#3 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 01:36 AM
 
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My friend goes by her middle name -- Lyn. She started it in college. I guess she wanted a fresh start and to separate herself from "Mollie," her first name. It's worked well for her. There have been a few instances of confusion (an amusing one involving a very drunk girl in another dorm), and her mom doesn't seem to get it... but she's happy.

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#4 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 02:09 AM
 
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My little brother goes by his middle name and always has. He was adopted from Korea when he was 7 months old, and his first name is after my dad, but he was so little that we called him by his Korean name - which is also his middle name.

It's always worked out just fine, and he's had no problems with it.
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#5 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 02:12 AM
 
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I think as long as people around you respect the desicion, it shouldn't be a problem. We call my DS by his middle name because it fits him better & honestly we had a little baby name regret a few weeks after naming DS, but everyone else basically refuses as they've decided it's not a boyish enough name. That part of it is confusing & annoying, that DH's family all call him something he doesn't ever respond to or get called usually, but in general we aren't worried about it being problem in public & such as he grows older.
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#6 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 02:26 AM
 
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All the boys in my family go by their middle name and we have carried on the tradition with our sons. They are given a family-traditional first name and their middle name is a more unique name we have fun choosing. We always call them by their middle name growing up, but give them the choice to change that at any time. My son chose to go by his first name last year in school for reasons only known to him. This year he decided to go by his middle name (the name we use for him at home). When I fill out school paperwork or doctor's forms, I put quotation marks around his middle name and most people seem to get the point. People will call your child whatever name you tell them to call him/her when he/she is young. When your child is older, they will call him the name he tells them to.

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#7 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 03:17 AM
 
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My parents had 6 children, 3 of which go by their middle name. The first, my brother, was given my dad's first name. They called him by his middle name to avoid confusion. My sister was born on my grandpa's birthday, so they let him choose her first name, but have always called her by her middle name which is the name they originally chose for her. I have another brother who was born on my uncle's birthday (also my dad's best friend), so they gave him his name as his first name and call him by his middle name to avoid confusion.
None of them seem to mind and all of them prefer their middle name over their first name.

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#8 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 03:44 AM
 
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Our DS#1 goes by his middle name. He always had, since birth. My only grievance has been with people like at the doctor's office, who INSIST on putting his first name first on his medical files, no matter how many times I tell them that he doesn't ever, ever go by that name. I've even had them get a little grumpy with me and say things like, "Why would you do that? I've never heard of that before." Whatever.

I had every intention of enrolling him in school under his middle name, to reduce confusion, but it seems there's a state law where you HAVE to enroll them under their "proper" first name. : Although, I'm not even set on public school, so we'll see what happens when the time comes.

Otherwise, I doubt most of my family even knows DS#1's "name" isn't his first name.
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#9 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 03:51 AM
 
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I think that is fine, just maybe when people ask "Oh, what is her name" State "We Call her ________ and her full name is ____ ___ _____"

We still run into some issues because our daughter has 2 first names - Rachel Grace and people always think her middle name is Grace, but her middle name is Michelle (my name). And that is what we named her because when we finally got time to think about her name when we saw her, THAT is what she was! So just be firm w/ people about what her name is and eventually they'll get it!

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#10 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 06:46 AM
 
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I plan to do it the other way around-- I like less common names, but want to give my kids options in case they don't like having an unusual name, so my plan is to give them an unusual first name and a more common middle name and if they decide they want to go by their middle name, fine. My other option is to give them initials they could go by if they don't like their first name (like KJ or KC).
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#11 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 09:11 AM
 
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My DH goes by his middle name. When I think about his first name it cracks me up. SO doesn't fit him at ALL! his name is Robert Nicholas. When he was really really little his folks asked him if he wanted to be Bobby or Nick and he picked Nick!

I think its an ok thing to do to your kid. In fact when we were thinking of girls names we picked out Clover and then tried to decide on a really normal middle name just in case. But if I have a girl in the future I may think about using Clover as the middle "nickname" because its hella cute for a little girl but not so grown up sounding.

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#12 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 09:26 AM
 
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I go by my middle name and it's not that I don't like it over my first name, but I hate having to deal with explaining it all the time. (it's not a daily occurance obviously, but it comes up enough to tire of it quickly) In school, I'd have to always explain to teachers that I go by my middle name, but then I'd have to fill it out using my first name on the standardized tests. Anything official has to use your real first name, like insurance and dr offices and tax papers and all that kind of stuff. I'm not going to do that to my kids; it's too aggrivating having to either explain it or just end up shutting my mouth and being called by the wrong name.
Here's a thread that I came across discussing this, from other adults who have the same situation. http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/baby_nam...by-your-midlde. It might not be to annoying to a parent to explain to people that their child goes by their middle name, but don't assume that the kid won't mind later on when they're the ones having to explain it seemingly ALL THE TIME

Julie, wife and mother. I love my little ones: DS ::Corbin Randall---6/06 and DD :Morgan Reese 12/08.
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#13 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 09:43 AM
 
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My SFIL goes by his middle name to everyone BUT his family of origin. They mostly call him by his first name or by both names together.

I think its a reasonably common thing and not so weird that you will have endless problems with it, but it does sometimes cause confusion and minor annoyances. However its a good idea to give your child options especially if their name might not work as well as an adult as it does for a child.

Another option though is to just give her the name you want, and then give her a more traditional middle name and she can use her middle name as an adult and just her first initial, or something like that. I think I'd make that decision based on just how "naturey/hippie" the name you want to call her sounds. (i.e. rainbow.. put it in the middle only, Briony...fine as a first name. Sounds like you have something in between those two?)
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#14 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 10:32 AM
 
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Well, my daughter started out going by her first name, and then she survived a life threatening illness, and then we all just spontaneously started calling her by her middle name.

Turns out that doing so after a baby defies odds with illness like that is a very old, not too uncommon Jewish custom. Which I found fascinating because I just found out that my grandmother was Jewish and basically hid the fact for the rest of her life after WWII... genetics are interesting...

Anyways, sideline over. Yeah, we call our girl by her middle name!
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#15 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 10:35 AM
 
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My dh goes by his middle name, I go by my middle name, ds1 goes by his middle name, and ds2 (due in March) will go by his middle name. It's a family tradition for us now!

It hasn't been a problem for any of us ever. If someone calls us by our first name (usually in an official capacity, like at the Dr's office) we just correct them and let them know that we go by our middle name. Not a big deal. It's now in our files and rarely even comes up.
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#16 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 11:38 AM
 
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I hope I don't offend anyone, but I never understood why people gave their babies 2 names in the US, and then often did not use the first name... Why put a name as first, and then use the second? I am homestly just curious.

In my country and others I lived in, people get 1 name and use it.
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#17 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 11:58 AM
 
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I hope I don't offend anyone, but I never understood why people gave their babies 2 names in the US, and then often did not use the first name... Why put a name as first, and then use the second? I am homestly just curious.

In my country and others I lived in, people get 1 name and use it.
This explains it:
Quote:
Good Question: Why Do We Have Middle Names?
by Ben Tracy

(WCCO) Almost all of us have a middle name, but it seems few people know why middle names exist.

It turns out the use of middle names in the United States is relatively new.

In fact, they were almost unheard of before the late 1700s. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and even Abraham Lincoln did not have middle names.

It was German immigrants who first brought the custom to the U.S. in the early 19th century.

They traditionally gave their kids two names: a spiritual one, usually named for a saint, and a secular one used to be used on a daily basis.

Secular names eventually became known as middle names and by World War I almost all Americans had one.

Today they are used for identification and to tell people apart but middle names are mostly used as a way to honor or preserve family names.

Julie, wife and mother. I love my little ones: DS ::Corbin Randall---6/06 and DD :Morgan Reese 12/08.
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#18 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 12:22 PM
 
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Seems to be a thing in my mother's family. Her and her sister both go by their middle names and their mother did as well.

My two year old has gotten into the habit of calling herself by her middle name, but not sure if it will stick.

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#19 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 12:27 PM
 
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I go by a nickname that is neither my first name, nor my middle name and isn't an obvious contraction of either. Basically I renamed myself when I was 13, right before high school and I've used that name ever since. People I have a personal relationship with call me by my nickname, people that I do not have a personal realtionship with call me by my first name. It's great for screening telemarketers and pollsters because they call me by a different name than people I actually want to talk to.

On lots of forms that I fill out I see places for "First name", "middle name", and "prefers to be called". And in school on the first day it was pretty common for teachers to ask if you wanted to be called something else, lots of people go by nicknames or variations on their given names.

It really shouldn't be a big deal to go by something other than your legal first name.
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#20 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 12:30 PM
 
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I hope I don't offend anyone, but I never understood why people gave their babies 2 names in the US, and then often did not use the first name... Why put a name as first, and then use the second? I am homestly just curious.

In my country and others I lived in, people get 1 name and use it.
for us its custom to name after a deceased relative. 2 of my sons go by their middle names bc we didnt want to use the first name but wantedd the gf names to be first.
makes sense to us but maybe no one else.
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#21 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 12:34 PM
 
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I had a friend growing up whose name was supposed to be -- let's say, Maria Elizabeth. (not her real name)

It was written down as "Elisabeth Maria" (first and middle transposed, then first misspelled) accidentally by the nurse.

So she went by "Maria" until she was about eleven, since that's what her parents intended to name her in the first place.

It really wasn't ever an issue.

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#22 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 12:50 PM
 
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I go by my middle name and it is a pain in the butt for several reasons:

1. Everyone always assumes I go by my first name, so I am forced to ALWAYS correct people (in school, at the doctor, etc.). Which is a pain.
2. Most forms only allow for a middle initial, not the whole name.
3. Most forms don't allow for a preferred name ("which name do you go by" type thing).
4. When you get married, in most states you are allowed to drop your middle name, but not your first name. Which means I'd have to PAY to have my name legally changed, if I wanted to drop my first name, which I never use, instead of my middle name, which I always use.

So my only (affordable) option is to keep all my names. Which is not the end of the world, but it remains an annoyance, because if I could drop my first name, I wouldn't have to deal with the irritations listed above.

My SIL also goes by her middle name, and has complained about the same issues that I have.

I think it's great to give a child a middle name that's fun or whatever, but I would never call a child by her middle name unless that was HER choice. Otherwise it sets the child up for a lifetime of irritation.

I know from personal experience.

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#23 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 01:57 PM
 
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DH has two middle names, which is a point of confusion sometimes. His last name (now my last name too) used to have two parts. (Think "De los _____".) It was confusing trying to check voter regsitration rolls, passenger lists for airline flights, etc. cause no one was ever sure where to file it alphabetically. And trying to get a marriage license took like 30 minutes of explaining! After all that, they still filed it under the wrong letter. Whatever...no wonder geneaology research is so time-consuming!

I don't see anything wrong with calling a child by his/her middle name. By the time they're old enough to talk they'll probably have a very definite preference of their own.

As far as the PP that said she'd have to pay to keep her "middle" name (which she uses) as opposed to her first name (which she doesn't) after getting married...I just put the name I wanted on the forms at the university. Legally, that's not my full name, but since I got my BA before I was married, I wanted people to realize I was the same person even though I had a married last name. Legally, it's Firstname Middlename Marriedname. On the diploma it's Firstname Maidenname Marriedname. No one questioned me about it.

So now I know when my alma mater has sold my information to the telemarketers.
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#24 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 02:00 PM
 
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Growing up, I always went by my middle name, and it was enough of a pain that when I got married I legally switched my middle name to my first name.
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#25 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 04:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mom2annika View Post
DH has two middle names, which is a point of confusion sometimes. His last name (now my last name too) used to have two parts. (Think "De los _____".) It was confusing trying to check voter regsitration rolls, passenger lists for airline flights, etc. cause no one was ever sure where to file it alphabetically. And trying to get a marriage license took like 30 minutes of explaining! After all that, they still filed it under the wrong letter. Whatever...no wonder geneaology research is so time-consuming!
Yeah, my DF has two middle names. It's annoying because 99% of things (bills and stuff) say David A. Lastname, but a few say David S. Lastname, and there are a couple that say David A. S. Lastname. ugh. It's annoying to remember when filling out bill pay forms and the like.

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Originally Posted by mom2annika
I just put the name I wanted on the forms at the university. Legally, that's not my full name, but since I got my BA before I was married, I wanted people to realize I was the same person even though I had a married last name.
Not completely related, but I try to leave my middle name out of as many things as possible. In my family, it's tradition to completely drop your maiden name and just be Firstname Middlename Marriedname, but I have always planned on being Lindsay Maidenname Marriedname, because I HATE HATE HAAAATE my middle name. I don't even want people to know my initial. So I just leave out the middle name whenever possible. Some organizations have even CALLED ME BACK and DEMANDED a middle name or initial to put in. I always think of a good Mormon friend of mine whose family doesn't give girls middle names because they assume every girl will get married and be Firstname Maidenname Lastname University never had a problem with it, though.

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#26 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 04:28 PM
 
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As far as the PP that said she'd have to pay to keep her "middle" name (which she uses) as opposed to her first name (which she doesn't) after getting married...I just put the name I wanted on the forms at the university. Legally, that's not my full name, but since I got my BA before I was married, I wanted people to realize I was the same person even though I had a married last name. Legally, it's Firstname Middlename Marriedname. On the diploma it's Firstname Maidenname Marriedname. No one questioned me about it.

So now I know when my alma mater has sold my information to the telemarketers.
That may work for school, but it doesn't work for government (driver's license, etc.) nor for most places like the doctor/health insurance.

I'd already gotten my BA and MA prior to getting married, and those diplomas list my full name -- FN/MN/LN. If and when I get my PhD, the name listed will be FN/MN/MaidN/LN. Or Middle name/Maiden/Married, if possible. But since I had government loans/assistant in school, all the initial forms were required to be filled out with my legal name, which included the first name I don't use.

And I admit I'm confused on how Firstname Maidenname Marriedname solves the issue of going by one's middle name?

I know some people say it's no big deal, but the OP asked if anyone here had personal experience, and I do. I think ignoring what a constant PITA it can be is doing a disservice to the child, honestly.

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#27 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 05:00 PM
 
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My sister, cousin, and one of my close friends all go by their middle name. It's never been an issue. Apart from official things (applications, licenses, etc.), I use a nickname, myself. This also hasn't been an issue.

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and his rainbow1284.gif baby brother (7/2011)
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#28 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 05:58 PM
 
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two of my brothers go by their mn and have always hated it! to be fair, their problem with it has to do with school and standardized testing, and that doesn't sound like it'd be much of an issue for y'all.

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#29 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 06:23 PM
 
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My mom grew up being called her middle name (as did her older brother and one of her sisters). She hated it so much that she named her daughters the equivalent of:

Amy Julie
Lucy Jane
Susy Julie
Josie Jane

and

Jane Josie!

She made sure that none of us could use our middle names.
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#30 of 60 Old 12-06-2008, 07:22 PM
 
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I know a lot of people that do that. A few adults, and some kids too. FTR, the parent I know who did this to her son just writes W. J*** when filling out paperwork for him, since W****** is his first name, but he goes by J***.
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